JUNE 2, 2025
BALTIMORE, MARYLAND

M&T BANK STADIUM

 

Fireworks go off in the stadium as Jacob Lizotte "Madness" blasts through the speakers and the crowds go nuts.

 

Colin (OC): WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME TO THE HOME OF THE BALTIMORE RAVENS, THE BIRTHPLACE OF NEVERMORE, THE CITY THAT SCARED A MILLION MINDS. WELCOME TO BALTIMORE FOR A SPECIAL EPISODE OF MAWL MADNESS. I AM COLIN MCRAE AND I AM JOINED TODAY BY GHW ANNOUNCING TEAM SHERMAN GRACE AND VALERIE THOMAS. IT'S SO GOOD TO HAVE YOU HERE ON THIS WEEK AFTER MAYDAY!

 

 

Colin: Between the insanity that was the Danger Room, the crazy crowded Next Level Match, Manta Ray winning his first title, Leila maintaining control of MAWL and decimating Team SuperStarz and the board in the process, not to mention Balor continuing his impressive title reign, Mayday was truly one of the most explosive events in MAWL history. So much so, that we've given much of the roster the week off to rest up. This week we're instead going to be featuring Gung Ho Wrestling, our farm program, which if I'm not mistaken currently has their top titles vacant?

 

 

Sherman: That's right, Dismal Duo and Ubirajara both graduated up to you guys, so now the titles stand empty.

 

 

Valerie: But that will afford a new opportunity, so we're not too upended about it. We've got a Four Suits Gauntlet and a Tag Tournament to look forward to. 

 

Colin: And some of your stars and ours are putting contract on the line, winner comes up and loser-

 

Sherman: Comes to us? Yeah, great. 

 

Colin: I mean, you guys are the farm league.

 

Valerie: And we still put on a hell of a show week to week, so this is really nice to get this opportunity to showcase. 

 

Colin: So let's get into this, I think these fans wanna see what wildness the GHW roster brings!

 

The crowd pops. 

 

Sherman: We're gonna throw it on down to our man in the stand, Reggie Gorman!

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1

DMV (DA MEAN VALENTINOS) VS THE YETIS

 

Ding ding ding!

 

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a first round match and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

A hot rod cruises onto the stage. In the hot rod sit Calabria and Chiara Valentino, with matching sunglasses.

 

 

Reggie: First! From the mean streets of Woodbridge, New Jersey, Chiara and Calabria Valentino, Da Mean Valentinos!

 

They drive the hot rod down the ramp to boos, then park it right at the edge of the ramp before throwing the keys to their personal Valet. 

 

Valerie: These two represent everything everyone hates about New Jersey. They're brash, they're crass, and they're arrogant.

 

Sherman: But they get the job done.

 

 

Snow gob lights reflect throughout the arena. 

 

Colin: It's snowing in June. 

 

The Yetis enter the ramp, headbanging to the music.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! From the Himalayas, Yarp and Yerb, the Yetis!

 

They mosh and headbang down the ramp as the crowd cheers.

 

Colin: The crowd loves these guys, but they haven't had a ton of success this year.

 

Valerie: Maybe this will be different, but the only way to know is to fight.

 

The bell rings!

 

Sherman: Yarp and Calabria to start, Yarp BLASTS Calabria with a Running Body Block and she's already shaken! That pushback gives Calabria a bit of runway, she springs to the second rope and Springboard Spinning Flatliner!!! She's already taken him to task with the Recalabration! And Chiara charges Yerb with a gut punch to take him off the mat!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

DMV win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners, Calabria and Chiara, Da Mean Valentinos!

 

Colin: Welp, guess not.

 

Sherman: That was rough, even for the Yetis. Maybe they should consider mascot work.

 

Kendra: We're just gonna keep it going to our next match.

 

TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT ROUND 1

DANSE MACABRE VS CLASSY ACTION SUITS

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a first round match and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

Riri Tonu and Fiesta Muerta come out with matching black veils over their faces, as they dance with intent down the ramp.

 

 

Reggie: First! The team of Riri Tonu and Fiesta Muerta, DANSE MACABRE! 

 

Danse Macabre duck under the rope and gingerly remove each others' veils, looking at each other intently before using the veils to continue dancing for a moment. 

 

Sherman: They come from slightly different places, but they meet each other at that intersection of the sordid and morbid.

 

 

Jaunty John Ti and Genteel Jen Teal come out toasting the audience with brandy cocktails.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! Jaunty John Ti and Genteel Jen Teal, Classy Action Suits!!

 

Colin: Good lord, look at the size of Jen's hat. Does she hide a brick in there?

 

Valerie: I think her cocktail shaker is in there actually so not far off.

 

They wipe their feet and John Ti holds the rope for Jen Teal, which allows her to come in first. He does a little...well, jaunt, around the apron, then steps back into the ring and folds his coat neatly at the corner. 

 

The bell rings!

 

Colin: Riri and John to start, John tags Jen in and Jen catches Riri's charge with an arm drag. Riri prevents an armbar hitting a pair of knees to the midsection of Jen. Jen hooks Riri's leg to prevent a third knee oh and here comes the other leg right to the back of Jen's head! 

 

Sherman: Jen to her feet, grabs the offending leg, wags her finger at it and a kick right in the shin of Riri. Riri gets the other leg quickly around Jen and brings her down for a side straddle pin-

 

1!

 

Valerie: Jen gets her shoulder up, and back to their feet they go. Riri whips Jen into her corner, tag into Fiesta and double back body drop to Jen! Fiesta with a Polish Hammer to the midsection of Jen, Double Axe Handle to the Back, Polish Hammer Uppercut to the Head!! The Piñata Combo has Teal in a very bad way!

 

Sherman: Fiesta would do well to pin her now, but she's getting the fans pumped up...oh, a moment can cost you and that was what Jen needed to hit her with a Small Package Driver!!

 

1!

 

Valerie: Fiesta gets to her feet, hopefully she learns her lesson here. And Fiesta hits a huracanrana! Jen tries to get to her feet but Fiesta pulls her back down with a La Magistral and pin attempt- John in to save his partner and Springboard Dropkick by Tonu to take John out of the equation!!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Danse Macabre win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners, Riri Tonu and Fiesta Muerta, DANSE MACABRE!

 

Sherman: Would you say that counts as Muerta learning her lesson?

 

Valerie: I sure would, Sherman. Riri and Fiesta were able to keep Jen from her partner effectively, and they are definitely going to be a team to watch in this tournament.

 

Colin: Never assume, I guess, that being a more established team means that you're going to have a one-up. 

 

Sherman: Especially not if your partner refuses to tag.

 

Valerie: Unfortunately, true. But, things are about to get heated in a match that will in some way feel like Heaven vs Hell. 

 

TAG TOURNAMENT ROUND 1

FIRE PIT VS UP ON HIGH

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a first round match and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

The lights go completely red with red sparks coming out as if erupting from a volcano. Vesuvius and Fuji come to the stage and roar upward together, leading to red fire shooting directly upwards.

 

 

Reggie: FIRST! The team of Vesuvius and Fuji! THE FIRE PIT!

 

They storm down the ramp to cheers. 

 

Colin: The audience is heating up!

 

 

The lights shift dramatically from red to white, then to dark with white spotlights as Angelica and Zephyr descend from the rafters, wings fully extended.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! Fallen from the Heavens, Angelica and Zephyr! UP ON HIGH!

 

They lower onto turnbuckles diagonal from each other, spotlights firmly on each of them taking a golden glow.

 

Sherman: It's going to be pretty difficult to have your match match the expectation set by that entrance. Seems they're setting themselves up for disappointment.

 

Valerie: Or, glory.

 

The bell rings!

 

Sherman: Vesuvius and Angelica starting us out here. Angelica calls herself the Harsh Truth, but looks like she's getting a harsh reality right from jump as Vesuvius catches her from the turnbuckle right into a powerslam. Picking Angelica up, HIGH ANGLE SPINNING POWERBOMB! ERUPTION!!

 

1!

 

Valerie: ANGELICA REVERSES HOW??

 

1!

2!
3!

Up On High wins by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners and advancing to round 2, Angelica and Zephyr!! Up On High!!

 

Colin: These outfits that the Fire Pit wear don't lend well to unexpected shifts.

 

Sherman: There would have been no way for Fuji to get to Vesuvius in time wearing that Goldar suit.

 

Valerie: And thus we move along, with Zephyr and Fuji not getting a chance to have any say in this match.

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1

INTOCÁVEIS DE SÃO TOMÉ VS TEMPUS

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a first round match, and it is scheduled for one fall! 

 

 

The music plays as some in the crowd start to dance despite themselves. Genoveva lowers her shades, then she and Idalecio stand in front of Id's phone and take a selfie, both doing duck face. 

 

 

Reggie: First, from SÃO TOMÉ, the team of Genoveva Nilza and Idalecio!! INTOCÁVEIS DE SÃO TOMÉ!

 

The two strut down the ramp, preening as the fans boo. Genoveva puts her shades firmly back on her eyes and gives "The Hand" to the ramp with her left as she yawns with her right.

 

Valerie: Their home country isn't particularly known for ego and braggadocio.  

 

Simon: Yes, because these two took on the ego for most of the island. 

 

 

Reflections of clock faces come all around the arena as the lights mimic thunder. TOME and CHRONOSOME enter on the stage, standing terrifyingly still.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! TOME and CHRONOSOME, TEMPUS!

 

They march forward in lock step, unyielding but slow, reflecting the inevitable march of time. The audience collectively sucks in their breath as TOME and CHRONOSOME pass, then exhale once passed. TOME and CHRONOSOME, TEMPUS!

 

The bell rings!

 

Colin: Nilza and Tome to start, Nilza takes a run, Tome with a clothesline, Nilza ducks and gets his arm, grabbing the other and CRUCIFIX DRIVER! GOOD LORD!

 

Sherman: Tome easily powers out of that. Nilza tags in to Idalecio, Ide with a running shoulder tackle and Tome barely moves. Tome with the Irish Whip and Ide goes careening off the rope, comes back and ducks the big boot, back around and a dropkick! Tome showing a bit of stagger now but still able to manage deftly. 

 

Valerie: It's smart of IDST to keep the pressure on, evade and avoid, not let Tome get momentum going. Ducks a boot again, chop to the back of Tome's leg! And another kick to the back of the leg. And now a huge sweep kick to the same spot and he's got Tome stuttering!! Tome able to get his arm out, tag to Chronosome!! Chrono comes in and BLASTS Ide with a big boot.

 

Sherman: The tag may have reinvigorated this match for Tempus as Chrono pushes his foot down on the ribcage of Idalecio. And going for a stomp, Ide rolls! And a rolling low kick to the offending foot! And Chrono kicks him back like that was no big deal, OH and steps on his face! Chrono going for another step, Ide rolls OH AND A CHEAP SHOT! That's a way to take a big man down! Nilza in and blasts Tome out with a dropkick as Ide rolls Chrono up!

1!

2!
3!

Intocáveis de São Tomé win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners, Genoveva Nilza and Idalecio, INTOCÁVEIS DE SÃO TOMÉ!

 

Colin: The bigger they are, the harder they fall. 

 

Sherman: Well, there go one of my favorite teams to win it.

 

Valerie: And the fall of Tempus puts half the teams down for Round 2, and now we get to the other half! 

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1

HELDE VAN DIE OERWOUD VS ALHUKAAM ALKHAYIRIN

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a round one match, and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

Okapi and Fossa come out, doing a traditional dance that starts at the stage.

 

 

Reggie: FIRST! The team of Okapi and Fossa, HELDE VAN DIE OERWOUD!

 

The dance continues down the ramp, with the crowd into it.

 

Sherman: Here come the Heroes of the Jungle, and they're going to bring the Animal Instinct into the ring. 

 

 

With red and yellow light acting almost as a sunrise behind them, Nourdine Mmadi and El Moustapha come out with their hands behind them, smiling. 

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents, El Moustapha and Nourdine Mmadi!! ALHUKAAM ALKHAYIRIN!

 

Valerie: I believe the name translates to something along the line of "Good Judge" and they sure are celebrated by and celebrating the fans.

 

Nourdine and Moustapha shake the hands they see on their walk down to the ramp.

 

Sherman: There's a peacefulness to them now, and there will be again once the match is over, but in between bells, it can turn brutal quickly. 

 

Nourdine and Moustapha enter the ring.

 

They shake the hands of their opponents, and Fossa and Nourdine leave the ring, leaving Okapi and Moustapha to start. The bell rings!

 

Colin: Moustapha locks up with Okapi, looks like Moustapha is going to win this test of strength, pops Okapi up and catches him into a Spinebuster! Moustapha celebrating with the fans a bit and Okapi takes the opening, Battering Ram Headbutt right to Moustapha's gut!

 

Valerie: This is far too easy to do any celebrating or pump up work. The crowd will get pumped up naturally when you put the pain to your opponent. But Moustapha tries to make up for it with a roll-up! Not even a one.

 

Sherman: Moustapha picks Okapi up and snap belly to belly! Okapi punches Moustapha on the way down, not too effective in of itself but a good way to show your opponent that you're still awake. 

 

Valerie: Moustapha picking Okapi up again, spins him 180 and lifts into the German Suplex hold...oh! He's Elevating him...he's holding him a bit for effect, OH this is the Pride Rock! And GERMAN SUPLEX! Going for the pin-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Alhukaam Alkhayirin win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners, El Moustapha and Nourdine Mmadi, ALHUKAAM ALKHAYIRIN!

 

Sherman: Someone should tell these tag team partners that you're still a part of the match even if you're on the apron, the number of people just letting their teammate take the bump is concerning. 

 

Valerie: Agreed, I almost wonder if they're seeking singles or promotions and don't care about the tag division.

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1

WARRIOR STRONG VS THE MAJESTIC SKY

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a round one match, and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

Jessie and Barclay stretch out and jump out to loosen themselves up at the entrance way.

 

 

Reggie: First! The team of Barclay Stockett and Jessie Graff, WARRIOR STRONG!

 

Colin: The name refers of course to their shared connection to American Ninja Warrior.

 

They cartwheel down the ramp and clear the ropes flipping in.

 

Valerie: You have to wonder if their paths will cross with Kacy Catanzaro, or Kacy Kruel. 

 

 

Hiro Kahashi and Chim Cú Mèo come running out with multi-colored flashing lights.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! Hiro Kahashi and Chim Cú Mèo, MAJESTIC SKIES!

 

Valerie: This is set to be a very acrobatic endeavor and I'm excited for it. 

 

The bell rings!

 

Colin: Hiro and Barclay starting off, Hiro with a rolling thunder dropkick to get us moving. Hiro keeps it going with a springboard moonsault and trying for the pin-Barclay kicks up quickly but Hiro with a huracanrana and going for a cover again-

 

1!

 

Sherman: Barclay kicks again. Hiro with the Irish Whip into his corner, tag into Chim, Chim to the top and a top rope blockbuster!! Barclay able to roll to her feet and snap bell to belly, Chim snaps up and Spanish Fly to Stockett! Stockett tags in to Jessie Graff, she BLASTS IN WITH A SPRINGBOARD SPINNING WHEEL KICK! WONDER WHEEL!! 

 

Valerie: Chim too quick to get covered, up to his feet and Dropsault to Graff! Graff tags back to Barclay and Diving X-Factor!! STOCK X CHANGE!! 

 

1!

TW-NO!

 

Colin: Hiro with the rescue! See, THIS is the kind of teamwork we've been needing. Barclay with a quick punch to Chim as he gets up, Chim hits with an arm drag, Graff bouncing back to her feet and Fallaway Moonsault Slam! She goes for the pin- Chim gets the shoulder up before the hand goes down for the first count. 

 

Sherman: Barclay Stockett rolls back, DISCUS KINSHASA! BARCLAY STRONG STYLE! 

 

1!

21

3!

 

Warrior Strong win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners! Barclay Stockett and Jessie Graff! WARRIOR STRONG!

 

Colin: Much like Marina Shafir and Shayna Baszler followed in the footsteps of Ronda Rousey, Stockett and Graff follow the path set forth by Catanzaro and now they are one step closer to their first tag championships.

 

Sherman: Two spots remain for that second Round, so let's fill them.

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1

DREAMTIME VS IEREMIA BROTHERS

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team match is a round one contest and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

The arena lights go dim and rotating lights in a mobile sense rotate around the arena in a peaceful speed. Raleigh Erin Moss and Spindle stretch in a yawn as they stand on the stage. 

 

 

Reggie: First, the team of Raleigh Erin Moss and Spindle, DREAMTIME!!!

 

Dreamtime walk down the ramp in an almost flowy fashion. 

 

Sherman: These two seem peaceful, but for their opponents, they can be a nightmare.

 

Valerie: In case you were wondering by the naming convention, yes, Spindle is Sprinkl's brother. He's not the only MAWL family here today, Johnny Dagger's brother Kevin is slated for the Four Suits Gauntlet later. 

 

Colin: No one ever knows what the Four Suits Gauntlet will end up doing. If you have a later card, you may not make it into the match, and we have no idea just yet who drew what. 

 

 

Bauro and Betero Ieremia come out, jamming and waving their hands with big smiles on their faces.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! From Banana, Kiribati, Bauro and Betero! The Ieremia Brothers!

 

Colin: I remember watching these two at the W2, they are just a joy to be around and a joy to watch fight. 

 

The audience waves their hands with the Brothers as they walk down. 

 

Sherman: Betero is the brother with the mask trunks, Bauro is the one with the tats, for anyone with confusion on this match. And Betero is the one to start against Spindle, Spindle charges Betero and Betero catches him into a spinning Powerslam! Going for a quick cover-

 

1!

 

Valerie: Spindle quicks at 1. Betero picks him up for a big ol' Spinebuster and going for the pin again! SPINDLE WITH THE REVERSAL!

 

1!

2!

 

Colin: Betero was caught off guard by that! But he hasn't lost his smile somehow. I respect that. Spindle hits him with an arm drag, tossing Betero into the corner and tagging Moss in, double Irish Whip to Betero and a team Back Body Drop!

 

Valerie: Betero on his feet and going for a charging clothesline, Moss ducks and gets him with a drop toe! She whips him back into the corner and Spindle back in, double Snap Suplex out of the corner! 

 

Sherman: That pin reversal has really thrown Betero off his game and what was a strong start is now sputtering. Betero trying to get momentum back and up, back suplex to Spindle! Tag into Bauro and Bauro with a running shoulder tackle to Spindle. Spindle doesn't stay down long, whipping Bauro into the corner and a tag, backbreaker by Spindle, Moss up to the top and that Wendy Choo Sleepytime Elbow! It's the Bedtime Routine! Moss goes for the cover but Bauro gets his foot on the rope.

 

Valerie: Moss back to her feet, springboards off the ropes into a Coffin Drop! She had too much momentum on that and rolls off, Bauro hot tag to Betero! Betero charges in and takes Moss down with a clothesline! Moss kips up and jumps into the enzuigiri kick! 

 

Colin: Both sides showing incredible team intelligence and absolutely refusing to stay down, but Moss trying to change that now and she's getting the Deep Sleep locked in!! A dragon sleeper with the knees on the back and Betero trying to get to the ropes, struggling and straining and he gets to the ropes just barely AND PUSHES BACK INTO A PIN! MOSS KICKS OUT!

 

Valerie: Betero rolls back to the corner and tags Bauro in, Bauro with a Spear driving Moss to the ground!! Bauro tries to get to his feet from that Moss trips him back down and jumps up with a fist drop. She drags Bauro to the corner, tags in Spindle...and here we go again with the Bedtime Routine! 

