Total darkness. A faint spotlight flickers above, barely illuminating a single purple balloon, swaying gently as if it’s breathing. Static hums low. An eerie circus tune plays softly… reversed, distorted.

 

 

(A voice uneven. Childlike, but fractured. A whisper layered over a growl. It creep in from the void)

 

MAWL….

You’ve been so serious lately. So… predictable.

So many heroes, so many champions…

But where’s the fun? Where’s the madness?

 

A soft squeaky laugh breaks the silence – not from joy… from somewhere darker. The balloon bounces once as if responding.

 

They tried to keep me buried.

Told me the ring wasn’t a place for monsters.

But monsters? Monsters sell tickets.

 

A long silence. The light flickers. You hear slow, dragging footsteps just out of view. A metal chain scrapes across concrete.

 

You’ve cheered for your fighters.

You’ve booed your villains.

But none of you… none of you…

Have ever screamed the way I want you to.

 

The balloon slowly drifts toward the camera. Closer. Closer.

 

So keep laughing, MAWL.

Laugh while you still have a jaw to laugh with.

Because when I step into your ring…

The punchline hits… hard.

 

A gust of wind blows out the spotlight. The screen goes black. Silence… then one final whisper:

 

Stitches… is coming.

 

 

WildFire is backstage playing games on his cellphone when it beeps signifying it has received an important notification. WilldFire swipes up flicking his game aside as he checks the new notification.

 

WildFire : "Let's see May.. Day .. 2025 "

 

He reads "Lots of matches a pretty big super stacked card. Good matches maybe a little over stuffed.. hmmm , ahhh here we go ...."

 

WildFire starts swearing excessively, he almost tosses his cellphone into the nearest wall he is so angry. WildFire swears excessivly for several moments so long in fact that it starts to seem like we could be here all night He stops. He angrily locate his contact list on his phone and selects one. The phone rings and is quickly answered.

 

WildFire : "Ya dude, ya good to hear from ya too...."WildFire looks angry and Impatient "Uhh ya stuff, anyway you know why I am calling you right? Ya Ambulance Elimination Match with Pdiddy and 50 cent!!! YA (lots of swearing), so ... Ya . gonna need a thing from you.WHAT ??? Ya MOTHER F, I need you to build me the biggest meanest ugliest MAD MAX GODZILLA KILLING FLAME THROWER CHAIN SAWWIELDING AMBULANCE* , FREAKING EVER and I need it by 5 pm today!"

 

WildFire :"Ya thanks man... ya I'll see you for dinner Sunday, say Hi to the Wife and Kids for me. And thanks."

 

WildFire hangs up. An excessive amount of swearing continues as WildFire puts away his phone forgetting about his game.

 

 

The camera pans to the parking lot, where a polished black SUV pulls smoothly to a halt. The driver swiftly exits and opens the rear passenger door.

 

Luciano steps out confidently, a black mahogany-handled cane in his right hand, which he taps lightly against the pavement as he adjusts his leather hooded vest and aviator sunglasses. Every movement is deliberate. Power. Control. Swagger.

 

 

Irving Barth quickly approaches, microphone in hand, trying to intercept the enigmatic newcomer.

 

 

Irving: Luciano, Luciano – a moment of your time?

 

Luciano keeps walking, his cane clicking with each step, unfazed by Irving until the persistence forces him to stop.

 

Irving: Luciano, please, just a quick word?

 

Luciano stops, pivots slowly, and smirks. He plants the cane in front of him with both hands resting on its handle, then leans in just slightly, owning the space.

 

Luciano: My time is valuable. You’ve got three questions. Make them count.

 

Irving gulps and nods, bringing the mic to his lips, trying to keep his composure.

 

Irving: Ladies and gentlemen, I’m here backstage with Luciano, the newest addition to the MAWL ro— 

 

Luciano raises a finger and gently taps the cane once against the ground.

 

Luciano: Let’s slow down. I haven’t put pen to paper yet. I’m simply here to see if Elisa’s offer matches my expectations.

 

Irving nods nervously, momentarily thrown off.

 

Irving: Noted. I guess we start with why MAWL?

 

Luciano lets out a low chuckle, shifting the cane from hand to hand.

 

Luciano: That’s your first question? Fine. Let’s just say I’ve been watching from afar. MAWL has talent, it has ambition, but it lacks something crucial – it lacks me.

 

Irving nods, carefully choosing his next words.

 

Irving: Tonight, I have heard that Elisa has arranged for you to fight in a Forest Gauntlet Match, even though you’re not officially signed. Any thoughts heading into this matchup?

 

Luciano removes his sunglasses and hooks them into his vest, then slowly leans on the cane, his eyes now sharpened like blades.

 

Luciano: It seems Elisa wants to test me right out of the gate. Good. Everyone will learn exactly why I’m worth every penny she’s considering. And just so we’re clear Irving – that’s two.

 

Irving takes a breath, knowing the final question is key.

 

Irving: Alright, Luciano, final question. You’re known as “The Brooklyn Butcher,” a man feared in every ring you’ve stepped into. What exactly can the MAWL locker room expect now that you’re here?

 

Luciano steps forward slightly, tapping the cane twice as if marking the end of something soft and the beginning of something brutal. He lowers his voice.

 

Luciano: They can expect the game to change. People around here have been comfortable for too long. Tonight, they’re all going to realize that the comfort zone is over – MAWL is officially on notice.

 

He gives Irving a brief, almost patronizing pat on the shoulder, then pivots with his cane leading the way. He strides into the building, each tap of the cane echoing like a countdown.

Irving watches him disappear, visibly rattled but clearly intrigued, as the screen fades to black.

 

MAY 26, 2025
VIRGINIA BEACH, VA
LOVERS ARENA

 

 

Fireworks go off in the Lovers Arena. 

 

 

Colin: WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME!!!! TO MAYDAY!!! SO GLAD TO HAVE YOU WITH US, WE HAVE A HELL OF A SHOW! I'm Colin McRae-

 

 

Kendra: I'm Kendra Mavis.

 

Colin: And you may notice that there is a change in the grouping here. Arvin Wallace is out on injury and when he returns he's intending to go into the ring, so now in the third chair is a storied veteran of the announcing world, we are THRILLED to bring to MAWL Mr. Simon Apple!

 

 

Simon (hushed): Third? I kinda thought I was hired for lead commentary.

 

Colin (hushed): Don't know where you got that idea from, bud, I've been lead here for years. 

 

Simon: (momentarily dejected) Oh. Yeah, that makes sense. (perking back up) But still I am absolutely thrilled to be back calling some insane action and I hope that I can live up to the energy that Arby's left behind. 

 

Kendra: Really excited to have you calling the shots with us! Simon isn't the only new and fresh face around here! In fact, our first match is chock full o' new faces fighting for a chance to enter in that sixth spot in the Pentacles Match. Here's what some of those competitors had to say - 

 

 

Camera pans around the backstage searching for something....only a deep voice leading to the direction

 

Almost like a whisper, the voice echoes "Let me.... tell you a story!!!"

 

"the Forest, a place of deep origin, older than the stories we tell, the legends that have been born and the history we're doomed to repeat!!".

 

..the camera finally arrives at the source of the voice to a tattered jeans man, leant over reading from a book that can only be described as ancient.

 

 

"The Forest keeps many secrets, but to a chosen few, the forest can be the path...the way forward through all"......the figure closes the book with one hand and stands grabbing the camera towards him...

