JUNE 2, 2025
BALTIMORE, MARYLAND

M&T BANK STADIUM

 

Fireworks go off in the stadium as Jacob Lizotte "Madness" blasts through the speakers and the crowds go nuts.

 

Colin (OC): WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME TO THE HOME OF THE BALTIMORE RAVENS, THE BIRTHPLACE OF NEVERMORE, THE CITY THAT SCARED A MILLION MINDS. WELCOME TO BALTIMORE FOR A SPECIAL EPISODE OF MAWL MADNESS. I AM COLIN MCRAE AND I AM JOINED TODAY BY GHW ANNOUNCING TEAM SHERMAN GRACE AND VALERIE THOMAS. IT'S SO GOOD TO HAVE YOU HERE ON THIS WEEK AFTER MAYDAY!

 

 

Colin: Between the insanity that was the Danger Room, the crazy crowded Next Level Match, Manta Ray winning his first title, Leila maintaining control of MAWL and decimating Team SuperStarz and the board in the process, not to mention Balor continuing his impressive title reign, Mayday was truly one of the most explosive events in MAWL history. So much so, that we've given much of the roster the week off to rest up. This week we're instead going to be featuring Gung Ho Wrestling, our farm program, which if I'm not mistaken currently has their top titles vacant?

 

 

Sherman: That's right, Dismal Duo and Ubirajara both graduated up to you guys, so now the titles stand empty.

 

 

Valerie: But that will afford a new opportunity, so we're not too upended about it. We've got a Four Suits Gauntlet and a Tag Tournament to look forward to. 

 

Colin: And some of your stars and ours are putting contract on the line, winner comes up and loser-

 

Sherman: Comes to us? Yeah, great. 

 

Colin: I mean, you guys are the farm league.

 

Valerie: And we still put on a hell of a show week to week, so this is really nice to get this opportunity to showcase. 

 

Colin: So let's get into this, I think these fans wanna see what wildness the GHW roster brings!

 

The crowd pops. 

 

Sherman: We're gonna throw it on down to our man in the stand, Reggie Gorman!

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1

DMV (DA MEAN VALENTINOS) VS THE YETIS

 

Ding ding ding!

 

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a first round match and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

A hot rod cruises onto the stage. In the hot rod sit Calabria and Chiara Valentino, with matching sunglasses.

 

 

Reggie: First! From the mean streets of Woodbridge, New Jersey, Chiara and Calabria Valentino, Da Mean Valentinos!

 

They drive the hot rod down the ramp to boos, then park it right at the edge of the ramp before throwing the keys to their personal Valet. 

 

Valerie: These two represent everything everyone hates about New Jersey. They're brash, they're crass, and they're arrogant.

 

Sherman: But they get the job done.

 

 

Snow gob lights reflect throughout the arena. 

 

Colin: It's snowing in June. 

 

The Yetis enter the ramp, headbanging to the music.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! From the Himalayas, Yarp and Yerb, the Yetis!

 

They mosh and headbang down the ramp as the crowd cheers.

 

Colin: The crowd loves these guys, but they haven't had a ton of success this year.

 

Valerie: Maybe this will be different, but the only way to know is to fight.

 

The bell rings!

 

Sherman: Yarp and Calabria to start, Yarp BLASTS Calabria with a Running Body Block and she's already shaken! That pushback gives Calabria a bit of runway, she springs to the second rope and Springboard Tornado Inverted DDT!!! She's already taken him to task with the Recalabration! And Chiara charges Yerb with a gut punch to take him off the mat!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

DMV win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners, Calabria and Chiara, Da Mean Valentinos!

 

Colin: Welp, guess not.

 

Sherman: That was rough, even for the Yetis. Maybe they should consider mascot work.

 

Kendra: We're just gonna keep it going to our next match.

 

TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT ROUND 1

DANSE MACABRE VS CLASSY ACTION SUITS

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a first round match and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

Riri Tonu and Fiesta Muerta come out with matching black veils over their faces, as they dance with intent down the ramp.

 

 

Reggie: First! The team of Riri Tonu and Fiesta Muerta, DANSE MACABRE! 

 

Danse Macabre duck under the rope and gingerly remove each others' veils, looking at each other intently before using the veils to continue dancing for a moment. 

 

Sherman: They come from slightly different places, but they meet each other at that intersection of the sordid and morbid.

 

 

Jaunty John Ti and Genteel Jen Teal come out toasting the audience with brandy cocktails.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! Jaunty John Ti and Genteel Jen Teal, Classy Action Suits!!

 

Colin: Good lord, look at the size of Jen's hat. Does she hide a brick in there?

 

Valerie: I think her cocktail shaker is in there actually so not far off.

 

They wipe their feet and John Ti holds the rope for Jen Teal, which allows her to come in first. He does a little...well, jaunt, around the apron, then steps back into the ring and folds his coat neatly at the corner. 

 

The bell rings!

 

Colin: Riri and John to start, John tags Jen in and Jen catches Riri's charge with an arm drag. Riri prevents an armbar hitting a pair of knees to the midsection of Jen. Jen hooks Riri's leg to prevent a third knee oh and here comes the other leg right to the back of Jen's head! 

 

Sherman: Jen to her feet, grabs the offending leg, wags her finger at it and a kick right in the shin of Riri. Riri gets the other leg quickly around Jen and brings her down for a side straddle pin-

 

1!

 

Valerie: Jen gets her shoulder up, and back to their feet they go. Riri whips Jen into her corner, tag into Fiesta and double back body drop to Jen! Fiesta with a Polish Hammer to the midsection of Jen, Double Axe Handle to the Back, Polish Hammer Uppercut to the Head!! The Piñata Combo has Teal in a very bad way!

 

Sherman: Fiesta would do well to pin her now, but she's getting the fans pumped up...oh, a moment can cost you and that was what Jen needed to hit her with a Small Package Driver!!

 

1!

 

Valerie: Fiesta gets to her feet, hopefully she learns her lesson here. And Fiesta hits a huracanrana! Jen tries to get to her feet but Fiesta pulls her back down with a La Magistral and pin attempt- John in to save his partner and Springboard Dropkick by Tonu to take John out of the equation!!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Danse Macabre win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners, Riri Tonu and Fiesta Muerta, DANSE MACABRE!

 

Sherman: Would you say that counts as Muerta learning her lesson?

 

Valerie: I sure would, Sherman. Riri and Fiesta were able to keep Jen from her partner effectively, and they are definitely going to be a team to watch in this tournament.

 

Colin: Never assume, I guess, that being a more established team means that you're going to have a one-up. 

 

Sherman: Especially not if your partner refuses to tag.

 

Valerie: Unfortunately, true. But, things are about to get heated in a match that will in some way feel like Heaven vs Hell. 

 

TAG TOURNAMENT ROUND 1

FIRE PIT VS UP ON HIGH

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a first round match and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

The lights go completely red with red sparks coming out as if erupting from a volcano. Vesuvius and Fuji come to the stage and roar upward together, leading to red fire shooting directly upwards.

 

 

Reggie: FIRST! The team of Vesuvius and Fuji! THE FIRE PIT!

 

They storm down the ramp to cheers. 

 

Colin: The audience is heating up!

 

 

The lights shift dramatically from red to white, then to dark with white spotlights as Angelica and Zephyr descend from the rafters, wings fully extended.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! Fallen from the Heavens, Angelica and Zephyr! UP ON HIGH!

 

They lower onto turnbuckles diagonal from each other, spotlights firmly on each of them taking a golden glow.

 

Sherman: It's going to be pretty difficult to have your match match the expectation set by that entrance. Seems they're setting themselves up for disappointment.

 

Valerie: Or, glory.

 

The bell rings!

 

Sherman: Vesuvius and Angelica starting us out here. Angelica calls herself the Harsh Truth, but looks like she's getting a harsh reality right from jump as Vesuvius catches her from the turnbuckle right into a powerslam. Picking Angelica up, HIGH ANGLE SPINNING POWERBOMB! ERUPTION!!

 

1!

 

Valerie: ANGELICA REVERSES HOW??

 

1!

2!
3!

Up On High wins by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners and advancing to round 2, Angelica and Zephyr!! Up On High!!

 

Colin: These outfits that the Fire Pit wear don't lend well to unexpected shifts.

 

Sherman: There would have been no way for Fuji to get to Vesuvius in time wearing that Goldar suit.

 

Valerie: And thus we move along, with Zephyr and Fuji not getting a chance to have any say in this match.

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1

INTOCÁVEIS DE SÃO TOMÉ VS TEMPUS

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a first round match, and it is scheduled for one fall! 

 

 

The music plays as some in the crowd start to dance despite themselves. Genoveva lowers her shades, then she and Idalecio stand in front of Id's phone and take a selfie, both doing duck face. 

 

 

Reggie: First, from SÃO TOMÉ, the team of Genoveva Nilza and Idalecio!! INTOCÁVEIS DE SÃO TOMÉ!

 

The two strut down the ramp, preening as the fans boo. Genoveva puts her shades firmly back on her eyes and gives "The Hand" to the ramp with her left as she yawns with her right.

 

Valerie: Their home country isn't particularly known for ego and braggadocio.  

 

Simon: Yes, because these two took on the ego for most of the island. 

 

 

Reflections of clock faces come all around the arena as the lights mimic thunder. TOME and CHRONOSOME enter on the stage, standing terrifyingly still.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! TOME and CHRONOSOME, TEMPUS!

 

They march forward in lock step, unyielding but slow, reflecting the inevitable march of time. The audience collectively sucks in their breath as TOME and CHRONOSOME pass, then exhale once passed. TOME and CHRONOSOME, TEMPUS!

 

The bell rings!

 

Colin: Nilza and Tome to start, Nilza takes a run, Tome with a clothesline, Nilza ducks and gets his arm, grabbing the other and CRUCIFIX DRIVER! GOOD LORD!

 

Sherman: Tome easily powers out of that. Nilza tags in to Idalecio, Ide with a running shoulder tackle and Tome barely moves. Tome with the Irish Whip and Ide goes careening off the rope, comes back and ducks the big boot, back around and a dropkick! Tome showing a bit of stagger now but still able to manage deftly. 

 

Valerie: It's smart of IDST to keep the pressure on, evade and avoid, not let Tome get momentum going. Ducks a boot again, chop to the back of Tome's leg! And another kick to the back of the leg. And now a huge sweep kick to the same spot and he's got Tome stuttering!! Tome able to get his arm out, tag to Chronosome!! Chrono comes in and BLASTS Ide with a big boot.

 

Sherman: The tag may have reinvigorated this match for Tempus as Chrono pushes his foot down on the ribcage of Idalecio. And going for a stomp, Ide rolls! And a rolling low kick to the offending foot! And Chrono kicks him back like that was no big deal, OH and steps on his face! Chrono going for another step, Ide rolls OH AND A CHEAP SHOT! That's a way to take a big man down! Nilza in and blasts Tome out with a dropkick as Ide rolls Chrono up!

1!

2!
3!

Intocáveis de São Tomé win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners, Genoveva Nilza and Idalecio, INTOCÁVEIS DE SÃO TOMÉ!

 

Colin: The bigger they are, the harder they fall. 

 

Sherman: Well, there go one of my favorite teams to win it.

 

Valerie: And the fall of Tempus puts half the teams down for Round 2, and now we get to the other half! 

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1

HELDE VAN DIE OUERWOOD VS ALHUKAAM ALKHAYIRIN

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a round one match, and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

Okapi and Fossa come out, doing a traditional dance that starts at the stage.

 

 

Reggie: FIRST! The team of Okapi and Fossa, HELDE VAN DIE OERWOUD!

 

The dance continues down the ramp, with the crowd into it.

 

Sherman: Here come the Heroes of the Jungle, and they're going to bring the Animal Instinct into the ring. 

