Tap. Tap. Tap.

 

The screen static fizzes in, as we see Leila Blake walk into screen.

 

 

Leila: Good. The signal is on. 

 

Leila clears her throat.

 

Leila: You're probably wondering where we've been for the past... 6 months. 

 

The short answer is that our broadcasting rights were in effect gambled away in DA Jones's hubris, with XHW swiftly attempting to take over rights, and past rights, and lawyers had to be called and we had to fight to get our rights to air back. 

 

Yes. That is the short version. 

 

Some of our wrestlers were able to keep themselves going through 404 and PUC and APW and all manner of things. And because of the nature of how we run things, they are more than welcome to be residents of multiple places.

 

But now, we are making a glorious return, and what better place to do it than in the hometown of probably one of our biggest stars, WildFire. You'll be hearing from him at the beginning of the main show, we did not want to relegate his speech to the kickoff. 

 

 

Orchid: MEOW!

 

Leila: Yes, of course I didn't forget that tickets were 10 percent off if you brought a can of tuna. 

 

Orchid: MEOW!!

 

Leila: OR that our kickoff show is going to be the first round of the Wild Card Tournament. 

 

Orchid: Prrrrrrr

 

Leila: And it's fitting isn't it, Orchid, that the WILD Card Tournament is starting in the home of WILD Fire-

 

Orchid gives a side eye and jumps off the desk.

 

Leila: Yes, well. On with the show!

 

AUGUST 24, 2026
EDMONTON, ALBERTA, CANADA

ROGERS PLACE

 

 

The fireworks go off in the Rogers Place Arena as Moist "Tarantino" blasts through the speakers. 

 

 

Ash: WE! ARE! BACK!! And what better way to do the comeback story than in the home stadium of the first team to have 5-5! 5! 5! 5! Come-from-Behind Playoff Victories in a single season, the EDMOOOOONTON-

 

Crowd: OILERS!

 

Ash: Exactly!! And this is my first show in Seat 1, making me possibly the first non-binary lead commentator ever, and I am BEYOND thrilled to have in the other chairs Valerie Thomas and Marcus Donovan!

 

 

Marcus: Oh MAN is it great to be back on the mainland!!! No shade to GHW International, may it rest in peace, but this is where it's AT!

 

 

Valerie: Yo!

 

Ash: Okay, so we gotta talk briefly about what we didn't know at the time would be our season finale, Heart Condition.

 

Valerie: And what a way to go. Betrayals. Cash-ins. Champions reclaiming their seat at the table. A bomb that has completely obliterated one of our old titles. And a kidnapping.

 

Marcus: Even watching from the audience, my mouth was just agape the whole time. And, we ever find Jen? Like, do we know what happened to her?

 

Ash: I would hope she escaped the bomb but we can never be sure.

 

Valerie: ANYWAY! We are here for the pre-show action. Let's do this Edmonton. So if you are aware, we're about to jump headfirst into the Wild Card Tournament! The matches were all spun into play, with varying ranges of number of fighter and intensity of match. And even the order of the first two rounds of bracket are gonna be completely randomized.

 

Marcus: That's right! Bring out... the Big Ass Wheel!

 

 

Sheri brings out a young girl from the audience as the song plays, the two do a breakdance battle, and at "SPIN THAT WHEEL" she spins the wheel to cheers. 

 

The wheel lands on...

 

 

Sheri: The following contest is an Iron Survivor Match! Two fighters will start, and every 5 minutes a new competitor will enter! When the final competitor enters the match will remain for a final 5 minutes and the winner with the most pins will move on! If you are pinned, you must be in the penalty box for 2 minutes before returning!

 

Ash: We're wasting no time getting into the weeds, this tournament is insane in that some matches will have you with 5 opponents and others will have you with 1, but part Iron Man, part Gauntlet, this match is all brutality.

 

Valerie: Unlike most matches with multiple people, it actually benefits you to be early. It's a numbers game first and foremost, and if you can rack a fall or two in the first few minutes before the crowd comes in, you're in a good space. 

 

Sheri: Here are your first 2 competitors!

 

 

A white searchlight sweeps across the crowd. The Tribal Chief steps out slowly, scanning the arena like he’s mapping threats.

 

 

Sheri: First! From Houston, Texas, weighing at 260 pounds, the leader of Riot Block, THE TRIBAL CHIEF!

 

Marcus: Tribal Chief is lucky his match is early, cause he got an early start on the main card too with that Trios Match.

 

Valerie: It'll give him time to relish his victory here before leading his team to victory against the bunch of no names who thought they could step to the Block.

 

Halfway down the ramp he pauses, exhales sharply, then charges the ring with sudden explosive force. Inside, he circles every corner like he’s securing hostile territory.

 

The arena falls completely dark.

 

A low chant begins to echo through the building as the entrance screen displays shifting hieroglyphics. Golden light slowly rises across the stage, resembling sunlight breaking through the entrance of an ancient temple.

 

Two jackal statues appear on the screen as smoke covers the stage.

 

A deep voice declares:

“The scales have been prepared.”

 

The music erupts.

 

 

Khairos appears in full ceremonial attire, standing completely still with his head lowered. Behind him, a glowing golden ankh forms across the screen.

 

 

Sheri: AND the individual who drew Number 2! From the Sands of Judgment, weighing in at 245 pounds, KHAIIIIIROS! 

 

He slowly raises his head and begins walking toward the ring.

 

Khairos never rushes. Every step is controlled and deliberate. He ignores the crowd and keeps his attention fixed on the ring, carrying himself like a ruler approaching his throne.