 

"The spirits of Papa Bois protector of the forests, and Anansi the story teller lay with me, they chose me, * voice getting deeper and louder** and that's why I am the one that will stand and claim the victory of this Newbie Forest Rumble.....where I will take each and every one of my opponents and put them through the table and they'll experience first hand.....the power of the forest!!!!!

 

Camera pans through buzzing backstage area—technicians moving crates, wrestlers stretching, and interviewers prepping. Suddenly, the energy shifts. The camera turns down a hallway where a spotlight shines.

 

 

Enter DXR, strutting with confidence in a designer Trench Coat, tight-fitting jeans, and a glint of mischief in his eyes. He’s flanked by a couple of starstruck crew members holding his custom gear. Every step feels choreographed, every glance intentional.

 

 

Irving: “DXR! You’re the hottest new signing in MAWL, and this is your first official appearance. The world wants to know—what brings the Heartstealer to our turf?”

 

DXR lowers his shades and gives a lazy, devastating smile.

 

DXR: “What brings me here? Destiny, baby. MAWL needed a little more magic, a little more mystery, and a whole lot more… me.”

 

He gives Irving a wink, and Irvin stumbles over his next question. But before he can recover. MAWL's own Imogen walks in on this.

 

 

She’s stunning, fierce, and clearly not one to be charmed easily. She crosses her arms as she approaches, eyes locked on DXR.

 

Imogen: “Let me guess—you’re the new ‘big deal’ walking around like the locker room's your private runway?”

 

DXR: (smirking) “Guilty. But only because runways don’t usually have someone like you waiting at the end of them.”

 

Imogen: (raising an eyebrow) “Cute. But I’ve seen your type before—flashy, cocky, and out cold in the ring by the second round.”

 

DXR: (stepping closer, lowering his voice slightly) “Difference is I look good even when I’m down. But trust me, gorgeous—I don’t go down unless I want to.”

 

Imogen: “Keep dreaming, Romeo. This is MAWL. Flirting doesn’t win titles.”

 

DXR: (walking backward, flashing a wink) “True. But it sure makes the journey a lot more fun”

 

He disappears leaving Irving stunned and Imogen shaking her head with a faint, amused smile.

 

Colin (V.O.): “DXR has officially arrived and he's already making waves backstage."

 

 

WildFire is standing off to the side watching the promo.

 

WildFire : "Hmm curiouser and curiouser"

 

He laughs and walks away. Two purple balloons trail close behind.

 

As we trail down the hall, Heloisa Cabral is talking to Slang Dang.

 

 

Heloisa Cabral: Good evening ladies and gentleman, I have the pleasure of introducing MAWL’s newest acquisition… please give us an insight on what to expect..

 

Slang Dang: Thank you Ms. Cabral for the introduction and I hope we could go by first names Ms. Heloisa?

 

Slang Dang winks and pats her hand. Heloisa blushes and nods, but pulls her hand away gently.

 

Slang Dang: Outside of Maniacal Action Wrestling League I have held many titles including the coveted Submission championship across MANY levels.

 

Slang Dang: That being said.. Call me Slang and everybody else can call me Dang right before they come to tap out… please.. You see Ms. Heloisa, I like to consider myself an expert at 101 holds submitting whoever stands in front of me in that squared circle… Gold, no gold, it doesn’t matter..

 

Heloisa: self proclaimed?

 

Slang Dang smirks

 

Slang: I guess I will have to turn you as well as every MAWL fan in attendance and watching around the world into believers.

 

Heloisa: Well there we have it ladies and gentleman. He wants to make us al into believers so let’s see what the future holds for Slang…

 

 

Simon: First day in and already we got mystics and creepy balloons.

 

 

Kendra: And that's BEFORE we even get to the guy possessed by a mask.

 

Simon: Mask possession. Okay.

 

Kendra: I get it, I thought I was just signing up for a run in the mill federation too. Don't get me wrong, there are guardrails. But things do get wild here.

 

Simon: Oh no, I'm good. I can do wild. Just acclimating. But let's get some action going!

 

 

Colin: That's the smartest thing you've said so far. Let's throw it down to Ash, as they're waiting patiently in the ring.

 

 

Ash: The following contest is a Forest Gauntlet Match! The match will begin with two individuals. Once one is put through a table, the next individual in the gauntlet will enter the match. This will continue until only one superstar is left, and that superstar will gain the sixth and final position in the Pentacles Match later tonight!

 

 

The arena darkens as Luciano's music hits, and spotlights flicker between dark red and white.

 

 

Ash: And now the individual who drew the first spot! From Brooklyn, New York, weighing in at 294 pounds, the Brooklyn Butcher, LUUUUCIANO! 

 

Luciano slowly walks out onto the stage, pausing momentarily to look around, sunglasses reflecting the lights. He then confidently strides down the ramp, his intense gaze never leaving the ring.

 

Colin: Luciano arrived in style earlier and seemed less than impressed with the surroundings. 

 

Kendra: Yes, but he was looking forward to the competition, and if he can make it through this gauntlet, he'll have a tremendous start to his MAWL time.

 

Reaching ringside, Luciano climbs the steel steps, pausing dramatically before stepping through the ropes. Once inside, he removes his sunglasses and leather vest, revealing his heavily tattooed physique, and stares down the arena with a cold, calculated expression.

 

 

Start the music and then a light show over the Stadium.

 

In the middle of the Ramp there is a hole, from where Solrac appears on the hydraulic platform, with his back to the Ring and his arms raised, forming an X.

 

 

He appears with stylish jeans full of rips and a very tight classic shirt. His hair is short, but he has a very modern cut. He turns around and synchronizes with the music. He moves his arms from top to bottom, and when he touches the floor, a pyrotechnic show starts to happen.

 

Ash: And his opponent! From Aveiro, Portugal, weighing in at 209 pounds, the Olympic Machine, SOLRAC!

 

The bell rings.

 

Simon: Let's do this! First official MAWL match for me and for these fellas!

 

Colin: Locking up in a test of strength, Luciano has almost 90 pounds on Solrac and over half a foot but it's not stopping the Olympic Machine from putting up a hell of a fight, Solrac isn't getting there on brute strength but he uses his wiles, trip to Luciano and overhead belly to belly! Luciano back to his feet quickly and a quick punch to Solrac, the punch startles Luciano back a tic and it gives enough runway for Luciano to hit the Butcher's Blade Superkick! 

 

Kendra: In an everyday match, this would be a prelude to a fall for Solrac, but the only way out is through the wood. Luciano picks Solrac up, Solrac gets in a quick knee shot to Luciano's stomach and Belly to Belly! Solrac hits Luciano with a big leg drop! Luciano gets Solrac by his foot and dragon whip! Solrac tries to get to his feet and Luciano halts that with a tremendous boot!

 

Simon: Luciano's just reading Solrac like a book!! Parries the punch and a bee-yutiful European Uppercut! And Solrac grabs the arm into a judo flip!! Incredible! Solrac off the ropes and a big jumping elbow!

 

Colin: That's time you could be getting a table, but it's also important to wear down your opponent.

 

Simon: You can tell from Solrac's expression this is a strange place for him to be, where he's the smaller man. Solrac takes another good run and a moonsault splash! BOOM!

 

Kendra: The Olympic Machine truly running damage on his bigger opponent, Luciano getting to his feet and Solrac stopping that momentum with a giant suplex. Solrac hits him with a jumping elbow and is rolling out of the ring! I think he may be trying to prepare the first part of this party!