 

 

With red and yellow light acting almost as a sunrise behind them, Nourdine Mmadi and El Moustapha come out with their hands behind them, smiling. 

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents, El Moustapha and Nourdine Mmadi!! ALHUKAAM ALKHAYIRIN!

 

Valerie: I believe the name translates to something along the line of "Good Judge" and they sure are celebrated by and celebrating the fans.

 

Nourdine and Moustapha shake the hands they see on their walk down to the ramp.

 

Sherman: There's a peacefulness to them now, and there will be again once the match is over, but in between bells, it can turn brutal quickly. 

 

Nourdine and Moustapha enter the ring.

 

They shake the hands of their opponents, and Fossa and Nourdine leave the ring, leaving Okapi and Moustapha to start. The bell rings!

 

Colin: Moustapha locks up with Okapi, looks like Moustapha is going to win this test of strength, pops Okapi up and catches him into a Spinebuster! Moustapha celebrating with the fans a bit and Okapi takes the opening, Battering Ram Headbutt right to Moustapha's gut!

 

Valerie: This is far too easy to do any celebrating or pump up work. The crowd will get pumped up naturally when you put the pain to your opponent. But Moustapha tries to make up for it with a roll-up! Not even a one.

 

Sherman: Moustapha picks Okapi up and snap belly to belly! Okapi punches Moustapha on the way down, not too effective in of itself but a good way to show your opponent that you're still awake. 

 

Valerie: Moustapha picking Okapi up again, spins him 180 and lifts into the German Suplex hold...oh! He's Elevating him...he's holding him a bit for effect, OH this is the Pride Rock! And GERMAN SUPLEX! Going for the pin-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Alhukaam Alkhayirin win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners, El Moustapha and Nourdine Mmadi, ALHUKAAM ALKHAYIRIN!

 

Sherman: Someone should tell these tag team partners that you're still a part of the match even if you're on the apron, the number of people just letting their teammate take the bump is concerning. 

 

Valerie: Agreed, I almost wonder if they're seeking singles or promotions and don't care about the tag division.

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1

WARRIOR STRONG VS THE MAJESTIC SKY

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a round one match, and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

Jessie and Barclay stretch out and jump out to loosen themselves up at the entrance way.

 

 

Reggie: First! The team of Barclay Stockett and Jessie Graff, WARRIOR STRONG!

 

Colin: The name refers of course to their shared connection to American Ninja Warrior.

 

They cartwheel down the ramp and clear the ropes flipping in.

 

Valerie: You have to wonder if their paths will cross with Kacy Catanzaro, or Kacy Kruel. 

 

 

Hiro Kahashi and Chim Cú Mèo come running out with multi-colored flashing lights.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! Hiro Kahashi and Chim Cú Mèo, MAJESTIC SKIES!

 

Valerie: This is set to be a very acrobatic endeavor and I'm excited for it. 

 

The bell rings!

 

Colin: Hiro and Barclay starting off, Hiro with a rolling thunder dropkick to get us moving. Hiro keeps it going with a springboard moonsault and trying for the pin-Barclay kicks up quickly but Hiro with a huracanrana and going for a cover again-

 

1!

 

Sherman: Barclay kicks again. Hiro with the Irish Whip into his corner, tag into Chim, Chim to the top and a top rope blockbuster!! Barclay able to roll to her feet and snap bell to belly, Chim snaps up and Spanish Fly to Stockett! Stockett tags in to Jessie Graff, she BLASTS IN WITH A SPRINGBOARD SPINNING WHEEL KICK! WONDER WHEEL!! 

 

Valerie: Chim too quick to get covered, up to his feet and Dropsault to Graff! Graff tags back to Barclay and Diving X-Factor!! STOCK X CHANGE!! 

 

1!

TW-NO!

 

Colin: Hiro with the rescue! See, THIS is the kind of teamwork we've been needing. Barclay with a quick punch to Chim as he gets up, Chim hits with an arm drag, Graff bouncing back to her feet and Fallaway Moonsault Slam! She goes for the pin- Chim gets the shoulder up before the hand goes down for the first count. 

 

Sherman: Barclay Stockett rolls back, DISCUS KINSHASA! BARCLAY STRONG STYLE! 

 

1!

21

3!

 

Warrior Strong win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners! Barclay Stockett and Jessie Graff! WARRIOR STRONG!

 

Colin: Much like Marina Shafir and Shayna Baszler followed in the footsteps of Ronda Rousey, Stockett and Graff follow the path set forth by Catanzaro and now they are one step closer to their first tag championships.

 

Sherman: Two spots remain for that second Round, so let's fill them.

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1

DREAMTIME VS IEREMIA BROTHERS

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team match is a round one contest and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

The arena lights go dim and rotating lights in a mobile sense rotate around the arena in a peaceful speed. Raleigh Erin Moss and Spindle stretch in a yawn as they stand on the stage. 

 

 

Reggie: First, the team of Raleigh Erin Moss and Spindle, DREAMTIME!!!

 

Dreamtime walk down the ramp in an almost flowy fashion. 

 

Sherman: These two seem peaceful, but for their opponents, they can be a nightmare.

 

Valerie: In case you were wondering by the naming convention, yes, Spindle is Sprinkl's brother. He's not the only MAWL family here today, Johnny Dagger's brother Kevin is slated for the Four Suits Gauntlet later. 

 

Colin: No one ever knows what the Four Suits Gauntlet will end up doing. If you have a later card, you may not make it into the match, and we have no idea just yet who drew what. 

 

 

Bauro and Betero Ieremia come out, jamming and waving their hands with big smiles on their faces.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! From Banana, Kiribati, Bauro and Betero! The Ieremia Brothers!

 

Colin: I remember watching these two at the W2, they are just a joy to be around and a joy to watch fight. 

 

The audience waves their hands with the Brothers as they walk down. 

 

Sherman: Betero is the brother with the mask trunks, Bauro is the one with the tats, for anyone with confusion on this match. And Betero is the one to start against Spindle, Spindle charges Betero and Betero catches him into a spinning Powerslam! Going for a quick cover-

 

1!

 

Valerie: Spindle quicks at 1. Betero picks him up for a big ol' Spinebuster and going for the pin again! SPINDLE WITH THE REVERSAL!

 

1!

2!

 

Colin: Betero was caught off guard by that! But he hasn't lost his smile somehow. I respect that. Spindle hits him with an arm drag, tossing Betero into the corner and tagging Moss in, double Irish Whip to Betero and a team Back Body Drop!

 

Valerie: Betero on his feet and going for a charging clothesline, Moss ducks and gets him with a drop toe! She whips him back into the corner and Spindle back in, double Snap Suplex out of the corner! 

 

Sherman: That pin reversal has really thrown Betero off his game and what was a strong start is now sputtering. Betero trying to get momentum back and up, back suplex to Spindle! Tag into Bauro and Bauro with a running shoulder tackle to Spindle. Spindle doesn't stay down long, whipping Bauro into the corner and a tag, backbreaker by Spindle, Moss up to the top and that Wendy Choo Sleepytime Elbow! It's the Bedtime Routine! Moss goes for the cover but Bauro gets his foot on the rope.

 

Valerie: Moss back to her feet, springboards off the ropes into a Coffin Drop! She had too much momentum on that and rolls off, Bauro hot tag to Betero! Betero charges in and takes Moss down with a clothesline! Moss kips up and jumps into the enzuigiri kick! 

 

Colin: Both sides showing incredible team intelligence and absolutely refusing to stay down, but Moss trying to change that now and she's getting the Deep Sleep locked in!! A dragon sleeper with the knees on the back and Betero trying to get to the ropes, struggling and straining and he gets to the ropes just barely AND PUSHES BACK INTO A PIN! MOSS KICKS OUT!

 

Valerie: Betero rolls back to the corner and tags Bauro in, Bauro with a Spear driving Moss to the ground!! Bauro tries to get to his feet from that Moss trips him back down and jumps up with a fist drop. She drags Bauro to the corner, tags in Spindle...and here we go again with the Bedtime Routine! 

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Dreamtime win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners, Raleigh Erin Moss and Spindle, DREAMTIME!

 

Colin: The Brothers put on a hell of a fight, and it took two tag finishers to take them out. 

 

Valerie: There is only one opportunity left to get into Round 2, and other than Al-Squared, all of the teams have one if not two women. There will be a 7 in 8 chance that at least one tag champ will be a woman.

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1

ORDER UP VS CHURCH OF THE PAINTACOST

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a round one match and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

The lights present as a metallic gray and steam rises on the stage, giving the vibe of a sizzling grill. Dirk and Dottie's shadows can be seen through the smoke.

 

 

Reggie: FIRST! Dirk and Dottie, ORDER UP!

 

Dottie carries her trademark pan with a sizzling egg, flipping it as they walk to the ring.

 

Colin: Does this team make anyone else hungry?

 

Valerie: Always. 

 

The team enters the ring, Dottie putting her pan off to the side and sharing the egg with Dirk.

 

 

An organ seems to rise on the stage, with steam coming out of it as Pope Oscurita I and Mother Superior rise on thrones.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! Pope Oscurita I and Mother Superior, the CHURCH OF THE PAINTACOST!

 

Pope Oscurita I and Mother Superior walk with their hands up in praise as they walk down the ramp, plumes of fire following them down.

 

Colin: So no paint brushes, paint rollers?

 

Sherman: It's PAIN-tacost, not PAINT-a-cost. 

 

Colin: Just saying, kind of an O'NEDERS issue. 

 

Valerie: I mean, if you wanna tell them that to their face, go right ahead.

 

The bell rings!

 

Sherman: Mother Superior facing off with Dottie. Superior with a quick throat chop to Dottie, and a Tongan Death Grip bringing Dottie to her knees, DOTTIE HOOKS THE LEGS OF SUPERIOR AND ROLLS IT BACK TO A BOSTON CRAB! Superior kicks out quickly. 

 

Valerie: Superior hits a standing legdrop!  She wraps Dottie's head in a headscissors and a bridge!! Pearly Gates!! Dottie struggling to maintain and she looks like she could be in trouble...Dirk reaching his hands out and he pulls Dottie to the ropes. 

 

Sherman: This gives Dottie the freedom she needs to get out, Superior lets go, goes for a boot, Dottie ducks and a Zig Zag! First sign of full offensive from Order Up! 

 

Colin: Superior quickly cuts that off with a quick powerslam! Pope yanks Dirk off the apron and Superior pins-

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Church of the Paintacost win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners and advancing to round 2, Pope Oscurita I and Mother Superior, Church of the Paintacost!!

 

Sherman: And now that our second round is set, we're going to take a detour with a triple threat match with some MAWL talent.

 

ALFOS VS SOLRAC VS SCREECH

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following contest is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

The lights go white with vertical blue lasers showing out around the arena. Alfos comes out to a decent amount of cheers, pounds his chest twice and raises his arms with a shout.

 

 

Reggie: First! From Portsmouth, England, weighing in at 245 pounds, ALFOS!!

 

Alfos walks down the ramp with pure laser focus on the ring, gradually picking his pace up without breaking focus until it becomes almost a jog. He slides into the ring without breaking stride and begins pacing in his corner, ready to fight.

 

Valerie: He's looking to knock someone out. 

 

 

Screech is driven to the ring by his manager in a Rolls-Royce Phantom.

 

 

Reggie: His opponents! First, from Malloy Thunder Dojo, weighing in at 275 pounds, Screech!

 

In the ring Screech is bouncing up and down with anticipation of a test between two gladiators.

 

Sherman: Two people super pumped to get it going. One left to enter.

 

All the lights go out for a few seconds.

 

 

Start the music and then a light show over the Stadium.

 

In the middle of the Ramp there is a hole, from where Solrac appears on the hydraulic platform, with his back to the Ring and his arms raised, forming an X.

 

 

Reggie: AND! From Aveiro, Portugal, weighing in at 95 kilo, the Olympic Machine, SOLRAC!