 

Marcus: Of course, power when confronted by the Sands of Destiny themselves will often find themselves wanting.

 

Valerie: Careful, Socrates, you don't want to step into Aztec territory too early. Khairos will also be staring the Ancient One down later.

 

At ringside, Khairos stops and looks around the arena before stepping onto the apron. He enters the ring, moves to the centre and removes his mask.

 

Ash: The last thing we saw is that Khairos enthralled Farrah Lance and would have gotten Steve Thunder too, were it not for Aztec. But he is not looking for a follower today. He's looking to collect.

 

Khairos raises the mask above his head as golden light floods the arena and flames erupt along the entrance stage.

 

The screen displays his message:

BALANCE IS POWER. POWER IS DESTINY.

 

The two stare each other down for a long minute. The crackles of tension can be heard throughout the arena. 

 

The bell rings!

 

Ash: The lock up, Khairos blasts Chief with a short-arm clothesline. Chief snaps to his feet, arm drag takes Khairos down, Chief immediately pops with a low dropkick, Khairos with a chop in response, pulls Chief in with a snap powerslam, and kicks Chief in the ribs. 

 

Marcus: Khairos scoops up Chief and the Pop-Up Sitout Powerbomb! Tribal Chief deals with the Sands of Time!!

 

 

Lindy: ONE!

 

Marcus: Tribal reverses!

 

Lindy: ONE!

 

Valerie: Khairos kicks! Tribal precludes him getting up though and blasts him with a backbreaker. This is what you need to do, keep Khairos down and a stomp out keeps that going.

 

Ash: Khairos cuts that off, Dragon Leg Screw, gets Tribal Chief on his shoulders...DESTINY DRIVER!!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Khairos pins Tribal Chief! Khairos 1 Tribal Chief 0

 

Marcus: Tribal Chief goes into the box, 2 minute penalty.

 

Valerie: And that's what I'm talking about, get that early fall in.

 

Ash: While we await Tribal Chief's return, let's talk about what else is coming tonight. Aztec and Steve Thunder will be dealing with Khairos and his new lackey later, but that's not even the eighth of it. The XHW partnership has yielded some - shall we say, frustrating - shifts to the card.

 

Marcus: That's putting it nicely. Diego did NOT earn the third spot in the Legacy Title Match. And the Slip N Slides didn't earn a title shot against X-Treme Society. But Ed Savage Sr. wanted to get back at Dante and Victoria for refusing to "fall in line", so he pulled rank.

 

Valerie: And I mean, isn't that what this card is really all about? Revenge? Elijah's getting back at Balor. WildFire and the Blondes are getting back at the rest of Radio Silence. Dorian is looking to get back at Adara for the crowbar's use in his shot against Wild. Diana and Rox are looking to settle their differences. Nero and Psycho Extreme are finally going to get to go at it. ZLI's imploding in on itself. We already mentioned Steve and Aztec. I'm surprised SM and CON aren't in a boxing match.

 

Ash: And of course we're also getting back at XHW for blowing up half a year's worth of PPV by moving the Spring Fling to today and tying it to the Sink or Swim Rumble we would have had in previous years before International Incident took its place. And if you go back to Holiday Hellscape, the 1, 2, and final spots that were won in the White Elephant are still in play, so we know that we'll be it'll be Ishani and Wolfgunblud starting us off and Wonderwolf in the coveted final spot. 

 

Marcus: And it looks like time is about to end on the box.

 

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

 

Valerie: We've got a minute 39 left until our next entrant, and Tribal Chief is back in this. 

 

Ash: Khairos doesn't even let him fully back in the ring! Up he goes for that High Angle Uranage!! Judgment Fall and he's looking to send him right back in! But Tribal rolls back to his feet before Khairos can get the cover and pops up with a DDT. Trying to keep Khairos down with a series of stomps, moves out of the way of Khairos grabbing the leg this time!

 

Valerie: He learned from his mistake, gets him up, going for the Spin and F5!!!! RIP AND TEAR!!!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Tribal Chief pins Khairos! Tribal Chief 1 Khairos 1

 

Ash: Tribal Chief is gonna get a little over a minute alone to catch his breath and then a little under a minute alone with the next competitor before Khairos can return to combat.

 

Marcus: What happens if after the full time is over there's a tie?

 

Valerie: We would get a sudden death tiebreaker.

 

Marcus: Yeah, I guess it was a stupid question.

 

Valerie: Little bit, yeah. 

 

Ash: I would have expected Riot Block to be out here, but I'm glad that they aren't, this would have gone so much worse. 

 

Valerie: And we're about to get our next entrant!

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Valerie: How embarrassing must it be if you're Erica Lance, and you've just committed to a whole new thing only for your group to blow up on itself? Like MAMA is no more.

 

Ash: She calls herself the Great Manipulator now, and I'm not looking forward to what that entails. 

 

Marcus: Tribal with a quick roll-up-goes nowhere, Lance with a kip-up Poison Rana! Poison the Well!! I hate that name but the move is effective.

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Erica Lance pins Tribal Chief! Erica Lance 1 Tribal Chief 1 Khairos 1

 

Valerie: Erica wasted no time tying it up, and this means that we're going to have about half this leg with at most 2 people, which is advantageous to Khairos and Erica. 

 

Ash: You can see that Khairos is itching to get out of the box, and Erica taking the time to stretch and shrug off the boos coming from the crowd.

 

Marcus: Oh she's going full Hogan with the hand motions now. Why do I feel like she's got some unfortunate words lined up. 