 

Simon: THERE'S A TABLE! WE ARE READY TO PARTY! HE THROWS THE TABLE IN THE RING! HE UNLATCHES IT! WE COULD BE HEARING A SHATTER! GRABBING LUCIANO BY THE ARMS AND Luciano pushes him away. Luciano moves the needle with a boot and hooks a suplex I think HE MIGHT BE TRYING TO PUT SOLRAC THROUGH AND GOING UP, NO! SOLRAC SLIDES BACK AND KNOCKS THE TABLE DOWN. GERMAN SUPLEX TO LUCIANO! What a show of strength!

 

Colin: Luciano back on his feet and a quick running clothesline to Solrac! Solrac rolls back to his feet and OLYMPIC SPINEBUSTER TO LUCIANO! WHAT A WRECKONING! Solrac sets up the table! He gets Luciano up! OLYYYYMPIC SLAAAAM! LUCIANO IS THE FIRST TO GO IN THIS GAUNTLET!

 

Luciano is eliminated by Solrac!

 

 

Neopolitan enters at #3.

 

Kendra: Here comes the winner of the GHW Gauntlet! And you can see his Gung Ho cohorts are all there in the front row, everyone who participated in that Gauntlet also got free tickets to see the show and a chance to go backstage. 

 

Colin: He calls himself "That Three Count Flavor", but he once again isn't going to be able to win by Three Count. He's gotta get a table set up if he wants a shot at the glory. He goes in and three jab combo to Solrac to start, and wrapping it with a gut punch! Neo off the ropes into a Springboard Somersault Axe Kick! He calls that the Cherry On Top! 

 

Simon: He could finish this right now! He leaves the ring and goes under the ap- no! He's heading towards his Gung Ho cohorts and appears to be mouthing off to them about being in this match!! This is a BAAAAD idea HERE COMES SOLRAC ON THE RAMP AND GERMAN SUPLEX TO NEOPOLITAN! GOOD GRAVY!

 

Kendra: Neo back to his feet and going for a Roundhouse, Solrac ducks! OLYMPIC SPINEBUSTER TO NEOPOLITAN! This young man had Solrac in a great position and his ego frittered it away! 

 

Simon: I wouldn't count him out yet, Solrac goes to pick him up and LOW BLOW! You want Nuts on your Sundae, they're gonna be Crushed! One Scoop Slam! Two Scoop Slam! A spin for flourish and that's gonna make three! THREE SCOOPS!

 

Colin: Up onto the Barricade and waiting for Solrac to get to his feet  - ANOTHER CHERRY ON TOP! Absolute destruction! But both men are a mile away from any tables! Neo goes to pick Solrac up and eats a European Uppercut! 

 

Kendra: Neo grabs the offending arm and Judo Flip! That steel ramp is not Sol's friend right now!! 

 

Simon: Solrac isn't cooked yet! He jumps up and drives Neo's face into the mat with a mat slam! You wanna talk about a cherry on top, that's Neo right now!

 

Colin: Looks like it just aggravated him more, back to his feet and he grabs Sol's legs! Could be going for the Spinebuster - HE IS FORCING SOLRAC INTO A SPLIT! AND ATOMIC DROP! BANANA SPLIT!

 

Kendra: Pure aggression from the Gung Ho entry, he wants to prove he can hang with the best of em. German Suplexes Sol towards the direction of the ring. And picking him up now into a Bear Hug, HE CHARGES SOL INTO THE CORNER OF THE BARRICADE! The Olympic Machine may need to be sent for repair! Sol wrenching in pain now, Neo drives a bionic elbow into the spine of Solrac! Neo getting the table! He's setting it up OVER the Staircase! Picks Sol up into a Fireman's Carry! He's walking him to the apron...he's climbing the turnbuckle.... AVALANCHE SAMOAN DROP THROUGH THE TABLE AND ONTO THE STAIRS! SO LONG SOLRAC!

 

Solrac is eliminated by Neopolitan!

 

Simon: If Neo wants to prove he can hang with the big dogs, that was a hell of a way to do it. 

 

 

Alfos enters at #4.

 

Colin: If I were Alfos, I'd try to make quick work of Neo so I can go the distance. 

 

Kendra: Alfos may not have a choice in the matter, Neo hits him with a spear before he can make it to ringside! Welcome to MAWL, Alfos!

 

Colin: Alfos up quickly and snap suplex to Neo! Neo to his feet and he lifts Alfos up into the spinebuster position...ohhh there go the legs and BANANA SPLIT. And a huge Exploder Suplex by Neo onto the ramp. Alfos up quickly again and the two of them exchanging blows!! Alfos pushes Neo back a bit and runs towards the Apron, looking under and a Table's out! Neo shoulder blocks him before he can set it up, but we now have a table in play.

 

Simon: Alfos turns around and DECKS him with a stiff punch! Show that boy some manners, Alf! NEOPOLITAN ANSWERS WITH A SPINNING SPINEBUSTER ONTO THE STEPS!

 

Kendra: Alfos rolls back over the steps, and jumps them with a forearm smash!! Picking him up and a neckhold....UP GOES NEOPOLITAN....DOCKYAAAAARD DROP! 

 

Simon: Neo crawling towards the apron, lifting it up, and pulls out...A WAFFLE IRON! ALFOS GOES FOR AN ELBOW DROP AND EATS A WAFFLE IRON TO THE FACE! Alfos stumbles back and hits the step but gets up with a forearm shot. 

 

Colin: Alfos hits an inverted suplex! Neo clearly struggling to his feet, but he's got that Waffle Iron again and opens it on Alfos's face!! Neo with a bulldog into that Waffle Iron!

 

Kendra: Neo slams the top of the iron onto the back of Alfos's head. Alfos gets back to his feet, tries to set up the table and the legs are up, NEO WITH THE CHERRY ON TOP DRIVES ALFOS THROUGH THE TABLE!!

 

Alfos is eliminated by Neopolitan!

 

 

Slang Dang enters at #5.

 

Colin: Slang Dang runs out and is already greeted by a knee shot. Slang Dang pushed back a bit but that gives him a runway to hit a standing dropkick. Neopolitan now pushed back as well, Slang Dang going for another dropkick and Neo grabs his legs! Throwing him into the barricade! 

 

Simon: Neo up to the barricade, and Cherry On Top! Slang Dang is still fresh though, and ready to keep going and immediately drives Neo with a Chop Breaker! Slang Dang up on the barricade - Back Spinning Wheel Kick! Neo to his feet and discus clothesline! 

 

Kendra: Neo coming for a running Cross Body and Slang Dang gets him up fooooor a SLANG A DANG SLAM! 

 

Simon: Accent on the DAAANG! Neo struggling to his feet, Slang Dang starts to pick him up and back body drop by Neo onto the stairs! Slang lands hard! 

 

Colin: It occurs to me that Neo's fight has been mostly done outside. I don't think they've been back in the ring since he mouthed off to his cohorts. Slang Dang over the steps and running DDT to Neo!

 

Simon: HOW IS NEO STILL MOVING? He goes back under the apron and gets out a chair! He whips it straight at Slang Dang's head and that slows him down, Slang Dang picks it up and NEO ROCKET KICKS IT INTO HIS FACE!

 

Kendra: NEO PUTS THE CHAIR AROUND SLANG DANG'S NECK! ONE SCOOP! TWO SCOOPS! THREE SCOOPS! Oh Good God!