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Dreamtime win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners, Raleigh Erin Moss and Spindle, DREAMTIME!

 

Colin: The Brothers put on a hell of a fight, and it took two tag finishers to take them out. 

 

Valerie: There is only one opportunity left to get into Round 2, and other than Al-Squared, all of the teams have one if not two women. There will be a 7 in 8 chance that at least one tag champ will be a woman.

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1

ORDER UP VS CHURCH OF THE PAINTACOST

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a round one match and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

The lights present as a metallic gray and steam rises on the stage, giving the vibe of a sizzling grill. Dirk and Dottie's shadows can be seen through the smoke.

 

 

Reggie: FIRST! Dirk and Dottie, ORDER UP!

 

Dottie carries her trademark pan with a sizzling egg, flipping it as they walk to the ring.

 

Colin: Does this team make anyone else hungry?

 

Valerie: Always. 

 

The team enters the ring, Dottie putting her pan off to the side and sharing the egg with Dirk.

 

 

An organ seems to rise on the stage, with steam coming out of it as Pope Oscurita I and Mother Superior rise on thrones.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! Pope Oscurita I and Mother Superior, the CHURCH OF THE PAINTACOST!

 

Pope Oscurita I and Mother Superior walk with their hands up in praise as they walk down the ramp, plumes of fire following them down.

 

Colin: So no paint brushes, paint rollers?

 

Sherman: It's PAIN-tacost, not PAINT-a-cost. 

 

Colin: Just saying, kind of an O'NEDERS issue. 

 

Valerie: I mean, if you wanna tell them that to their face, go right ahead.

 

The bell rings!

 

Sherman: Mother Superior facing off with Dottie. Superior with a quick throat chop to Dottie, and a Tongan Death Grip bringing Dottie to her knees, DOTTIE HOOKS THE LEGS OF SUPERIOR AND ROLLS IT BACK TO A BOSTON CRAB! Superior kicks out quickly. 

 

Valerie: Superior hits a standing legdrop!  She wraps Dottie's head in a headscissors and a bridge!! Pearly Gates!! Dottie struggling to maintain and she looks like she could be in trouble...Dirk reaching his hands out and he pulls Dottie to the ropes. 

 

Sherman: This gives Dottie the freedom she needs to get out, Superior lets go, goes for a boot, Dottie ducks and a Zig Zag! First sign of full offensive from Order Up! 

 

Colin: Superior quickly cuts that off with a quick powerslam! Pope yanks Dirk off the apron and Superior pins-

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Church of the Paintacost win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners and advancing to round 2, Pope Oscurita I and Mother Superior, Church of the Paintacost!!

 

Sherman: And now that our second round is set, we're going to take a detour with a triple threat match with some MAWL talent.

 

ALFOS VS SOLRAC VS SCREECH

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following contest is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

The lights go white with vertical blue lasers showing out around the arena. Alfos comes out to a decent amount of cheers, pounds his chest twice and raises his arms with a shout.

 

 

Reggie: First! From Portsmouth, England, weighing in at 245 pounds, ALFOS!!

 

Alfos walks down the ramp with pure laser focus on the ring, gradually picking his pace up without breaking focus until it becomes almost a jog. He slides into the ring without breaking stride and begins pacing in his corner, ready to fight.

 

Valerie: He's looking to knock someone out. 

 

 

Screech is driven to the ring by his manager in a Rolls-Royce Phantom.

 

 

Reggie: His opponents! First, from Malloy Thunder Dojo, weighing in at 275 pounds, Screech!

 

In the ring Screech is bouncing up and down with anticipation of a test between two gladiators.

 

Sherman: Two people super pumped to get it going. One left to enter.

 

All the lights go out for a few seconds.

 

 

Start the music and then a light show over the Stadium.

 

In the middle of the Ramp there is a hole, from where Solrac appears on the hydraulic platform, with his back to the Ring and his arms raised, forming an X.

 

 

Reggie: AND! From Aveiro, Portugal, weighing in at 95 kilo, the Olympic Machine, SOLRAC!

 

He turns around and synchronizes with the music. He moves his arms from top to bottom, and when he touches the floor, a pyrotechnic show starts to happen.

 

The audience gets very excited and sings the song as Solrac heads to the ring.

 

Valerie: The crowd is in a rare spot where they're rooting for everyone. 

 

The crowd erupts into cheers as Solrac, clad in his signature ripped jeans and a tight shirt, his modern haircut a stark contrast to the traditional wrestling attire, turns to face the audience. He sweeps his arms downwards in sync with the crescendo of the music, the stadium exploding into pyrotechnics, signaling the arrival of a true champion.

 

The bell rings!

 

Sherman: Solrac immediately runs up on Alfos and snap belly to belly! Alfos rolls out of the ring from the impact and Screech pops up on him THUNDERBOLT DDT! Going for a cover-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Screech wins by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here is your winner, SCREECH!

 

Colin: He didn't even let the paint dry! Found his opening and dropped Solrac's head on the mat, and I'm sure these three didn't think they were coming here just for that.

 

Valerie: Sometimes that's just the way it goes. Speaking of going, the next 3 matches are going to see 3 of our stars head your way Colin, with another 3 having an opportunity to do the same. We've got thee elimination chamber matches which could really change some lives.

 

Sherman: We've purposely kept the roster hidden of these matches, as we wanted this to be a fun surprise for you.

 

Colin: I'm excited to see what happens and who we can look forward to hitting the big time in the coming weeks and months. Let's get it rocking.

 

ELIMINATION CHAMBER 1

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following three contests are Elimination Chamber Matches for a MAWL Contract! Two individuals will start in the ring and every 2 minutes, a new competitor will enter! Once four competitors have been eliminated, the fifth and final person to be eliminated will be entered into a fight for a contract later in the evening, and the winner will go on to become a full MAWL Superstar!

 

 

The lights go indigo as Islander Isaac Indigo walks out with an Indigo Captain's Hat and Jacket, with his pipe. 

 

 

Reggie: From Narragansett, Rhode Island, weighing in at 201 pounds, Islander Isaac Indigo!

 

The crowd boos him as he walks down the ramp, but he pays them no mind.

 

Colin: The last time this man was on a MAWL Broadcast was April 4 as a jobber when we were in Rhode Island and Tino Sabatelli wiped the floor with him. Let's see if he'll fare better today. I'm honestly surprised to see him again. 

 

Isaac wipes his feet on the apron, but then instead of stepping into the ring he enters a pod.

 

Sherman: He's been training a little bit harder, but we'll see if it pays off. Otherwise...he's just lucky he's not starting this thing.

 

The lights go completely dark and the monitors show post-apocalyptic scenes.

 

 

Deep fog rolls through the stadium. Occasional white spotlights flash in and out with the drums. Max Impact marches without emotion down the ramp.

 

 

Reggie: From Fort Worth, Texas, weighing 316 pounds, MAX IMPACT!

 

He continues his militaristic march down the ramp. 

 

Colin: Do we need another one of these? We have Tank Vanguard, Hammer and Pistol, Ivan Volkov. Not that I'm complaining, just saying that I won't be broken up if he doesn't win.

 

He marches towards one of the pods and enters.

 

Valerie: Well, he is getting an advantage in not having to run the whole match, and it's an advantage he doesn't really need, so you may be having any soldier in your future.

 

The lights go completely out as if a breaker snaps. Little sparks of lightning flash around the arena in a seemingly random series. 

 

 

The crowd pops loud as the song kicks in and the lightning coalesces towards the entrance way, where Pinoy Power Surge raises her arms and looks up almost as if being recharged, lightning forming behind her. 

 

 

Reggie: From Sagada, Philippines, PINOY POWER SURGE!!!

 

Colin: I remember her from the W2 as well, she was fantastic and for a while was considered a favorite to take the whole thing her year. I think she was knocked out first round of the tournament if I remember correctly, but that still means she made it through the Round Robin. And that was twice the total fighters as this. 

 

Pinoy Power Surge charges towards the ramp, jumps the apron and springs between the middle and top rope before entering her pod. 

 

Valerie: AND she doesn't have to start. Surge should not be slept on.

 

 

The lights flash red and gold as Hyacinthe Tao storms out, confident.

 

 

Reggie: From Faya-Largeau, Chad, weighing 289 pounds, HYACINTHE TAO!

 

Colin: Another one who did fairly well at the W2, I don't think he quite made it to the tournament his year but it was by a hair.

 

Valerie: We've been mining those old rosters quite a bit.

 

Sherman: And hopefully giving many of them new light.

 

Hyacinthe enters the last pod.

 

Colin: All the pods are filled which means that we're about to see who has the ignoble task of starting this match.

 

 

The lights go a dark blue in a sparse fashion, giving an icy cavern feel. With the occasional synth riff, lighter blue lights flicker, with an icicle feeling from the ceiling. Through this, Icicle arrives on the stage.

 

 

Reggie: From Oymyakon, Russia, ICICLE! 

 

Valerie: The coldest inhabitable place possibly in the world, Oymyakon residents are made of sturdier stuff and don't break easy.

 

Icicle walks with confidence and intent towards the ring as a blue spotlight follows her. She hops up onto the apron and enters the ring.

 

Sherman: This is one half of the starting lineup. Let's see who else comes our way.

 

 

Colin: Oh God, I hate it already.

 

Ol' Jill comes out with her wagon o' weapons (which are mostly children's toys in some fashion).

 

 

Reggie: AND! From Okay, Oklahoma, OL' JILL!

 

Colin: Nothing about this is Okay. Not the blatant whitewashed mockery of legend New Jack, not the fact that now we're gonna have a cursed dummy that isn't Arv in the ring, and definitely not that theme song.

 

Ol' Jill pulls her wagon into the enclosure and sets it by the ring, sort of out of the way. 

 

The bell rings!

 

Valerie: So we're starting with Ol' Jill and Icicle, which means this match can only go up from here. 

 

Sherman: And Ol' Jill gets us started with a running cross body. No pin recorded, Icicle rolls out of the way, Icicle goes for a run and releasing huracanrana that takes Ol' Jill over the apron! That was an unexpected show of strength from Icicle!! Ol' Jill to her feet and Icicle already ready for her, standing dropkick takes her off the apron! 

 

Colin: I'm not sure whether it was intentional or not, but good move on Icicle creating distance between Jill and that wagon. 

 

Valerie: Not enough to justify doing a run back before you go for the springboard attack, Icicle could be making a huge error here and sure enough Jill has been given a window to dig through her wagon of tricks, Icicle charging forward don't do it Icicle suicide dive and Jill sidesteps, catches her in the head with that dummy! 

 

Colin: I told you, cursed. Jill capitalizes on the change in dynamic, scoops Icicle up and front slam onto the steps! OH BUT ICICLE ROLLS OFF THE STAIRS EASILY AND GETS INTO THE RING...Baiting Jill, Jill takes the bait and into the ring, Icicle waiting for her on the top turnbuckle....BLOCKBUSTER FROM THE TOP ROPE! STALACTITE!! And going for the pin-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Ol' Jill is eliminated by Icicle!

 

 

Colin: Get your damn wagon and go! 

 

Valerie: Icicle waiting for the countdown to do its thing.

 

Sherman: It's a...cool-down....period.

 

Colin: N'ice.

 

Valerie: Don't feed this.

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Valerie: And Indigo is now in this match, onto the apron and a springboard dropkick to Icicle. Keeps the momentum going, going on a run, and a jumping elbow drop! Pulling her up, Ripcord Short-Arm Lariat! The I-Line! Going for a pin-

 

1!

 

Sherman: ICICLE WITH THE REVERSAL ROLL-UP!

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Islander Isaac Indigo is eliminated by Icicle!

 

 

Colin: He got...a little bit more in than he did in his first match, but the jobber energy ultimately remains strong.

 

Valerie: Getting eliminated that quickly as a reversal to your own signature, not a great start for Indigo in GHW. But this is exactly what I meant by sturdier stuff. Icicle is proving much more resilient than I think these first contenders thought. 

 

Sherman: True, but she's still got three more to worry about. 

 

Valerie: She's sitting in meditation on the turnbuckle as she awaits the next competitor.

 

Colin: And while we await the next competitor, we want to take this time to remind you this is the first of 3 elimination chambers, and we still have the Four Suits Gauntlet coming up as well as three hometown heroes in battle and the culmination of the tag titles. For just a regular week episode, this is sure action packed. 

 

Sherman: And we want to take this time again to thank Madness for hosting us and affording these opportunities for promotion, this could really be a star making moment for some of these competitors, such as Icicle. 

 

Valerie: And the countdown is about to pick up-

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Colin: If you felt the electricity pick up in this arena, you're not alone. We definitely just had a Surge, and she blasts in with a springboard spinning wheel kick! Icicle back to her feet and absolutely blasts Surge with an enzuigiri, up to the top and she's waiting the rising of Surge...HERE WE GO WITH THE STALACTITE! Going for the pin but Surge grabs the rope.

 

Valerie: I was going to say has she learned nothing from the last two people? But it's an improvement.

 

Sherman: And Surge pulls herself out to the apron, Icicle tries to suplex her in NO SHE LANDS ON HER FEET GOING FOR A QUUUUUICK RUN AND THE CORKSCREW AXE KICK!! IT'S THE SURGIN' GENERAL!! GOING FOR THE PIN-

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Icicle is eliminated by Pinoy Power Surge!

 

 

Colin: Once in a while, these matches read more like gauntlets than Elimination Chambers. None of these competitors want to be stuck with multiple people in the ring and I can't blame them.

 

Valerie: All this being said, it remains to be seen what these last two are going to bring to the table. 

 

Sherman: For now, Pinoy Power Surge getting this crowd hyped up.

 

Valerie: Hell of a run for Icicle, but it wasn't one that was built to last.

 

Colin: And we're getting the countdown clock in a matter of moments, the question of will it be Impact or Tao. 

 

Sherman: Either way, I'd be conserving energy right now if I were Surge.

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Valerie: Which means that last spot belongs to Hyacinthe Tao, and that after the next elimination, there is a chance that the remaining two could go to the big show.

 

Sherman: If you can avoid the next elimination it could be a real good day for you.

 

Colin: Impact starts as I expected, with a big boot. Effective, it sends Surge rolling a bit. 

 

Valerie: Surge to her feet, makes the mistake of running and leaping for a clothesline, Impact catches her and scoop slam! Surge kips up and a dropkick, doesn't do much to Impact but it's a sign of survival from Surge, Surge hits a standing dropkick!! Going for a third, OH she flew too close to the Sun, Impact catches her and rib breaker!

 

Sherman: Dragon leg whip by Surge! She's not out yet!! Quick springboard, ASAI MOONSAULT! Impact punches her in the head, stops the pin attempt. Oh, she punches him back! Okay! And a standing somersault leg drop! 

 

Valerie: Fans shouldn't get their hopes up just yet, rallies don't have any sort of stable shelf life. Not to not care, just not to be unprepared. OH he hammer punches her leg. That's rude. And she chops him back, and a jump up - JUMPING KNEE TO THE FACE OF IMPACT! Not trying for the pin just yet, Surge hitting some stomps.

 

Colin: I'm concerned she may be pushing it a little. As we reach under a minute mark remaining before the final entry, Pinoy goes to the top rope...630 SPLASH! ROLLING BLACKOUT!! 

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Max Impact is eliminated by Pinoy Power Surge!

 

 

Sherman: And Pinoy Power Surge will at the very least be given a shot, if not an outright contract. It stands between her and Hyacinthe Tao. Pinoy catches her breath as she awaits the last pod to open. 

 

Colin: Momentous for that woman there, to be able to have this opportunity right in front of her. 

 

Valerie: You feel that energy, here comes Tao.

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Sherman: Hyacinthe Tao is a mountain of a man. And I'm sure that Surge is feeling relief to not have to deal with him AND Impact. 

 

Valerie: Looks like that relief will be short-lived, Uranage by Tao and followed up with a stomp. But Surge hooks the leg and Drop Toe Hold! Tao up quickly and a big chop to Surge, picks her up and snap spinebuster!! Going for the pin-Surge kicks! And gives a solid punch to the cartilage in the knee. Hyacinthe not too bothered, lifts Surge up over his head, and a sort of Elevated Torture Rack! Will she submit to a Hya Power?

 

Colin: The problem with lifting that high is control becomes more difficult and she slips out of his hold but he's ready for her, RUNNING FRONT SLAM! SHE TAKES A RIDE ON THE AFRICAN QUEEN! AND GOING FOR THE PIN-SHE ROLLS HIM UP INTO A REVERSAL PIN! 

 

1!

 

Sherman: He kicks but you can see he's frustrated. He unleashed two of his biggest moves on her and she's still standing. SHE HITS A JUMPING ELBOW DROP TO KEEP HIM DOWN, UP TO THE TOP, ROLLING BLACKOUT!! HOW DOES SHE STILL HAVE THE ENERGY TO DO IT??

 

1!

TW-NO! HE GETS HIS HANDS ON THE ROPES!

 

Valerie: Both competitors digging deep, deep into their reserves, both of them want the call-up. Both up, he hits an STO on her and a pin attempt-she gets the shoulder up! It could just be an involuntary muscle spasm at this point, but it still counts. 

 

Sherman: There's the other end of this we have yet to talk about...the person who's next eliminated has to compete again for that spot. These two are absolutely decimating each other, and it's making a win here more vital for that goal. They're both laid out! A struggle to get to the feet, both of them inching, and Surge makes it to the ropes! She gets herself up...she can't seriously be considering...

 

Colin: Oh, she is. And she better hope that she can land this, or forget the next match, she'll be lucky to walk out of here. And again we watch the spin, and her body just absolutely still nailing that Blackout, oh but she's hurting something fierce, and the momentum just carries her too far, she loses the cover. Both competitors now completely splayed out.

 

1!

2!

 

Kendra: And it looks like Tao may be stirring, Tao drapes his arm over for the cover-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Pinoy Power Surge is eliminated by Hyacinthe Tao!

 

 

Reggie: Here is your winner, HYACINTHE TAO!

 

 

Colin: Hyacinthe Tao gets the first guaranteed contract!! And Pinoy Power Surge will need to find the energy in her to fight again, as she seeks to take on Qizqichi to see who is main show material and who will be here at this also amazing AAA level. 

 

Sherman: Selfishly, I do hope she stays here but only somewhat as we always root for our people to grow and glow. 

 

Valerie: The Chambers aren't going anywhere though, as here comes the next batch of hopefuls.

 

ELIMINATION CHAMBER 2

 

 

The lights go dark green with gel lights representing forest wildlife flashing in a snaking pattern around the arena.  A bright green spotlight hits the stage where La Bosqua stands.

 

 

Reggie: From Yaviza, Panama, LA BOSQUA!

 

La Bosqua high fives some fans, and jogs towards the ring. 

 

Sherman: The last time we saw La Bosqua in a multi-person event, she was dumped out pretty quickly. But it looks like she'll have a chance potentially to observe and prepare herself a little better this time.

 

She enters a pod. 

 

 

The lights come in thin vertical spires of various colors. La Garra enters and pounds her chest.

 

 

Reggie: From Buenos Aires, Argentina, LA GARRRRRRA!

 

La Garra makes chop motions with her hand as she walks down the ramp and rolls into the ring. La Garra pounds a turnbuckle, and fireworks of a claw shape explode in the middle of the ring.

 

Colin: La Garra is sharp-witted and cutthroat, and only looks out for herself. 

 

Sherman: That's why she does as well as she does.

 

La Garra enters a pod.