 

Ash: I sure hope we can get the clock counting down before she gets to a mic. And here we go. 

 

5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

Marcus: Khairos back out of the box, in with an Irish Whip and ERICA WITH THE POISON THE WELL AGAIN! COME ON NOW!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Erica pins Khairos! Erica Lance 2 Tribal Chief 1 Khairos 1

 

Ash: I think Lindy might be counting a little fast.

 

Valerie: No, it's lined up well with the clock. 

 

Marcus: How do we know that Great Manipulator isn't just manipulating you?

 

Valerie: I don't get manipulated.

 

Ash: Well this means MORE than half of this leg now is going to be at most 2 people, Tribal Chief and Khairos are finding themselves in and out of the box with a quickness. It's for a little bit more time now just Erica and the crowd. Hopefully Tribal Chief can hold her off enough for us to get some multi-person action.

 

The crowd chants "You Suck!" Angle-style. 

 

Marcus: Well, this match has been more box than bout, but that's how the competitors want to keep it.

 

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

 

Valerie: Tribal Chief back, Khairos still has a minute to go, Chief yanks Erica up and a Rip and Tear!! BUT SHE REVERSES THE PIN! 

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO!

 

Marcus: Tribal Chief remembering that kicking up is an option! To his feet, Erica with a standing dropkick, Chief staggers back, Erica goes for a second but Tribal Chief grabs her by the legs and whips her into the buckles! Oh yeah!

 

Valerie: Gets into the corner, here we go and another Rip and Tear!! Let's see her reverse this AGAIN.

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Tribal Chief pins Erica Lance! Tribal Chief 2 Erica Lance 2 Khairos 1

 

Ash: Erica Lance gets her first visit to the box, a little under 20 seconds until Khairos comes out. Tribal Chief a little sore he had to do that to her twice for her to stay down, but he made it work. 

 

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

 

Valerie: Khairos back in action, and gets Tribal on the way in with a discus forearm and into the sitout Spinebuster! Tribal Chief rolls out of the way but Khairos gets him with the pendulum backbreaker! The cover!

 

Lindy: ONE!

 

Marcus: REVERSAL! And Khairos kicks out, punch to the face of Chief on his way up, Chief returns in kind, Khairos blasts him with a short arm clothesline, Chief responds with a drop toe hold. Khairos tries to kick him away, Chief kicks the leg, pulls him up, rip and tear again! He's loving this move!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

 

Tribal Chief pins Khairos! Tribal Chief 3 Erica Lance 2 Khairos 1

 

Ash: Khairos back to the box AGAIN! 

Valerie: You have to give it to the competitors. They're coming in fast and hard with the big moves. Barely any wasted space. Keeping the ring as clean as possible. 

 

Ash: It's going to get harder as the next two enter, but you're not wrong that they've been pretty adept at it thus far. 

 

Marcus: And with everyone having falls notched, it's gonna be some catch up for the next two. 

 

Valerie: By the time Erica gets out of the box, there will only be 5 seconds left, so it's not gonna be enough time to re-shelf her before entrant 4, so it's going to start to get a little crazier in here.

 

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

 

Marcus: Erica's out, and the countdown clock is already going!

 

5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Ash: Krey Kruel joins the fray.

 

Marcus: -Fruel.

 

Valerie: Thanks I hate it. Tribal Chief going for the short-arm, Krey ducks and spinning kick to the back of his head. Back to his feet and any guess what his next move is? Rip and Tear? You got it, and Erica eats it. 

 

Lindy: ONE!

 

Ash: Erica reverses again!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Erica Lance pins Tribal Chief! Erica Lance 3 Tribal Chief 3 Khairos 1 Krey Kruel 0

 

Ash: Erica up KREY WITH A GERMAN! ROLLING INTO A SECOND AND A PIN!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO!

 

Marcus: Erica reverses again!! She can't be stopped!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Erica Lance pins Krey Kruel! Erica Lance 4 Tribal Chief 3 Khairos 1 Krey Kruel 0

 

Valerie: She must have done some real training over our time off!

 

Ash: Or some manipulation.

 

Valerie: Really?

 

Marcus: It's right in her name. 

 

Ash: Well Khairos is about to return, hopefully will set this right.

 

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

 

Valerie: He's back in and she gets him with a Crucifix Driver! BUT HE REVERSES!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Khairos pins Krey Kruel! Erica Lance 4 Tribal Chief 3 Khairos 2 Krey Kruel 0

 

Ash: Well... he's gotten himself a minute's respite. 

 

Marcus: And then it's gonna be 3 people entering in the span of a minute, so we're lookin' at a "That Escalated Quickly" situation. 

 

Valerie: Not to mention that once Erica is out it'll be under a minute until Cellula enters to complete the set. And if you look at the scores here, as it stands now Cellula would need to average a fall a minute to have a chance of winning this, because Erica Lance has just been on one. 

 

Ash: I bet Khairos wishes he'd brought his staff to the ring. 

 

Valerie: I bet he wishes he didn't have to face Farrah's sister in there, because he's got her all riled up. 

 

Marcus: You can see he's calculating something. I think it might be the timing and location of the relative penalty boxes. Ope, here we go. 

 

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

 

Marcus: OGs of this match in, Tribal Chief reverses the clothesline and back to Ol' Faithful, Rip and Tear. 

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! 