 

Colin: Neo back under the apron...here's a table! Wait! Here's two tables! But Slang Dang rolls him into the ring before he can set them up. We were wondering how Neo was still moving but now I gotta ask that of Slang as well.

 

Kendra: Slang Dang removes the chair from his throat but Neo jabs him right where it was lodged! Neo back out to the ring to pick up a table. He brings it into the ring and props it all nice in the corner, don't know what's gonna happen now. 

 

Simon: What's gonna happen is Slang Dang with a running clothesline, Neo moves enough to not go through the table, but not enough to miss the impact entirely. 

 

Colin: Neo slides through the legs of Slang Dang and inverted Monkey Flip! Neo goes for another chair...takes a run and skateboard front dropkicks the chair into the face of Slang Dang! Neo with a stomp and climbs to the top...Slang Dang pulls the rope! Neo goes down! Both men are completely wiped! How are either of them going to get through the rest of this gauntlet??

 

Kendra: Both men fighting to get to their feet...there will be no ref double count here, the only way out is through the forest. 

 

Simon: Neo stirs first and he is strugglin' but he picks Slang up...up on the shoulders...FIREMAN CARRY TO THE OUTSIDE! SLANG MEETS THE STEPS ON THE WAY DOWN AND NEO FEELS THE WEIGHT OF THIS MATCH AS HE HOLDS ONTO THE ROPES TO KEEP BALANCE!

 

Colin: Neo climbing up to the turnbuckle, this is a bad idea but he's going to do it...Diving Moonsault to Slang Dang! 

 

The fans chant "This is Awesome!" 

 

Kendra: Neo gets to the table outside....he's got it propped up, OH he stumbles and needs to hold onto the table, Neo taking a moment to rest his head on the table WHEN DID SLANG DANG GET UP! SLANG DANG OFF THE APRON AND LEG DROPS NEOPOLITAN THROUGH THE TABLE!!

 

Neopolitan is eliminated by Slang Dang!

 

Simon: NEO TOOK SLANG DANG TO THE ABSOLUTE LIMIT BUT SLANG TAKES HIM OUT OF THE EQUATION!

 

 

Amazon Pryme enters at #6.

 

Colin: I'd heard rumors Zora Luthor hired her old tag team partner from the indie days into her fold and I guess they've just been proven true. She's been fed a pretty wrecked Slang Dang. 

 

Kendra: She pimp slaps Slang Dang. Lifting him up over her head... MILITARY PRESS ONTO THE APRON! Rolling him into the ring, and she is looking to get Slang out of this quickly. Eyes on the Table propped in the corner...gets Slang Dang by the legs and IT'S A BIIIIG SWING! She Olympic Hammer Throws him right through the table!!

 

Slang Dang is eliminated by Amazon Pryme!

 

Simon: Slang Dang was left in a condition where there was no way for him to win this match, but damned if he didn't fight to the absolute limit. That young man should be so proud of what he did in this ring, he proved he's going to be one to watch. 

 

 

DXRoyal enters at #7.

 

Kendra: The man is a devilish flirt, but in the ring, he is not one to mess with. 

 

Colin: DXR attempts to give Amazon a flower, she rips it out of his hand and stares him in the eye as she throws it out the ring. 

 

Simon: Charm offensive fails, so physical offensive begins! He comes in with a flurry of kicks. Trying to finish it with a roundhouse, she blocks and rocks him with a short-arm lariat! He backs off and they stare each other down again. DX motioning to give him a little kiss and THAT was a bad idea, she straight punches him in the mouth. 

 

Kendra: Steps back, wipes his mouth, and it's like the atmosphere has changed. He plants a bicycle kick on her! She responds with a right hook! Forget the love connection, we have a fight.

 

Simon: Running big boot sends DX stumbling back! She charges him again and Celtic War Sword!! She goes to pick him up KISS OF DEATH OUTTA NOWHERE! It's like an RKO but sexier!!

 

Kendra: Good lord.

 

Colin: DXR rolls out of the ring and goes under the apron, he produces a table. He sees Amazon stirring and slides the table in, but leaves it be and enters on his own. 

 

Kendra: See, that's smart ring awareness. Setting up a table takes a bit of time and you really have to keep your eyes on your opponents lest you set up your own downfall. I mean, look at Neo just a little bit back, Slang Dang caught him out in setting it up. 

 

Simon: DXR cuts her off at the pass and scoops her up, SAMOAN DROP! Beautifully executed. And he keeps the pressure on with some angry stomps. 

 

Colin: Amazon gets the leg and stops the stomps, to her feet and Alabama Slam to DXR! And she follows it with a deadlift Powerbomb! The strength on this woman is incredible!! 

 

Kendra: She pulls him up easily and sends him on an Irish Whip Mission, he ducks the lariat, back around and Amazon tries to grab him but he jumps her and a SOMERSAULT FLIP POWERBOMB BY DXROYAL! Amazon isn't taking this lying down though - GETS A MILLION DOLLAR DREAM LOCKED IN...AND TRANSITIONS IT INTO AN INVERTED SUPLEX! SHE CALLS THAT THE WONDER OF WALL STREET! DXR won't stay down though, kips up and a terrifying T-Bone DDT! Quick stomp to keep AP down, and gets to the Table! 

 

Simon: Aw yes, here we go! Table is set up! 

 

Colin: DX tries to pull Amazon over to it but eats a Ripcord gut kick. Amazon trying for a suplex - NO! DX gets his feet back down and back body drop! Amazon with a kick to DX's ankle, and he loses a little bit of footing! But catches himself back before she can capitalize.

 

Kendra: Not entirely true, she does get one middle kick but you're right, it's not what she was looking for. She lifts him up and going for the military press into the table NO HE HOOKS HIMSELF ON THE TOP ROPE! Going for a Springboard but AMAZON BOOTS HIM OUT OF THE RING AND HE FALLS PAST THE APRON!

 

Simon: DX gets himself back up, climbing the turnbuckle, NO! AMAZON CATCHES HIM WITH A PUNCH AND GOING FOR A SUPERPLEX! WAIT - NO!! HE PUSHES HER BACK AND SHE LANDS ON THE TABLE, HE ELBOW DROPS HER THROUGH THE TABLE!!!

 

Amazon Pryme is eliminated by DXRoyal!

 

The fans chant "This is awesome!"

 

Kendra: Second "this is awesome" chant we've gotten this match!

 

 

Reverend Abner Almighty enters at #8. Instead of entering the ring, he grabs a microphone.

 

Rev. Abner: ENOUGH!

 

The crowd boos.

 

Rev. Abner: I come not to participate in this sacrilegious farce, this paean to excess, this desecration of altars, this ABSOLUTE MOCKERY of Clean Content. I come to demand it be cast away in the NAME of THE GOOD AND PURE. 

 

DXR shakes his head in irritation.

 

Simon: I don't think the Good Reverend's opinions are very popular with the crowd or the other superstars.

 

Colin: What gave you that idea?

 

Kendra: DXRoyal grabs the Reverend by his Tie! HE HAS HIM UP IN A SAMOAN RACK! UP ON THE PORTUGUESE ANNOUNCERS' TABLE AND SAMOOOOOAN DROP!

 

Reverend Abner Almighty is eliminated by DXRoyal!

 

 

Propaganda enters at #9.

 

Colin: The man is a rapper, poet, podcaster, and now wrestler. Maybe he'll take the seat from SM as the resident podcaster. DX greets him with a quick punch and immediately hits him with a Kiss of Death!! 