 

 

Explosions happen along the ramp, causing staggered plumes of fire. Landmime walks out marching and miming a spinning rifle. 

 

 

Landmime mimes pressing a button and explosions happen all around him on stage.

 

Reggie: From Versailles, France, weighing 209 pounds, LANDMIME!

 

Landmime marches to the ring, again "holding" a "rifle." 

 

Valerie: Did he lose his voicebox in combat? Unclear. What is clear is the aggression and rage seeping through his body.

 

Sherman: There's a certain irony that he is going to be in an actual box. 

 

Colin: Guess the ref won't buy that he brought his own.

 

Landmime enters a pod.

 

 

The guitar kicks in and the lights rumble a bit. Once the woman's voice kicks in, a spotlight hits the stage, under which kneels Eisenritter.

 

 

After an extended moment of genuflection, Eisenritter looks up and with confidence and temerity walks at full clip to the ring.

 

Reggie: From Oldenberg, Germany, weighing in at 240 pounds, EISENRITTER!

 

Sherman: The translation is "Iron Knight" and he surely is a scion of strength and heroics.

 

Eisenritter kneels at his pod before entering it.

 

Valerie: So once again we come to the point where the pods are filled, which means the next two in will be our starting pair.

 

 

Sweeping music comes on as the lights take on a sepia tone like a old-timey movie. Rex Gable walks out with his cane, taps it twice on the ground and motions to the entrance. Handsome Hank Horton walks out with a sparkly robe with a star on the back.

 

 

Reggie: From Classic Hollywood, weighing in at 284 pounds, Handsome Hank Horton! 

 

Handsome Hank motions a demand to be admired, but is only met with a rain of boos.

 

Colin: You can't demand love and respect, you have to earn it.

 

Handsome Hank folds up his robe and hands it to Rex. 

 

The color comes back, but gritty in a sense. A single spotlight catches on the stage with a loud bang.

 

 

Persephone Exner preens and models at the top of the stage in the spotlight.

 

 

Persephone Exner walks down the ramp with brash and sensual confidence and a small smile.

 

Reggie: And! Wouldn't you like to know where she's from, she's the Phemme Phatale, Persephone Exner!

 

Exner does a little chuckle covering her mouth as she enters the ring.

 

Valerie: I can't think of a more fitting pairing...though I'd think they'd be working together.

 

Before the bell rings, both of them produce microphones. They talk with speed and precision.

 

Hank: I thought I told you, ya ditzy dame, that if you ever darkened this door again that there'd be two things - cons and equences. Now ya show up here with glitz and glamour and a smile that can kill a man and has two, if you expect me to just lay down and not give ya the one and the two you'll find the three to be even worse.

 

Persephone: Aw darling, don't you remember the good times we had bein' bad? Dancin' vertical by moonlight and horizontal by sunrise? Surely the Hanky must feel awful incomplete without the Panky.

 

Hank: I remember that Sunrise was a Tequila one and when I woke up again I was 20 Gs and 2 trousers short, cursing the day I first laid eyes on ya.

 

Persephone: If you were cursin' the day you were by god swearin' the night before, mouth like a sailor who knows exactly how to anchor a ship. Don't blame me you leave an easy score in easy reach of a top dog, keep your eyes on your prize while you keep your hands on my prize. 

 

Hank: You know I keep my eyes on you, ya busty buffoon.

 

Persephone: You flatter me.

 

Hank: Yeah well I oughta flatten you.

 

Persephone: Then ring-a-ding, hotshot.

 

The bell rings! Finally!

 

Colin: Ring-a-ding indeed, Persephone with a low blow kick, lifting him up and a Razor's Edge! Oh wait, she's not done yet, she's got the crossface locked in!! She just Double-Crossed Hank!!

 

Valerie: She's got that hold in real tight, she's putting him in peril, but he's tough as nails and he's fighting to the ropes, oh she pulls him back! You can hear the crack on his back, but Handsome Hank isn't giving up yet. 

 

Sherman: That toughness can't prevent the fact that his ol' bones aren't what they used to be, oh WAIT Rex Gable just threw in the towel! What the hell is this? 

 

Valerie: Is he working with Persephone? Is he just trying to prevent his star from injury? Well, Hank is going to remain here at GHW so I guess we will find out answers sooner rather than later.

 

Handsome Hank Horton is eliminated by Persephone Exner!

 

 

Valerie: And Exner splays herself out as she awaits the pods to open.

 

Colin: This one is starting to play the same as last, and it's smart fighting if not the most exhilarating. 

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Valerie: Exner greets La Bosqua with a devastating slap. Bosqua returns in kind, and Exner takes the offending hand for an arm wringer flip! Pulls her up and into a Half-Nelson...Half-Nelson Inverted Suplex! It's time for a Change of Seasons! La Bosqua trying to get herself to the ropes and avoid the pin, harsh stomp to the small of Bosqua's back!

 

Sherman: Going for another stomp...NO! LA BOSQUA ROLLS AWAY AND JUMPS UP! ZIG ZAG TO EXNER! Bosqua going for a run and a splash, Exner gets the knees up! Bosqua trying to get to her feet and Exner punches at her back leg. 

 

Colin: Bosqua responds with a quick low back kick, up to the ropes and a Springboard Asai Moonsault!! Jumps the attempted leg sweep by Exner and lands with a knee drop! Bosqua going for a springboard from the middle rope, EXNER GRABS THE MIDDLE ROPE AND BOSQUA GETS GUILLOTINED! Schoolby Driver by Exner and the pin-BOSQUA REVERSES THE ROLL UP but Exner kicks.

 

Valerie: Under a minute now til the next pod opens. Bosqua grabbing Exner and up on the shoulders...carrying her up to the middle rope and I think she's going for it...QUEMA CONTROLADA! Controlled Burn! Or for the uninitiated, a Middle Rope Burning Hammer. 

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Persephone Exner is eliminated by La Bosqua!

 

 

Sherman: We were so close to having more than two in the ring at a time. So close.

 

Valerie: Well, now Persephone and Hank have plenty of time to figure it out betwixt them. 

 

Colin: La Bosqua taking some time to meditate now, as she prepares for the next competitor.

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Valerie: La Garra is what they call in Lucha a ruda, she doesn't believe in rules or anything that doesn't get her ahead. Bosqua already has no patience for her, whips her right into the nearest turnbuckle, lifting her up and onto her shoulders...QUEMA CONTROLADA NUMBER 2! 

 

1!

2!
3!

 

La Garra is eliminated by La Bosqua!

 

 

Sherman: I'm receiving word that the front office does not want to wait the 2 minutes of silence, and they're moving the countdown to now.

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Sherman: It's a battle of wood vs metal, nature vs artifice, day and knight. 

 

Colin: Bosqua loaded up on the middle turnbuckle, oh! Deciding to go to the top, Eisenritter in and greeted with a front dropkick!! Eisenritter catches her on the downswing of the dropkick and holds her high above his head...taking the knee AND DEVASTATING KNEELING BACKBREAKER! OH HE'S HOLDING HER THERE, I THINK HE'S SEEKING SUBMISSION AT DER KÖNIGSALTAR! WAIT SHE BACK HOOKS THE LEG AND DROPS HIM INTO A PIN!!

 

1!

 

Valerie: Eisenritter kicks! You can tell he was a little stunned by that turn of events. He's not used to others finding their way off the altar. He gets her up and blasts her with a spinebuster! And an elbow to the face. That's not very chivalrous.

 

Sherman: Rules of combat, chivalry is out the window when the gauntlets are off. Bosqua rolls out of the way and makes her way up to the second turnbuckle...goading Eisen over and just hits him with a Panama Sunrise!!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Valerie: WHAT??

 

Eisenritter is eliminated by La Bosqua!

 

 

Colin: La Bosqua is on an absolute tear! 

 

Valerie: We only have one person left and OH I just realized who it is.

 

Sherman: The only problem with the setup of this match is that if the ring is cleared when the last pod opens, that person gets a guaranteed at least opportunity without doing anything.

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Sherman: He knows he has to actually hit our stars right? 

 

Valerie: Well it's not gonna matter too much right now, La Bosqua has him up on her shoulders, and here we go up to the second turnbuckle and YEP Quema Controlada! The pin-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Landmime is eliminated by La Bosqua!

 

 

Reggie: Here is your winner, LA BOSQUA!

 

 

Colin: La Bosqua more than earns that contract, tearing through 4 of the 5 other competitors. 

 

Valerie: Landmime will have another opportunity when he fights Banana Ben later.

 

Sherman: And we've got one more set of these to go before we return to our tag tournament!

 

ELIMINATION CHAMBER 3

 

Ding ding ding!

 

 

The trumpets kick in and the Cape Verde flag flashes in on the tron and the runners. The music lowers for a second, before kicking in with the pound of the electric drum, returning the Cape Verde flag to the Apron with a cartoon version of Arlindo Soares' head in the middle smiling. Arlindo himself comes out with a big smile to cheers.

 

 

Reggie: From Patim, Cape Verde, weighing in at 208 pounds, the Cape Verde Crusader, ARLINDO SOARES! 

 

Arlindo takes a jog high fiving some fans as he goes down the ramp.

 

Sherman: It's very fitting that the CAPE Crusader's last name is SOARES. And Soar he does. 

 

Valerie: Oy.

 

Arlindo takes a pod.

 

Colin: He seems okay with waiting.

 

 

Confetti and streamers rain down upon the arena with color fireworks popping off around the stage. Confetti runs out with a large "WOO!" which the fans echo. 

 

 

Reggie: From Delight, Arkansas, weighing in at 180 pounds, CONFETTI!

 

Confetti runs down the ramp, jumping and whooping along the way.

 

Colin: If he gets the contract, I could see him seeking a connection with Joy Addition, and I wouldn't blame him. 

 

Confetti excitedly jumps through the doorway of the structure and goes into his pod.

 

Valerie: I hope he doesn't tire himself out in that pod running around like an excited puppy.

 

 

A titantron of baseball cards shows and as they zoom in, the cards are all Mint Condition Morris Marks, who walks out with a polaroid camera and a box of cards. 

 

 

Reggie: From Oaks, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 265 pounds, Mint Condition Morris Marks!

 

Morris Marks hands out laminated baseball cards of himself to audience members as he walks down the ramp. 

 

Colin: What's the Polaroid for?

 

Valerie: He wants to make a set of his victories, apparently? I don't know, he's kinda weird.

 

Sherman: Any moreso than a lot of others in the fed?

 

Valerie: Point.

 

Morris enters his pod.

 

 

The sparkly guitar comes through the arena, with the lights going a bright blue and green, with glowing "fireflies" of all vivid colors throughout the stands and rafters.

 

As the drum hits, Terra Formiga enters in her robe, giving herself a boxing run in place warm up. At the roll, Terra snaps her head up, with eco-conscious fireworks shooting up by her.

 

 

Terra takes a very boxing/MMA approach to her walk down to the ring, very focused on the opponents currently in the pods.

 

Reggie: From Cedar Creek, Minnesota, Terra Formiga!!!

 

Colin: Former Climate Scientist, her branch shut down by the government in 2019, started training MMA soon after...entered the 2023 W2 and hasn't looked back. 

 

Sherman: And you can sense her energy that she's got a TON of frustration and resentment to work out on whomever is so unlucky as to cross her path. 

 

Terra gives a quick jab combo when she gets to the apron, then walks over to her pod and enters.

 

The American announcers' mics go down for a second as the Japanese announcers' mics come on-

 

 

Miu's entrance plays out as in the video, then she waits in the ring. The American announcers' mics return.

 

 

Colin: Miu winning here would get her potentially back in the ring with Maki, which from my understanding seems to be a goal. 

 

Valerie: It's always fascinating to me when people who at the top of the pile somewhere else want to come somewhere and start from the bottom. 

 

Sherman: Keeps you humble I guess? I personally think it's kinda dumb, but it benefits us so I won't complain.

 

 

The lights go variants of light dark blue to mimic oceanic movement through the snaking guitar riff. 

 

When the distortion kicks in, the lights go bright white for a hot minute and Garja steps out onto the stage.

 

 

Reggie: AND! From Hyderabad, India, GARJA!!

 

Colin: She was training to be an Olympic Swimmer, and did in fact try to hold someone's head under water, getting her kicked off the team. She's since channeled that anger into the ring, entered the W2 in 2022 and has been in and out of the indie scene. It's good to see her again.

 

Garja keeps her eyes focused on the ring as she enters.

 

Garja and Miu shake hands and the bell rings!

 

Sherman: Garja starts with a chop across Miu. Miu grabs that arm and ripcord snap suplex! Going for a pin early-

 

1!

2!

 

Valerie: Garja kicks at 2, I think it took her that long to realize what had just happened. Miu moves in a flash. Miu undeterred, scoops Garja up for a bodyslam. And a repeat performance! Garja with a quick punch to get her to back off.

 

Sherman: Miu is one of my favorite people to watch. This kawaii woman is low key a deft powerhouse. Garja's punch is only momentarily effective, as Miu has Garja's legs and we're going sawiiiiiiinging! 

 

Colin: This gets Garja to the ropes, she's able to pull herself up, and she's getting up to the top! Miu gave her enough distance to do this somewhat safely, and a tightrope walk into a leaping Savate Kick! Miu rolls up to her feet quickly and gets the Bear Hug on Garja!! Oh wait, I think this could be a Blooming Giant Swing and away she goes! 

 

Sherman: This time Miu has the sense to follow her and quick cover for the pin-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Garja is eliminated by Miu!

 

 

Sherman: Guess you're staying with us, Garja. 

 

Valerie: Miu posing and playing to the fans and, cute, but she still has four people to fight.

 

Miu continues this for a few moments and then the countdown clock comes into play.

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Sherman: This young man is fresh out of the oven so to speak and he's lucky he's even being considered for this opportunity, but that luck is counterbalanced by it meaning that he is across from world-renowned Miu.

 

Valerie: Well, he's trying it - running backhand fist to Miu. Like you said, should he get the contract he would do very well to ally with a High Risk or a Joy Addition. And she gives a big chop back. He responds with a chop of his own, looks like they're going blow for blow. And she ends that by getting Confetti over her shoulder....REVERSE FACEBUSTER!! TEARDROP!!!

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Confetti is eliminated by Miu!

 

 

Colin: He's still fresh faced, honestly I think he would have gotten eaten alive on the main roster. Miu is a better fit.

 

Valerie: And we're receiving word that MAKI is actually in the VIP Boxes.

 

 

Sherman: I'm unsure if she wants Miu to win so she can fight her, so she can recruit her, or if she wants Miu to fail, but she is watching this all intently.

 

Colin: And the countdown picks back up, the next pod is coming shortly!

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Colin: SOARES IS IN AND WHAT THE HELL IS SOARES DOING

 

Valerie: He appears to be using Miu being distracted to get up to the top of the pod, I think he's about to do something real dumb DOUBLE ROTATION MOONSAULT OFF THE POD AND MIU JUST SEES WHAT'S COMING AND SHE'S TOO LATE TO STOP IT!!! He covers!!

 

1!

 

Sherman: SHE KICKS! HOT DAMN SHE KICKS! 

 

Valerie: Not only does she kick, she's bench pressing Soares and just TOSSES him! Coming charging in and BATTING HAMMER TO SOARES' CHEST! It would be smart to go for the cover now, but she's taking a moment to give her love to the fans, and that moment is all Soares needs, blasts her with a Hidden Blade! Keeping the momentum going, not losing a step, rolling thunder splash! 

 

Colin: Ooh looks like his momentum carried him a little too far to get the pin, Miu capitalizes with a German Suplex! Gets Arlindo over her shoulder....TEARDROP! 

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Arlindo Soares is eliminated by Miu!

 

 

Sherman: She's dispatched Garja, she's dispatched Confetti, she's dispatched Arlindo. It's not out of the realm of possibility that she could get a clean sweep.

 

Valerie: It's possible that double rotation moonsault took something out of her.

 

Colin: it's possible it took more out of Arlindo than it did Miu.

 

Sherman: I would have landed that on a grounded person, it would have been more effective. Still looked cool, even if it didn't do a whole lot to change the outcome.

 

Valerie: And here we go with the countdown, there's only one of two people it could be -

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Colin: This mean the baseball card guy is last?

 

Valerie: Looks to be that way.

 

Colin: Okay, both women here need to outlast him. Play UNO if you have to, just both be here when he comes and get rid of him. 

 

Sherman: Somehow I don't think that's going to happen, as Terra Formiga hits that Discus Claymore she calls the Extinction Event. 

 

1!

2!

 

Valerie: MIU GETS HER FOOT ON THE ROPES!

 

Colin: YES!! 

 

Sherman: Terra gets up off the pin, Miu lunges with the double axe hammer to the chest!! Batting Hammer! I thought I heard a rib shift! Miu parlays this into a suplex hold! Got Terra up, Vertical Suplex! And bounces up with a knee drop to Terra's head! 

 

Valerie: Miu goes for the German Suplex OH WAIT TERRA GETTING SOME AGENCY BACK SHE BENDS DOWN A LITTLE AND SHE PILLS MIU UP INTO A BACKPACK HOLD! iS THIS GOING TO BE A STUNNER OR SHE'S CHARGING FULL SPEED AT THE ROPES! HITS THE ROPES FRONT FIRST AND FALLS BACKWARDS WITH AMAZING FORCE! 

 

Colin: Gentlefolk, may I present to you...The Terrapin!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Miu is eliminated by Terra Formiga!

 

 

Colin: Awwww dangit. 

 

Sherman: And again, the front office has decided it's not worth it to wait the full 2 minutes.

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Sherman: Formiga greets him with a knee shot to the midsection. He attempts to swing at her, she easily dodges and catches the arm and judo flip! He's back to his feet quickly and inverted atomic drop! She tries to snap a lariat in response, he ducks and bends her into a backbreaker.

 

Valerie: Marks just controlling the pacing now, and release overhead belly to belly sends Formiga flying. He comes charging after her and she cuts it short with a drop toe! Back to his feet, a punch to her head as he rises. Oh, he grabs her hair and big headbutt to her face. She pushes back though with a headbutt of her own, and I respect it.

 

Colin: That's the opening she needed, lightning quick series of kicks to the midsection! But he throws back a right hook to the side of her face. She's giving it right back to him! Terra Formiga is Formidable! And a high kick right to the temple with monster truck force! She gets Marks off his feet! Oh but he kicks at her right knee, and it's aimed a little too well. That could be an issue, and an opening which is an even bigger issue.

 

Valerie: He kicks out the knee again! And going for a pin-she gets her shoulder up easy. She pushes him off and tries to create some distance...she's clearly favoring her right knee, he comes at her and SHE GETS HIM WITH A CRANE KICK! 

 

Colin: That sends him back, she's loading herself up, EXTINCTION EVENT!!!

 

1!

2!

 

Sherman: Foot on the rope!! Frustration setting in, exhaustion setting in, she backs up and CHOP BLOCK BY MARKS!

 

Valerie: She's really favoring that leg now, he picks her up for a powerbomb POISON RANA BY TERRA!!!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Mint Condition Morris Marks is eliminated by Terra Formiga!

 

 

Reggie: HERE IS YOUR WINNER, TERRA FORMIGA!!

 

 

Colin: Terra Formiga has the last guaranteed contract to come up to the Main Roster! Morris Marks will have to fight Kira Dain for that opportunity.

 

Kendra: And that is a relief and a half, as Terra having to do another fight while favoring that knee would have been a disaster.

 

Sherman: As Terra goes off to celebrate her win, we come back to the tag team tournament for Round 2.