 

Ash: KREY INTERRUPTS THE PIN! She needs their numbers to stay down if she has any hope of getting somewhere in this match! Tribal Chief picks Khairos up and huge backbreaker! Tribal Chief and Krey Kruel looking at each other, DOUBLE BRAINBUSTER TO KHAIROS!! Erica enters just in time to see the chaos!!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO!

 

Valerie: ERICA FROM UP TOP BREAKS THE DOUBLE PIN WITH A SPLASH!! WE HAVE 4 FIGHTERS NOW!!

 

Ash: Khairos pops Tribal up with the Sands of Time as Krey hits a snap suplex on Erica! Lindy saw Khairos first!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Khairos pins Tribal Chief! Erica Lance 4 Khairos 3 Tribal Chief 3 Krey Kruel 0

 

Ash: Lindy switches focus.

 

Lindy: ONE!

 

Valerie: Erica able to reverse! Krey would have had it, but she kicks out now. 

 

Ash: Khairos snap powerslam to Krey Kruel-kicks out before the 1. Khairos undeterred, pops her up and the Sands of Time! 

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO!

 

Marcus: Erica breaks up the pin! She doesn't want Khairos catching up to her. Krey slaps Khairos as she gets to her feet, and Erica hits a Tornado Spike DDT on him!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE! 

 

Erica Lance pins Khairos! Erica Lance 5 Tribal Chief 3 Khairos 3 Krey Kruel 0

 

Ash: Khairos goes in the box, and only 9 seconds until our final arrival.

 

9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Ash: A wild Cellula appears! And immediately eats a Jumping Reverse STO! That's half the Shades of Krey but she chooses to go roll-up pin instead of submission! But he kicks before 1 ERICA POPS UP AND POISON THE WELL!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Erica Lance pins Krey Kruel! Erica Lance 6 Tribal Chief 3 Khairos 3 Krey Kruel 0 Cellula 0

 

Valerie: Poison the Well to Cellula!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO!

 

Marcus: Cellula fights out!! But Erica right on top with the snapmare takeover. Cellula quick to his feet and belly to belly. He keeps it going and leg drop, oh but she rolls the leg as Tribal comes back,

 

Lindy: ONE!

 

Ash: Kick up, Tribal in and Cellula blasts him with a Ghost Step!!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Cellula pins Tribal Chief! Erica Lance 6 Tribal Chief 3 Khairos 3 Cellula 1 Krey Kruel 0

 

Marcus: Cellula spinning Erica around and Ghost Step Spinebuster to her too! BUT SHE REVERSES!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO!

 

Valerie: Cellula kicks, but right into Poison the Well! OH SHE GETS REVERSED!

 

Marcus: Taste of her own medicine! But she kicks.

 

Ash: And into a spinning suplex! Khairos released as Erica goes for the pin-

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO!

 

Marcus: He's out again! And Khairos with a huge boot pushing Erica back! Cellula charging Khairos, Khairos ducks behind him and goes for the pin-

 

Lindy: ONE!

 

Valerie: Cellula won't stay down, ducks Erica, Solo Fantasmi e Ombre!! 

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Cellula pins Erica Lance! Erica Lance 6 Tribal Chief 3 Khairos 3 Cellula 2 Krey Kruel 0

 

Ash: Krey comes in as Erica goes out, and when Erica returns she'll have 25 seconds to pad her lead. Or possibly regain it. Khairos looks to put Krey out with the Pharaoh's Wrath back elbow!!

 

Lindy: ONE! 

 

Valerie: Krey kicks out, but Khairos puts her right back down with a snap powerslam! OH NO SHE REVERSES! But he kicks before the one.

 

Marcus: Cellula rolls Khairos up!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Cellula pins Khairos! Erica Lance 6 Tribal Chief 3 Khairos 3 Cellula 3 Krey Kruel 0

 

Ash: With that, Khairos is effectively out, as there is 1 second less in the match as there is in the Penalty Box, and he ends with 3 falls. 

 

Valerie: Krey is effectively unable to win but she can be a spoiler, spinning neckbreaker to Cellula. Cellula responds with an elbow strike, Krey with a cross chop! Cellula blasts her with Ghost Step! Cover-

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Cellula pins Krey Kruel! Erica Lance 6 Cellula 4 Tribal Chief 3 Cellula 3 Krey Kruel 0

 

Ash: At this point, Cellula needs to pin both individuals to force a tie, otherwise Erica's taken it.

 

 

7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

 

Valerie: Tribal Chief is out, Cellula mows him down with a clothesline! Grabbing by the legs, Alabama Slam! SOLO FANTASMI E OMBRE!!! 

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Cellula pins Tribal Chief! Erica Lance 6 Cellula 5 Tribal Chief 3 Cellula 3 Krey Kruel 0

 

Ash: Erica Lance comes out in under 35 seconds, and then we'll see if either Cellula pushes the sudden death or Erica ekes the win!

 

Marcus: He'll have only 21 seconds to put her down. But it can be done. 

 

Valerie: The penalty boxes are done for the match. We're either gonna get our winner right here and now, or we're going into sudden death. Here she comes...

 

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

 

Ash: In she comes, he pulls her up for the Ghost Step NO SHE REVERSES FOR THE POISON RANA!!! SHE GOES FOR THE PIN!!!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO!

 

Marcus: REVERSE!!!

 

Lindy: ONE!

 

Valerie: And she reverses back.

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Erica Lance pins Cellula! Erica Lance 7 Cellula 5 Tribal Chief 3 Cellula 3 Krey Kruel 0

 

 

Sheri: Here is your winner, with 7 Falls, and advancing to the next round, the Great Manipulator, ERICA! LANCE!