 

Kendra: Well, some people have opinions on people from outside the industry stepping into the ring, and it's clear when that's the case. 

 

Simon: DXR grabs Prop by the stomach and solid gutwrench suplex! Prop rolls back and uses the steps to get a front dropkick on DXR! DXR runs back at him with a clothesline tumbling him to the other side of the stairs and absolutely laying into him with those angry stomps! 

 

Kendra: Prop gets that foot and dragon leg screw!! Prop hits a belly to belly! DXR with a leg sweep and to his feet. Prop responds with a chop block! OH DXR SHOOTS THAT LEG RIGHT BACK INTO A LOW BACK KICK! WHAT RING IQ! And a Yes Kick by DXR! Going for another Yes Kick but Prop hooks the grounded leg to cause DX to lose his balance. 

 

Colin: Prop up and charging DXR with a clothesline but he docks and hooks him up into Samoan Drop! DXR under the apron and pulls out a Kendo! Going to town on Prop's back! Prop grabs the stick and pulls it from DXR and wracks the back of DXR's ankle. Prop gets a Glam Slam setup and into a Lungblower! He calls this a Prop Up!  DX clearly struggling but takes out the legs of Prop!

 

Simon: DX grabs the Kendo stick again and completely shatters it over the stomach of Propaganda! And Bicycle Kicks Prop over the stairs! Stomps the leg of Prop on the step! DXR grabbing a table out from under the apron and slides it into the ring but Prop is up in his face and blasts him with a short arm lariat! Into the ring and he sets up the table! He's getting the crowd pumped up - WHOA DX ON THE APRON AND PULLS HIM OFF THE TURNBUCKLE INTO A SIDE POWERBOMB THROUGH THE TABLE!

 

Propaganda is eliminated by DXRoyal!

 

 

Jay-Z enters at #10.

 

Colin: Jay-Z gets DXRoyal up on his shoulders, and up to the top turnbuckle...eyeing the Flemish Announcers' Table... BIG PIMPIN DROP THROUGH THE FLEMISH TABLE! DXROYAL IS DONE!

 

DXRoyal is eliminated by Jay-Z!

 

Kendra: DXRoyal got three eliminations under his belt, but Jay-Z showed him that rappers can get the job done too.

 

 

Guinevere enters at #11.

 

Kendra: Jay-Z jumps into the ring with a double axe handle to Guin! Jay with a snap punch and going for a jab... Guinevere ducks and gets him in a backpack position! Going for a run... SOMERSAULT SENTONS INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!! 

 

Simon: That move was truly bananas!

 

Colin: Somehow I don't think Jay-Z is appreciating the creativity quite as much...but Guinevere up and SHOOTING STAR! RIDING HIGH ON THE WINGS OF FIRE!

 

The crowd pops.

 

Kendra: Guinevere has the crowd clapping along with her, taking a run and a cartwheel moonsault! Having them clap along again and taking the cartwheel moonsault from the other side NO JAY Z CATCHES HER AND A RUNNING POWERSLAM!

 

Simon: She tries to use a handstand to kip up JAY Z TAKES OUT HER HANDS WITH A SWEEP KICK! And now he's stomping her out!! Here comes a fist drop!

 

Colin: It's wild how much momentum can shift in just a moment. Guinevere was dominating for a bit but now she's looking she she might be in peril. He gets her up on his shoulder and it looks like we're gonna see it again...Up to the Turnbuckle... BIG PIMPIN DROP TO THE OUTISDE! Up to his feet and quick kick to her ribs, oof.

 

Kendra: Jay-Z starts to search under the apron...Guinevere is stirring! He grabs the first thing he can find, and it's a lead pipe! She comes for a run to cut off his momentum but arm flinger whip! 

 

Simon: He's goin' swingin' with that pipe...no! She kicks the pipe out of his hand and follows for effectively a step up enziguiri! Well played!! Jay-Z stumbles back a little but gets his footing and back under the apron- ah! There's the table. Watch out Hova!!

 

Kendra: Guinevere with a jumping roundhouse kick to the back of Hova's head, delivered with such force that he fell with the table to the steps! And the table is broken!! It counts!!

 

Jay-Z is eliminated by Guinevere! 

 

Simon: THAT. WAS. GENIUS.

 

 

Cellula enters at #12 right behind Guinevere. 

 

Colin: When did he get here? 

 

Kendra: He just appeared... no music, no fanfare. I guess this must be Cellula. Guinevere instinctively catches him with a wild roundhouse kick! And with a flourish and no missed beat spins around and gets him with the lariat too! He responds with a quick right jab to the rib area, trying to get some rhythm but Guinevere blocks his punch and high kick to the back of the head!

 

Simon: Seems like she's been watching Bloodswan fight! These motions are fluid and seamless while keeping her firebird flash!

 

Colin: He's starting to catch on and starting to bob and weave, and now rushing in and trying for some machine gun punches, throwing both hands at her! Guinevere blocking and dodging with some struggle but 100 percent effectiveness, he goes to throw a right hook-oh! He stops himself and headbutts her! She didn't see THAT coming!

 

Kendra: He succeeds in throwing her off her game! Polish hammer keeps the pressure on and a GHOST STEP SPINEBUSTER! 

 

Colin: Cellula with the headlock on, wrenching her neck and a sharp elbow to the face! 

 

Simon: He may not be able to finish her but it's an effective technique to wear her down. Guinevere trying her best to fight out of it-OH SHE'S UP AND SHE'S GOT HIM IN A BACKPACK! AND WE'RE GONNA GET A REPEAT BUT WITH THE STAIRS!!! 

 

Kendra: Moves like that will take it outta ya though... Guinevere struggling to get up, Cellula underneath her and SOLO FANTASMI E OMBRE!!

 

Colin: Cellula nods curtly, seems like he thinks he has this all wrapped up, going for a table-

 

The crowd starts to crescendo!

 

Colin: GUINEVERE RUNNING UP THE APRON SPRINGBOARDING OFF THE ROPES AND A PHOENIX SPIN INTO A DDT!! Cellula's bald head just bouncing off the staircase! This capacity crowd is on their feet and Guinevere taking a moment to OHMYGODGHOSTSTEP! CELLULA LAYS HER OUT!! 

 

The crowd cheers go right into an "OH!"

 

Kendra: Whoever wins this still has to fight in a Pentacles Match later!!

 

Simon: Cellula giving Guinevere a kick in the gut to make sure she's down for the moment before looking under the apron, going back to look and GUINEVERE TAKING A RUN NO! CELLULA HOOKS THE LEG AND SHE GOES DOWN! SHE ROLLS OFF THE APRON! Cellula grabs a table and slides it into the ring.

 

Colin: Cellula in the ring, setting up the table, taking a moment to catch his breath. Guinevere struggling up to the apron, making her way and Cellula hip tosses her into the ring! JUST misses the table. Cellula walks over to Guinevere and stomps to the face! 

 

Kendra: Well, he's not here for the fans, he's here for the win. So they can say what they want. Cellula gets her with a leg drop! HE PICKS HER UP AND GHOST STEP THROUGH THE TABLE! WAIT NO THE TABLE DIDN'T BREAK!! HOW??

 

Simon: If you watch that again, Guinevere had the frame of mind to put her hands down, pushing the table down and collapsing it! She still takes the full brutal brunt of it, but she's still in the match!