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 2

DMV (DA MEAN VALENTINOS) VS ALHUKAAM ALKAYIRIN

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a second round match and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

A hot rod cruises onto the stage. In the hot rod sit Calabria and Chiara Valentino, with matching sunglasses.

 

 

Colin: Here we go again.

 

Reggie: From the mean streets of Woodbridge, New Jersey, Calabria and Chiara Valentino, Da Mean Valentinos!

 

They drive the hot rod down the ramp to boos, then park it right at the edge of the ramp before throwing the keys to their personal Valet. 

 

Valerie: They continued the Yetis' cold streak and now they're about to go in front of the judges.

 

Sherman: I imagine that's nothing new for them. 

 

 

With red and yellow light acting almost as a sunrise behind them, Nourdine Mmadi and El Moustapha come out with their hands behind them, smiling. 

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! El Moustapha, Nourdine Mmadi, ALHUKAAM ALKHAYIRIN!

 

Moustapha and Mmadi come out shaking hands with some of the fans, and occasionally throwing up "2/Peace" signs with their hands. 

 

Sherman: They're clearly excited for round 2.

 

Valerie: I hope they don't expect the same respect from the Valentino sisters that they got the first time around.

 

Moustapha and Mmadi extend handshakes to the Valentino sisters, who flip them off. They shrug and Mmadi stretches out while Moustapha heads to the apron. Chiara starts in this time, with Calabria to the apron.

 

The bell rings!

 

Sherman: Calabria's arguing with Erica already about...something or other? I can't tell, but Chiara takes advantage and low blow kick to Mmadi! And an uppercut! Going for the pin, Mmadi kicks out but clearly already in pain.

 

Valerie: She's about to make it worse, a huge punch to the throat of Mmadi! Lifting him up....full vertical...down into the Neckbreaker! Rubberneck! Mmadi just got Rubbernecked! 

 

1!

 

Colin: Moustapha saves his partner, but I would get the heck outta there if I were Mmadi. Chiara mouthing off to Moustapha NOURDINE MMADI TAKES ADVANTAGE OF THE DIVERSION WITH THE ROLL UP PIN! Chiara pushes the roll into her favor! And Mmadi kicks before the count can begin.

 

Sherman: To their feet, Mmadi with a chest rattling chop on Chiara, she grabs under his armpits and lifts him up...bridging overhead belly to belly! Just drives Mmadi headfirst into the canvas! Toll Bridge! 

 

Valerie: CALABRIA LOW BLOW TO MOUSTAPHA FROM BEHIND! MOUSTAPHA FALLS OFF THE APRON!

 

1!

2!
3!

DMV (Da Mean Valentinos) win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners and advancing to the Semi-Finals, Calabria and Chiara! Da Mean Valentinos!

 

Valerie: At least one of the tag team belt holders is going to be a woman, and honestly, I am here for it. 

 

Sherman: This match never veered too far out of the control of DMV, they are once again a force from bell to bell, and I feel sorr for whomever is going to be there with them in the Semi-Finals.

 

Colin: And we'll learn in a little bit whether that will be Up On High or Dreamtime but first we look to the other half of the bracket, where Danse Macabre take on Warrior Strong. 

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 2

DANSE MACABRE VS WARRIOR STRONG

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a second round match and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

Fiesta Muerta and Riri Tonu adorn their black veils as they glide and dance with each other down the ramp. 

 

 

Reggie: First! The team of Riri Tonu and Fiesta Muerta! DANSE MACABRE!

 

Colin: There's a somber elegance with these two, but also a muted playfulness. 

 

Danse Macabre duck under the rope and gingerly remove each others' veils, looking at each other intently before using the veils to continue dancing for a moment. 

 

Valerie: That moment right there, exudes what you're saying perfectly. 

 

Sherman: And the opponents could not be more diametrically opposed. 

 

 

Jessie and Barclay stretch out and jump out to loosen themselves up at the entrance way.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents, Barclay Stockett and Jessie Graff! WARRIOR STRONG!

 

They cartwheel down the ramp and clear the ropes flipping in.

 

Colin: To your point Sherman these teams really are light and dark, Enid and Wednesday, life and death, fire and ice. It will be interesting to see which overtakes the other.

 

The bell rings!

 

Valerie: Graff and Muerta to start, Graff barreling in with a cartwheel handspring body splash and going for the quick cover-MUERTA REVERSES INTO A ROLL UP! OH AND JESSIE KICKS!

 

Sherman: Muerta Irish Whips Graff and that's the worst thing she could have done, Springboard into a Spinning Wheel Kick! WONDER WHEEL! Going for the pin again-

 

1!

2!

 

Colin: Muerta pops the shoulder up and Jessie already grabs it into a flipping arm drag. 

 

Valerie: I think we're getting out answer, and it's that the propulsive energy may be too much for Muerta to keep up with. Muerta smartly tags in Riri Tonu, Riri comes in with a running elbow. Jessie stumbles a bit but Muay Thai kick to the midsection! Here she comes off the rope, Running Backflip Mushroom Stomp! Catches Riri right on the back of the head with the Jessapeak Bay!

 

1!

2!

 

Sherman: Tonu barely kicks. Jessie arguing with the ref about the count, Riri jumps up behind her and two-handed bulldog! And a jumping knee drop to her head! Tonu taking a run to go for the knee and she gave Jessie too much time to get up, Jessie takes advantage and Jessapeak Bay the second! 

 

1!

 

Colin: Muerta saves Tonu right before the 2. Jessie wastes no time in getting Riri's head between her legs, gets herself in a handstand!! Riri Tonu truly struggling and Jessie drives the head into the mat!!

 

Valerie: Her aggression is on point. And a brutal kick to Riri's temple as Jessie gets to her feet. Oh, and Jessie continues up with a stomp to the head. Jessie pulling Riri up for a snap suplex and a pin attempt but Riri rolls out.

 

Sherman: You can see the anger starting to build on Graff's face. All match long she's prevented any major offense from both these women but she can't seem to put either of them away either. 

 

Colin: A quick slap by Riri as she gets to her feet. Jessie responds with launching Riri into her own corner, tag into Barclay!! Double vertical suplex by Warrior Strong! 

 

Valerie: Riri quick response with a floatover snapmare and going for the cover on Barclay-naturally Barclay kicks up. Riri going for a flipping arm drag, Barclay lands on her feet and front dropkick!! They both run for the tag, Jessie back in and catches Muerta with a forearm shot. Muerta springs back up and trying to catch up to the pace of Warrior Strong, Jessie ducks the dropkick and Inverted DDT by Jessie on the landing! 

 

Sherman: Muerta back to her feet and snap DDT to Jessie! Keeping the headlock on, a back elbow to Graff's head. And now just tightening that headlock! Into a full on sleeperhold, Jessie in the uncomfortable bent over position, flailing a little bit but able to grab hold of the rope! Muerta tosses Jessie into the Macabre corner, tag into Muerta, they each grab an arm of Jessie and spin her lack a ballerina...oh, I think I see where this is going. Yep, they threw their free arms up. 

 

Colin: Cross-armed double Skull Crushing Finale! It's the Last Dance! Riri with the pin and Muerta stands guard-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Danse Macabre win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners and advancing to the Semi-Finals, Riri Tonu and Fiesta Muerta!! DANSE MACABRE!!

 

Colin: WHAT A COMEBACK! 

 

Sherman: You can see the simmering of Jessie and Barclay, and you know that this is faaaar from over.

 

Valerie: We're going to get the other half of the equation for the semi-finals going right now!

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 2

UP ON HIGH VS DREAMTIME 

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a second round match, and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

The lights shift dramatically from red to white, then to dark with white spotlights as Angelica and Zephyr descend from the rafters, wings fully extended. 

 

 

Reggie: First! Fallen from the Heavens, Angelica and Zephyr! UP ON HIGH!

 

They lower onto turnbuckles diagonal from each other, spotlights firmly on each of them taking a golden glow.

 

Valerie: They're perched like Gargoyles, defending the ring. Human dreamcatchers. 

 

 

The arena lights go dim and rotating lights in a mobile sense rotate around the arena in a peaceful speed. Raleigh Erin Moss and Spindle stretch in a yawn as they stand on the stage. 

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! Raleigh Erin Moss and Spindle...DREAMTIME!

 

Dreamtime walk down the ramp in an almost flowy fashion. 

 

Colin: It's the Supernatural versus the Subconscious, and it's about to go down.

 

The bell rings!

 

Valerie: It's Moss and Zephyr to start. Moss Irish Whips Zephyr into the corner, tags Spindle in right away and Double Rebound Suplex from the Corner! Zephyr attempts a victory roll on Spindle and Spindle keeps the roll going! Zephyr breaks out easy. OH BUT SPINDLE READY FOR HER AND A DOUBLE ROTATION CROSS RHODES, THE STAGE 2!! 

 

Sherman: Going for the pin and Zephyr reverses into a roll up! HOW!

 

1!

 

Colin: Spindle kicks, but you can tell that he's angry he wasted his best move.

 

Valerie: Shouldn't have brought it out so early. And now a stiff punch by Zephyr as they get to their feet. 

 

Sherman: Left the arm out a little too long, judo flip by Spindle! ZEPHYR WITH THE HOT TAG AND ANGELICA BURSTING IN, RUNNING FRONT DROPKICK CRASHES SPINDLE INTO THE OPPOSITE TURNBUCKLE! 

 

Valerie: He'd be wise to tag oh nope he's going for a running big boot instead. Pulls her up into a Ripcord OH NO ANGELICA DUCKS AND HOOKS HIM UP...GORY BOMB!!

 

Colin: Angelica going for the tag...Spindle grabs her leg and faceplants her! Just short of the goal. Ohhh...she's mad now, I'd run Spindle!

 

Sherman: Angelica is gonna help him run....right into the corner! She's pulling him up with the double underhook...she gets her feet on that middle rope...SUNSET FLIP DOUBLE UNDERHOOK POWERBOMB! That's a Truth Bomb from the Harsh Truth! And the pin-

 

1!

 

Valerie: Moss with the save!! Spindle needs to get the heck out of Dodge and tag in Moss. 

 

Colin: DOUBLE HOT TAG! ANGELICA TO ZEPHYR, MOSS TO SPINDLE, CHARGING AT EACH OTHER AND ZEPHYR HITS A POP ROX ON MOSS! 

 

Sherman: Moss quick to her feet and an Enzguiri! Moss back to a neutral corner, coming in with a Rolling Thunder and a Stunner!! ROLLING STONE!!! 

 

1!

2!

 

Valerie: ANGELICA SAVES ZEPHYR! But only for a moment, Moss taking Zephyr by the hair and whipping her into the turnbuckle post! And a German Suplex!! ZEPHYR ROLLS TO HER FEET AND FRONT DROPKICK PUSHING MOSS INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!!

 

Sherman: Spindle tags himself back in and jumps off the top with a double axe handle! ZEPHYR PUSHES HIM BACK INTO THE CORNER! BRINGING HIM UP TO THE TOP AND LOADING HERSELF BACK, BACK....SHE TAKES A RUN AND LEAPS UP AT SPINDLE AND HITS A CODEBREAKER!! SHE CALLS THIS ALL THE WINDBREAKER AND SPINDLE MAY HAVE JUST BECOME SPUN-DLE! 

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Up on High win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners and moving on to the Semi-Finals, Angelica and Zephyr, UP ON HIGH!!

 

Colin: One more team to round out the Final Four! 

 

Valerie: Well, let's not waste time, let's see what the situation is!

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 2

INTOCÁVEIS DE SÃO TOMÉ VS CHURCH OF THE PAINTACOST

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a second round match and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

The music plays as some in the crowd start to dance despite themselves. Genoveva lowers her shades, then she and Idalecio stand in front of Id's phone and take a selfie, both doing duck face. 

 

 

Reggie: First, from SÃO TOMÉ, the team of Genoveva Nilza and Idalecio!! INTOCÁVEIS DE SÃO TOMÉ!

 

The two strut down the ramp, preening as the fans boo. Genoveva puts her shades firmly back on her eyes and gives "The Hand" to the ramp with her left as she yawns with her right.

 

Colin: Winning the first round has only made them more arrogant and unbearable.

 

Sherman: Ide is the last male in this tournament. Right now he just sees himself as awash in women.

 

Valerie: Yeah well if he's not careful he's going to be a washed up.

 

 

An organ seems to rise on the stage, with steam coming out of it as Pope Oscurita I and Mother Superior rise on thrones.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! Pope Oscurita I and Mother Superior, the CHURCH OF THE PAINTACOST!

 

Pope Oscurita I and Mother Superior walk with their hands up in praise as they walk down the ramp, plumes of fire following them down.

 

Sherman: Round 1 was a short affair, with Mother doing most of the work. 

 

Valerie: Ain't that the way.

 

They genuflect briefly at the stairs then Mother Superior takes the apron as Pope Oscurita I enters the ring to face down Idalecio. The bell rings!

 

Colin: This time Pope starts, and Ide has no problem punching the Pope. Gets her with a jab combo. Tag in to Nilza, Nilza hits Pope with a ravaging back hand. Pope tags in Mother, Mother hits a Spear! Nilza holds the head and unloads a series of hammer punches. Mother rises up with Nilza and drives her back down with a Short Arm Lariat!

 

Sherman: The crowd booing her and starting to rankle a bit. Genoveva takes advantage of Mother Superior's distraction and hits her spinning STO! The SÃO TOMÉ OLIGARCH! Going for a pin-Mother reverses into a pin of her own but Nilza kicks out! Mother tag to Pope, Pope hits a Running European Uppercut on Nilza!!

 

Valerie: Pope doesn't retract the arm quick enough, Nilza takes advantage!! Hooks the suplex, lifting Pope up into a Vertical Suplex, hoooolding hoooooolding and a Spike Piledriver!! She calls that the Ostracizer! 

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Intocáveis de São Tomé win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners and advancing to the Semi-Finals! Genoveva Nilza and Idalecio, Intocáveis de São Tomé!

 

Valerie: Usually it's the Pope doing the Ostracizing, weird to see that turned on its head. Refreshing though.

 

Sherman: The semis are set! 

 

Colin: So the next thing to set is, will new contracts be signed tonight? Will there be superstar swaps? Let's get into it!

 

PINOY POWER SURGE VS QIZQICHI

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following contest is scheduled for One Fall, and is for a spot on the MAWL Main Roster!

 

The lights go completely out as if a breaker snaps. Little sparks of lightning flash around the arena in a seemingly random series. 

 

 

The crowd pops loud as the song kicks in and the lightning coalesces towards the entrance way, where Pinoy Power Surge raises her arms and looks up almost as if being recharged, lightning forming behind her. 

 

 

Reggie: From Sagada, Philippines, PINOY POWER SURGE!!!

 

Pinoy Power Surge charges towards the ramp, jumps the apron and springs between the middle and top rope and shouts loud, a firework display of lightning bolts forming a pyramid over her head in the ring.

 

Valerie: Pinoy still a little sore from her previous match but hoping that she can get down what she needs to get done here and get that promotion.

 

 

The first guitar riffs hit with plumes of fire coming in and out in time with them. When the main riff hits, Qizqichi comes out on his unicycle.

 

 

As the music picks up, Qizqichi rides the Unicycle down the ramp, juggling stress balls with sad faces on them.

 

Reggie: And her opponent! From Qarshi, Uzbekistan, weighing 210 pounds, the Qarshi Qlown, QIZQICHI!

 

The crowd boos this endeavor. Qiz hits the bottom of the ramp and stands on the unicycle seat entirely, before launching himself into the ring.

 

Sherman: Are you not entertained??

 

Valerie: My guess is no, not really.

 

The bell rings!

 

Colin: Pinoy with a quick jumping spin kick, wasting no time. And off the ropes at lightning speed, coming back around and tilt-a-whirl headscissors! But Qiz is quick on his feet and rolls up to hit a forearm smash. 

 

Sherman: Pinoy not deterred by that, slides to the other side of him, pop up and poison rana! Taking a run, SURGIN GENERAL!! That Corkscrew Axe Kick has gotten her out of a tough jam at the start of the night, can she take the win with it again-

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Pinoy Power Surge wins by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here is your winner, PINOY POWER SURGE!!

 

Colin: She's comin' up to MAWL!!! 

 

Valerie: She was smart to get the quick win, it was clear that she was not in the best condition and going too long would have been a bad time.

 

Sherman: One down! Two to go! 

 

MINT CONDITION MORRIS MARKS VS BANANA BEN

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for a spot on the MAWL roster! 

 

 

A titantron of baseball cards shows and as they zoom in, the cards are all Mint Condition Morris Marks, who walks out with a polaroid camera and a box of cards, these are hologram editions of MAWL cards.

 

 

Reggie: From Oaks, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 265 pounds, Mint Condition Morris Marks!

 

Morris Marks hands out laminated hologram cards of himself to audience members as he walks down the ramp. 

 

Valerie: He must have had those ready...right? He didn't just get those made?

 

Sherman: Yeah I think he had a special box in case he made it to this match. 

 

 

As the first woos kick in the arena turns black with accents of yellow lights about. The video screens throughout the arena are running a scrolling set of bananas. As the acoustic guitar settles in the camera starts to pan around the arena where “firefly” type lights are showing up only in that same yellow.

 

“And before that wolf eats my gramma give that wolf a banana” plays and Banana Ben enters the stage dancing with a banana in each hand.

 

 

Reggie: And his opponent! From Sandwich, New Hampshire, weighing 258 pounds, the Potassium Powerhouse, BANANA BEN!

 

As soon as the beat drops and “BANANA” hits he throws his arms up and all the lights go yellow. He walks down the ramp trying to get people to raise the roof and sing along to “YUM YUM YUM” … some do, while others boo. He jumps on the apron and does a little twerk before entering the ring.

 

Colin: I honestly can't tell who's more irritating. 

 

The bell rings!

 

Valerie: Morris grabs a banana...and starts squashing it! Banana Ben takes the bait, that was pretty dumb, Marks with one suplex, two suplex, three suplex! Full Set! Going for the pin-

 

1!

 

Sherman: Banana kicks! I guess his suit gives him some padding that he was able to withstand a little bit of that. Banana with a face punch as he gets to his feet and he hooks Mime's head, Elbow to the back of it! Marks responds with a snap DDT and oh it looks like Banana landed a little rough on his head there.

 

Colin: Banana takes Marks down at the ankles with a Mat Slam and going for a cover-oh did he hook the tights?

1!

2!

3!

 

Banana Ben wins by PInfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here is your winner and remaining on the MAWL roster, Banana Ben!

 

Valerie: If Morris Marks can't kick out of a mat slam...yeah, he's not ready to move up yet. Still some training to do.

 

Colin: Somehow the matches got mixed up and Marks came out for Landmime's match, so I guess they switched dance partners?

 

Sherman: So let's dance!

 

LANDMIME VS KIRA DAIN

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for a spot on the MAWL Roster!

 

 

Explosions happen along the ramp, causing staggered plumes of fire. Landmime walks out marching and miming a spinning rifle. 

 

 

Landmime mimes pressing a button and explosions happen all around him on stage.

 

Reggie: From Versailles, France, LANDMIME!

 

Landmime marches to the ring, again "holding" a "rifle." 

 

Sherman: So far, GHW is 1 for 2, let's see if Landmime will tip the scales in the way of GHW. 

 

We hear the sweeping entrance of a news broadcast as a voice says "Now here's Kira Dain with the weather" as Kira Dain enters onto the stage.

 

 

The voice keeps its newscaster voice as the music abruptly cuts and says "And Pain." At this point Kira takes off her blazer to reveal her wrestling top to cheers from the crowd as fireworks go off on the ramp.