 

Ash: And Erica Lance is the first to advance. Cellula came very close to pushing the limit at the end, but just couldn't get it done. 

 

Marcus: This crowd is NOT happy with this outcome, especially with Erica Lance pushing for Canadian statehood on social media. And I cannot blame them.

 

The crowd boos Erica Lance mercilessly. 

 

Ash: Before we have a riot, let's move onto our next match.

 

The wheel is brought back out. The crowd sings "SPIN THAT WHEEL" with the song. 

 

Sheri: Our next match will be...

 

 

Sheri: The following contest is the House of X-Treme Match! The first individual to notch 3 falls will be the winner!

 

The red carpet rolls out and spotlights flash around. Mark Anderson stands in the middle spotlight and takes his sunglasses off.

 

 

Sheri: First! From Hollywood, California, and we have been legally barred by his representatives from revealing his weight, one half of the MAWLIWOOD Blondes, RED CAPET MARK ANDERSON!

 

Scattered boos come through the arena. He takes in the boos as if they were cameras.

 

Valerie: This man is an icon, and he does not deserve this treatment.

 

Marcus: He doesn't deserve this match.

 

Anderson takes his robe off and has a PA take it off, whispering dry cleaning instructions to him. 

 

Ash: Anderson will expect to have his robe taken care of by the time the show is over. 

 

 

White "snow" comes down to represent sugar as the lights hit a blue and pink swirl effect. TJ Laurel slides out on her heel, straightening out her suit jacket at the edge of the stage. 

 

 

Sheri: From Tsawwassen, British Columbia, representing E.M. Powered, Too Smooth TJ Laurel!!

 

Ash: We were wondering back at Heart Condition who this was when the name came up, we didn't have much to go on, apparently EM He still has some pull and was able to get a new recruit or two into the wheel's purview. And, she's apparently a famous Canadian baker, so we'll see how this goes.

 

TJ keeps her eyes straight ahead as she keeps her hands on her suit. 

 

Valerie: Well, we don't even know if this is a real wrestler or a stunt casting, but EM's gambit seemed to work in that she was pulled. 

 

Marcus: It only works if she's effective.

 

The light setup changes to a more tropical set-up with green, red, blue, and yellow lights. 

 

 

Petey Peacock extends his arms and mimics flying around the stage. 

 

 

Sheri: From Fortaleza, Brazil, weighing in at 261 pounds, one half of Birds of Play, PETEY PEACOCK!! 

 

He runs down the ramp high-fiving people as he comes down, then trampolines into a corkscrew flip clean over the rope.

 

Valerie: He's out of his element. He's in the cold, he's fighting by himself, we'll see how he does. 

 

He flexes his feathers. 

 

Ash: Only one person left to come in, and that person has more of a personal connection to this match type!

 

 

A burning X fills the Titan tron as Start The Shooting by A Day To Remember starts blasting. Victoria  struts out confidently, moving with the flow of the music as the crowd explodes.

 

 

Sheri: AND FINALLY! From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, part of the X-Treme Society and one half of the MAWL Tag Team Champions, VICTORRRRRRIA SCYTHE!

 

She stops at the top of the ramp as the Titan tron starts displaying ‘Watch your step’ in burning letters as the chorus plays. As Victoria walks down the ramp, pyro goes off on either side of the ramp with each step. After a few she stomps triggering the stage to fill with red and silver sparks.

 

Valerie: This is an unfair advantage.

 

Ash: This was the nature of the wheel, sucks for the others but you can't control fate.

 

She walks down the ramp and to the ring, strutting up the stairs and climbs up onto the turnbuckle and poses for the crowd. She hops into the ring and  stands in the center, posing with her hands on her hips. Her eyes moving between her three opponents. She raises her foot up high and stomps, setting off red and silver sparks above the ring.

 

Marcus: The match of course most associated with Victoria's brother Justin, better known to wrestling fans everywhere as Def Jam, but Victoria and her tag partner Dante did also walk out of one of these with a title. 

 

Ash: There is talk that we'll get a new design for this event, but for now we're going standard cell. Everyone staring each other down, no one too keen to make the first strike. Wait... what is coming.... down?

 

The new ring arrives. Everyone is made to leave the original ring, as a new ropeless ring that is... a... dodecahedron? ... lowers.

 

 

Marcus: We're... only in our second match... and already we've got this coming out?

 

Valerie: Our second KICKOFF SHOW Match.

 

Ash: Welcome to MAWL, folks. 

 

The bell rings!

 

Valerie: Nobody to keen the make the first strike, no ropes to run off of, the temptation to grab a weapon balancing against the risk of turning your back to 3 equally hungry competitors. 

 

Marcus: Pour one out for Kenny Prince, who's gonna have his hands full.

 

Ash: You got that right OH first swing by TJ Laurel and that was a rookie mistake, she telegraphed it and Mark Anderson deftly dodges and pops her up, Victoria Scythe catches her and Powerbomb! Petey springboarding off the side of the cage for an Asai Moonsault and Anderson catches him, Spinning Powerslam! Victoria spins Anderson around and going for a Cutter quickly, Anderson pushes her off and going for the back suplex and Victoria kicks off the side of the steel and gets some Stratusfaction with that bulldog! 

 

Marcus: All it took was one match to light this place up!!

 

Valerie: If she messed up Mark's face there's gonna be a lot of angry fangirls. 

 

Marcus: Oh I'm sure he had it insured Spinning Wheel Kick by Petey to Victoria you can't stand still for even a millisecond in this environment. 