 

He turns around and synchronizes with the music. He moves his arms from top to bottom, and when he touches the floor, a pyrotechnic show starts to happen.

 

The audience gets very excited and sings the song as Solrac heads to the ring.

 

Valerie: The crowd is in a rare spot where they're rooting for everyone. 

 

The crowd erupts into cheers as Solrac, clad in his signature ripped jeans and a tight shirt, his modern haircut a stark contrast to the traditional wrestling attire, turns to face the audience. He sweeps his arms downwards in sync with the crescendo of the music, the stadium exploding into pyrotechnics, signaling the arrival of a true champion.

 

The bell rings!

 

Sherman: Solrac immediately runs up on Alfos and snap belly to belly! Alfos rolls out of the ring from the impact and Screech pops up on him THUNDERBOLT DDT! Going for a cover-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Screech wins by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here is your winner, SCREECH!

 

Colin: He didn't even let the paint dry! Found his opening and dropped Solrac's head on the mat, and I'm sure these three didn't think they were coming here just for that.

 

Valerie: Sometimes that's just the way it goes. Speaking of going, the next 3 matches are going to see 3 of our stars head your way Colin, with another 3 having an opportunity to do the same. We've got thee elimination chamber matches which could really change some lives.

 

Sherman: We've purposely kept the roster hidden of these matches, as we wanted this to be a fun surprise for you.

 

Colin: I'm excited to see what happens and who we can look forward to hitting the big time in the coming weeks and months. Let's get it rocking.

 

ELIMINATION CHAMBER 1

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following three contests are Elimination Chamber Matches for a MAWL Contract! Two individuals will start in the ring and every 2 minutes, a new competitor will enter! Once four competitors have been eliminated, the fifth and final person to be eliminated will be entered into a fight for a contract later in the evening, and the winner will go on to become a full MAWL Superstar!

 

 

The lights go indigo as Islander Isaac Indigo walks out with an Indigo Captain's Hat and Jacket, with his pipe. 

 

 

Reggie: From Narragansett, Rhode Island, weighing in at 201 pounds, Islander Isaac Indigo!

 

The crowd boos him as he walks down the ramp, but he pays them no mind.

 

Colin: The last time this man was on a MAWL Broadcast was April 4 as a jobber when we were in Rhode Island and Tino Sabatelli wiped the floor with him. Let's see if he'll fare better today. I'm honestly surprised to see him again. 

 

Isaac wipes his feet on the apron, but then instead of stepping into the ring he enters a pod.

 

Sherman: He's been training a little bit harder, but we'll see if it pays off. Otherwise...he's just lucky he's not starting this thing.

 

The lights go completely dark and the monitors show post-apocalyptic scenes.

 

 

Deep fog rolls through the stadium. Occasional white spotlights flash in and out with the drums. Max Impact marches without emotion down the ramp.

 

 

Reggie: From Fort Worth, Texas, weighing 316 pounds, MAX IMPACT!

 

He continues his militaristic march down the ramp. 

 

Colin: Do we need another one of these? We have Tank Vanguard, Hammer and Pistol, Ivan Volkov. Not that I'm complaining, just saying that I won't be broken up if he doesn't win.

 

He marches towards one of the pods and enters.

 

Valerie: Well, he is getting an advantage in not having to run the whole match, and it's an advantage he doesn't really need, so you may be having any soldier in your future.

 

The lights go completely out as if a breaker snaps. Little sparks of lightning flash around the arena in a seemingly random series. 

 

 

The crowd pops loud as the song kicks in and the lightning coalesces towards the entrance way, where Pinoy Power Surge raises her arms and looks up almost as if being recharged, lightning forming behind her. 

 

 

Reggie: From Sagada, Philippines, PINOY POWER SURGE!!!

 

Colin: I remember her from the W2 as well, she was fantastic and for a while was considered a favorite to take the whole thing her year. I think she was knocked out first round of the tournament if I remember correctly, but that still means she made it through the Round Robin. And that was twice the total fighters as this. 

 

Pinoy Power Surge charges towards the ramp, jumps the apron and springs between the middle and top rope before entering her pod. 

 

Valerie: AND she doesn't have to start. Surge should not be slept on.

 

 

The lights flash red and gold as Hyacinthe Tao storms out, confident.

 

 

Reggie: From Faya-Largeau, Chad, weighing 289 pounds, HYACINTHE TAO!

 

Colin: Another one who did fairly well at the W2, I don't think he quite made it to the tournament his year but it was by a hair.

 

Valerie: We've been mining those old rosters quite a bit.

 

Sherman: And hopefully giving many of them new light.

 

Hyacinthe enters the last pod.

 

Colin: All the pods are filled which means that we're about to see who has the ignoble task of starting this match.

 

 

The lights go a dark blue in a sparse fashion, giving an icy cavern feel. With the occasional synth riff, lighter blue lights flicker, with an icicle feeling from the ceiling. Through this, Icicle arrives on the stage.

 

 

Reggie: From Oymyakon, Russia, ICICLE! 

 

Valerie: The coldest inhabitable place possibly in the world, Oymyakon residents are made of sturdier stuff and don't break easy.

 

Icicle walks with confidence and intent towards the ring as a blue spotlight follows her. She hops up onto the apron and enters the ring.

 

Sherman: This is one half of the starting lineup. Let's see who else comes our way.

 

 

Colin: Oh God, I hate it already.

 

Ol' Jill comes out with her wagon o' weapons (which are mostly children's toys in some fashion).

 

 

Reggie: AND! From Okay, Oklahoma, OL' JILL!

 

Colin: Nothing about this is Okay. Not the blatant whitewashed mockery of legend New Jack, not the fact that now we're gonna have a cursed dummy that isn't Arv in the ring, and definitely not that theme song.

 

Ol' Jill pulls her wagon into the enclosure and sets it by the ring, sort of out of the way. 

 

The bell rings!

 

Valerie: So we're starting with Ol' Jill and Icicle, which means this match can only go up from here. 

 

Sherman: And Ol' Jill gets us started with a running cross body. No pin recorded, Icicle rolls out of the way, Icicle goes for a run and releasing huracanrana that takes Ol' Jill over the apron! That was an unexpected show of strength from Icicle!! Ol' Jill to her feet and Icicle already ready for her, standing dropkick takes her off the apron! 

 

Colin: I'm not sure whether it was intentional or not, but good move on Icicle creating distance between Jill and that wagon. 

 

Valerie: Not enough to justify doing a run back before you go for the springboard attack, Icicle could be making a huge error here and sure enough Jill has been given a window to dig through her wagon of tricks, Icicle charging forward don't do it Icicle suicide dive and Jill sidesteps, catches her in the head with that dummy! 

 

Colin: I told you, cursed. Jill capitalizes on the change in dynamic, scoops Icicle up and front slam onto the steps! OH BUT ICICLE ROLLS OFF THE STAIRS EASILY AND GETS INTO THE RING...Baiting Jill, Jill takes the bait and into the ring, Icicle waiting for her on the top turnbuckle....BLOCKBUSTER FROM THE TOP ROPE! STALACTITE!! And going for the pin-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Ol' Jill is eliminated by Icicle!

 

 

Colin: Get your damn wagon and go! 

 

Valerie: Icicle waiting for the countdown to do its thing.

 

Sherman: It's a...cool-down....period.

 

Colin: N'ice.

 

Valerie: Don't feed this.

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Valerie: And Indigo is now in this match, onto the apron and a springboard dropkick to Icicle. Keeps the momentum going, going on a run, and a jumping elbow drop! Pulling her up, Ripcord Short-Arm Lariat! The I-Line! Going for a pin-

 

1!

 

Sherman: ICICLE WITH THE REVERSAL ROLL-UP!

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Islander Isaac Indigo is eliminated by Icicle!

 

 

Colin: He got...a little bit more in than he did in his first match, but the jobber energy ultimately remains strong.

 

Valerie: Getting eliminated that quickly as a reversal to your own signature, not a great start for Indigo in GHW. But this is exactly what I meant by sturdier stuff. Icicle is proving much more resilient than I think these first contenders thought. 

 

Sherman: True, but she's still got three more to worry about. 

 

Valerie: She's sitting in meditation on the turnbuckle as she awaits the next competitor.

 

Colin: And while we await the next competitor, we want to take this time to remind you this is the first of 3 elimination chambers, and we still have the Four Suits Gauntlet coming up as well as three hometown heroes in battle and the culmination of the tag titles. For just a regular week episode, this is sure action packed. 

 

Sherman: And we want to take this time again to thank Madness for hosting us and affording these opportunities for promotion, this could really be a star making moment for some of these competitors, such as Icicle. 

 

Valerie: And the countdown is about to pick up-

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Colin: If you felt the electricity pick up in this arena, you're not alone. We definitely just had a Surge, and she blasts in with a springboard spinning wheel kick! Icicle back to her feet and absolutely blasts Surge with an enzuigiri, up to the top and she's waiting the rising of Surge...HERE WE GO WITH THE STALACTITE! Going for the pin but Surge grabs the rope.

 

Valerie: I was going to say has she learned nothing from the last two people? But it's an improvement.

 

Sherman: And Surge pulls herself out to the apron, Icicle tries to suplex her in NO SHE LANDS ON HER FEET GOING FOR A QUUUUUICK RUN AND THE CORKSCREW AXE KICK!! IT'S THE SURGIN' GENERAL!! GOING FOR THE PIN-

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Icicle is eliminated by Pinoy Power Surge!

 

 

Colin: Once in a while, these matches read more like gauntlets than Elimination Chambers. None of these competitors want to be stuck with multiple people in the ring and I can't blame them.

 

Valerie: All this being said, it remains to be seen what these last two are going to bring to the table. 

 

Sherman: For now, Pinoy Power Surge getting this crowd hyped up.

 

Valerie: Hell of a run for Icicle, but it wasn't one that was built to last.

 

Colin: And we're getting the countdown clock in a matter of moments, the question of will it be Impact or Tao. 

 

Sherman: Either way, I'd be conserving energy right now if I were Surge.

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Valerie: Which means that last spot belongs to Hyacinthe Tao, and that after the next elimination, there is a chance that the remaining two could go to the big show.

 

Sherman: If you can avoid the next elimination it could be a real good day for you.

 

Colin: Impact starts as I expected, with a big boot. Effective, it sends Surge rolling a bit. 

 

Valerie: Surge to her feet, makes the mistake of running and leaping for a clothesline, Impact catches her and scoop slam! Surge kips up and a dropkick, doesn't do much to Impact but it's a sign of survival from Surge, Surge hits a standing dropkick!! Going for a third, OH she flew too close to the Sun, Impact catches her and rib breaker!

 

Sherman: Dragon leg whip by Surge! She's not out yet!! Quick springboard, ASAI MOONSAULT! Impact punches her in the head, stops the pin attempt. Oh, she punches him back! Okay! And a standing somersault leg drop! 

 

Valerie: Fans shouldn't get their hopes up just yet, rallies don't have any sort of stable shelf life. Not to not care, just not to be unprepared. OH he hammer punches her leg. That's rude. And she chops him back, and a jump up - JUMPING KNEE TO THE FACE OF IMPACT! Not trying for the pin just yet, Surge hitting some stomps.

 

Colin: I'm concerned she may be pushing it a little. As we reach under a minute mark remaining before the final entry, Pinoy goes to the top rope...630 SPLASH! ROLLING BLACKOUT!! 

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Max Impact is eliminated by Pinoy Power Surge!

 

 

Sherman: And Pinoy Power Surge will at the very least be given a shot, if not an outright contract. It stands between her and Hyacinthe Tao. Pinoy catches her breath as she awaits the last pod to open. 

 

Colin: Momentous for that woman there, to be able to have this opportunity right in front of her. 

 

Valerie: You feel that energy, here comes Tao.