 

Colin: A big stomp to Guinevere's ribs! GUIN TRIPS HIM AND LOCKS IN AN STF CHOKE! 

 

Kendra: I usually hate this strategy, but as much brutality as Guinevere has felt, she needs to slow the match down a bit to try to get herself back in the match. 

 

Simon: Cellula headbutts Guinevere and gets her to let go! He gets back to his feet and gets the table! Placing it on the turnbuckle, Guinevere making one last ditch effort and coming for a running dropkick, CELLULA GETS HER LEGS AND SLINGSHOTS HER INTO THE TURNBUCKLE AND THROUGH THE TABLE!! GUINEVERE IS DONE AND DUSTED!!

 

Guinevere is eliminated by Cellula!

 

 

Pitta Power enters at #13.

 

Kendra: Cellula out of the ring, lifts him up... INTO THE ITALIAN TABLE SPINEBUSTER!

 

Pitta Power is eliminated by Cellula!

 

 

Hot Mess Jess enters at #14!

 

Simon: Cellula greets Jess with a series of jabs right off the bat. Jess gets to the corner and taking a run, JUMPING X FACTOR! HOT MESS X PRESS!!

 

Kendra: Cellula struggling a bit, Jess to the top and Swanton Bomb! She is getting the fans pumped up, Cellula coming behind her - lifts her up into a high angle backbreaker! She rolls off but quick kick to the ankle of Cellula on the way down. Cellula unbothered, lifting Jess up and taking a huge run, SPINEBUSTER! He locks in Taglio della gola to wear her down!

 

Simon: This match has been devastating move after devastating move, all the competitors going big real quick and trying to exert maximum damage.

 

Kendra: This is not some slap and chop fest. If you want chops for 6 minute play Fruit Ninja. Cellula continues to wrench the hold intensely. Cellula pulls Jess up and Cobra Clutch Suplex to the outside! Cellula setting up the table as Jess climbs.

 

Colin: Jess under the apron and going for something.... she has a shovel! Jump up to the apron, using the shovel and whacks Cellula down NO CELLULA FLAPJACKS HER THROUGH THE TABLE! SHE IS OUTTA HERE!

 

Hot Mess Jess is eliminated by Cellula!

 

 

Elijah enters at #15.

 

Kendra: They call him the Cryptic One, and I don't know that I'd want to step in the ring with him. Terrifying.

 

Simon: Well, Cellula fears nothing and he gets two right hooks in and DRIVES HIM DOWN WITH THE GHOST STEP. Elijah quick to his feet, he also fears nothing. Cellula mows him down with a second one!! ELIJAH QUICK TO HIS FEET AGAIN! Cellula going for a boxing hook combo and Elijah dodging it like it's nothing, Cellula pivots and knee to the gut.

 

Colin: If you can't get him with boxing, switch to Muay Thai. Elijah continuing to present as unbothered, Cellula goes for another knee strike and Elijah moves!! He parlays that into his modified backbreaker!!

 

Kendra: Crick, Crack, Monkey Break His Back!!

 

Simon: Cellula struggling back to his feet a little and Elijah is ready for him with that high knee! Elijah going for a high knee with the other leg and Cellula gets him with an exploder suplex! Cellula picks the shovel up that Jess was going to use and whams it into the ribcage of Elijah! And one shot to side of the head!! One to the other side!!!

 

Colin: GHOST STEP!Cellulah  Elijah had a brief moment of flame and Cellula is mechanically extinguishing it. WAIT! ELIJAH GRABS THE SHOVEL! HE'S RISING UP, EYES LOCKED ON CELLULA, THROWS THE SHOVEL AND TILT A WHIRL BACKBREAKER TO CELLULA! 

 

Kendra: Cellula grabs at his legs and pulls him down to the mat too!! They're both down!! No, Elijah up fairly quickly and he's not staying down no sir! Picks Cellula up and has him locked in a Half Nelson!

 

Simon: Just a reminder, only way out of this match is through a table. Cellula with the elbow to the gut and he breaks free of Elijah's hold! Elijah drives another high knee into the face of Cellula! 

 

Colin: CELLULA GRABS THE KNEE AND PULLS HIM UP! INTO THE FIREMAN'S CARRY! UP TO THE ROPES, UP TO THE TOP OF THE TURNBUCKLE... SOLOOOOOO FANTASMI E OOOOOOOOOOOMBRE! TO THE OUTSIDE!

 

Simon: Cellula with three quick stomps to the midsection to try to keep Elijah down, it doesn't work! Elijah to his feet and Cellula with a gut punch! Cellula going for a powerbomb NO ELIJAH REVERSES INTO A HURRICANRANA OVER THE STEPS! CELLULA FINDS A TASER UNDER THE RING AND OHHH!!! THAT'S NO FUN FOR ELIJAH!!! 

 

Kendra: This might be the first sign of some pain on Elijah's face. Minimal, but there. Cellula drives a punch into his face. Elijah falling back... Cellula under the apron now and getting, setting up a Table! CELLULA RUNS UP ON THE TABLE AND HURRICANRANAS CELLULA THROUGH! OH MY GOD!!

 

Cellula is eliminated by Elijah!

 

Colin: We are down to the last person and Elijah just saved himself, but he's got one match to go-

 

 

Aiko is the final entrant.

 

Kendra: AND AIKO IS GOING TO BE THE LAST IMPEDIMENT BETWEEN ELIJAH AND THE PENTACLES MATCH!

 

Colin: Aiko charging full speed ELIJAH CATCHES HER! CRICK CRACK! MONKEY BREAK HIS BACK!! 

 

Simon: Aiko to her feet with a Spinning Backfist! Aiko someone I'm somewhat familiar with, and knowing her I would say that she has a slim chance but it's not "no chance."

 

Colin: Each move by Elijah makes it slimmer, as Elijah gets her up into a body slam. Aiko responds with a Sweep Kick! Elijah starting to lose a bit of footing, she goes running for the cross body and he catches her into a tilt a whirl backbreaker! A pair of Cryptic Stomps to her legs. 

 

Kendra: She sweeps him again! And a Sliding Axe Handle! He gets up way too quickly, SNAKE EYES INTO THE POLE! Wait, she holds onto the Pole and DEADLY NIGHT SHADES ELIJAH INTO IT! She kicks him in the gut and gets back to the ground. Another kick to the gut!! Aiko gets the Table!!

 

Simon: Aiko setting the Table underneath where Elijah is slumped! AIKO TO THE TOP! MOOOONSAULT! AND THE KNEE IS OUT!! TSUKIKAGE YAIIIIIIBA! AND IT WORKS! SHE DRIVES ELIJAH THROUGH THE TABLE! AIKO IS THE LAST PARTICIPANT IN THE PENTACLES MATCH!!!

 

Elijah is eliminated by Aiko, making her the Winner!

 

Aiko's personal announcer runs out to join her! 

 

 

Rina: Please join me in celebrating the most wonderful victory of a very special fighter, the Moonblade, AIKO!

 

Simon: This is just one step. Aiko still has to get through the insanity that is the Pentacles Match.

 

Colin: This was just our first match, and already we are off to an insane start. 

 

Kendra: Coming up next, a match with a very strange parallel - when Jassy first showed here at MAWL, around the same time that Aiko did actually, she did so assisting Nero in beating down Brian Storm in a brawl. NOW, Jassy herself is set to take on Brian out in the wild in a Brawl on the Beach. The only way either of them will win is by Knockout. 