 

 

The music shifts to Nita Strauss feat. Dorothy "Victorious" and she pumps her arms with the crowd as she walks down the ramp. 

 

Reggie: And his opponent! From Sheridan, Wyoming, with weather and pain, it's Kira Dain!

 

She gets in the ring and rips off the skirt to reveal her wrestling trunks.

 

Colin: Dain was one of the W2 Contenders this year who almost made it to Path 2 Glory, stayed with us instead, but has been out on injury for a little bit and there was some question about where her place would be in all this.

 

The bell rings!

 

Colin: Landmime with the whip, and catches Dain with a boot to start us off. Dain up quickly and hooks the booting leg, lifts Mime up and spinebuster!

 

Valerie: One of the consistent issues I've seen with wrestlers here is they don't retract fast enough. You boot someone, put your leg down immediately. These are professionals who will capitalize on any hesitation. You have to be lightning quick in preparing for the next move. And Dain already looking to end Mime's night with a pin but he gets the shoulder up before the count can start.

 

Sherman: Dain with two quick mounted punches as she gets up, both of them up and that was just to get to the other side of Landmime!! KIRAFUDA CLUTCH LOCKED IN!! Landmime flailing! 

 

Valerie: He needs to get to the ropes if he's going to have any chance of getting out of this one. And he, can he...just barely makes it. Dain releases the hold and back elbow by Landmime into her gut. She responds with a chop to his throat!

 

Colin: It's not like he was using his voicebox anyway. 

 

Sherman: Landmime hits a big arm wringer flip! She's back up to her feet quickly and quick running elbow right to his face! He staggers and she pulls him back down for a second go of the Clutch!!! He can't get to the ropes! He's desperately trying to break free, she pulls him in tighter...wait...he's miming something around his hands...this looks like a Desperation Play to me, "BRASS KNUCKLES"! 

 

Valerie: Oh but he wasn't as sneaky as he thought and Erica caught him! She's ringing the bell! 

 

Kira Dain wins by....Disqualification?

 

 

Reggie: As a result of a disqualification, your winner and still MAWL Roster Member, KIRA DAIN!

 

Sherman: I'd say that needs to be contested, but with two Kirafuda. it doesn't really matter at the end of the day.

 

Valerie: Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. 

 

Colin: And it don't get much stupider than that. 

 

Sherman: We've still got a little ways to go, two championships to crown and some hometown heroes in the building, so let's keep it rolling. 

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT SEMI-FINAL

DMV (DA MEAN VALENTINOS) VS UP ON HIGH

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall, and the winners will advance to the Tag Title Final! 

 

 

A hot rod cruises onto the stage. In the hot rod sit Calabria and Chiara Valentino, with matching sunglasses.

 

 

Colin: The Jersey Devils vs the Fallen Angels coming at you right now! 

 

Reggie: From the mean streets of Woodbridge, New Jersey, Calabria and Chiara Valentino, Da Mean Valentinos!

 

They drive the hot rod down the ramp to boos, then park it right at the edge of the ramp before throwing the keys to their personal Valet. 

 

Valerie: Do you think that this match will give them ANY pause?

 

Sherman: Sense they're going, I doubt it. 

 

 

The lights shift dramatically from red to white, then to dark with white spotlights as Angelica and Zephyr descend from the rafters, wings fully extended.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents, Fallen from the Heavens, ANGELICA AND ZEPHYR! UP ON HIGH!

 

Sherman: I don't envy Reggie and Erica right now. I wouldn't want to deal with either of these teams if I raised the hands of the other.

 

Valerie: You're a coward.

 

The bell rings!

 

Colin: Chiara and Angelica to start, Chiara rushing in with a gut punch combo. Angelica doubling over a little but she uses her body angling to get hold of Chiara's legs and back body drop! Angelica pulls Chiara up and Side Slam! Chiara to Calabria, Angelica to Zephyr, we got the other half staring each other down now.

 

Sherman: Zephyr charges at lightning speed and front dropkick knocks Calabria right back into her corner! 

 

Valerie: Return to sender. 

 

Colin: She comes to charge her, but Calabria ducks the clothesline and gut punch into a Uranage! Going for the cover, I THINK CHIARA HAS CALABRIA'S LEGS, BUT THEY'RE OUT OF SIGHT OF ERICA!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

DMV (Da Mean Valentinos) win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Your winners and advancing to the finals, Chiara and Calabria Valentino! Da Mean Valentinos!

 

Sherman: The sisters steal their spot in the Final!

 

Valerie: Oh, Up on High do not look happy. You better run, DMV!

 

Up on High chase DMV to the backstage.

 

Colin: And now let's find out who the other half of the Final will be.

 

Sherman: And if Up On High have anything to say about it, pretty much the winners of the whole thing.

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT SEMI-FINAL

DANSE MACABRE VS INTOCÁVEIS DE SÃO TOMÉ 

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall, and the winners will advance to the Tag Title Final!

 

 

Fiesta Muerta and Riri Tonu adorn their black veils as they glide and dance with each other down the ramp. 

 

 

Reggie: Entering first, the team of Riri Tonu and Fiesta Muerta, DANSE MACABRE!

 

Sherman: This is the third time I've witnessed this and it creeps me out each time.

 

Danse Macabre duck under the rope and gingerly remove each others' veils, looking at each other intently before using the veils to continue dancing for a moment. 

 

 

The music plays as some in the crowd start to dance despite themselves. Genoveva lowers her shades, then she and Idalecio stand in front of Id's phone and take a selfie, both doing duck face. 

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! Hailing from SÃO TOMÉ, the team of Genoveva Nilza and Idalecio!! INTOCÁVEIS DE SÃO TOMÉ!

 

The two strut down the ramp, preening as the fans boo. Genoveva puts her shades firmly back on her eyes and gives "The Hand" to the ramp with her left as she yawns with her right.

 

Colin: The sheer smarm on these two. I feel oily watching them.

 

The bell rings!

 

Sherman: Fiesta charging in with a Polish Hammer to the midsection of Nilza, Double Axe Handle to the Back, Polish Hammer Uppercut to the Head!! The Piñata Combo gets us going! And taking Nilza down for the count, IDALECIO ABANDONS HER! 

 

Valerie: He doesn't want to be touched by them apparently...you could see it in his body movements at the outset of the match. His partner has now paid the price for his ego? Germaphobia? Both?

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Danse Macabre win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners, and advancing to the Finals, RIRI TONU AND FIESTA MUERTA! DANSE MACABRE!!

 

Reggie pauses as he holds his ear.

 

Colin: What's all this then?

 

Reggie: I have just received word that due to the quick fall nature of many of the matches in this tournament, the final will be 2 out of 3 falls! 

 

Valerie: Honestly, I respect it. It has been a lot of in and outs. 

 

Sherman: Well, we're in the final stretch, let's keep this party bumpin bumpin. 

 

Valerie: Never say that again.

 

LUCENZA ROSSI AND BIANCA DIAZ VS V.I.POE

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! 

 

 

A private jet is shown taking off as the letters "Z L I" alternate on the screen in time with distortion pattern. A ticker tape kicks in with ZLI stock constantly rising around the runner as the music picks up. In the last twinkle before the vocals, cannons of money blast off and Lucenza and Bianca Diaz stand in the money blast.

 

 

Reggie: FIRST! Representing Zora Luthor International, Bianca Diaz and Lucenza Rossi!

 

They walk down the ramp laughing nastily at the fans. 

 

Colin: She and I were a great team, but money and power won. And now she's embraced the rancidness and I fear there's no turning back. Now I just want to see her face get kicked in.

 

Bianca and Lucenza toss their heads back as they enter the ramp, reveling in the boos coming their way.

 

 

An opening video of Lenore and Rave N shows on the screen doing the dialog part. As soon as the music hits the lights go down, and the crowd LOSES THEIR DANG MINDS.

 

Valerie: The crowd knows exactly what's going on, and it's that two of their hometown girls have come to play.

 

When the singing begins neon ravens and angels start showing up around the stadium, with their beaks looking like they're singing. As soon as the operatic pre-chorus kicks in a spotlight hits with a thud and a single spotlight hits the stage, with Rave N and Lenore Usher standing in it. The arena goes full electric. 

 

 

When the techno "Poe" kicks in, the spotlight gives way to a blacklight highlighting the neon on their singlets. The crowd chants "Poe Poe Poe Poe Poe" with the song as Lenore Usher and Rave N make their way down the ramp dancing. 

 

Sherman: You know you're doing something right when you're able to get a wrestling crowd to sing the name of a gothic story writer. 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! From Baltimore, Maryland-

 

The crowd pops WELCOME HOME!

 

Reggie: Rave N, Lenore Usher, V. I. POE!

 

Lenore and Rave get on diagonal turnbuckles, doing halfway between a "Get Up" cheer and flapping wings.

 

The bell rings!

 

Colin: Rave N and Bianca to start. Bianca with a running clothesline driving Rave into the corner! And rolling her into a pin already? That can't be-Lenore up to the top to break the hold, Bianca moves and Lenore crashes into Rave N! The crowd is booing and Bianca flips them off before going for the cover on Rave N-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Bianca Diaz and Lucenza Rossi win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners, Bianca Diaz and Lucenza Rossi! 

 

Valerie: Quickest way to get people to hate you? Screw the hometown heroes.

 

The boos become INTENSE. Bianca and Lucenza laugh at them when suddenly the lights go completely out and on the titantron is seen-

 

 

Colin: Oh we haven't seen it like this since W2, but what does it mean-

 

The lights flash on and Rave N and Lenore Usher stand in the face of Lucenza and Bianca, with blank stares almost as if possessed. They stereo chokeslam the two members of ZLI, causing the announcers to yelp almost instinctively. 

 

The lights flash again and when they return, Lenore and Rave N are back to their normal expressions, except immensely confused at the sight of the downed members of ZLI. They look around then scurry out of the ring.

 

Valerie: An Edgar Allen Poe story not talked about enough-

 

Sherman: The Masque of the Red Death.

 

Colin: Ann Lee started seeing this mask like this and eventually became Rade's ward. If what we just saw is any indication, something and possibly a similar force is seeking VI Poe now.

 

Sherman: Let's...hope this was a one time thing. 

 

Colin: And never speak of it again unless absolutely necessary. 

 

Valerie: Right. clearing throat So only three matches remain. Let's...get into it. 

 

SOLEMN GUARDIAN VS CELLULA

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! 

 

 

Black smoke covers the entranceway as crows caw and chants can be heard in the background. Solemn Guardian comes out carrying a tome.

 

 

Reggie: First! From Huntington, West Virginia, weighing in at 165 pounds, THE SOLEMN GUARDIAN!

 

The Guardian enters the ring with determination and threat.

 

Colin: If you want a change from the quick win matches this may not be the guy to do it. Guardian has a penchant for dropping people like they're hot, without warning. 

 

Sherman: But doesn't his opponent have the hometown advantage?

 

Valerie: Yeah, but you saw how well that worked for VI Poe. Squash and possession in one go. Not a great homecoming. 

 

Sherman: True.

 

Colin: But I will say, usually Cellula is just...here. I don't think he even usually has a theme song. So I'm curious what's about to go down.

 

The lights go out and a hush comes over the crowd. The titantron is also completely black, save side silhouettes of two women on each side who appear to do the opening to this song.

 

 

The piano kicks in and the screens all glitch in time with the piano riffs. Written in the Matrix font popping in and out with the guitar is "BOSTON GET LOUD". Once the singing starts, a man in Cellula's mask appears at the entrance. The crowd goes BANANANANANAS.

 

 

Over the course of the first verse and chorus... other men in Cellula's masks come to the various entrances and begin to make their way down to the barricade. 

 

In the brief instrumental green lasers scan the arena. 

 

As the second chorus kicks in, the Cellulas in an almost wave produce bazookas. As the drums kick in, the real Cellula reveals himself at Barricade Entrance 3 to a near standing ovation as the others shoot off the bazookas. 

 

 

Reggie: And his opponent, from BALTIMORA, MARYLAND, weighing 175 pounds, CELLULA!

 

Cellula enters the ring. The fans chant "WELCOME HOME! WELCOME HOME!" and "CELL-U-LA! CELL-U-LA!" Cellula attempts to remain stoic but lets a little smile crack through as this goes on for an extended moment. He ducks his head and waves, and the crowd is incredibly loud and exuberant.

 

Valerie: The crowd is absolutely bonkers for that man right there, Cellula, who is receiving a king's welcome OH AND I THINK SOLEMN HAS HAD ENOUGH OF THIS, COMING IN FOR PRECIPICE CELLULA PUSHES HIM OFF AND TOWARDS THE ROPES, CATCHES HIM WITH AN STO AND THE CROWD ONLY INTENSIFIES! The bell rings!

 

Sherman: How often do you see people that hot over an STO?

 

Colin: This man could read Marlowe to them and they'd pop, that's how over Cellula is right now. Stepping over him and absolutely unloading hooks to him, short arm clothesline!

 

Valerie: Guardian trying to just get one of Cell's arms to have some leverage and he finally accomplishes it, lift with the knees and monkey flip! Up to the middle rope and goes for the headbutt! Oh dang! Going for the pin but Cellula kicks easy. To their feet, Guardian comes off the ropes and a bulldog!

 

Sherman: I think we might actually have a fight here! Guardian scooping Cellula up into a body slam, Cellula regaining control of his right leg, Guardian waiting a little too long and Cellula kicking at the side of head! Successfully sliding down and inverted suplex! Guardian trying to get to his feet, Cell goes in with the Yes Kick flurry to keep him down!

 

Valerie: Cell listening to the advice from earlier, getting his foot down quickly between each kick, but Guardian still able to hook the leg and I think we're getting that Samoan Drop! We're getting the Conciliation! And down we go!! Home team may be 0 for 2 in this double header!

 

1!

2!

 

Sherman: Cell rolls the pin into a schoolboy! 

 

1!

 

Colin: Guardian kicks! Both of them struggling to their feet, but they get there and Cellula rushing Guardian in the corner, just unloading blow after blow, Guardian takes some control of it and getting his punches in now, and they're going blow for blow, a real back and forth.

 

Valerie: These two have been absolutely on par with each other, but Guardian seems to be getting the edge! Hitting a brutal set of chops, coming around and the Clothesline! The Reckoning! He could end this now! Oh wait, picking him up...he wants to truly end this right here and now he's getting the head in for the Last Option CELLULA WITH THE GHOST STEP SPINEBUSTER! GUARDIAN MADE THE ERROR OF TRYING TO GET TOO MUCH IN AND NOW HE'S PAYING FOR IT!

 

1!

2!
TH-NO!

 

Sherman: Guardian gets the shoulder up! That is his shoulder, right?

 

Valerie: I assume so. But he's gonna have to do more work. Series of chops to Cellula and coming off the rope going for the Axe Kick NO THE GHOST STEP RETURNS! 

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Cellula wins by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: HERE IS YOUR WINNER! CELLLLLLULA!

 

The crowd gets to their feet as Cellula gets a Standing Ovation.

 

Colin: Ovation well deserved, as Cellula put up the fight of his life. 

 

Sherman: All of Baltimore agrees with you, Colin.

 

Valerie: All that remains is to crown some champions. 

 

Sherman: You're absolutely right, so let's do it to it. 

 

TAG TITLE FINAL

2 OUT OF 3 FALLS

DMV (DA MEAN VALENTINOS) VS DANSE MACABRE

 

 

Reggie: The following is the Tournament Final and Tag Team Title Match and it will be 2 out of 3 falls!

 

 

A hot rod pulls out onto the stage. Chiara and Calabria Valentino sit in the front of it in matching sunglasses.

 

 

Reggie: First, from the mean streets of Woodbridge, New Jersey, Chiara and Calabria Valentino, Da Mean Valentinos!

 

They drive the hot rod down the ramp to boos, then park it right at the edge of the ramp before throwing the keys to their personal Valet. 

 

Colin: These two have stolen their way into this spot, but now they're not just going to be able to get a three-count and walk away.

 

Valerie: And it looks like they were able to evade Up on High to be here.  

 

 

Fiesta Muerta and Riri Tonu adorn their black veils as they glide and dance with each other down the ramp. 

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! Riri Tonu and FIesta Muerta, DANSE MACABRE!!

 

They begin the process of gingerly removing their veils when the Valentino sisters strike! The bell rings!

 

Valerie: The sisters challenging this idea that you have to wait for your opponents to get through their little rituals and choosing violence! This is already breaking down into chaos and Erica trying to get between them and remind them that this is not a tornado match, Chiara beating down on Riri and Calabria beating down on Fiesta I don't think even hear her, just unloading fist after fist and fist and OH RIRI AND CHIARA SPILL OVER THE ROPE and I guess that just solved itself!

 

Sherman: Calabria hitting bionic elbows to Fiesta in the corner, and Irish Whip to the corner across, OH FIESTA CATCHES HERSELF AND LEAPS ONTO THE TURNBUCKLE, POPS OFF WITH A TOP ROPE MISSILE DROPKICK TO CALABRIA AND CALABRIA TUMBLES BACK AND ALMOST OUT OF THE RING. Calabria barely holding herself on the apron.

 

Colin: Muerta would typically just continue the charge but it's clear she's been studying the Valentinos and she knows that Calabria has a nasty habit of catching a run and shutting it down, measuring around the ring, oh she's going to take a billiards approach, a diagonal run and splash from the diagonal to take Calabria completely off the apron.

 

Valerie: Calabria Valentino was an Ice Hockey goalie for a couple seasons, maybe football would have helped her more. 

 

Sherman: You mean soccer?

 

Valerie: To the uninitiated sure.

 

Erica: 1!

 

Colin: Fiesta has a choice to make, does she wait for Calabria to come back in the ring or charge out after her? 

 

Sherman: Well Riri is taking it now from both sisters on the outside, so if I were Fiesta I would get in there.

 

Erica: 2!

 

Valerie: It's rare to see Fiesta this unsure but she's deciding to go for it!

 

Erica: 3!

 

Sherman: BOMBS AWAY AND OH! CHIARA CATCHES HER WITH AN UPPERCUT!

 

Colin: The sheer ring awareness by the Valentino sisters is absolutely bonkers. 

 

Valerie: People think that just because they cheat to win that they're not talented in the ring, but make no mistake they can win it clean as much as they can win it mean. And this restarts the count-

 

Erica: 1!

 

Sherman: So what happens if there's a double countout? Neither of them are champions yet, so there's no championship advantage to speak of. 

 

Valerie: My understanding is the belts stay...unwon, I guess. We could hypothetically restart the match. What does happen?

 

It continues to be a punch for punch fest between the two teams. 

 

Erica: 2!

 

Colin: MAWL guidelines are that the first falls would be awarded to each and then it becomes a question of the last fall. When it comes to a a tiebreaker, it moves to a falls count anywhere so that a winner is definitively declared. 

 

Sherman: So they could stay out of the ring, get double countout, and just turn this into a falls count anywhere match.

 

Erica: 3!

 

Colin: Yes, but having that buffer of being able to take a fall can't be understated in terms of how much of an advantage that is. So I wouldn't give it up and then risk not being able to take a fall. And oh!! Riri eats steps, just face first into the steel from that flapjack by Chiara. 

 

Erica: 4! 

 

Valerie: Chiara launches Calabria at Riri, Fiesta catches Chiara in the back with a dropkick!!

 

Erica: 5!

 

Valerie: Fiesta Muerta gets herself back in the ring, Chiara struggling to her feet.

 

Erica: 6!