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Sherman: Hyacinthe Tao is a mountain of a man. And I'm sure that Surge is feeling relief to not have to deal with him AND Impact. 

 

Valerie: Looks like that relief will be short-lived, Uranage by Tao and followed up with a stomp. But Surge hooks the leg and Drop Toe Hold! Tao up quickly and a big chop to Surge, picks her up and snap spinebuster!! Going for the pin-Surge kicks! And gives a solid punch to the cartilage in the knee. Hyacinthe not too bothered, lifts Surge up over his head, and a sort of Elevated Torture Rack! Will she submit to a Hya Power?

 

Colin: The problem with lifting that high is control becomes more difficult and she slips out of his hold but he's ready for her, RUNNING FRONT SLAM! SHE TAKES A RIDE ON THE AFRICAN QUEEN! AND GOING FOR THE PIN-SHE ROLLS HIM UP INTO A REVERSAL PIN! 

 

1!

 

Sherman: He kicks but you can see he's frustrated. He unleashed two of his biggest moves on her and she's still standing. SHE HITS A JUMPING ELBOW DROP TO KEEP HIM DOWN, UP TO THE TOP, ROLLING BLACKOUT!! HOW DOES SHE STILL HAVE THE ENERGY TO DO IT??

 

1!

TW-NO! HE GETS HIS HANDS ON THE ROPES!

 

Valerie: Both competitors digging deep, deep into their reserves, both of them want the call-up. Both up, he hits an STO on her and a pin attempt-she gets the shoulder up! It could just be an involuntary muscle spasm at this point, but it still counts. 

 

Sherman: There's the other end of this we have yet to talk about...the person who's next eliminated has to compete again for that spot. These two are absolutely decimating each other, and it's making a win here more vital for that goal. They're both laid out! A struggle to get to the feet, both of them inching, and Surge makes it to the ropes! She gets herself up...she can't seriously be considering...

 

Colin: Oh, she is. And she better hope that she can land this, or forget the next match, she'll be lucky to walk out of here. And again we watch the spin, and her body just absolutely still nailing that Blackout, oh but she's hurting something fierce, and the momentum just carries her too far, she loses the cover. Both competitors now completely splayed out.

 

1!

2!

 

Kendra: And it looks like Tao may be stirring, Tao drapes his arm over for the cover-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Pinoy Power Surge is eliminated by Hyacinthe Tao!

 

 

Reggie: Here is your winner, HYACINTHE TAO!

 

 

Colin: Hyacinthe Tao gets the first guaranteed contract!! And Pinoy Power Surge will need to find the energy in her to fight again, as she seeks to take on Qizqichi to see who is main show material and who will be here at this also amazing AAA level. 

 

Sherman: Selfishly, I do hope she stays here but only somewhat as we always root for our people to grow and glow. 

 

Valerie: The Chambers aren't going anywhere though, as here comes the next batch of hopefuls.

 

ELIMINATION CHAMBER 2

 

 

The lights go dark green with gel lights representing forest wildlife flashing in a snaking pattern around the arena.  A bright green spotlight hits the stage where La Bosqua stands.

 

 

Reggie: From Yaviza, Panama, LA BOSQUA!

 

La Bosqua high fives some fans, and jogs towards the ring. 

 

Sherman: The last time we saw La Bosqua in a multi-person event, she was dumped out pretty quickly. But it looks like she'll have a chance potentially to observe and prepare herself a little better this time.

 

She enters a pod. 

 

 

The lights come in thin vertical spires of various colors. La Garra enters and pounds her chest.

 

 

Reggie: From Buenos Aires, Argentina, LA GARRRRRRA!

 

La Garra makes chop motions with her hand as she walks down the ramp and rolls into the ring. La Garra pounds a turnbuckle, and fireworks of a claw shape explode in the middle of the ring.

 

Colin: La Garra is sharp-witted and cutthroat, and only looks out for herself. 

 

Sherman: That's why she does as well as she does.

 

La Garra enters a pod.

 

 

Explosions happen along the ramp, causing staggered plumes of fire. Landmime walks out marching and miming a spinning rifle. 

 

 

Landmime mimes pressing a button and explosions happen all around him on stage.

 

Reggie: From Versailles, France, LANDMIME!

 

Landmime marches to the ring, again "holding" a "rifle." 

 

Valerie: Did he lose his voicebox in combat? Unclear. What is clear is the aggression and rage seeping through his body.

 

Sherman: There's a certain irony that he is going to be in an actual box. 

 

Colin: Guess the ref won't buy that he brought his own.

 

Landmime enters a pod.

 

 

The guitar kicks in and the lights rumble a bit. Once the woman's voice kicks in, a spotlight hits the stage, under which kneels Eisenritter.

 

 

After an extended moment of genuflection, Eisenritter looks up and with confidence and temerity walks at full clip to the ring.

 

Reggie: From Oldenberg, Germany, weighing in at 240 pounds, EISENRITTER!

 

Sherman: The translation is "Iron Knight" and he surely is a scion of strength and heroics.

 

Eisenritter kneels at his pod before entering it.

 

Valerie: So once again we come to the point where the pods are filled, which means the next two in will be our starting pair.

 

 

Sweeping music comes on as the lights take on a sepia tone like a old-timey movie. Rex Gable walks out with his cane, taps it twice on the ground and motions to the entrance. Handsome Hank Horton walks out with a sparkly robe with a star on the back.

 

 

Reggie: From Classic Hollywood, weighing in at 284 pounds, Handsome Hank Horton! 

 

Handsome Hank motions a demand to be admired, but is only met with a rain of boos.

 

Colin: You can't demand love and respect, you have to earn it.

 

Handsome Hank folds up his robe and hands it to Rex. 

 

The color comes back, but gritty in a sense. A single spotlight catches on the stage with a loud bang.

 

 

Persephone Exner preens and models at the top of the stage in the spotlight.

 

 

Persephone Exner walks down the ramp with brash and sensual confidence and a small smile.

 

Reggie: And! Wouldn't you like to know where she's from, she's the Phemme Phatale, Persephone Exner!

 

Exner does a little chuckle covering her mouth as she enters the ring.

 

Valerie: I can't think of a more fitting pairing...though I'd think they'd be working together.

 

Before the bell rings, both of them produce microphones. They talk with speed and precision.

 

Hank: I thought I told you, ya ditzy dame, that if you ever darkened this door again that there'd be two things - cons and equences. Now ya show up here with glitz and glamour and a smile that can kill a man and has two, if you expect me to just lay down and not give ya the one and the two you'll find the three to be even worse.

 

Persephone: Aw darling, don't you remember the good times we had bein' bad? Dancin' vertical by moonlight and horizontal by sunrise? Surely the Hanky must feel awful incomplete without the Panky.

 

Hank: I remember that Sunrise was a Tequila one and when I woke up again I was 20 Gs and 2 trousers short, cursing the day I first laid eyes on ya.

 

Persephone: If you were cursin' the day you were by god swearin' the night before, mouth like a sailor who knows exactly how to anchor a ship. Don't blame me you leave an easy score in easy reach of a top dog, keep your eyes on your prize while you keep your hands on my prize. 

 

Hank: You know I keep my eyes on you, ya busty buffoon.

 

Persephone: You flatter me.

 

Hank: Yeah well I oughta flatten you.

 

Persephone: Then ring-a-ding, hotshot.

 

The bell rings! Finally!

 

Colin: Ring-a-ding indeed, Persephone with a low blow kick, lifting him up and a Razor's Edge! Oh wait, she's not done yet, she's got the crossface locked in!! She just Double-Crossed Hank!!

 

Valerie: She's got that hold in real tight, she's putting him in peril, but he's tough as nails and he's fighting to the ropes, oh she pulls him back! You can hear the crack on his back, but Handsome Hank isn't giving up yet. 

 

Sherman: That toughness can't prevent the fact that his ol' bones aren't what they used to be, oh WAIT Rex Gable just threw in the towel! What the hell is this? 

 

Valerie: Is he working with Persephone? Is he just trying to prevent his star from injury? Well, Hank is going to remain here at GHW so I guess we will find out answers sooner rather than later.

 

Handsome Hank Horton is eliminated by Persephone Exner!

 

 

Valerie: And Exner splays herself out as she awaits the pods to open.

 

Colin: This one is starting to play the same as last, and it's smart fighting if not the most exhilarating. 

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Valerie: Exner greets La Bosqua with a devastating slap. Bosqua returns in kind, and Exner takes the offending hand for an arm wringer flip! Pulls her up and into a Half-Nelson...Half-Nelson Inverted Suplex! It's time for a Change of Seasons! La Bosqua trying to get herself to the ropes and avoid the pin, harsh stomp to the small of Bosqua's back!

 

Sherman: Going for another stomp...NO! LA BOSQUA ROLLS AWAY AND JUMPS UP! ZIG ZAG TO EXNER! Bosqua going for a run and a splash, Exner gets the knees up! Bosqua trying to get to her feet and Exner punches at her back leg. 

 

Colin: Bosqua responds with a quick low back kick, up to the ropes and a Springboard Asai Moonsault!! Jumps the attempted leg sweep by Exner and lands with a knee drop! Bosqua going for a springboard from the middle rope, EXNER GRABS THE MIDDLE ROPE AND BOSQUA GETS GUILLOTINED! Schoolby Driver by Exner and the pin-BOSQUA REVERSES THE ROLL UP but Exner kicks.

 

Valerie: Under a minute now til the next pod opens. Bosqua grabbing Exner and up on the shoulders...carrying her up to the middle rope and I think she's going for it...QUEMA CONTROLADA! Controlled Burn! Or for the uninitiated, a Middle Rope Burning Hammer. 

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Persephone Exner is eliminated by La Bosqua!

 

 

Sherman: We were so close to having more than two in the ring at a time. So close.

 

Valerie: Well, now Persephone and Hank have plenty of time to figure it out betwixt them. 

 

Colin: La Bosqua taking some time to meditate now, as she prepares for the next competitor.

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Valerie: La Garra is what they call in Lucha a ruda, she doesn't believe in rules or anything that doesn't get her ahead. Bosqua already has no patience for her, whips her right into the nearest turnbuckle, lifting her up and onto her shoulders...QUEMA CONTROLADA NUMBER 2! 

 

1!

2!
3!

 

La Garra is eliminated by La Bosqua!

 

 

Sherman: I'm receiving word that the front office does not want to wait the 2 minutes of silence, and they're moving the countdown to now.

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Sherman: It's a battle of wood vs metal, nature vs artifice, day and knight. 

 

Colin: Bosqua loaded up on the middle turnbuckle, oh! Deciding to go to the top, Eisenritter in and greeted with a front dropkick!! Eisenritter catches her on the downswing of the dropkick and holds her high above his head...taking the knee AND DEVASTATING KNEELING BACKBREAKER! OH HE'S HOLDING HER THERE, I THINK HE'S SEEKING SUBMISSION AT DER KÖNIGSALTAR! WAIT SHE BACK HOOKS THE LEG AND DROPS HIM INTO A PIN!!

 

1!

 

Valerie: Eisenritter kicks! You can tell he was a little stunned by that turn of events. He's not used to others finding their way off the altar. He gets her up and blasts her with a spinebuster! And an elbow to the face. That's not very chivalrous.

 

Sherman: Rules of combat, chivalry is out the window when the gauntlets are off. Bosqua rolls out of the way and makes her way up to the second turnbuckle...goading Eisen over and just hits him with a Panama Sunrise!!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Valerie: WHAT??

 

Eisenritter is eliminated by La Bosqua!

 

 

Colin: La Bosqua is on an absolute tear! 

 

Valerie: We only have one person left and OH I just realized who it is.

 

Sherman: The only problem with the setup of this match is that if the ring is cleared when the last pod opens, that person gets a guaranteed at least opportunity without doing anything.

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Sherman: He knows he has to actually hit our stars right? 