 

Ash: Petey using his speed to climb up to the platform quickly, before anyone in the ring can clock it.

 

Valerie: I wish he'd be going for a weapon but knowing Petey he's probably gonna try some flyboy nonsense. 

 

Marcus: You'd gotta admit, that would be sick.

 

Valerie: In the very rare chance he makes it sure but if not, that will be an ex-parrot. 

 

Ash: Anderson runs Victoria into the side of the wall and Petey shaken a bit and trying to hold on, Anderson throwing blows to the midsection, Victoria trying to brace herself goes low and gets hold of his legs and running spinebuster gets her out of that scrape OH but Laurel catches her out as she tries to get to her feet with a shotgun dropkick! And an early cover-

 

Kenny: ONE!

 

Marcus: Victoria kicks, did Laurel really think she was gonna get her first fall that quickly OH DAMN DOUBLE ROTATION MOONSAULT BY PETEY PEACOCK STOPS LAUREL FROM GETTING UP!

 

Valerie: Okay, I'll give him that. Oh but Anderson pulls him out of the potential pin.... High Angle German Suplex! Marquee Suplex!

 

Kenny: ONE!

 

Ash: VICTORIA SCYTHE GRABS ANDERSON'S LEGS AND ROLLS OVER TO TRY TO GET A DOUBLE PIN!

 

Kenny: ONE! T-

 

Valerie: TJ LAUREL COFFIN DROPS INTO THE WHOLE PREDICAMENT! Smart move, even with a three fall win condition you don't want to give up any falls.

 

Marcus: And I'll give her that. Pushing off the cell wall like that for a Coffin is not something you see every day. They seem to be functioning without the ropes just fine.

 

Ash: And TJ Laurel and Victoria Scythe the first to their feet, but they're both deciding they want to see what weapons are available, make use of the hardcore elements of this match. 

 

Marcus: But they're leaving Anderson alone with Petey Peacock, and Anderson's mounting him with fists, Petey getting his legs up around Anderson's head and going for a headscissors lock, trying to get Anderson's arm into an armbar as well, ANDERSON UP AND HE'S GOT HIM INTO SPINEBUSTER POSITION! 

 

Valerie: TJ Laurel sees it going down and turns her attention, but Victoria can't be bothered, I thought this was supposed to be her match type but she's more interested in a chair. Not gonna win that way.

 

Ash: Anderson with the Sitout Spinebuster TJ LAUREL FROM THE SKY WITH A LEG DROP! TJ LAUREL COMPLETES THE FINAL TAKE AND SHE HOOKS BOTH OF PETEY'S LEGS INTO A CRADLE! 

 

Marcus: She just stole the MAWLIWOOD Tag Finisher AND Anderson's pin! Anderson shoves her off like a little bOH SHIT VICTORIA CRAIL GRABS THAT CHAIR INTO THE FACE OF ANDERSON!! SHE SPINS AROUND WITH LIKE NOTHING QUEEN CUTTER TO TJ!!

 

Crowd: Holy shit! Holy shit!

 

Kenny: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Victoria Scythe pins TJ Laurel for her first fall!

 

Ash: Victoria not wasting time celebrating her first fall, she knows she has more work to do, pulls TJ up before TJ can get moving on her own and drops her right back down with a Gutwrench Suplex, Anderson gets her with a Spinning Sidebuster but immediately Petey drops a knee on the back of his head! Petey grabs Anderson in a headlock and going for a Reverse Suplex, Victoria catches the legs in air, MAGIC KILLER! THE TWO WITH AN IMPROMPTU ODE TO THE GOOD BROTHERS! They take a moment to do the Too Sweet but here comes Too Smooth TJ Laurel and double clothesline blasts them both! 

 

Valerie: You DON'T TAKE YOUR EYE OFF THE BALL FOR EVEN A SECOND!

 

Marcus: TJ Laurel back to the cell wall, oh, this is interesting, she's climbing up it backwards. 

 

Valerie: Doesn't want to take her eyes off her opponents, but this is still a dangerous thing and you aren't able to rely on your toes for the extra grip, Victoria going for the boot to smash her against the side OH TJ ABLE TO PULL HERSELF UP AND AWAY! USING HER FREE LEGS, DROPPING HER HANDS A LITTLE BUT FRANKENSTEINER SMASHES VICTORIA'S FACE INTO THE CELL WALL! 

 

Marcus: Cool move but now she's upside down and she's trying to proceed up the cell wall upside down, at this point just jump down and start over. 

 

Ash: Anderson giving Petey a ramp, jumping off his back and cannonball senton takes TJ off the wall!

 

Marcus: Told you!

 

Valerie: Anderson making the climb now, and he was smart enough to go to a different wall than where all the bodies are splayed. There's not gonna be too much of a chance to catch up to him. 

 

Ash: Petey sees what's happening, but choosing to leave Mark alone and La Magistral roll-up to TJ!

 

Kenny: ONE! TWO!

 

Marcus: Victoria interrupts with a cross-body, and her momentum keeps her rolling OH NO it only rotated the pin!

 

Kenny: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

TJ Laurel pins Petey Peacock for her first fall!

 

Valerie: You can tell Victoria is pissed about this, but she kinda screwed herself.

 

Marcus: Victoria's frustration gets the better of her, she comes full speed at TJ Laurel and jumps up, Flying Gallows Choke TJ RUNS HER FACE FIRST INTO THE CELL!

 

Ash: Laurel eats a Rocket Kick by Petey pushing her into Victoria, blasts Laurel with that European Uppercut he calls Ride the Crest, up over his head into the Military Press.... DOWN INTO A FRONT SLAM! And Victoria thanks him with a DDT! 