 

Sherman: Now it's Calabria's turn to make a decision, get back in the ring or lose the fall in continuing the double team. 

 

Erica: 7!

 

Colin: Calabria getting back to the apron OH RIRI IS UP!

 

Erica: 8!

 

Valerie: RIRI TONU PULLS CALABRIA OFF THE APRON WITH A GERMAN SUPLEX!

 

Erica: 9!

 

Sherman: What an unexpected turn of events!! Riri gets them their first notch!

 

Erica: 10!

 

First fall awarded to Danse Macabre!

 

Colin: Now the ref won't resume the match until Calabria gets in the ring, you can't win off the same countout twice. Calabria starting to move, she's on the apron, and into the ring we go, Erica rings the bell to continue.

 

Valerie: DMV finding themselves in a truly unusual situation of being behind the 8 ball thanks to Riri's play, they can't afford to mess around now. Calabria motioning to Chiara to get on the apron, Chiara does and a tag. Chiara charging in, ducks bobs and weaves Fiesta's attempts at landing any sort of kick and speedbagging Fiesta's ribs, OOOH A SOLID UPPERCUT, nice little bow on the top. 

 

Sherman: Fiesta feeling a little woozy and punch drunk, trying to keep on her feet, looking at their corner but RIri is still struggling to get off the ground after that German. Fiesta Muerta is going to be on her own for a little bit HEADBUTT BY CHIARA AND A SHORT ARM LARIAT! 

 

Colin: She's looking more muerta than fiesta now, throat punch by Chiara and lifting her up...I think she's looking to Rubberneck Fiesta...FIESTA SLIDES DOWN AND GETS HER INTO A FULL NELSON! 

 

Valerie: Chiara looking more annoyed than hurt here, some sign of struggle but minimum at best, full speed runs her into a turnbuckle! FIESTA MUERTA IS FLATTENED! 

 

Colin: Riri finally makes it to her corner, and Fiesta needs to get out of there NOW. Going for the hot tag, Chiara gets her feet!! She's dragging Fiesta back to her corner by the ankle, Fiesta trying to kick her away, Chiara getting towards her own corner, Calabria reaches out for the other foot and they wishbone Fiesta around the pole! Chiara tags Calabria in and holds Fiesta up with the assistance of that turnbuckle!! Calabria to the top and a COFFIN DROP!! FIESTA JUST GOT BACKED UP!! Riri tries to run in but loses her breath and footing a little too quick, Calabria covers with the pin-

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Second fall awarded to DMV!

 

Sherman: And there goes that advantage! And I don't know if Riri Tonu is in shape to continue this match!! Fiesta may well be stranded! 

 

Valerie: Calabria gets Fiesta in the corner and...I think she just realized something. Falls Count Anywhere means everyone's legal! Chiara enters the ring and the sisters get to work on Fiesta in the corner, trading off punches and Fiesta taking a brutalizing, HERE COMES RIRI TONU WITH THE CHAIR! RIRI SMASHES CALABRIA! RIRI SMASHES CHIARA! 

 

Colin: That realization hit all of em like a ton of bricks at the same time. Riri gets Fiesta up, they take the arms of the sisters, stereo Irish Whip and stereo shoulder tackle! DANSE MACABRE IS HEATING UP AND DOUBLE SPLASH! 

 

1!

2!

 

Sherman: The sisters kick! I don't know where Riri's second wave of energy came from, just moments ago she seemed completely flattened and then that attack to level the playing field, and now she's fired up and going to the top rope!

 

Valerie: I think someone snuck her a ChungAde while she was out of the ring. 

 

Colin: I actually suspect you might be right, and 630 Splash to Chiara! Going for the pin-

 

1!

2!

 

Valerie: Chiara with the shoulder again! Tonu off the ropes and finally Muerta to her feet, Muerta gives Tonu a stepping stool of sorts and UP SHE GOES....SHE'S COMING DOWN FOR A FROG SPLASH! 

 

Sherman: This is the most imperiled I've seen the Valentinos in a long time! Danse Macabre may be able to win this thing! The cover-

 

1!

2!

TH-NO!! CALABRIA BREAKS THE PIN!

 

Sherman: Fiesta Muerta getting frustrated now, she grabs a lead pipe, swinging at Calabria, CALABRIA PULLS RIRI INTO THE SHOT! Fiesta flabbergasted and Calabria rolls Fiesta up!!

 

1!

2!
3!

DMV (Da Mean Valentinos) win 2 falls to 1!

 

 

Reggie: HERE ARE YOUR WINNERS AND THE NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS - CALABRIA AND CHIARA VALENTINO! DA! MEAN! VALENTINOOOOOS!

 

The crowd boos as Chiara and Calabria hold up the belts.

 

Valerie: Love em, hate em, can't deny em. Calabria and Chiara are your new tag champs, and this division is about to get a dose of-

 

The lights go out.

 

Colin: I have a feeling I know exactly what this is.

 

Before the rest of the lights come on, spotlights hit two turnbuckles where perched are Angelica and Zephyr.

 

 

Colin: YEP! THEY ARE HERE!

 

Sherman: Chiara and Calabria thought they managed to avoid Judgment, and it showed up right at their door.

 

Valerie: They stare down Chiara and Calabria, not making a move, this audience is waiting with bated breath. 

 

A stare down, no words can be heard, Angelica and Zephyr make cut-throat motions and mimic holding belts slowly over their heads. The crowd pops LOUD.

 

Colin: BALTIMORE! IS! RAVENOUS!

 

Sherman: And the clock is ticking on the new champs. Up On High have called their shot. We don't know...really anything more than that. But the Hot Rodders better have their eyes checking all mirrors. 

 

Lightning flashes and the lights go off again.

 

Once they return Up On High is gone. 

 

Colin: It could be any week. These two here will keep you updated. 

 

Sherman: In the meantime, we still have one title to award. So let's get to getting.

 

Valerie: For those not in the know, a Four Suits Gauntlet is four individuals at a time, each representing of cuit of playing cards. Reggie will describe further.

 

GHW TITLE

FOUR SUITS GAUNTLET

 

Reggie: The following is our main event for the Gung Ho Wrestling Title! And it is a Four Suits Gauntlet! The individuals who drew the 2 of their relative suits will enter first. Once a competitor is eliminated, the next one up in the relative suit will enter. This will continue until 3 of the 4 suits have been completely eliminated. Whichever competitor remains in the ring at that time regardless of their place in their suit's order will be declared the winner!

 

Sherman: So it's wholly possible to be set up for this match and never have a shot at that belt.

 

Colin: If you're high up enough in the pecking order...yeah, pretty much. It's an interesting thing where you're not *quite* tag partners. Not *quite* stablemates. You want your card-mate to go far, but just far enough where you can be the one standing in the ring when the other vats have emptied.

 

Reggie: Introducing first, the 2 of Clubs-

 

 

The lights go deep blue, and shadows of scarabs show around the arena. Nadja Norris arrives holding up a Scarab Pendant within a blue ribcage container. 

 

 

Reggie: From Washington, DC, the Blue Scarab NADJA NORRIS!

 

Colin: Norris, of Egyptian descent on her mother's side I believe, is a former Ichthyologist and Researcher at the Smithsonian, but make no bones about it, she goes hard and stings brutally. 

 

Nadja shows the scarab to each side of the ramp as she walks down. Eventually she rolls into the ring and holds up the container. 

 

Valerie: She may go hard but she's gonna have to go long. She's got the worst seat in the house.

 

Reggie: The individual who drew the 2 of Diamonds -

 

A countdown can be heard - 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

 

 

An EXPLOSION around the doorway with flames shooting out as Oriana Burkhardt shouts in joy.

 

 

Reggie: From Morne Jaloux Ridge, Grenada...the Grenada Grenade, ORIANA BURKHARDT!

 

Oriana mimics throwing a grenade at the stage and another explosion goes off. The crowd pops.

 

Valerie: Burkhardt was on a tear at the mini-rumble back in Richmond, until Countess was able to get in her head. I don't know if she's looking to get some measure of revenge, if she's a sleeper cell for Countess, or if she's hoping not to have to worry about it.

 

Oriana gets in the ring and gets the crowd pumping.

 

Reggie: And now the individual who drew the 2 of Spades!

 

 

Plumes of heavy smoke and columns of fire spit up as Loud Len Huighe headbangs out.

 

 

Reggie: From Seattle, Washington, weighing in at 240 pounds, LOUUUUUD! LEEEEEN! HUUUUUIGHE!

 

Loud runs down and headbangs the whole way.

 

Valerie: Loud is right. Look at that outfit.

 

Sherman: "LOUD AS FOOOOK" as Len would say.

 

Valerie: There are some conspiracies out there that Len is hiding something. Like there's a specific reason his last name is spelled that confusing way rather than "Hugh" or "Huey".

 

Colin: People will make conspiracies about anything.

 

Loud pounds on the apron repeatedly and slides in.

 

Reggie: AND! The individual who got the 2 of Diamonds-

 

 

An old-timey newsreel about VAUD plays as VAUD comes out on a big wheel bicycle with a hooked cane in hand.

 

 

Reggie: From Coney Island, weighing 129 pounds, VAUD!

 

Valerie: This isn't even the cringiest fighter we have in this match. But damn.

 

The bell rings!

 

Colin: This isn't an over the top rope battle. This is a war that you have to fight over, and over. 

 

Valerie: VAUD brings that cane with him, he's prepared for war and right into the ribs of Loud Len, first blow is made and no turning back now. Another swing by the cane, and if this keeps up, Len's not gonna have the ability to shout from the gut, to be loud. Oriana taking her shots now in that ribcage. 

 

Sherman: And here comes Norris to get a jump kick to the back of VAUD's head. Nadja Norris getting some symmetry on those kicks with the other side of the head. Nadja coming off the ropes to keep the momentum and VAUD swings around with the cane uppercutting her! 

 

Colin: The two on one assault on Len done, Oriana doing it on her own now but keeping the pressure, Hammer Blow to the back, another Hammer Blow to the back, lifting Len up over her head and I think she's going for that Origin and here comes the spin, oh the spin is a second too long and Len gaining his bearings, he has her arm! She tries for the release but he's not letting go! Trying to shake him off, he uses the bearing to turn it into an armdrag! INCREDIBLE!

 

Valerie: VAUD doing a little soft shoe between punches on Norris. Entertaining but it's going to catch up to him if Nadja gets a little too quick on her feet. 

 

Sherman: It catches up but not from Nadja, Oriana shifting her perspective from Len to VAUD and she rails him with a big boot! Not sure if it's a great idea to leave the man who was just getting momentum back alone...

 

Colin: I can answer that for you, it's not, Loud up to the top and a Stage Dive taking all three of them out! He could go for the pin, his three opponents down, choosing instead to go for a run, and VAUD monkey flips Len onto Oriana! Len goes for the pin-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Oriana Burkhardt is eliminated by Loud Len Huighe (1)!

 

Colin: Oriana was thrown all the way off and was not expecting the pin attempt, couldn't reacclimate in time. 

 

 

Sherman: Vanderley finding himself content to just sit on the turnbuckle and watch as Len and VAUD beat down Nadja, it's reading a little problematic I have to say, but Nadja beginning to push back, ducks the attempt at a double clothesline and springboard moonsault!! Going for the cover on VAUD-

 

1!

2!

 

Colin: VAUD barely gets the shoulder up, Len taking exception to Vanderley's not involving himself in this match, running over and up and ENZUGIRI! Vanderley tumbles backwards onto the apron, jumping down and seeking for something under the ring, Loud Len going for a huge dive, clears the ropes and Mushroom Stomps the back of Vanderley!

 

Valerie: Nadja battering VAUD in the corner with a mid kick combo, running back and here she comes with the running Hip Attack, she calls it the Beetlebum, and she wants to make VAUD history, I think we're going to see the Amberslam! She goes to the top, and she pulls VAUD up with her, OH! SHE IS CRACKED WITH HER OWN SCARAB CASE! MASKED ASSAILANT KNOCKS NADJA RIGHT THE HELL DOWN AND VAUD TRYING TO COVER THE FALLEN NADJA-

 

1!

2!

 

Sherman: Nadja kicks! And she may be OHNOHERECOMESLOUDLENANDSTAGEDIVE!!

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Nadja Norris is eliminated by Loud Len Huighe! (2)

 

 

Valerie: Nadja chasing the masked assailant to the back, and Fire Marshall Ruth charging in, not even taking off her helmet and mounted punches to Loud Len, not letting him get up, not letting him move, just absolute brutalizing.

 

Sherman: She comes in with the headbutts, helmet assisted! This is starting to feel personal.

 

Colin: Vanderley has hold of VAUD's hooked cane, and he's leaning on VAUD's back! This is a legit choke-out! And there are no real rules in this match so we're just gonna have to sit here and see it until it's stopped on its own. 

 

Sherman: It's not the most propulsive action but it's putting the hurt on the competitors. VAUD trying desperately to fight back to his feet and I didn't think I'd feel bad for VAUD but Vanderley has proven so much worse. 

 

Valerie: And I've just learned what's made this so personal for Fire Marshall Ruth is apparently Loud Len blew out the hearing aids of her grandmother at the family and friends gathering last week, apparently it actually caused her pain for a few days. 

 

Colin: Ruth wants to put the hurt on Len, and now she's boxing his ears with punches. 

 

Sherman: You wanna hurt a diehard music fan, take the hearing.

 

Valerie: VAUD finally getting a bit of leverage, rolling inward to escape the cane, getting his body into a ball is a smart way to make it harder to get the cane to stay around him. Back around and an ankle lock on Vanderley! 

 

Sherman: Len blocks the ear boxing and another headbutt! It's like they're playing tic tac toe and Ruth's got three of the four corners on lock.

 

Colin: Vanderley kicking at VAUD now, pushing him off, rolls his to his feet as VAUD running back from the momentum of getting kicked off, Vanderley gets him with a drop toe hold and looking for an STO. Len finally able to kick Ruth off and to his feet, a quick kick combo and going for a Springboard OH RUTH CATCHES HIM IN A FIREFIGHTER'S CARRY, AND TAKING A FULL SPRINT BACKWARDS INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!!! LEN JUST RODE THE FIRETRUCK!!!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Loud Len Huighe is eliminated by Fire Marshall Ruth! (1)

 

Sherman: She got her revenge on Len and now it remains to be seen if we have our usual Fire Marshall or if this aggressive path will continue.

 

 

Sherman: Karina Rego will either win this match or she'll argue with the manager until the title is given to her.

 

Valerie: And she's eyeing the competition, Karina Rego calling for a Microphone. Ugh. Here we go.

 

Karina: Now hold on. Just hold on. This was not what I signed up for. First of all, the "3?" The "3." I was told I was Queen Material. I should be in the ring with the best this league has to offer, not Ozempic Robotnik, a Child's Halloween Costume, and a B...

 

Vanderley grabs a mic.

 

Vanderley: A what? Go ahead, a what?

 

Colin: Karina trying to walk out of the ring, Vanderley gets behind her and FULLNELSON SUPLEX DROPPING HER ON HER HEAD! The cover-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Karina Rego is eliminated by Vanderley! (1)

 

Karina: I'VE BEEN ASSAULTED! YOU ALL SAW THAT! I'VE BEEN ASSAULTED! 

 

Valerie: Oh shut up.

 

Colin: Well it looks like Fire Marshall Ruth is a sympathetic ear and she stomps on the head of Vanderley! Just pushing down on his temple and a STOMP with that big fire boot. The crowd booing Ruth, but she doesn't seem to mind and she covers Vanderley for the pin-

 

1!

2!
3!

Vanderley is eliminated by Fire Marshall Ruth! (2)

 

Sherman: We've got two people to replace in short order.

 

 

Colin: Wait, I think this might have been one of the masked men who attacked SlowMo! 

 

Valerie: I think that maybe you're right!! And that's just one person we need to bring in, as Firefox jumps into the ring with a spear on the Fire Marshall. 

 

Sherman: So let's see who has the other half of this.

 

 

Colin: THE TIGER OF TUVALU! This man brings the party and the pain. Tapanui coming in, hammer fists on VAUD and VAUD just being bent over, taking the brutality to the spine, VAUD back body drops him! There must be at least 120 pounds difference between them, VAUD clearly feeling the brunt of being the lighter one, the stress of lifting that truck over his head. 

 

Valerie: Ruth looking to take advantage of VAUD's being exhausted and short-arm clothesline. She locks in a headlock and bionic elbows to the back of VAUD's head. OH DANG, Tapanui charges both of them with a shoulder tackle and takes them both out and Firefox catches Tapanui out with a dropkick! 

 

Sherman: Looking for openings, that's what you gotta do. Pinpoint precision by FIrefox. Ruth and VAUD rolling out of the ring, trying to regain their strength, Tap and Fox trading fists and Tap blocks the fist of Fox, twisting the arm into a judo flip and Fox lands on his feet and swings his arm around for a lariat OH TAPANUI DUCKS AND URANAGE! Going for a pin-!

 

1!

 

Colin: Fox kicks up, Ruth back in the ring and she has a Fire Extinguisher! Blasting Firefox in the face with it!! And she straight up clocks him with the tank!

 

Valerie: She's trained to put out fires, it's what she does. 

 

Sherman: VAUD GETS RUTH FROM BEHIND WITH THAT HOOKED CANE! That broke right over her back! 

 

Valerie: VAUD leapfrogs over the bent Ruth and a frog splash to Firefox! 

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Firefox is eliminated by VAUD! (1)

 

Valerie: Firefox is out! Firefox was the 4 of Spades already! VAUD still in this as the 2 of Clubs! 

 

Colin: Tapanui scooping Ruth up AND A TIGER DRIVER!!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Fire Marshall Ruth is eliminated by Tapanui! (1)

 

Sherman: That's ANOTHER 2 to bring back in, and Tapanui and VAUD locked up in a blow for blow.

 

 

Colin: Wildcat Taylor charging in with a POUNCE! Just toppling both men in the ring.

 

Sherman: She's throwing blows to VAUD! She's throwing blows to Tapanui! She and Tap look at each other, dual Irish whip to VAUD and double armdrag, Tapanui giving Taylor a foot up and ground level moonsault!

 

 

Valerie: ALYSON CHARGING IN AND HOLDING THE CHAINZ THAT BEAR HER NAME, SHE'S SWINGING WITH PRECISION AND INTENT, CHAIN TO THE FACE OF VAUD! CHAIN TO THE FACE OF TAYLOR! CHAIN TO THE FACE OF TAPANUI! GOING TO TAPANUI AGAIN, OH HE GRABS THE END OF IT AND A LITTLE MORTAL KOMBAT SCORPION ACTION! PULLS HER INTO THE BOOT! 

 

Colin: We've now got a whole arsenal brought into this match, and the chain is just the latest tool of destruction.

 

Sherman: Tapanui tosses the chain, but Alyson can survive just fine without it, back to her feet, spinebuster to Tapanui! Roll-up pin-

 

1

 

Valerie: Tap is up on his feet, and a body slam to Alyson. Hitting a leg drop, a second leg drop, misses the third and Alyson with a sharp knee to the head of Tap. 

 

Colin: Tap trying to get back to his feet and Chainz using her knees to keep that from happening, here comes VAUD to charge Chainz OH BUT CHAINZ SENSES HIM COMING AND DUCKS HIS RUNNING BLOCKBUSTER HE FLIPS ONTO TAP! 

 

Sherman: VAUD looking to use this time to pin Tapanui-

 

1!

TW-NO! 

 

Valerie: Tap straight up launches VAUD into the air HERE COMES TAYLOR FROM THE TOP AND ELBOW DROP TO VAUD!! WHAT A CONNECTION!!