 

Valerie: Well it's not gonna matter too much right now, La Bosqua has him up on her shoulders, and here we go up to the second turnbuckle and YEP Quema Controlada! The pin-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Landmime is eliminated by La Bosqua!

 

 

Reggie: Here is your winner, LA BOSQUA!

 

 

Colin: La Bosqua more than earns that contract, tearing through 4 of the 5 other competitors. 

 

Valerie: Landmime will have another opportunity when he fights Banana Ben later.

 

Sherman: And we've got one more set of these to go before we return to our tag tournament!

 

ELIMINATION CHAMBER 3

 

Ding ding ding!

 

 

The trumpets kick in and the Cape Verde flag flashes in on the tron and the runners. The music lowers for a second, before kicking in with the pound of the electric drum, returning the Cape Verde flag to the Apron with a cartoon version of Arlindo Soares' head in the middle smiling. Arlindo himself comes out with a big smile to cheers.

 

 

Reggie: From Patim, Cape Verde, weighing in at 208 pounds, the Cape Verde Crusader, ARLINDO SOARES! 

 

Arlindo takes a jog high fiving some fans as he goes down the ramp.

 

Sherman: It's very fitting that the CAPE Crusader's last name is SOARES. And Soar he does. 

 

Valerie: Oy.

 

Arlindo takes a pod.

 

Colin: He seems okay with waiting.

 

 

Confetti and streamers rain down upon the arena with color fireworks popping off around the stage. Confetti runs out with a large "WOO!" which the fans echo. 

 

 

Reggie: From Delight, Arkansas, weighing in at 180 pounds, CONFETTI!

 

Confetti runs down the ramp, jumping and whooping along the way.

 

Colin: If he gets the contract, I could see him seeking a connection with Joy Addition, and I wouldn't blame him. 

 

Confetti excitedly jumps through the doorway of the structure and goes into his pod.

 

Valerie: I hope he doesn't tire himself out in that pod running around like an excited puppy.

 

 

A titantron of baseball cards shows and as they zoom in, the cards are all Mint Condition Morris Marks, who walks out with a polaroid camera and a box of cards. 

 

 

Reggie: From Oaks, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 265 pounds, Mint Condition Morris Marks!

 

Morris Marks hands out laminated baseball cards of himself to audience members as he walks down the ramp. 

 

Colin: What's the Polaroid for?

 

Valerie: He wants to make a set of his victories, apparently? I don't know, he's kinda weird.

 

Sherman: Any moreso than a lot of others in the fed?

 

Valerie: Point.

 

Morris enters his pod.

 

 

The sparkly guitar comes through the arena, with the lights going a bright blue and green, with glowing "fireflies" of all vivid colors throughout the stands and rafters.

 

As the drum hits, Terra Formiga enters in her robe, giving herself a boxing run in place warm up. At the roll, Terra snaps her head up, with eco-conscious fireworks shooting up by her.

 

 

Terra takes a very boxing/MMA approach to her walk down to the ring, very focused on the opponents currently in the pods.

 

Reggie: From Cedar Creek, Minnesota, Terra Formiga!!!

 

Colin: Former Climate Scientist, her branch shut down by the government in 2019, started training MMA soon after...entered the 2023 W2 and hasn't looked back. 

 

Sherman: And you can sense her energy that she's got a TON of frustration and resentment to work out on whomever is so unlucky as to cross her path. 

 

Terra gives a quick jab combo when she gets to the apron, then walks over to her pod and enters.

 

The American announcers' mics go down for a second as the Japanese announcers' mics come on-

 

 

Miu's entrance plays out as in the video, then she waits in the ring. The American announcers' mics return.

 

 

Colin: Miu winning here would get her potentially back in the ring with Maki, which from my understanding seems to be a goal. 

 

Valerie: It's always fascinating to me when people who at the top of the pile somewhere else want to come somewhere and start from the bottom. 

 

Sherman: Keeps you humble I guess? I personally think it's kinda dumb, but it benefits us so I won't complain.

 

 

The lights go variants of light dark blue to mimic oceanic movement through the snaking guitar riff. 

 

When the distortion kicks in, the lights go bright white for a hot minute and Garja steps out onto the stage.

 

 

Reggie: AND! From Hyderabad, India, GARJA!!

 

Colin: She was training to be an Olympic Swimmer, and did in fact try to hold someone's head under water, getting her kicked off the team. She's since channeled that anger into the ring, entered the W2 in 2022 and has been in and out of the indie scene. It's good to see her again.

 

Garja keeps her eyes focused on the ring as she enters.

 

Garja and Miu shake hands and the bell rings!

 

Sherman: Garja starts with a chop across Miu. Miu grabs that arm and ripcord snap suplex! Going for a pin early-

 

1!

2!

 

Valerie: Garja kicks at 2, I think it took her that long to realize what had just happened. Miu moves in a flash. Miu undeterred, scoops Garja up for a bodyslam. And a repeat performance! Garja with a quick punch to get her to back off.

 

Sherman: Miu is one of my favorite people to watch. This kawaii woman is low key a deft powerhouse. Garja's punch is only momentarily effective, as Miu has Garja's legs and we're going sawiiiiiiinging! 

 

Colin: This gets Garja to the ropes, she's able to pull herself up, and she's getting up to the top! Miu gave her enough distance to do this somewhat safely, and a tightrope walk into a leaping Savate Kick! Miu rolls up to her feet quickly and gets the Bear Hug on Garja!! Oh wait, I think this could be a Blooming Giant Swing and away she goes! 

 

Sherman: This time Miu has the sense to follow her and quick cover for the pin-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Garja is eliminated by Miu!

 

 

Sherman: Guess you're staying with us, Garja. 

 

Valerie: Miu posing and playing to the fans and, cute, but she still has four people to fight.

 

Miu continues this for a few moments and then the countdown clock comes into play.

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Sherman: This young man is fresh out of the oven so to speak and he's lucky he's even being considered for this opportunity, but that luck is counterbalanced by it meaning that he is across from world-renowned Miu.

 

Valerie: Well, he's trying it - running backhand fist to Miu. Like you said, should he get the contract he would do very well to ally with a High Risk or a Joy Addition. And she gives a big chop back. He responds with a chop of his own, looks like they're going blow for blow. And she ends that by getting Confetti over her shoulder....REVERSE FACEBUSTER!! TEARDROP!!!

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Confetti is eliminated by Miu!

 

 

Colin: He's still fresh faced, honestly I think he would have gotten eaten alive on the main roster. Miu is a better fit.

 

Valerie: And we're receiving word that MAKI is actually in the VIP Boxes.

 

 

Sherman: I'm unsure if she wants Miu to win so she can fight her, so she can recruit her, or if she wants Miu to fail, but she is watching this all intently.

 

Colin: And the countdown picks back up, the next pod is coming shortly!

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Colin: SOARES IS IN AND WHAT THE HELL IS SOARES DOING

 

Valerie: He appears to be using Miu being distracted to get up to the top of the pod, I think he's about to do something real dumb DOUBLE ROTATION MOONSAULT OFF THE POD AND MIU JUST SEES WHAT'S COMING AND SHE'S TOO LATE TO STOP IT!!! He covers!!

 

1!

 

Sherman: SHE KICKS! HOT DAMN SHE KICKS! 

 

Valerie: Not only does she kick, she's bench pressing Soares and just TOSSES him! Coming charging in and BATTING HAMMER TO SOARES' CHEST! It would be smart to go for the cover now, but she's taking a moment to give her love to the fans, and that moment is all Soares needs, blasts her with a Hidden Blade! Keeping the momentum going, not losing a step, rolling thunder splash! 

 

Colin: Ooh looks like his momentum carried him a little too far to get the pin, Miu capitalizes with a German Suplex! Gets Arlindo over her shoulder....TEARDROP! 

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Arlindo Soares is eliminated by Miu!

 

 

Sherman: She's dispatched Garja, she's dispatched Confetti, she's dispatched Arlindo. It's not out of the realm of possibility that she could get a clean sweep.

 

Valerie: It's possible that double rotation moonsault took something out of her.

 

Colin: it's possible it took more out of Arlindo than it did Miu.

 

Sherman: I would have landed that on a grounded person, it would have been more effective. Still looked cool, even if it didn't do a whole lot to change the outcome.

 

Valerie: And here we go with the countdown, there's only one of two people it could be -

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Colin: This mean the baseball card guy is last?

 

Valerie: Looks to be that way.

 

Colin: Okay, both women here need to outlast him. Play UNO if you have to, just both be here when he comes and get rid of him. 

 

Sherman: Somehow I don't think that's going to happen, as Terra Formiga hits that Discus Claymore she calls the Extinction Event. 

 

1!

2!

 

Valerie: MIU GETS HER FOOT ON THE ROPES!

 

Colin: YES!! 

 

Sherman: Terra gets up off the pin, Miu lunges with the double axe hammer to the chest!! Batting Hammer! I thought I heard a rib shift! Miu parlays this into a suplex hold! Got Terra up, Vertical Suplex! And bounces up with a knee drop to Terra's head! 

 

Valerie: Miu goes for the German Suplex OH WAIT TERRA GETTING SOME AGENCY BACK SHE BENDS DOWN A LITTLE AND SHE PILLS MIU UP INTO A BACKPACK HOLD! iS THIS GOING TO BE A STUNNER OR SHE'S CHARGING FULL SPEED AT THE ROPES! HITS THE ROPES FRONT FIRST AND FALLS BACKWARDS WITH AMAZING FORCE! 

 

Colin: Gentlefolk, may I present to you...The Terrapin!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Miu is eliminated by Terra Formiga!

 

 

Colin: Awwww dangit. 

 

Sherman: And again, the front office has decided it's not worth it to wait the full 2 minutes.

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Sherman: Formiga greets him with a knee shot to the midsection. He attempts to swing at her, she easily dodges and catches the arm and judo flip! He's back to his feet quickly and inverted atomic drop! She tries to snap a lariat in response, he ducks and bends her into a backbreaker.

 

Valerie: Marks just controlling the pacing now, and release overhead belly to belly sends Formiga flying. He comes charging after her and she cuts it short with a drop toe! Back to his feet, a punch to her head as he rises. Oh, he grabs her hair and big headbutt to her face. She pushes back though with a headbutt of her own, and I respect it.

 

Colin: That's the opening she needed, lightning quick series of kicks to the midsection! But he throws back a right hook to the side of her face. She's giving it right back to him! Terra Formiga is Formidable! And a high kick right to the temple with monster truck force! She gets Marks off his feet! Oh but he kicks at her right knee, and it's aimed a little too well. That could be an issue, and an opening which is an even bigger issue.

 

Valerie: He kicks out the knee again! And going for a pin-she gets her shoulder up easy. She pushes him off and tries to create some distance...she's clearly favoring her right knee, he comes at her and SHE GETS HIM WITH A CRANE KICK! 

 

Colin: That sends him back, she's loading herself up, EXTINCTION EVENT!!!

 

1!

2!

 

Sherman: Foot on the rope!! Frustration setting in, exhaustion setting in, she backs up and CHOP BLOCK BY MARKS!

 

Valerie: She's really favoring that leg now, he picks her up for a powerbomb POISON RANA BY TERRA!!!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Mint Condition Morris Marks is eliminated by Terra Formiga!

 

 

Reggie: HERE IS YOUR WINNER, TERRA FORMIGA!!

 

 

Colin: Terra Formiga has the last guaranteed contract to come up to the Main Roster! Morris Marks will have to fight Kira Dain for that opportunity.

 

Kendra: And that is a relief and a half, as Terra having to do another fight while favoring that knee would have been a disaster.

 

Sherman: As Terra goes off to celebrate her win, we come back to the tag team tournament for Round 2.

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 2

DMV (DA MEAN VALENTINOS) VS ALHUKAAM ALKAYIRIN

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a second round match and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

A hot rod cruises onto the stage. In the hot rod sit Calabria and Chiara Valentino, with matching sunglasses.