 

 

The waves crash along the sandy but rocky shore. Seagulls squawk, the faint hum of the crowd can be heard with notes that are only barely distinguishable from the far away ear of laughing, chatting, and cheering. Onto the beach, still in his t-shirt and ties combination but with a bathing suit version of his wrestling trunks, aviator shades, and an obvious dollop of sunscreen on his nose, strolls Brian Storm.

 

 

From seemingly out of nowhere, a closed beach umbrella launches in the direction of Brian as if a spear from another time. Brian barely ducks it though the hook of the handle catches him slightly. He smirks and tuns around.

 

Brian: I hope you fight better than your boss.

 

 

Jassy lowers her sunglasses. She stands in a onesie suit of pink and black stripes. She smiles.

 

Jassy: Come find out.

 

Brian takes the umbrella and twirls it a bit, then comes charging at Jassy. Jassy flips over Brian's charge and jabs him in the rib. She grabs the umbrella from him and attempts to flip him, but he lands on his feet and charges her with a running spinebuster. Brian grabs her by the legs and slingshots her face first into the sand. She spits the sound out and gives a small smile, grabbing a beach towel off a passerby and using it as a whip to trip Brian.

 

Jassy gets to the back of Brian and uses the towel as a form of crossface, choking him out as she kneels on his back. He tries to fight his way up and she pulls back like reins on a horse, driving Brian back down. Brian tries to pull himself back up, and Jassy once again yanks back. Brian grabs a handful of sand that has shell pieces in Jassy's face. Brian throws punches in her face and picks Jassy up into a World's Strongest Slam!

 

Brian pulls Jassy up into a quick spinebuster. He punches Jassy several times in the face, and Jassy responds by flipping Brian over. Jassy grabs Brian by the tie and drags him to the shoreline, and just into the ocean to hold his face in the crest of the waves. Brian struggles and sputters as salt water splashes him in the eyes and gets in his mouth. She pulls him up for a second and slaps him then brings his head back down. He attempts to loosen the tie to get out of this hold, and after some difficulty gets it off. He grabs a small and feisty mini crab and puts it on Jassy's face. This startles her enough where she gets off him and he deadlifts Jassy into a dominator! 

 

Brian scoops Jassy up and bodyslams her onto the sand. Jassy tries to get back on her feet, and Brian launches her back into the sand with a German Suplex. Jassy struggles to her feet and begins to punch back at Brian. She rolls back into the sand and to her feet - 

 

One superkick!

A second!

And a third! It's All Chaos!!

 

She drags Brian by his shirt collar and gets him to a lifeguard seat post. Jassy ties Brian to the lifeguard post using his tie and stomps him out. She leaves him tied up and pushes his head over the crossbar with her foot, stomping on his head intermittently. Using a higher horizontal rung, she swings like a monkey bar...

 

and then lands on Brian with a Banzai Drop bending him over the crossbar.  Brian tries to get at least back into a sitting position and Jassy hits him with a Yes Kick, a second, and switches feet for the third to hit the Psycho Kicks. 

 

Jassy gets bored of this and unties Brian, draping him over her shoulders and climbing to the top of the lifeguard seat!! Fireman's Carry position....

She

JUMPS
OFF 

THE LIFEGUARD CHAIR

INTO A PARADIGM DROP!

 

Jassy looks with satisfaction at her finished prey. She takes a broken shell piece and slashes it across Brian's face to draw some blood, then snaps a picture of herself posing in celebration over Brian, taking a moment to post it on Insta with the caption "What, like it's hard? 🤣😘 #Jassy1Ner0" 

 

Satisfied, she drags Brian back to the coastline facedown, ties his hands behind his back with his tie, and watches as some of his blood starts being taken by the water before going to get herself an ice cream.

 

 

Colin: We want to take this time to assure everyone that Brian Storm is okay and at press time not eaten by any sharks. 

 

 

Kendra: You can see on Jassy's social that she's not going to let Nero live down that she beat someone one-on-one who had been an absolute plague.

 

 

Simon: And that's only our second match. We have so much more show to go! 

 

Colin: This next match has a certain sort of poeticness to it... WildFire just a few weeks back put Diddy and 50 in the hospital, and now he's gonna have to face them both in an Ambulance Elimination Match.

 

Simon: Can't you guys just be normal?? 

 

Colin and Kendra look at each other for a second-

 

Colin/Kendra: No. 

 

 

Ash: The following contest is an Ambulance Elimination Match!

 

An ambulance pulls up.

 

Simon: Are they going to do an elimination match with only one ambulance?

 

Colin: Guess we'll find out.

 

 

The titantron shows money signs as green and gold fireworks surround the entranceway. 50 Cent walks out strutting and flashing his chain as the crowd pops.

 

 

50 walks with intention down the ring, pointing to his opponents, and intermittently beating his chest as many in the crowd sing along to the theme. 

 

Ash: First! From Houston, Texas, weighing in at 215 pounds, 50 CENT! 

 

Kendra: Being cleared to compete and making the choice to compete are two entirely different things, and I don't know if 50 Cent being in this match is the best call.

 

Simon: Well, worst case the ambulance will bring him right back to getting care!

 

 

The arena lights dim as "The Comeback Kid" P Diddy emerges from the smoky entrance, his fur-lined cape billowing behind him. The MAWL logo flashes on the giant screens, and the crowd goes wild as his theme music, "All About the Benjamins," blasts through the speakers.

 

 

Ash: And his opponent! From New York City, weighing 220 pounds, the Comeback Kid, P. Diddy Sean Combs!

 

Colin: Think we'll see Jay Z pop back in to cause some more problems?

 

Kendra: Stranger things have happened, and Jay Z losing the Gauntlet can't have him in great spirits. 

 

Colin: Hmm its a little too quiet here.

 

Kendra: Uhh what do you mean the crowds really into it, I mean it's so loud here I can't even hear myself think.

 

Simon : Really that's crap!

 

Kendra: What that it's that loud here?

 

Simon: No that you think.

 

Suddenly the 'tron flashes to life and a loud engine roaring is heard. The camera pans out into the parking lot, as a large monstrosity on wheels rolls up. It looks like a tank and a monster truck mated, had a baby, and inherited all the good stuff and none of the bad, and was painted white with the Twisted Sister TS on the hood and large red crosses on each door.

 

 

WildFire pokes his head out of the drivers side "Ok Baby Girl and I are ready for our Ambulance Elimination Match !!"

 

Colin: Holy crap that thing has Flame Throwers !!!

 

Kendra: And Chain Saws ?

 

There is a loud crunching sound as Baby Girl backs over a car in the parking lot behind her.

 

Simon: My CAR !!!!!

 

Kendra : Uhhh whatever it is you did I think you should apologize

 

Colin: Agreed

 

Simon runs for the parking lot.

 

Kendra: See he obviously agrees with me too!!

 

 

The arena waits...the crowd is energetic at first, but begin to quiet down to a gentle hum as nothing happens.

 

Suddenly, the AMBULANCE OF DOOM  comes barreling into the arena, causing an absolute boom of excitement. 

 

WildFire sticks his head out of the window to crowd pops.

 

Ash: AND! From Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, weighing in at 225 pounds, WIIIIIILDFIRE!!

 

The bell rings.

 

Colin: WildFire is aware that this isn't Twisted Metal, right? 

 

Kendra: He is, but I think there's a quick and easy solution here.

 

Colin: WILDFIRE USES THE FLAMETHROWER ON 50 CENT AND DIDDY! HE'S JUST LEANING ON THAT HORN AND SETTING THE TWO RAPPERS ABLAZE! 