 

Colin: Taylor's momentum carries a little too far and she rolls away from the pin attempt.

 

Sherman: VAUD's blessings continue and he keeps himself in this match. Seems there's no expiration date, no gong for this man!

 

Valerie: Here comes Chainz with her chain, whipping it at Wildcat!

 

Colin: That....looked more like a lob.

 

Sherman: I think you might be right, she's giving the other end of the chain to Taylor, no friendships in these matches but temporary alliances aplenty, they await VAUD and MOW HIM DOWN! ALYSON GETS THE CHAIN AROUND HIS HEAD! AND TAYLOR NOW GETTING THE CHAIN AND WRAPPING IT AROUND VAUD'S FEET!! THEY'RE MEETING IN THE MIDDLE!!! THEY'RE JUST BENDING VAUD THE WRONG WAY AND VAUD IS TAPPING OUT!!!

 

VAUD is eliminated by Alyson Chainz (1) and Wildcat Taylor (1)!

 

Valerie: And that was the last suit to be broken, meanwhile Alyson and Taylor proving the temporary part and going after each other with the ends of that chain!

 

 

Colin: Benita Factor feeling herself and OH HERE COMES NADJA NORRIS WITH A LEAD PIPE, SHE'S TAKING IT TO BENITA FACTOR AND I GUESS FACTOR USED HER MONEY TO GET SOMEONE TO ATTACK NORRIS. Or she did the attack herself.

 

Kendra: More likely the first, Factor is known to use intermediaries rather than get her hands dirty herself. But it most definitely goes back to her. 

 

Valerie: Nadja just completely taking out the legs of Factor, and a shot to the head, and she just rolls Factor into the ropes, Chainz intercepts her into an STF, and that doesn't take long to Factor her out of the equation.

 

Benita Factor is eliminated by Alyson Chainz! (2)

 

Colin: In short order, the Hearts are catching up to some of the other suits.

 

 

Colin: Platinum coming in with steel resolve and discus clothesline to Tapanui, Chainz up to her feet from the STF and Platinum gets the Sickle to the back of her head, Wildcat up behind Platinum and a full nelson slam! 

 

Valerie: Tap catching Platinum out with a Cobra Clutch. Platinum struggling in the hold, trying to take stock of her distance to each rope, reaching out for dear life. 

 

Sherman: Chainz coming around with a bulldog to take Tap off Platinum! Not sure why she would break up the hold, that would be fewer people to have to fight. But now, Tapanui refocusing his energy on Alyson so she just brought unnecessary attention to herself. 

 

Valerie: Platinum trying to get up with the help of the ropes and Taylor just cutting her in half with a Pounce taking them both out of the ring.

 

Colin: Alyson trying to use her chain to fend off Tapanui, Tapanui pulls the chain again and devastating Lariat! Picking her up and TIGER DRIVER!!! 

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Alyson Chainz is eliminated by Tapanui! (2)

 

Sherman: That's what you get for sticking your nose in.

 

 

Simon: Taylor and Platinum continuing to trade fists on the outside, here comes Ogullu and he lunges at Tapanui, that's a mistake and Tap catches Ogullu midair! Drops him down into a front slam!! Off the ropes and a jumping headbutt by Tap. Taylor going for the Spear outside, Platinum jumps to the other side of the stairs and Taylor runs flat into them!! Platinum scoops Taylor into a PILEDRIVER! Taylor is knocked out on the outside!!

 

Colin: Tap locks in an Inverted Crab on Ogullu, oh and he's bending the ankles for some extra pain.

 

Valerie: I recognize this, he's putting on Tap Shoes! He's got Ogullu locked in and it looks like he's in significant pain, trying to get to the ropes and Tap pulling him even closer OH PLATINUM IN THE RING HITS A GIANT SPLASH ON TAPANUI WHY IS SHE BREAKING UP THE HOLD, SHE ROLLS UP HERN! SHE JUST SNIPED THE KILL!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Hernâni Ogullu is eliminated by Queen Platinum! (1)

 

Sherman: He didn't last very long, did he.

 

 

Valerie: Tex rolls Taylor into the ring and covers-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Wildcat Taylor is eliminated by "Dashing Desperado" Dex Tex! (1)

 

Colin: Queen Platinum all but handed him that win.

 

 

Valerie: Cora Zon rushing in, hits a Lou Thesz Press on Platinum. Tap pulls Dex up and into a Spinebuster. Dex pushes Tap off him and stomping him out in the face, a rough series of boots and he's starting to get some momentum back. Platinum flips Cora off her, but Cora lands on her feet and meets a rising Platinum with a front dropkick. 

 

Sherman: Platinum struggling to her feet and now we see that MMA come out in Cora, blasting her with a kick combo backing her into the corner, Tex in a separate corner and he's got Tap in that corner now! Looking to unload some fists on the man-

 

1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! 9! 10!

 

Valerie: Even if the fans don't love you, they're guaranteed to count along. 

 

Sherman: I wouldn't say that he isn't liked as a blanket statement, the Dashing Desperado does well in our over 50 contingent especially with the ladies.

 

Valerie: Never say it like that again.

 

Colin: Tap looking woozy and Tex hits him with a running powerslam! Going for the cover-

 

1!

 

Valerie: Tap kicks out. Gonna have to do more than that. Dex going for the stomps on the stomach, Tapanui catches his leg and dragon screw into an ankle lock! He's herding the cowpoke! 

 

Sherman: I would give an arm and a leg to see the Desperado attempt an enziugiri. 

 

Colin: We are know that's not going to happen but what does happen is that the Desperado contracts his knee back and propels forward with force! That'll get Tap off him and Tap taking a run back, back around and Dex Tex catches him in a Spinebuster! Platinum and Cora with a temporary alliance as they absolutely wreck Dex with a double dropkick! Dex tumbles out of the ring!!

 

Sherman: Roy Howdy giving Dex a pep talk on the outside, Cora goes flying!! Corkscrew Plancha to Dex and Roy!! Tap has Platinum up in a Fireman's Carry and Samoan Drop! Going for the pin-

 

1!

2!

 

Valerie: Hell yeah. Platinum kicks. Platinum knows she's not going to win against Tap on strength but she can get the edge of resilience and stamina, just pure unwillingness to stay down. She locks a Fujiwara Armbar on Tap, putting some pressure on the center of Tap's strength, Tap is more an upper than lower body dominant. 

 

Sherman: I always get nervous about submissions that only hold one limb down and that's exactly why, Tap able to launch Platinum off him. Looks like the landing on that was pretty rough! Can Tap capitalize DEX JUST THREW CORA ZON AT TAP! 

 

Colin: That looks like it might have hurt Cora as much as Tap if not moreso, but Dex dragging Cora by her arm over to Platinum HE'S PINNING THEM BOTH!

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Queen Platinum and Cora Zon are eliminated by "Dashing Desperado" Dex Tex! (2/3)

 

Valerie: Once again we have two people to replace!

 

 

Colin: Apparently Lucas A Parker was a maths teacher at the middle school where Graham and Damon of Blur met, and the choice of song is a shoutout to his hometown. He uses his mathematical aptitude to make quick work of his opponents. 

 

 

Valerie: Canute coming in hot with a charging headbutt at Parker, Parker sidesteps him and schoolboys him with enough force that Canute's head hits the mat hard!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

King Canute VI is eliminated by Lucas A. Parker! (1)

 

Colin: And that's exactly what I'm talking about. In a split second, he calculated the exact angle and force that would get Canute to land on his head in a way that would stun him long enough to get the pin.

 

Sherman: But can we also talk about how Spades are already about to be at 8 card wise? That's 6 people gone, and whoever comes out next marks the halfway point for Spades. And Tapanui is still the third person for Diamonds. The other competitors are going to need to make quick work of the Diamond list if they want a real shot here.

 

 

Valerie: Labrys hailing from the Isle of Lesbos, Greece which, yes, is a real place and it's beautiful. Truly picturesque.

 

Sherman: She's walking right up to Tapanui and OH OVER THE HEAD HAS HIM UP IN A MILITARY PRESS AND SHE'S DOING SQUATS WITH HIM! SHE...SHE SPINS HIM IN THE AIR LIKE PIZZA DOUGH!! AND DOWN INTO THE FRONT SLAM!!! 

 

Colin: SHE CALLS THAT THE LEVÁNTATION! A Grenglish Portmanteau of Levántas meaning Lavender in Greek and Levitation, but Tap I think is less worried about the etymology than he is the impact and a pin!

 

1!

2!
3!

Tapanui is eliminated by Labrys! (1)

 

Valerie: Dex looking to take advantage of Labrys being down and going for a charging lariat, LABRYS DUCKS IT AND DEX TEX GETS AN ETYMOLOGY LESSON TOO!

 

1!

2!
3!

 

"The Dashing Desperado" Dex Tex is eliminated by Labrys! (2)

 

 

Sherman: Doyle's sunny vibe may fool you but he goes hard. 

 

 

Colin: No gimmick necessary, just pure grit and determination to be the best. This amazing woman from Vietnam has been at it for years all over the world, and now she's back in a MAWL ring...not the main show but under our umbrella all the same...and she is in like a house on fire! Superkick to Doyle! Superkick to Parker!! Tu is getting the crowd hyped! She takes a run and Dropsault Flatline Combo to Labrys!! TUY STORY!!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Labrys is eliminated by Tuyêt! (1)

 

Valerie: The Lavender Menace has been deactivated, and the list moves on.

 

 

Valerie: Vinaasha was lined up for a career as a Bollywood Villainess but was derailed because Modi didn't like her speaking out against him. She did smaller films for a while before hitting the ring a few years back. She still carries that energy with her, arrogant and vicious with a hint of pomp. 

 

Sherman: She knows she's better than you, she knows she's better than this, and she's already rolling her eyes as she enters the ring. 

 

Colin: Parker had been working Doyle in the corner under the radar and now Doyle trying to get himself out of the corner, evades Parker and smashes Parker's head into the turnbuckle! Victory Roll by Doyle-

 

1!

 

Sherman: Parker to his feet, gets Doyle by the arm and a pulls him into a backbreaker. Parker locks in a standing armbar. Tu on the other corner going for a splash and Vin moves out of the way just checking her nails, but Tu able to catch her landing and remain on her feet but it looks like Tu may have landed a little strenuously on her right foot, trying to shake it off and Vin kicks harshly at Tu's right ankle.

 

Valerie: Vinaasha is all about fighting smarter not harder, and in a match like this she can let the prey come to her, as she kicks harshly at that right ankle. Tu is gonna have to change the momentum if she is to have any hope of a victory here, or even if she wants to walk tomorrow! 

 

Colin: Vin kneeling on Tu's leg know as she bends in an ankle lock! She's bending Tu's leg over hers! And Vin looks like she could enjoy a good nap right about now with how little she is bothered by the situation. 

 

Sherman: It's a tale of two fights in this ring as Doyle and Parker are engaged in basically a boxing match with each other. Trading back and forth blocks and blows, Doyle trying for a right uppercut and Parker with a deft weave, hook to Doyle's left rib and now a knee to the stomach, looks like we're switching it up! Doyle wasn't expecting it either and a knee combo to Doyle's ribs! DDT! 

 

Valerie: Tu finally getting some momentum going with the rest of her body and pushes Vin off her, Tu goes for a roll and Vin boots her out of the ring! Parker boots Doyle down again, going to the middle turnbuckle, up to the top and I think he might be going for the Beedlebum VINAASHA PUSHES HIM OUT OF THE RING AND STEALS THE PIN!

 

1!

2!

 

Colin: TUYÊT OFF THE ROPES WITH A SPLASH ON BOTH OF THEM! ROLLING VINAASHA ON HER BACK AND PINNING THEM BOTH!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Vinaasha and Evan "Essence" Doyle are eliminated by Tuyêt! (2/3)

 

Valerie: Vinaasha tried to steal another moment and a got a taste of her own medicine!

 

 

Colin: Flora Peligrosa makes sure to give a little love to the crowd on her way in. I love that for her.

 

 

Sherman: Here comes the surliest man in Manitoba.

 

Valerie: Into the ring and FLORA ROLLS HIM UP!

 

1!

2!
3!

Trevor DeMartin is eliminated by Flora Peligrosa! (1)

 

Sherman: There goes the surliest man in Manitoba.

 

 

Valerie: A man whose whole thing is crayons, you'd think he would be a loser, but Crazy is deceptively strong and should not be taken lightly.

 

Colin: And something to prove your point, Crazy Ola runs Tu down with a lariat! Runs Lucas down with another Lariat! Hasn't stopped moving and Discus Lariat to Flora!! The crowd is pumped! IT'S CRAYONDEMONIUM! 

 

Sherman: Crazy getting the crowd riled and he's running, HITS a running splash with an impact on Parker and Peligrosa!! Going for a pin but they both kick. Tu attempts to take advantage of the situation and German to Crazy, Crazy Irish Whips her and gives a boot in the rebound. 

 

Valerie: Peligrosa to her feet before Parker, uses the time to take a run and Asai Moonsault to Parker! And follows with a Standing Moonsault!! Going for the cover-

 

1!

2!

 

Sherman: Parker gets the shoulder back up. Tu with a spinning headscissors on Crazy, lands on her feet and basement dropkick to Crazy! Keeps the pressure on Crazy with those Yes Kicks as Flora gets an armbar headscissors submission on Parker. 

 

Colin: Flora has to keep Parker down as long as she can, try to get him good and weakened, Tu continuing to blast Crazy with these Yes Kicks and he's gotta catch on eventually and he does!! Catches the foot of Tu and back to his feet, ducks her enziugiri, Leg Trapped Release Back Suplex!! Tu is absolutely dealing with the impact and right back on that leg that was being targeted earlier!! Crazy gets her in an Achilles Lock and Elevates her considerably, Tu trying to get to the ropes to try to break it and CRAZY PULLS HER BACK! Tu taps!!

 

Tuyêt is eliminated by Crazy Ola! (1)

 

Valerie: That injury was going to catch up with her eventually but you can tell she's not taking it well.

 

 

Colin: Tarrasque affixes his tie and prepares to come into this match in style-

 

 

Sherman: VAUD OUT HERE WITH HIS CANE AND HE'S JUST ABSOLUTELY RAVAGING TARRASQUE!!! HE IS JUST BEATING THE LIVING HELL OUT OF HIM. TARRASQUE SHOULD PROBABLY NOT CONTINUE THIS, GUYS. 

 

Valerie: We all know that won't stop him, he climbs in the ring and Crazy trying to take advantage of the situation with a roll-up - 

 

1!

2!

 

Colin: TARRASQUE ROLLS BACK!

 

1!

2!

 

Sherman: CRAZY TAKES IT BACK-

 

1!

 

Valerie: PARKER MOONSAULT FROM THE TOP ON THEM BOTH! GOIN' FOR A 2-FOR-1 SPECIAL-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Crazy Ola and Tarrasque are eliminated by Lucas A. Parker! (2/3)

 

Colin: So far the number of eliminations by one person still stands with 3 as the highest, especially with a lot of these BOGO plays. 

 

 

Valerie: Blue Ribbon Bonnie has made it her mission to get people excited about state fairs again. Not necessarily farming, but pies and cider. Sometimes livestock but rarely.

 

Colin: She's got a rhubarb custard pie that can kill a man and that man would die happy. She's also got a left hook that can kill a man, and he'd probably be less happy about that. 

 

 

Valerie: Here comes the East Timor A-Lister. He was an international champion, a W2 contender on 2 separate occasions, came close to winning it his first time, and now he feels he deserves the belt. I guess we'll see if that's true. 

 

Sherman: It's that entitlement that's going to get him in trouble. We saw it with Vinaasha, who didn't bother with her full potential and thought she could sneak her way into victory. 

 

Colin: It looks like Wellington isn't going to make the same mistake, as he's already waiting for Parker to get up from that double pin, circling like a hungry shark, and gets him vertical...the Inverted Tombstone is set up! TIMORTICIAN TO LUCAS A PARKER!

 

1!

2!
3!

Lucas A. Parker is eliminated by Wellington Kbiit! (1)

 

Sherman: This is a good step in getting the Hearts list to move it along. Clubs are already at 9, Diamonds at 8, Spades at 10. Hearts are the only ones to not have completed the first half of their list. Our next competitor is only the 6 still. 

 

 

Valerie: As Bonnie and Wellington trade blow for blow, Mary comes in ready to fight, and she...stares Flora dead in the eyes. Oh I don't like this.

 

Colin: Both Puppetmistress and Countess who have yet to come out tend to be able to get a thrall on their opponents. It affords them a huge advantage. 

 

Sherman: In this case you're right. Mary slowly tilts her head and Flora...follows it. It might be too late for Flora. 

 

Valerie: Mary moving her hand to the ground, and Flora Peligrosa is obediently laying down! Mary about to go for the pin...she...thinks better of it?

 

Mary: Take off your mask.

 

Colin: I know you don't make luchadores do this. Ever. It's a huge sign of disrespect and-

 

 

Sherman: And when you're enthralled none of that matters. Flora lays flat on the mat.

 

1.

2.

3.

 

Flora Peligrosa is eliminated by Mary O'Nette. (1)

 

Valerie: And Countess instructing her new charge to remain ringside. This is going to put Spades in the Face Card category, meaning they only have a few more options to enter the conversation.

 

 

Sherman: Daphne strutting her stuff as she comes into the ring BONNIE HAS A BUCKET OF COW MILK AND SPLASHES IT ON DAPHNE!!! DAPHNE FUMING AND CHARGES HER, BONNIE ROLLS HER UP

 

1!

2!
3!

 

"Venus in Fur" Devious Daphne is eliminated by Blue Ribbon Bonnie! (1)

 

Valerie: No use crying over spilled milk.

 

Sherman: That wasn't spilled, that was thrown and that's a $1500 fur coat!

 

 

Colin: Utopia goes all over the world on her private jet, but chooses to counterbalance her life of luxury she goes hard in the paint. She comes in hot and dropkick to the knees of Wellington, coming for the rope and dropkick to the back of his head. Utopia stomping at the back of Wellington's neck!! Bonnie throws the Puppetmistress in the corner and going for a 10-punch on Mary-

 

1! 2! 3! 4!

 

Valerie: WAIT FLORA PULLS HER OFF THE CORNER! FLORA LAUNCHES BONNIE INTO THE STEPS! 

 

Sherman: Flora beating the living hell out of Bonnie outside and she's got the bucket on Bonnie's head! A Stomp! 

 

Valerie: Utopia on the top rope getting ready to drop down on Wellington MARY O'NETTE SHAKES THE ROPES AND UTOPIA LANDS ON HER HEAD! MARY O'NETTE TAKING ADVANTAGE AND GOING FOR THE DOOUBLE COVER-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Wellington Kbiit and Utopia Lin are eliminated by Mary O'Nette! (2/3)

 

Colin: MONSTER MOVES BEING MADE! 

 

Sherman: And that assist from Flora on the outside has certainly done Mary a world of good.

 

 

Valerie: Sei means "Four" in Chinese, which is typically bad luck. And sure enough Blue Ribbon Bonnie's luck has long run out as Sei collects her from Flora and drags her into the ring. 

 

 

Sherman: Mary clearly unhappy that Sei is making away with what she considers her kill, she's sending Flora after Technicolor, Flora pulls a marionette out and awaits Technicolor at the apron as Sei covers Bonnie-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Blue Ribbon Bonnie is eliminated by Sei! (1)

 

Colin: Flora smashes that big wooden dummy across Tech's face! And she's got the wires, OH! SHE'S GOT THEM AROUND TECH'S NECK!! 