 

 

Colin: Here we go again.

 

Reggie: From the mean streets of Woodbridge, New Jersey, Calabria and Chiara Valentino, Da Mean Valentinos!

 

They drive the hot rod down the ramp to boos, then park it right at the edge of the ramp before throwing the keys to their personal Valet. 

 

Valerie: They continued the Yetis' cold streak and now they're about to go in front of the judges.

 

Sherman: I imagine that's nothing new for them. 

 

 

With red and yellow light acting almost as a sunrise behind them, Nourdine Mmadi and El Moustapha come out with their hands behind them, smiling. 

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! El Moustapha, Nourdine Mmadi, ALHUKAAM ALKHAYIRIN!

 

Moustapha and Mmadi come out shaking hands with some of the fans, and occasionally throwing up "2/Peace" signs with their hands. 

 

Sherman: They're clearly excited for round 2.

 

Valerie: I hope they don't expect the same respect from the Valentino sisters that they got the first time around.

 

Moustapha and Mmadi extend handshakes to the Valentino sisters, who flip them off. They shrug and Mmadi stretches out while Moustapha heads to the apron. Chiara starts in this time, with Calabria to the apron.

 

The bell rings!

 

Sherman: Calabria's arguing with Erica already about...something or other? I can't tell, but Chiara takes advantage and low blow kick to Mmadi! And an uppercut! Going for the pin, Mmadi kicks out but clearly already in pain.

 

Valerie: She's about to make it worse, a huge punch to the throat of Mmadi! Lifting him up....full vertical...down into the Neckbreaker! Rubberneck! Mmadi just got Rubbernecked! 

 

1!

 

Colin: Moustapha saves his partner, but I would get the heck outta there if I were Mmadi. Chiara mouthing off to Moustapha NOURDINE MMADI TAKES ADVANTAGE OF THE DIVERSION WITH THE ROLL UP PIN! Chiara pushes the roll into her favor! And Mmadi kicks before the count can begin.

 

Sherman: To their feet, Mmadi with a chest rattling chop on Chiara, she grabs under his armpits and lifts him up...bridging overhead belly to belly! Just drives Mmadi headfirst into the canvas! Toll Bridge! 

 

Valerie: CALABRIA LOW BLOW TO MOUSTAPHA FROM BEHIND! MOUSTAPHA FALLS OFF THE APRON!

 

1!

2!
3!

DMV (Da Mean Valentinos) win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners and advancing to the Semi-Finals, Calabria and Chiara! Da Mean Valentinos!

 

Valerie: At least one of the tag team belt holders is going to be a woman, and honestly, I am here for it. 

 

Sherman: This match never veered too far out of the control of DMV, they are once again a force from bell to bell, and I feel sorr for whomever is going to be there with them in the Semi-Finals.

 

Colin: And we'll learn in a little bit whether that will be Up On High or Dreamtime but first we look to the other half of the bracket, where Danse Macabre take on Warrior Strong. 

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 2

DANSE MACABRE VS WARRIOR STRONG

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a second round match and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

Fiesta Muerta and Riri Tonu adorn their black veils as they glide and dance with each other down the ramp. 

 

 

Reggie: First! The team of Riri Tonu and Fiesta Muerta! DANSE MACABRE!

 

Colin: There's a somber elegance with these two, but also a muted playfulness. 

 

Danse Macabre duck under the rope and gingerly remove each others' veils, looking at each other intently before using the veils to continue dancing for a moment. 

 

Valerie: That moment right there, exudes what you're saying perfectly. 

 

Sherman: And the opponents could not be more diametrically opposed. 

 

 

Jessie and Barclay stretch out and jump out to loosen themselves up at the entrance way.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents, Barclay Stockett and Jessie Graff! WARRIOR STRONG!

 

They cartwheel down the ramp and clear the ropes flipping in.

 

Colin: To your point Sherman these teams really are light and dark, Enid and Wednesday, life and death, fire and ice. It will be interesting to see which overtakes the other.

 

The bell rings!

 

Valerie: Graff and Muerta to start, Graff barreling in with a cartwheel handspring body splash and going for the quick cover-MUERTA REVERSES INTO A ROLL UP! OH AND JESSIE KICKS!

 

Sherman: Muerta Irish Whips Graff and that's the worst thing she could have done, Springboard into a Spinning Wheel Kick! WONDER WHEEL! Going for the pin again-

 

1!

2!

 

Colin: Muerta pops the shoulder up and Jessie already grabs it into a flipping arm drag. 

 

Valerie: I think we're getting out answer, and it's that the propulsive energy may be too much for Muerta to keep up with. Muerta smartly tags in Riri Tonu, Riri comes in with a running elbow. Jessie stumbles a bit but Muay Thai kick to the midsection! Here she comes off the rope, Running Backflip Mushroom Stomp! Catches Riri right on the back of the head with the Jessapeak Bay!

 

1!

2!

 

Sherman: Tonu barely kicks. Jessie arguing with the ref about the count, Riri jumps up behind her and two-handed bulldog! And a jumping knee drop to her head! Tonu taking a run to go for the knee and she gave Jessie too much time to get up, Jessie takes advantage and Jessapeak Bay the second! 

 

1!

 

Colin: Muerta saves Tonu right before the 2. Jessie wastes no time in getting Riri's head between her legs, gets herself in a handstand!! Riri Tonu truly struggling and Jessie drives the head into the mat!!

 

Valerie: Her aggression is on point. And a brutal kick to Riri's temple as Jessie gets to her feet. Oh, and Jessie continues up with a stomp to the head. Jessie pulling Riri up for a snap suplex and a pin attempt but Riri rolls out.

 

Sherman: You can see the anger starting to build on Graff's face. All match long she's prevented any major offense from both these women but she can't seem to put either of them away either. 

 

Colin: A quick slap by Riri as she gets to her feet. Jessie responds with launching Riri into her own corner, tag into Barclay!! Double vertical suplex by Warrior Strong! 

 

Valerie: Riri quick response with a floatover snapmare and going for the cover on Barclay-naturally Barclay kicks up. Riri going for a flipping arm drag, Barclay lands on her feet and front dropkick!! They both run for the tag, Jessie back in and catches Muerta with a forearm shot. Muerta springs back up and trying to catch up to the pace of Warrior Strong, Jessie ducks the dropkick and Inverted DDT by Jessie on the landing! 

 

Sherman: Muerta back to her feet and snap DDT to Jessie! Keeping the headlock on, a back elbow to Graff's head. And now just tightening that headlock! Into a full on sleeperhold, Jessie in the uncomfortable bent over position, flailing a little bit but able to grab hold of the rope! Muerta tosses Jessie into the Macabre corner, tag into Muerta, they each grab an arm of Jessie and spin her lack a ballerina...oh, I think I see where this is going. Yep, they threw their free arms up. 

 

Colin: Cross-armed double Skull Crushing Finale! It's the Last Dance! Riri with the pin and Muerta stands guard-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Danse Macabre win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners and advancing to the Semi-Finals, Riri Tonu and Fiesta Muerta!! DANSE MACABRE!!

 

Colin: WHAT A COMEBACK! 

 

Sherman: You can see the simmering of Jessie and Barclay, and you know that this is faaaar from over.

 

Valerie: We're going to get the other half of the equation for the semi-finals going right now!

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 2

UP ON HIGH VS DREAMTIME 

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a second round match, and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

The lights shift dramatically from red to white, then to dark with white spotlights as Angelica and Zephyr descend from the rafters, wings fully extended. 

 

 

Reggie: First! Fallen from the Heavens, Angelica and Zephyr! UP ON HIGH!

 

They lower onto turnbuckles diagonal from each other, spotlights firmly on each of them taking a golden glow.

 

Valerie: They're perched like Gargoyles, defending the ring. Human dreamcatchers. 

 

 

The arena lights go dim and rotating lights in a mobile sense rotate around the arena in a peaceful speed. Raleigh Erin Moss and Spindle stretch in a yawn as they stand on the stage. 

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! Raleigh Erin Moss and Spindle...DREAMTIME!

 

Dreamtime walk down the ramp in an almost flowy fashion. 

 

Colin: It's the Supernatural versus the Subconscious, and it's about to go down.

 

The bell rings!

 

Valerie: It's Moss and Zephyr to start. Moss Irish Whips Zephyr into the corner, tags Spindle in right away and Double Rebound Suplex from the Corner! Zephyr attempts a victory roll on Spindle and Spindle keeps the roll going! Zephyr breaks out easy. OH BUT SPINDLE READY FOR HER AND A DOUBLE ROTATION CROSS RHODES, THE STAGE 2!! 

 

Sherman: Going for the pin and Zephyr reverses into a roll up! HOW!

 

1!

 

Colin: Spindle kicks, but you can tell that he's angry he wasted his best move.

 

Valerie: Shouldn't have brought it out so early. And now a stiff punch by Zephyr as they get to their feet. 

 

Sherman: Left the arm out a little too long, judo flip by Spindle! ZEPHYR WITH THE HOT TAG AND ANGELICA BURSTING IN, RUNNING FRONT DROPKICK CRASHES SPINDLE INTO THE OPPOSITE TURNBUCKLE! 

 

Valerie: He'd be wise to tag oh nope he's going for a running big boot instead. Pulls her up into a Ripcord OH NO ANGELICA DUCKS AND HOOKS HIM UP...GORY BOMB!!

 

Colin: Angelica going for the tag...Spindle grabs her leg and faceplants her! Just short of the goal. Ohhh...she's mad now, I'd run Spindle!

 

Sherman: Angelica is gonna help him run....right into the corner! She's pulling him up with the double underhook...she gets her feet on that middle rope...SUNSET FLIP DOUBLE UNDERHOOK POWERBOMB! That's a Truth Bomb from the Harsh Truth! And the pin-

 

1!

 

Valerie: Moss with the save!! Spindle needs to get the heck out of Dodge and tag in Moss. 

 

Colin: DOUBLE HOT TAG! ANGELICA TO ZEPHYR, MOSS TO SPINDLE, CHARGING AT EACH OTHER AND ZEPHYR HITS A POP ROX ON MOSS! 

 

Sherman: Moss quick to her feet and an Enzguiri! Moss back to a neutral corner, coming in with a Rolling Thunder and a Stunner!! ROLLING STONE!!! 

 

1!

2!

 

Valerie: ANGELICA SAVES ZEPHYR! But only for a moment, Moss taking Zephyr by the hair and whipping her into the turnbuckle post! And a German Suplex!! ZEPHYR ROLLS TO HER FEET AND FRONT DROPKICK PUSHING MOSS INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!!

 

Sherman: Spindle tags himself back in and jumps off the top with a double axe handle! ZEPHYR PUSHES HIM BACK INTO THE CORNER! BRINGING HIM UP TO THE TOP AND LOADING HERSELF BACK, BACK....SHE TAKES A RUN AND LEAPS UP AT SPINDLE AND HITS A CODEBREAKER!! SHE CALLS THIS ALL THE WINDBREAKER AND SPINDLE MAY HAVE JUST BECOME SPUN-DLE! 

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Up on High win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners and moving on to the Semi-Finals, Angelica and Zephyr, UP ON HIGH!!

 

Colin: One more team to round out the Final Four! 

 

Valerie: Well, let's not waste time, let's see what the situation is!

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 2

INTOCÁVEIS DE SÃO TOMÉ VS CHURCH OF THE PAINTACOST

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is a second round match and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

The music plays as some in the crowd start to dance despite themselves. Genoveva lowers her shades, then she and Idalecio stand in front of Id's phone and take a selfie, both doing duck face. 

 

 

Reggie: First, from SÃO TOMÉ, the team of Genoveva Nilza and Idalecio!! INTOCÁVEIS DE SÃO TOMÉ!