 

Kendra: And the referee is calling for medical attention! These two are dealing with at the very least second degree burns! 

 

Colin: Here comes the medics! And wait... that means-

 

Kendra: That Diddy and 50 Cent are going to be placed in an ambulance. Correct.

 

WildFire wins!

 

 

Ash: Here is your winner, WildFire!

 

Colin: WildFire didn't want to be in this match and it shows. Made it quick and got himself outta there.

 

Kendra: The card continues and we have our next match coming up right now!

 

Simon returns.

 

Simon: I'm back in time for JP Spears to have his Redemption Tour squashed once and for all. 

 

Colin: Normally, I would say you're just being a jackass but given the opponent you may actually be right. 

 

Kendra: And the winner gets his hands on the US Title Shot at International Incident!

 

Hand Clapper starts playing and the crowd starts to clap along.
JP runs out as the tron starts to play his reel and he plays to the crowd.

 

 

Ash: First! From Charlotte, North Carolina, weighing in at 215 pounds, JP Spears!!

 

JP takes a run to both sides of the stage, clapping to either side before starting a jog towards the ring. The crowd claps along.

 

Colin: The crowd has given JP Spears their seal of approval and welcomed him back with open arms.

 

Kendra: There is a version of this world where he could be fighting his former partner for the title. 

 

Simon: That's truly counting your chickens. Do you really think he can beat the monster Rade?

 

Colin: The list of people who have pinned Rade clean is indeed frighteningly small. He's by no means undefeated, but typically in some form of extreme match does he go down or he gets disqualified. 

He slides under the bottom rope and takes off his cut-off T-shirt and throws it into the crowd.

 

The lights go completely out. The arena is filled with sounds of owls hooting and clocks ticking.

 

 

Red smiley faces show in hologram around the arena in time with the bell. Ann "Atomic" Lee steps out to the stage, illuminated only by the red glow in the dark mask that she removes from her face. Ash immediately holds their microphone down as they have learned by now their microphone is turned off. 

 

 

Ann: And the journey for Redemption was one that was in turns noble and quixotic, ultimately futile, as every movement in the direction forward was ultimately hampered by defeat after disheartening defeat; and the one seeking redemption found that his journey elongated in similar size and fashion to his increasingly disheveled facial hair, the man aging with expediency as the world sped around him, building their achievements while he built only resentment and depression. The final blow to the foolish and Sisyphean journey, the final burial of a future sought, comes out of the Black Forest and the darkest recesses and hidden alleys of your mind, weighing 355 pounds and the heft of your crushed and compressed hopes, dreams, and ambitions, he is der Blutsammler.

 

He.

 

Is.

 

The keyboard finally kicks in and the appearances of the red smiley faces intensify rhythmically as a towering figure enters behind her.

 

 

Ann: RADE. 

 

Rade walks down the ramp with Ann leading him, both illuminated mostly by the glow in the dark masks. 

 

Colin: JP Spears keeping himself focused on the task at hand, not showing any fear in his face that we can tell.

 

Simon: You should probably be a little afraid. Not so much you run, but enough that you don't take anything for granted. 

 

Ann stands in front of Rade and stares up as if being baptized from the sky. Rade spits blood upwards and it rains on her. She smiles wickedly to the camera and leaves the ring.

 

The bell rings.

 

Colin: Rade whips JP Spears off the ropes and launches him up, he wants this one to be acadmic and it looks like OH! SPEARS HAS THE PRESENCE OF MIND TO GUIDE HIS BODY OVER AND NECKBREAKER TO RADE! THE BIG MAN TUMBLES! 

 

Kendra: And that's the benefit to having no fear, you are able to maneuver your body and keep awareness of the situation. Spears shows that he knows what he's doing. Spears taking a moment to assess the situation before attacking, off the ropes and basement dropkick to Rade as he starts to rise. 

 

Colin: JP Spears employing a stick and move strategy and it appears to be paying dividends for him, as he doesn't stop running from the dropkick, comes around and Snapmare! Continuing the run, no, slowing himself down on the other side of the ring to catch his breath.

 

Kendra: JP Spears is a scholar-athlete, and we talk about his athletic prowess a bunch but we don't speak much about the scholar side of it all. JP moves himself a bit out of Rade's reach, props himself up on the turnbuckle. Rade trying to get back to his feet JP LAUNCHES HIMSELF WITH A TOP ROPE SPLASH AND KEEPS RADE DOWN! 

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Simon: JP sees Rade starting to rise and a splash! RADE LAUNCHES SPEARS OFF HIM! JP HAD A GOOD RUN BUT THAT'S LOOKING TO BE OVER NOW. 

 

Colin: Rade back to his feet, JP trying to get to his feet across the ring and takes Rade's giant boot to his face. JP trying to use this time to roll under the leg gap between Rade.

 

Simon: You tried so hard to make that sound less weird and failed miserably at that, good job.

 

Kendra: JP back around to the back and gets him with a dropkick! Rade stutters forward, JP trying to get a perpendicular run on him and RADE SPINS AROUND WITH A HUGE PUNCH! JP tumbles backwards. JP catching back into a run and going for the Hit Stick NO RADE POLISH HAMMER TO THE BACK! JP crumples! 

 

Simon: Tried to tell you guys.

 

Colin: Walking on the back of JP and just putting all the pressure on, STOMP to the back of JP Spears and DEADLIFT REVERSE CHOKESLAM! This is likely the end.

 

1!

2!

3!

4!

5!

NO! JP is up!

 

Simon: You're only delaying the inevitable here. Rade throwing him off the ropes and it looks like the time is coming OH MY JP DUCKS THE HAND COMES BACK AROUND AND HIT STICK!

 

Kendra: You were saying, Simon?

 

1!

2!

Rade is up!

 

Simon: I stand by my initial stance. 

 

Colin: JP going for a punch combo and Rade barely registering. JP giving punches to Rade and he just pushes JP back and boots him again. Rade standing on the head of JP and Andra Jones beginning the count-

 

 

Andra: 1! 2! 3! 4!

 

Kendra: Rade lets go and stomps JP in the head! 

 

Colin: Ripcord by Rade into a flapjack! 

 

Simon: Goes for an Elevated Vise Grip on JP!! Shaking him like he's a piggy bank holding onto the last coins!! JP punching the inner arm of Rade trying to get loose, Rade struggling to hold on and tosses JP again! 

 

Kendra: JP loading up for the Hit Stick, coming around and Rade gets him by the neck and tosses him up WHOA JP SPEARS COMES BACK DOWN FOR THE ALL AMERICAN LEG BULLDOG!!

 

1!

2!

3!

4!

 

Colin: Unbelievable! The big man may be down!

 

5!

6!

7!

 

Kendra: This has been a very propulsive match, and it looks to wrap here.

 

8!

9!

10!

 

Kendra: JP HAS DONE IT!!!

 

JP Spears wins!

 

 

Ash: Here is your winner, J! P! SPEARS!

 

Colin: TRULY UNBELIEVABLE TURN OF EVENTS AND JP SPEARS WITH THE WIN!

 

Andra shakes JP's hand then raises it in victory. 

 

Kendra: JP Spears will be at International Incident!

 

Colin: So, Simon, what exactly was it that you were saying? 

 

Simon: Let's just... keep it moving...

 

Colin: Agreed. And our next match is a Three Stages of Death!