 

Valerie: The hold of Mary O'Nette is strong on her. 

 

 

Sherman: Quelpo may actually get to the ring before Technicolor at this point. Technicolor still being choked out by Flora, and this is getting dangerous! Someone has to break this up! 

 

 

Valerie: ORIANA BURKHARDT! THE GRENADA GRENADE SPEAR TACKLES FLORA PELIGROSA!

 

Sherman: ORIANA KNOWS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE CONTROLLED BY SOMEONE, AND SHE KNOWS WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN TO BREAK THAT CONTROL! 

 

Colin: The security trying to break it up, Mary is leaving the ring and she's going up to the craziness...dragging Technicolor down the ramp and rolling her into the ring as Quelpo has Sei in an Octopus Stretch!

 

Valerie: Mary's no fool, she knows the ref will be waiting to see what happens with the submission before counting her pin, shoulder tackle breaks up the submission and knocks both Sei and Quelpo to the ground. 

 

Sherman: Mary covers Technicolor-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Technicolor is eliminated by Mary O'Nette! (4)

 

Colin: Mary now has the most pins and she's barely thrown a punch. 

 

Sherman: She's showing strong leadership skills, and at the end of the day it's who gets the shoulders on the mat.

 

 

Valerie: Mary now turning her frustration to Sei, even with the four falls Mary is particular about what she feels are her kills. 

 

Sherman: You don't get a henchwoman NOT to reap the benefits. 

 

Colin: And Winta taunting Quelpo, that doesn't seem to be a very wise idea. Quelpo takes the bait, charging and Winta evades OH BUT QUELPO CATCHES HER WITH A SUPERKICK. 

 

Sherman: Mary trying the staredown now with Sei, oh that's really not going to work. Sei grabs Mary by the throat and gives the stare right back to her. Sei lifting Mary up with a slow foreboding...CHOKESLAM! DROPS HER RIGHT BACK DOWN!

 

Valerie: Sei going for the pin-

 

1!

2!

 

Colin: Mary kicks. She survives but it's clear that she's going to have to do some actual fighting here. As is Winta, both women realizing that this is a much harder situation than they expected.

 

Valerie: Quelpo entangling Winta into a Rear Naked Choke. Mary tapping more into her Irish now and unleashing some of that bar room brawl she used to be known for, quick but impactful fists to the ribcage of Sei backing her into a corner and just continuing to work the midsection. 

 

Sherman: As much as many of these fighters rely on mind games and cunning, they wouldn't be here if they couldn't fight. Winta trying to get out of the Rear Naked Choke and Quelpo tying it in even deeper! WHOA LOOK AT THE STRENGTH OF WINTA NIGISTI SHE IS FIGHTING TO HER FEET AND SHE HAS QUELPO ON HER BACK, SHE'S JUST BRINGING THEM BOTH UP, CHARGING INTO THE TURNBUCKLE AND SANDWICHES QUELPO IN THE CORNER, GOING FOR A SHOULDER CHARGE QUELPO JUMPS IT AND WINTA CRASHES INTO THE CORNER, QUELPO WITH THE ROLL-UP PIN!

 

1!

2!

 

Valerie: Winta kicks, and she's gotta find a way to get her head in the game!

 

Colin: Mary going up on the turnbuckle and it looks like we're going into 10-Punch Territory OH FLORA ON THE APRON AND SHE CLEARLY DID NOT LIKE BEING MARY'S PUPPET SHE BANGS MARY'S HEAD INTO THE POST! SUPLEX OUT OF THE RING!! FLORA JUST UNLOADING ON MARY O'NETTE!

 

Sherman: Winta slides herself outside the ring, and under the apron...Quelpo taking a run back and I think he intends on taking a suicide dive WINTA STOPS HIM AT THE APRON WITH A SCEPTER!! CLONKS HIM ON THE HEAD! Winta back into the ring and a roll-up-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Quelpo is eliminated by Winta Nigisti! (1)

 

Colin: Winta celebrating SEI WAITING FOR HER AND CHOKESLAM!!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Winta Nigisti is eliminated by Sei! (2)

 

Sherman: Both Clubs and Diamonds have now reached Face Card Status. Sei is the King of Spades. Each suit does have a Joker but that still only means two people left after Sei. Meanwhile Hearts are still only at 6, but with Flora out of Mary's thrall that can finally mo-oh, she stopped hitting Mary.

 

Valerie: Yes, Mary is staring back into her eyes and it looks like they are back on the same page. 

 

 

Sherman: FLORA DRIVES THE TITLE INTO ZUGAIKOTSU'S FACE! FLORA JUST BASHING ZUG'S FACE IN WITH THIS BELT!!

 

 

Colin: El Autorretrato runs in with a painting of himself, and SMASHES it over the head of Sei!! And here comes Flora depositing Zugai in the ring! El Autorretrato with the cover on Sei-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Sei is eliminated by El Autorretrato! (1)

 

Valerie: Mary takes cover on Zugai! 

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Zugaikotsu is eliminated by Mary O'Nette! (5)

 

Sherman: EL AUTORRETRATO WAITING FOR MARY AS SHE GETS UP! A ROLL UP PIN!!

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Mary O'Nette is eliminated by El Autorretrato! (2)

 

Sherman: AND THE THREAT OF O'NETTE COMES TO AN END WITH 5 ELIMINATIONS TO HER NAME. AND EL AUTORRETRATO HAS, FOR A FLEETING MOMENT, THE RING ALL TO HIMSELF. 

 

 

Colin: And the party is coming to us!! The spirit of Carnaval in the woman who bears a variation of the name. 

 

Valerie: She dances on her way down to the ring and gets right into the action, evading El Autorretrato and a Capoeira Kick!

 

 

Colin: Another one of the individuals who attacked SlowMo in her loss to El Cerrador has introduced herself now, and her name is Rosalina Ramos. 

 

Valerie: And she springboards up into this match, giant splash taking both Karnaval and El Autorretrato down!

 

 

Valerie: And his music annoyingly hasn't cut yet, he pulls Karnaval up and he's trying to dance with her, she's not having it! Arm wringer flip by Karnaval and a Standing Moonsault Knee Drop! He gets to his feet, and he's undeterred, trying to dance now with Rosalina Ramos and rejected there too! Rosalina hits him with a Northern Lights Suplex!

 

1!

 

Sherman: Larry kicks out of this and now both Ramos and Karnaval doubling up with stereo heel kicks to Lane! Both of them running off the ropes, DOUBLE ELBOW DROP! They're looking for one more, taking the run and double moonsault, NO BODY THERE!! DOUBLE BELLY FLOP!

 

Colin: EL AUTORRETRATO HAS LANE BY THE HEAD, LAYING HIM ON HIS SIDE....UP TO THE MIDDLE ROPE....MUSHROOM STOMP TO LANE'S TEMPLE!!! STROKE OF GENIUS!!!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

"Modern Scion of Jazz" Larry Lane is eliminated by El Autorretrato! (3)

 

Valerie: That's one way to send him directly to the city of stars!

 

 

Colin: I get the sense that Countess' playbook is going to run similarly to Mary O'Nette's, find an underling to do the lion's share of the work. Eyeing the competition.

 

Valerie: Rosalina and Karnaval turning their attentions to El Autorretrato, throwing him off the ropes and he's been an absolute terror in this match, it makes sense that they'd want to work together to take him out but perhaps not the wisest call leaving Countess on her own. 

 

Sherman: Huge double dropkick by Rosalina and Karnaval, and the power sends him spilling out of the ring! Trying to keep the double team energy going as they finally notice Countess, Irish Whipping her off the ropes, coming back around and they're going for stereo heel kicks, Countess grabs both of the legs, dragon leg screwing them both! 

 

Valerie: She gets Rosalina by the throat and she's just...staring her down! Oh, I think she's making this move again, we saw her do this with Oriana Burkhardt and many others, and Rosalina is bending the knee! KARNAVAL USING ROSALINA AS A RAMP AND ROCKET KICK TO DROP COUNTESS!!!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Countess is eliminated by Karnaval! (1)

 

Colin: Did Rosalina just outsmart Countess? Did she simply pretend to be enthralled?

 

Countess: Destroy her.

 

Sherman: I don't think so, she just gave an order to Ramos and Ramos just absolutely going ham on Karnaval now!!! Viciousness and ferocity!!!

 

 

Valerie: KACY KRUEL IS BACK! And you know she's not turning down a good team up! Kacy and Rosalina absolutely stomping down Karnaval!! Rosalina holding Karnaval down by her throat and Kruel to the top...SHOOTING STAR!! THEY BOTH PIN KARNAVAL!

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Karnaval is eliminated by Rosalina Ramos (1) and Kacy Kruel (1)! 

 

Sherman: We are down to the Joker of Spades! Only one fighter stands between Spades and Elimination!

 

Colin: And that look in Rosalina's eyes is terrifying. Even with Countess out of the picture, Rosalina seems like a rabid animal with an unsatiated appetite.

 

 

Valerie: IT'S THE EMT FROM SLC! AND SHE'S-DROPPED IN A SPEAR BY ROSALINA!!! SHE LANDED ON HER NECK!!! 

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Erica Marbella-Thomas is eliminated by Rosalina Ramos! (2) Spades are out!

 

Sherman: We are one suit down and Rosalina still has that destroyer instinct as she continues to absolutely decimate EMT! 

 

Colin: The ref trying to pull her off and get Erica free from the grasp of Rabid Ramos, Ramos released EL AUTORRETRATO FROM BEHIND WITH A LA MAGISTRAL!!!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Rosalina Ramos is eliminated by El Autorretrato! (4)

 

Valerie: The most opportunistic man we've seen in these matches, he's now notched his fourth pin. He comes back around and spinning heel kick to Kacy Kruel! 

 

 

Colin: His ego is bad enough without being able to be referred to as the King of Clubs.

 

Sherman: Well this might knock down his ego a peg, here comes El Autorretrato with a huracanrana and pin!

 

1!

2!
3!

 

"Silver Fox" Jerry Knox is eliminated by El Autorretrato! (5)

 

Valerie: He can go back to the home. But now Clubs only have two fighters left, and it is increasingly unclear who is going to stop El Autorretrato.

 

 

Colin: CHIKONDI IN LIKE A HOUSE ON FIRE! LARIAT TO KACY! LARIAT TO AUTORRETRATO! BOOT TO KACY! SCOOP SLAM TO AUTORRETRATO!! AND SHE HAS KACY IN THE CORNER! GOING FOR THE PUNCHES-

 

1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! 9! 10!

 

Sherman: Moyo hits a running powerslam on Kacy Kruel! Kacy trips her and locks in for an STF! Moyo doesn't look too bothered by it, and she pulls to her feet, taking Kacy with her, Backpack Stunner!! Chikondi scoops her up... RUNNING MOONSAULT FALLAWAY SLAM! MOYO MOJO!!!

 

1!

2!
3!

Kacy Kruel is eliminated by Chikondi Moyo! (1)

 

Valerie: She's got that dog in her and it shows! What a takedown and Moyo taking a second to feel herself OH AND HERE COMES EL AUTORRETRATO WITH THE O'CONNOR ROLL!

 

1!

2!
3!

Chikondi Moyo is eliminated by El Autorretrato! (6)

 

Sherman: And with that, El Autorretrato clears the record set by Mary O'Nette and for the second time tonight has an empty ring.

 

Colin: This also means that Clubs are now down to their last chance. 

 

 

Colin: EVERYONE LOVES THE GRUNT. The man who moonlights as an understudy for Gritty, he brings a good humor to all he does. But make no mistake, he also loves a good fight. And here he comes to light up El Autorretrato! Huge body check and Autor is on the ground. Grunt off the ropes, a huge splash!! Going for the cover-

 

1!

 

Valerie: Autor kicks and this is all moving so fast the other part of the party isn't even here yet. 

 

 

Sherman: People might think that Smooth and Lane would be buddy-buddy, but Larry Lane is one of the few men who gets under Smooth's skin and I can't blame Smooth for that. 

 

Valerie: Right now the Bebopper from Bridgetown, Barbados is surveying the scene, just taking it all in as the Grunt continues to take Autor back to the proverbial woodshed and absolutely cave in the midsection with those fists. Autor's eliminated 6 people to this point but he's also been going nonstop now for at least a good 15 minutes longer than these fellas and the tiredness is starting to take its hold. 

 

Colin: It's smart for Smooth to take an easy, measured approach. He's the last of the Clubs, the Headliner of sorts, and he's gotta make it through the remainder of the list. 

 

Sherman: Stinger Splash by Grunt in the corner and El Autorretrato just sinks down! Grunt grabs him by the legs and I think we're about to get a big finale, dragging him to the middle of the ring SEBASTIAN SMOOTH OUT OF THE CORNER WITH A SLIDE KICK TAKING GRUNT OFF HIS FEET, MOONSAULT TO BOTH OF THEM!! SMOOTH OPERATOR!!!

 

1!

2!
3!

 

The Grunt and El Autorretrato are eliminated by Silky Sebastian Smooth! (1/2)

 

Valerie: The ring is once again empty! But not for long.

 

 

Sherman: I was hoping that she was going to be too far up the list to make it in the match, but here we are. 

 

Valerie: The crowd is very tepid on her, Sebastian launches her off the ropes and catches her with a spinebuster! 

 

 

Valerie: The Heart list has gone from untouchable quickly to in danger. 

 

Colin: But the younger brother of Dangerous Johnny Dagger  seems like a safe person to safeguard that space, here he comes rushing into the ring with a Springboard Clothesline OH BUT SMOOTH DUCKS AND KRINJ CATCHES DAGGER WITH A BOOT. DAGGER GOES DOWN AND SMOOTH OFF THE ROPES WITH A RUNNING ELBOW KNOCKING KRINJ DOWN TOO. 

 

Sherman: Krinj rolls out of the ring, Smooth with a slow jog to Dagger and Dagger tries to roll him up! 

 

1!

 

Valerie: Smooth gets the shoulder up, Dagger going for a spinning wheel kick and Smooth evades to a German Suplex! Dagger quickly backflips to his feet and front dropkick staggers Smooth, Dagger follows it up with a bulldog! Smooth a little dazed but back to his feet and Dagger's already off the ropes to hit him with another dropkick! 

 

Colin: Kevin has trained under his brother and somewhat with him, and one of the lessons is to never stop moving unless you're going for the pin. Don't mess around, don't get too caught up with the crowd.

 

Sherman: And he takes these lessons to heart, Dagger going up to the top rope KRINJ PULLS THE ROPE DOWN!! DAGGER GOING TUMBLING BACK TO THE MAT!! Dagger trying not to lose a step, back to his feet KRINJ BLOWS CINNAMON INTO HIS EYES! 

 

Valerie: She is choosing violence....but she unlike Dagger is fooling around and deciding to floss on the apron, Smooth takes the opportunity to take the pin!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

"Carolina Kid" Kevin Dagger is eliminated by Silky Sebastian Smooth! (3)

 

Sherman: Through no failure of his own, Dagger was robbed of a shot at the gold. And I don't think Krinj is even aware that she has had her quarry poached. 

 

 

Colin: Jaxon is a submission goddess and as messy as she is in theme, she's very ordered in her fighting style.

 

Valerie: And as an artist she's meticulous and thought out even when it's "Messy". The only thing is, is that going to work in this match? Krinj is a true disaster in the ring and Sebastian comes in quickly and snipes wins. No one's going to wait for a submission specialist to do her thing.

 

Sherman: And sure enough Krinj is dabbing, and it is giving Paula the opening to try to tangle with her, and THERE'S THAT EXCALAMATION POINT, THAT BLACK MASS KICK, SHE JUST CALLS THIS ALL "DAB!!" AND FLOSSING AGAIN DOES SHE NOT REALIZE SEBASTIAN IS STILL THERE?? SEBASTIAN TAKES THE COVER-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

"Postmodern" Paula Jaxon is eliminated by Silky Sebastian Smooth! (4)

 

Colin: Krinj finally catching on and she's getting in the face of Sebastian Smooth, she knocks his glasses off and the two of them are positively badmouthing each other AND IT'S COMING TO BLOWS! HEADS LOCKED IN AND FISTS ARE FLYING!

 

 

Colin: Varney comes in, a monster of a man who used to work in the morgue part of a hospital, he fears nothing, he absolutely SMASHES Sebastian and Krinj's heads together! One arm Sidewalk Slam to each of them!! Scooping both of them up and just wrecking both of them with a suplex! One handed pins on both-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Krinj and Silky Sebastian Smooth are eliminated by "Code Blue" Connor Varney! (1/2) Clubs are out!

 

Valerie: Varney is an absolute force of nature.

 

 

Colin: This match has just become a best-of-five for all intents and purposes.

 

Sherman: This is the man who won the chance to participate in Mayday in a rumble then noticed some falls in the Forest Gauntlet, so he's used to these sorts of situations.

 

Valerie: And he's going hard in the paint as they say, quick punches and ducks the clothesline to Connor, Half Nelson Suplex! And wrapping Varney in a crossface. 

 

Sherman: Varney able to easily overpower Neo and to his feet, Sidewalk Slam to Neo! Going for a pin-

 

1!

 

Colin: Neo with the shoulder up, arm drag to Connor and tries to lock the armdrag, Connor gets him up easily again and goes for a ripcord lariat, Neo dodges and arm-trapped back suplex!

 

Valerie: Neo scrambling to the top rope, Somersault Leg Drop! Cherry On Top!

 

1!

2!
3!

 

"Code Blue" Connor Varney is eliminated by Neopolitan! (1)

 

Sherman: Connor hits the showers, and Neo once again finds himself in an advantageous position. 

 

Valerie: Neo going out to the apron, digging around as he awaits the next competitor and he comes into the ring with a table! 

 

 

Valerie: Rod in and I think Neo plans on making quick work of him, ducks a right from Rod, scoop slam through the table! Picks him up and onto the scraps!! AND ONE MORE FOR GOOD MEASURE!! THREE SCOOPS!!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Rod Kanhai is eliminated by Neopolitan! (2)

 

Sherman: Neo could win it in this next one!!

 

 

Sherman: Cheyenne charging in and she spears Neo!! She's throwing hammer fists to his head and into a headlock, she flips him over and into a crossface! She is not messing around!

 

Valerie: Neo trying to get to the ropes, she rotates him and makes that task much more difficult. Not impossible though, he gets his foot on the back rope and Cheyenne lets go of the hold. 

 

Colin: She knows this is no DQ right? 

 

Sherman: She plays by the rules, even when she doesn't need to. And he takes advantage of the moment, slams a forearm into her face, and goes off the ropes, coming back around and monkey flip by Cheyenne! 

 

Valerie: This is the most pushback he's gotten this match, but she still can't afford to make any mistakes, because here is a man who sees every opening and tears a new hole into it. Even letting go of the hold, he was able to get his first shot in. 

 

Sherman: She gets him up and I think we're about to get her Bull Hammer! A move popularized by Wade Barrett but she makes good use of it too, and down he comes! Goes for the cover and he could be walking-

 

1!

 

Colin: He kicks out! She didn't hook the leg. She hits a finisher and thinks she has him, but again, Neo is annoyingly aware of everything around him and will take advantage so not hooking that leg was a potentially fatal mistake for this match, drives her down with a Spinebuster! Scoop Slam 1...Scoop Slam 2...SCOOP SLAM 3! 

 

Valerie: Rushes to the top, CHERRY ON TOP!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

"Wyoming Wildwoman" Cheyenne is eliminated by Neopolitan! (3) Neopolitan is your winner!!