 

Valerie: So ungrateful. 

 

Marcus: Anderson taking his time picking out a weapon, you'd think he was looking for a Met Gala outfit. 

 

Valerie: You're just jealous he'd actually be invited. 

 

Ash: He unlatches a table and sends it down to the ground floor, he's lucky it didn't shatter on impact, he takes the chain of it too, wraps it around his hand and down he dives for a Superman Punch and Petey is the unfortunate recipient of it! Going for the cover-

 

Kenny: ONE! TWO! 

 

Valerie: TJ pulls Anderson back into a La Magistral!!

 

Kenny: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

TJ Laurel pins Red Carpet Mark Anderson for her second fall!

 

Marcus: TJ is in a really strong position SHE TAKES A GERMAN SUPLEX FROM VICTORIA!

 

Kenny: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Victoria Scythe pins TJ Laurel for her second fall!

 

Valerie: The women are getting the job done!

 

Marcus: You're not wrong. Both Anderson and Peacock are goose egging it right now ANDERSON ROLLS UP SCYTHE!!

 

Kenny: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Red Carpet Mark Anderson pins Victoria Scythe for his first fall!

 

Marcus: That's what we call a real Rock Paper Scissors situation. 

 

Ash: And Petey was saved from it by Laurel stealing the pin, but Laurel is no friend of the bird, in fact she just flipped the bird! Back body drop and Petey lands roughly on his neck, Laurel grabbing the chain from Anderson and just going to town on Petey Peacock! Anderson to his feet, trying to stalk the chain back but Victoria up with the tilt-a-whirl headscissors NO! SHE PARLAYS IT INTO THE FLYING GALLOWS ANDERSON WITH THE NORTHERN LIGHTS!

 

Kenny: ONE! TWO!

 

Marcus: Victoria with the shoulder up! Yes Queen!

 

Valerie: That Flying Gallows isn't working for her. She gets Anderson with the judo arm flip, he lands and gives it back in kind, SCOOP SLAM TO VICTORIA INTO THE CELL WALL! oh looks like Petey's got a hold of the chain and pulls Laurel in for a ripcord snap DDT! Some actual fight from the bird!

 

Ash: He's got the table and setting it up, here we go, he picks Laurel up and into the Military, we may be getting a Plumage Press Right now MARK ANDERSON GETS UNDER PETEY! WE GOT A TOWER OF DOOM AND ANDERSON ELECTRIC CHAIRS THEM THROUGH THE TABLE!! HE'S GONNA TRY TO PIN THEM BOTH AT ONCE!!!

 

Kenny: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Red Carpet Mark Anderson pins TJ Laurel for his second fall!

 

Valerie: He's...furious! Kenny Prince is only calling the one fall! What a robbery!

 

Ash: Not so fast, not so fast.

 

Anderson continues to argue with Prince, Prince reviews the footage on the tron and calls Sheri over after a second of deliberation.

 

The crowd goes silent as they watch along with the footage.

 

Sheri: The official call is that Petey Peacock got his shoulder up at the 2 count! Mark Anderson only completed the pin on TJ Laurel and stands at two falls! 

 

The crowd goes wild, Anderson kicks the broken table piece VICTORIA LOCKS IN THE FLYING GALLOWS ON PETEY!

 

Marcus: Victoria took the moment! Soon as she saw Anderson wasn't given the win she pounced, and the hold finally takes shape.

 

Valerie: She couldn't get it on TJ, couldn't get it on Mark, but third time's a charm and Petey taps. 

 

Marcus: And with that Victoria Scythe is our second winner of the night!! HELL YEAH!!

 

Victoria Scythe makes Petey Peacock submit for her third and final fall! Victoria Scythe wins!

 

 

Sheri: Here is your winner, and advancing to the next round.... VICTOOOOOOORIA SCYTHE!!

 

Valerie: I may have been pulling for TJ Laurel-

 

Marcus: You absolutely were.

 

Valerie: But I'm happy to see two women advance in a row. In fact, I wonder if this next round could be mostly women. That would be pretty amazing. 

 

Ash: Well, let's see what the wheel holds now.

 

Spin That Wheel plays again as the next fan comes out to give it a good pull. It lands on...

 

 

Sheri: The following contest is a STEEL CAGE Match! The only way to win is to go over the cage wall or through the door!

 

The lights go deep, deep purple.

 

 

Jaguar King bounces from foot to foot in time with the bass drum, then stomps with a shout at the hi-hat, causing a crown shaped pyro display to shoot off behind him. 

 

 

Sheri: FIRST! From New York, New York, one part of the Animalities, weighing in at 248 pounds, JAAAAAGUAR KIIIING!

 

The crowd pops off as Jaguar King walks with conviction down the ramp, occasionally giving high fives as he goes.

 

Marcus: This really would be an international incident! Jaguars and lemurs are from completely different sides of the world, but one would have to think that had they met, lemurs would be easy prey for jaguars. 

 

Ash: And the wheel knew what it was doing, this is going to have a very escape the zoo energy as we will literally have two caged animals. 

 

Jaguar King hops up onto the apron and enters through the top turnbuckle, where he gets the crowd pumped once more before jumping with a spin into the ring. Another crown pyro goes off using the four corners to create a 3D effect. 

 

Valerie: And I'm personally excited that this could continue the trajectory of women-

 

 

Ash: What the crap is this.

 

 

Nick: There's gonna be a change in plans, we decided.