 

The two strut down the ramp, preening as the fans boo. Genoveva puts her shades firmly back on her eyes and gives "The Hand" to the ramp with her left as she yawns with her right.

 

Colin: Winning the first round has only made them more arrogant and unbearable.

 

Sherman: Ide is the last male in this tournament. Right now he just sees himself as awash in women.

 

Valerie: Yeah well if he's not careful he's going to be a washed up.

 

 

An organ seems to rise on the stage, with steam coming out of it as Pope Oscurita I and Mother Superior rise on thrones.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! Pope Oscurita I and Mother Superior, the CHURCH OF THE PAINTACOST!

 

Pope Oscurita I and Mother Superior walk with their hands up in praise as they walk down the ramp, plumes of fire following them down.

 

Sherman: Round 1 was a short affair, with Mother doing most of the work. 

 

Valerie: Ain't that the way.

 

They genuflect briefly at the stairs then Mother Superior takes the apron as Pope Oscurita I enters the ring to face down Idalecio. The bell rings!

 

Colin: This time Pope starts, and Ide has no problem punching the Pope. Gets her with a jab combo. Tag in to Nilza, Nilza hits Pope with a ravaging back hand. Pope tags in Mother, Mother hits a Spear! Nilza holds the head and unloads a series of hammer punches. Mother rises up with Nilza and drives her back down with a Short Arm Lariat!

 

Sherman: The crowd booing her and starting to rankle a bit. Genoveva takes advantage of Mother Superior's distraction and hits her spinning STO! The SÃO TOMÉ OLIGARCH! Going for a pin-Mother reverses into a pin of her own but Nilza kicks out! Mother tag to Pope, Pope hits a Running European Uppercut on Nilza!!

 

Valerie: Pope doesn't retract the arm quick enough, Nilza takes advantage!! Hooks the suplex, lifting Pope up into a Vertical Suplex, hoooolding hoooooolding and a Spike Piledriver!! She calls that the Ostracizer! 

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Intocáveis de São Tomé win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners and advancing to the Semi-Finals! Genoveva Nilza and Idalecio, Intocáveis de São Tomé!

 

Valerie: Usually it's the Pope doing the Ostracizing, weird to see that turned on its head. Refreshing though.

 

Sherman: The semis are set! 

 

Colin: So the next thing to set is, will new contracts be signed tonight? Will there be superstar swaps? Let's get into it!

 

PINOY POWER SURGE VS QIZQICHI

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following contest is scheduled for One Fall, and is for a spot on the MAWL Main Roster!

 

The lights go completely out as if a breaker snaps. Little sparks of lightning flash around the arena in a seemingly random series. 

 

 

The crowd pops loud as the song kicks in and the lightning coalesces towards the entrance way, where Pinoy Power Surge raises her arms and looks up almost as if being recharged, lightning forming behind her. 

 

 

Reggie: From Sagada, Philippines, PINOY POWER SURGE!!!

 

Pinoy Power Surge charges towards the ramp, jumps the apron and springs between the middle and top rope and shouts loud, a firework display of lightning bolts forming a pyramid over her head in the ring.

 

Valerie: Pinoy still a little sore from her previous match but hoping that she can get down what she needs to get done here and get that promotion.

 

 

The first guitar riffs hit with plumes of fire coming in and out in time with them. When the main riff hits, Qizqichi comes out on his unicycle.

 

 

As the music picks up, Qizqichi rides the Unicycle down the ramp, juggling stress balls with sad faces on them.

 

Reggie: And her opponent! From Qarshi, Uzbekistan, weighing 210 pounds, the Qarshi Qlown, QIZQICHI!

 

The crowd boos this endeavor. Qiz hits the bottom of the ramp and stands on the unicycle seat entirely, before launching himself into the ring.

 

Sherman: Are you not entertained??

 

Valerie: My guess is no, not really.

 

The bell rings!

 

Colin: Pinoy with a quick jumping spin kick, wasting no time. And off the ropes at lightning speed, coming back around and tilt-a-whirl headscissors! But Qiz is quick on his feet and rolls up to hit a forearm smash. 

 

Sherman: Pinoy not deterred by that, slides to the other side of him, pop up and poison rana! Taking a run, SURGIN GENERAL!! That Corkscrew Axe Kick has gotten her out of a tough jam at the start of the night, can she take the win with it again-

 

1!

2!
3!

 

Pinoy Power Surge wins by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here is your winner, PINOY POWER SURGE!!

 

Colin: She's comin' up to MAWL!!! 

 

Valerie: She was smart to get the quick win, it was clear that she was not in the best condition and going too long would have been a bad time.

 

Sherman: One down! Two to go! 

 

MINT CONDITION MORRIS MARKS VS BANANA BEN

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for a spot on the MAWL roster! 

 

 

A titantron of baseball cards shows and as they zoom in, the cards are all Mint Condition Morris Marks, who walks out with a polaroid camera and a box of cards, these are hologram editions of MAWL cards.

 

 

Reggie: From Oaks, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 265 pounds, Mint Condition Morris Marks!

 

Morris Marks hands out laminated hologram cards of himself to audience members as he walks down the ramp. 

 

Valerie: He must have had those ready...right? He didn't just get those made?

 

Sherman: Yeah I think he had a special box in case he made it to this match. 

 

 

As the first woos kick in the arena turns black with accents of yellow lights about. The video screens throughout the arena are running a scrolling set of bananas. As the acoustic guitar settles in the camera starts to pan around the arena where “firefly” type lights are showing up only in that same yellow.

 

“And before that wolf eats my gramma give that wolf a banana” plays and Banana Ben enters the stage dancing with a banana in each hand.

 

 

Reggie: And his opponent! From Sandwich, New Hampshire, weighing 258 pounds, the Potassium Powerhouse, BANANA BEN!

 

As soon as the beat drops and “BANANA” hits he throws his arms up and all the lights go yellow. He walks down the ramp trying to get people to raise the roof and sing along to “YUM YUM YUM” … some do, while others boo. He jumps on the apron and does a little twerk before entering the ring.

 

Colin: I honestly can't tell who's more irritating. 

 

The bell rings!

 

Valerie: Morris grabs a banana...and starts squashing it! Banana Ben takes the bait, that was pretty dumb, Marks with one suplex, two suplex, three suplex! Full Set! Going for the pin-

 

1!

 

Sherman: Banana kicks! I guess his suit gives him some padding that he was able to withstand a little bit of that. Banana with a face punch as he gets to his feet and he hooks Mime's head, Elbow to the back of it! Marks responds with a snap DDT and oh it looks like Banana landed a little rough on his head there.

 

Colin: Banana takes Marks down at the ankles with a Mat Slam and going for a cover-oh did he hook the tights?

1!

2!

3!

 

Banana Ben wins by PInfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here is your winner and remaining on the MAWL roster, Banana Ben!

 

Valerie: If Morris Marks can't kick out of a mat slam...yeah, he's not ready to move up yet. Still some training to do.

 

Colin: Somehow the matches got mixed up and Marks came out for Landmime's match, so I guess they switched dance partners?

 

Sherman: So let's dance!

 

LANDMIME VS KIRA DAIN

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for a spot on the MAWL Roster!

 

 

Explosions happen along the ramp, causing staggered plumes of fire. Landmime walks out marching and miming a spinning rifle. 

 

 

Landmime mimes pressing a button and explosions happen all around him on stage.

 

Reggie: From Versailles, France, LANDMIME!

 

Landmime marches to the ring, again "holding" a "rifle." 

 

Sherman: So far, GHW is 1 for 2, let's see if Landmime will tip the scales in the way of GHW. 

 

We hear the sweeping entrance of a news broadcast as a voice says "Now here's Kira Dain with the weather" as Kira Dain enters onto the stage.

 

 

The voice keeps its newscaster voice as the music abruptly cuts and says "And Pain." At this point Kira takes off her blazer to reveal her wrestling top to cheers from the crowd as fireworks go off on the ramp.

 

 

The music shifts to Nita Strauss feat. Dorothy "Victorious" and she pumps her arms with the crowd as she walks down the ramp. 

 

Reggie: And his opponent! From Sheridan, Wyoming, with weather and pain, it's Kira Dain!

 

She gets in the ring and rips off the skirt to reveal her wrestling trunks.

 

Colin: Dain was one of the W2 Contenders this year who almost made it to Path 2 Glory, stayed with us instead, but has been out on injury for a little bit and there was some question about where her place would be in all this.

 

The bell rings!

 

Colin: Landmime with the whip, and catches Dain with a boot to start us off. Dain up quickly and hooks the booting leg, lifts Mime up and spinebuster!

 

Valerie: One of the consistent issues I've seen with wrestlers here is they don't retract fast enough. You boot someone, put your leg down immediately. These are professionals who will capitalize on any hesitation. You have to be lightning quick in preparing for the next move. And Dain already looking to end Mime's night with a pin but he gets the shoulder up before the count can start.

 

Sherman: Dain with two quick mounted punches as she gets up, both of them up and that was just to get to the other side of Landmime!! KIRAFUDA CLUTCH LOCKED IN!! Landmime flailing! 

 

Valerie: He needs to get to the ropes if he's going to have any chance of getting out of this one. And he, can he...just barely makes it. Dain releases the hold and back elbow by Landmime into her gut. She responds with a chop to his throat!

 

Colin: It's not like he was using his voicebox anyway. 

 

Sherman: Landmime hits a big arm wringer flip! She's back up to her feet quickly and quick running elbow right to his face! He staggers and she pulls him back down for a second go of the Clutch!!! He can't get to the ropes! He's desperately trying to break free, she pulls him in tighter...wait...he's miming something around his hands...this looks like a Desperation Play to me, "BRASS KNUCKLES"! 

 

Valerie: Oh but he wasn't as sneaky as he thought and Erica caught him! She's ringing the bell! 

 

Kira Dain wins by....Disqualification?

 

 

Reggie: As a result of a disqualification, your winner and still MAWL Roster Member, KIRA DAIN!

 

Sherman: I'd say that needs to be contested, but with two Kirafuda. it doesn't really matter at the end of the day.

 

Valerie: Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. 

 

Colin: And it don't get much stupider than that. 

 

Sherman: We've still got a little ways to go, two championships to crown and some hometown heroes in the building, so let's keep it rolling. 

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT SEMI-FINAL

DMV (DA MEAN VALENTINOS) VS UP ON HIGH

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall, and the winners will advance to the Tag Title Final! 

 

 

A hot rod cruises onto the stage. In the hot rod sit Calabria and Chiara Valentino, with matching sunglasses.

 

 

Colin: The Jersey Devils vs the Fallen Angels coming at you right now! 

 

Reggie: From the mean streets of Woodbridge, New Jersey, Calabria and Chiara Valentino, Da Mean Valentinos!

 

They drive the hot rod down the ramp to boos, then park it right at the edge of the ramp before throwing the keys to their personal Valet. 

 

Valerie: Do you think that this match will give them ANY pause?

 

Sherman: Sense they're going, I doubt it. 

 

 

The lights shift dramatically from red to white, then to dark with white spotlights as Angelica and Zephyr descend from the rafters, wings fully extended.

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents, Fallen from the Heavens, ANGELICA AND ZEPHYR! UP ON HIGH!

 

Sherman: I don't envy Reggie and Erica right now. I wouldn't want to deal with either of these teams if I raised the hands of the other.

 

Valerie: You're a coward.

 

The bell rings!

 

Colin: Chiara and Angelica to start, Chiara rushing in with a gut punch combo. Angelica doubling over a little but she uses her body angling to get hold of Chiara's legs and back body drop! Angelica pulls Chiara up and Side Slam! Chiara to Calabria, Angelica to Zephyr, we got the other half staring each other down now.

 

Sherman: Zephyr charges at lightning speed and front dropkick knocks Calabria right back into her corner! 

 

Valerie: Return to sender. 

 

Colin: She comes to charge her, but Calabria ducks the clothesline and gut punch into a Uranage! Going for the cover, I THINK CHIARA HAS CALABRIA'S LEGS, BUT THEY'RE OUT OF SIGHT OF ERICA!

 

1!

2!

3!

 

DMV (Da Mean Valentinos) win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Your winners and advancing to the finals, Chiara and Calabria Valentino! Da Mean Valentinos!

 

Sherman: The sisters steal their spot in the Final!

 

Valerie: Oh, Up on High do not look happy. You better run, DMV!

 

Up on High chase DMV to the backstage.

 

Colin: And now let's find out who the other half of the Final will be.

 

Sherman: And if Up On High have anything to say about it, pretty much the winners of the whole thing.

 

TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT SEMI-FINAL

DANSE MACABRE VS INTOCÁVEIS DE SÃO TOMÉ 

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall, and the winners will advance to the Tag Title Final!

 

 

Fiesta Muerta and Riri Tonu adorn their black veils as they glide and dance with each other down the ramp. 

 

 

Reggie: Entering first, the team of Riri Tonu and Fiesta Muerta, DANSE MACABRE!

 

Sherman: This is the third time I've witnessed this and it creeps me out each time.

 

Danse Macabre duck under the rope and gingerly remove each others' veils, looking at each other intently before using the veils to continue dancing for a moment. 

 

 

The music plays as some in the crowd start to dance despite themselves. Genoveva lowers her shades, then she and Idalecio stand in front of Id's phone and take a selfie, both doing duck face. 

 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! Hailing from SÃO TOMÉ, the team of Genoveva Nilza and Idalecio!! INTOCÁVEIS DE SÃO TOMÉ!

 

The two strut down the ramp, preening as the fans boo. Genoveva puts her shades firmly back on her eyes and gives "The Hand" to the ramp with her left as she yawns with her right.

 

Colin: The sheer smarm on these two. I feel oily watching them.

 

The bell rings!

 

Sherman: Fiesta charging in with a Polish Hammer to the midsection of Nilza, Double Axe Handle to the Back, Polish Hammer Uppercut to the Head!! The Piñata Combo gets us going! And taking Nilza down for the count, IDALECIO ABANDONS HER! 

 

Valerie: He doesn't want to be touched by them apparently...you could see it in his body movements at the outset of the match. His partner has now paid the price for his ego? Germaphobia? Both?

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Danse Macabre win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners, and advancing to the Finals, RIRI TONU AND FIESTA MUERTA! DANSE MACABRE!!

 

Reggie pauses as he holds his ear.

 

Colin: What's all this then?

 

Reggie: I have just received word that due to the quick fall nature of many of the matches in this tournament, the final will be 2 out of 3 falls! 

 

Valerie: Honestly, I respect it. It has been a lot of in and outs. 

 

Sherman: Well, we're in the final stretch, let's keep this party bumpin bumpin. 

 

Valerie: Never say that again.

 

LUCENZA ROSSI AND BIANCA DIAZ VS V.I.POE

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! 

 

 

A private jet is shown taking off as the letters "Z L I" alternate on the screen in time with distortion pattern. A ticker tape kicks in with ZLI stock constantly rising around the runner as the music picks up. In the last twinkle before the vocals, cannons of money blast off and Lucenza and Bianca Diaz stand in the money blast.

 

 

Reggie: FIRST! Representing Zora Luthor International, Bianca Diaz and Lucenza Rossi!

 

They walk down the ramp laughing nastily at the fans. 

 

Colin: She and I were a great team, but money and power won. And now she's embraced the rancidness and I fear there's no turning back. Now I just want to see her face get kicked in.

 

Bianca and Lucenza toss their heads back as they enter the ramp, reveling in the boos coming their way.

 

 

An opening video of Lenore and Rave N shows on the screen doing the dialog part. As soon as the music hits the lights go down, and the crowd LOSES THEIR DANG MINDS.

 

Valerie: The crowd knows exactly what's going on, and it's that two of their hometown girls have come to play.

 

When the singing begins neon ravens and angels start showing up around the stadium, with their beaks looking like they're singing. As soon as the operatic pre-chorus kicks in a spotlight hits with a thud and a single spotlight hits the stage, with Rave N and Lenore Usher standing in it. The arena goes full electric. 

 

 

When the techno "Poe" kicks in, the spotlight gives way to a blacklight highlighting the neon on their singlets. The crowd chants "Poe Poe Poe Poe Poe" with the song as Lenore Usher and Rave N make their way down the ramp dancing. 

 

Sherman: You know you're doing something right when you're able to get a wrestling crowd to sing the name of a gothic story writer. 

 

Reggie: And their opponents! From Baltimore, Maryland-

 

The crowd pops WELCOME HOME!

 

Reggie: Rave N, Lenore Usher, V. I. POE!

 

Lenore and Rave get on diagonal turnbuckles, doing halfway between a "Get Up" cheer and flapping wings.

 

The bell rings!

 

Colin: Rave N and Bianca to start. Bianca with a running clothesline driving Rave into the corner! And rolling her into a pin already? That can't be-Lenore up to the top to break the hold, Bianca moves and Lenore crashes into Rave N! The crowd is booing and Bianca flips them off before going for the cover on Rave N-

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Bianca Diaz and Lucenza Rossi win by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: Here are your winners, Bianca Diaz and Lucenza Rossi! 

 

Valerie: Quickest way to get people to hate you? Screw the hometown heroes.

 

The boos become INTENSE. Bianca and Lucenza laugh at them when suddenly the lights go completely out and on the titantron is seen-

 

 

Colin: Oh we haven't seen it like this since W2, but what does it mean-

 

The lights flash on and Rave N and Lenore Usher stand in the face of Lucenza and Bianca, with blank stares almost as if possessed. They stereo chokeslam the two members of ZLI, causing the announcers to yelp almost instinctively. 

 

The lights flash again and when they return, Lenore and Rave N are back to their normal expressions, except immensely confused at the sight of the downed members of ZLI. They look around then scurry out of the ring.

 

Valerie: An Edgar Allen Poe story not talked about enough-

 

Sherman: The Masque of the Red Death.

 

Colin: Ann Lee started seeing this mask like this and eventually became Rade's ward. If what we just saw is any indication, something and possibly a similar force is seeking VI Poe now.

 

Sherman: Let's...hope this was a one time thing. 

 

Colin: And never speak of it again unless absolutely necessary. 

 

Valerie: Right. clearing throat So only three matches remain. Let's...get into it. 

 

SOLEMN GUARDIAN VS CELLULA

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Reggie: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! 

 

 

Black smoke covers the entranceway as crows caw and chants can be heard in the background. Solemn Guardian comes out carrying a tome.

 

 

Reggie: First! From Huntington, West Virginia, weighing in at 165 pounds, THE SOLEMN GUARDIAN!

 

The Guardian enters the ring with determination and threat.

 

Colin: If you want a change from the quick win matches this may not be the guy to do it. Guardian has a penchant for dropping people like they're hot, without warning. 

 

Sherman: But doesn't his opponent have the hometown advantage?

 

Valerie: Yeah, but you saw how well that worked for VI Poe. Squash and possession in one go. Not a great homecoming. 

 

Sherman: True.

 

Colin: But I will say, usually Cellula is just...here. I don't think he even usually has a theme song. So I'm curious what's about to go down.

 

The lights go out and a hush comes over the crowd. The titantron is also completely black, save side silhouettes of two women on each side who appear to do the opening to this song.

 

 

The piano kicks in and the screens all glitch in time with the piano riffs. Written in the Matrix font popping in and out with the guitar is "BOSTON GET LOUD". Once the singing starts, a man in Cellula's mask appears at the entrance. The crowd goes BANANANANANAS.

 

 

Over the course of the first verse and chorus... other men in Cellula's masks come to the various entrances and begin to make their way down to the barricade. 

 

In the brief instrumental green lasers scan the arena. 

 

As the second chorus kicks in, the Cellulas in an almost wave produce bazookas. As the drums kick in, the real Cellula reveals himself at Barricade Entrance 3 to a near standing ovation as the others shoot off the bazookas. 

 

 

Reggie: And his opponent, from BALTIMORA, MARYLAND, weighing 175 pounds, CELLULA!

 

Cellula enters the ring. The fans chant "WELCOME HOME! WELCOME HOME!" and "CELL-U-LA! CELL-U-LA!" Cellula attempts to remain stoic but lets a little smile crack through as this goes on for an extended moment. He ducks his head and waves, and the crowd is incredibly loud and exuberant.

 

Valerie: The crowd is absolutely bonkers for that man right there, Cellula, who is receiving a king's welcome OH AND I THINK SOLEMN HAS HAD ENOUGH OF THIS, COMING IN FOR PRECIPICE CELLULA PUSHES HIM OFF AND TOWARDS THE ROPES, CATCHES HIM WITH AN STO AND THE CROWD ONLY INTENSIFIES! The bell rings!

 

Sherman: How often do you see people that hot over an STO?

 

Colin: This man could read Marlowe to them and they'd pop, that's how over Cellula is right now. Stepping over him and absolutely unloading hooks to him, short arm clothesline!

 

Valerie: Guardian trying to just get one of Cell's arms to have some leverage and he finally accomplishes it, lift with the knees and monkey flip! Up to the middle rope and goes for the headbutt! Oh dang! Going for the pin but Cellula kicks easy. To their feet, Guardian comes off the ropes and a bulldog!

 

Sherman: I think we might actually have a fight here! Guardian scooping Cellula up into a body slam, Cellula regaining control of his right leg, Guardian waiting a little too long and Cellula kicking at the side of head! Successfully sliding down and inverted suplex! Guardian trying to get to his feet, Cell goes in with the Yes Kick flurry to keep him down!

 

Valerie: Cell listening to the advice from earlier, getting his foot down quickly between each kick, but Guardian still able to hook the leg and I think we're getting that Samoan Drop! We're getting the Conciliation! And down we go!! Home team may be 0 for 2 in this double header!

 

1!

2!

 

Sherman: Cell rolls the pin into a schoolboy! 

 

1!

 

Colin: Guardian kicks! Both of them struggling to their feet, but they get there and Cellula rushing Guardian in the corner, just unloading blow after blow, Guardian takes some control of it and getting his punches in now, and they're going blow for blow, a real back and forth.

 

Valerie: These two have been absolutely on par with each other, but Guardian seems to be getting the edge! Hitting a brutal set of chops, coming around and the Clothesline! The Reckoning! He could end this now! Oh wait, picking him up...he wants to truly end this right here and now he's getting the head in for the Last Option CELLULA WITH THE GHOST STEP SPINEBUSTER! GUARDIAN MADE THE ERROR OF TRYING TO GET TOO MUCH IN AND NOW HE'S PAYING FOR IT!

 

1!

2!
TH-NO!

 

Sherman: Guardian gets the shoulder up! That is his shoulder, right?

 

Valerie: I assume so. But he's gonna have to do more work. Series of chops to Cellula and coming off the rope going for the Axe Kick NO THE GHOST STEP RETURNS! 

 

1!

2!

3!

 

Cellula wins by Pinfall!

 

 

Reggie: HERE IS YOUR WINNER! CELLLLLLULA!

 

The crowd gets to their feet as Cellula gets a Standing Ovation.

 

Colin: Ovation well deserved, as Cellula put up the fight of his life. 

 

Sherman: All of Baltimore agrees with you, Colin.

 

Valerie: All that remains is to crown some champions. 

 

Sherman: You're absolutely right, so let's do it to it. 

 

TAG TITLE FINAL

2 OUT OF 3 FALLS

DMV (DA MEAN VALENTINOS) VS DANSE MACABRE

 

 

Reggie: The following is the Tournament Final and Tag Team Title Match and it will be 2 out of 3 falls!

 

 

A hot rod pulls out onto the stage. Chiara and Calabria Valentino sit in the front of it in matching sunglasses.