 

Marcus: Who's "we"?

 

Nick: Can I get a whoop from the real men in this audience?

 

Some of the crowd whoops. Not a large portion.

 

Nick: That wasn't loud enough, and that's exactly why I'm here. That's exactly why the Manosphere is here, and we've been watching backstage, and you all just proved the problem. This is why the women have been winning these matches, because you're afraid to rise up. Well, no fear, we're here to make the true path clear. 

 

Boos. This guy sucks.

 

Nick: And as to why I'm interrupting this match in particular... well, one of our new brothers has... taken care of... your competition, and will be taking her place. 

 

The music starts back up, and out comes...

 

 

The crowd boos immensely. Leon has the slightest smirk on his face.

 

Ash: Oh no, is that... Lionheart? 

 

Valerie: Not anymore. 

 

Nick: That's right, [censored]uar, your running buddy was tired of playing animal dress-up with you. He knows where the REAL men are, and the Manosphere has welcomed Leon Ismael LeSin with open arms. 

 

Marcus: I hate this. I hate this so much.

 

Valerie: I hate what this group stands for, but you gotta admit, this fits the trouble at home theme. 

 

Leon steps into the ring, and starts hard-fist wailing on Jaguar before the cage can even lower. 

 

Ash: There's a lot of pent-up rage in this man, and these incel warriors have glommed onto and exploited it to make this man a true brutalizer. 

 

Marcus: What do you think he meant by "take care of"? 

 

Ash: Knowing the energy here, he probably beat a woman. 

 

The cage finally lowers and the bell mercifully rings. 

 

Ash: Well... for better or worse, this match is officially underway. 

 

Valerie: Jaguar King is already in trouble, and this just started. Leon grabs him by his hair and flips him onto the side of the cage! And just pulverizing his face with that closed fist. 

 

Ash: MAWL's policy on closed fist was never quite consistent and usually pretty lax and this is making a good case as to why that should not be. Jaguar struggling to get his wits about him long enough to even think about fighting back, and Leon is just rabid in there.

 

Marcus: They took the heart out of the lion. He's got Jaguar in a headlock and just blasting him with knees to the midsection. Fight back, dude! I know you got it in you!

 

Ash: Jaguar finally getting ahold of the situation, grabs Leon's knee and Release Fisherman Suplex! Leon up, Jaguar gets him with an armdrag, Enzuigiri!

 

Valerie: Normally I find Jaguar kinda holier than thou but even I am pumped by this turn of events. Make him pay! 

 

Marcus: Wait, did we just become b-

 

Valerie: Don't push it.

 

Ash: Jaguar grabs Leon by the legs and wheelbarrow back suplex! Leon lands on his shoulderblades, rolling back to a 3-point stance, blasts Jaguar with a shoulder tackle, Jaguar pushed back to the ropes, Leon catches him with a Pele Kick, lands on his feet and Fastball punch! 

 

Marcus: "Real men do sports, grrr." 

 

Valerie: Jaguar gets the arm and judo flip to Leon! Following it up with a knee to the face and a Snap DDT! Hooks Leon up and he's got him in that Vertical Suplex, can he get him across the knees for the Jaguar Love? NO Leon slides down and Scottish Sickle! 

 

Marcus: In his Lionheart days, that would have been prime Code Blue territory, but it seems that Leon doesn't do fancy slams. Leon does street brawling. 

 

Ash: Jaguar to his feet, blocks a second Fastball punch and spins Leon around... Inverted Suplex! If he's not gonna do it, he's gonna eat it instead! 

 

Valerie: Jaguar takes the moment to head towards a cell wall, smart to do it opposite side from where Leon is downed, and he's gonna begin the climb OH NO LEON TO HIS FEET TOO QUICKLY AND A RUNNING POLISH HAMMER TO THE BACK OF JAGUAR! 

 

Marcus: He's got his claws in though, Jaguar not letting go of the cage wall, but this is just giving Leon a chance to do more damage unless he starts moving and Leon slams the knee into the cell wall! And again! And a third time, and that's gonna take Jaguar down. 

 

Valerie: I hate to say it but it's real smart to focus on the limbs in this match, that was good work by Leon. And Leon just hammering down on that knee with leg breakers, Jaguar trying to kick him away, trying not to scream, Leon lifting the knee higher and higher with each drop, really trying to damage Jaguar's knee for the long term oh and he lifts too high! Jaguar able to flip back to his feet, RANHEI!! 

 

Ash: He's operating almost on instinct with these moves, and you can see him hobbling a bit, Leon licking his lips, goes for the chop block JAGUAR EVADES IT WITH A BACK FLIP! That's the thing about being a veteran, you have a sense of what people will try to do to capitalize on an injury. Jaguar still favoring that foot, but enough wherewithal to grab Leon's trunks and left arm.... bouncer toss! Headfirst Leon goes into the cage wall! Jaguar lining up.... going for the Coronation Kick, calibrating his attack, up he goes LEON WITH AN STO! 

 

Valerie: Leon read the tea leaves, this is what happens when your old friend doesn't change their ways. You knew how to work with it, and now you know how to dismantle it. 

 

Marcus: It's the first sign of actual wrestling we've seen from Leon, and now he's looking to switch gears, looking for a potential ankle lock, back-leg enzuigiri by Jaguar! They are both down! 

 

Ash: Jaguar's instinct is to make sure his enemy is down down, he fights to his feet, picking up Leon.... Claw to the face and slams him down! ROYAL CLAW!

 

Valerie: He's trying to get to the wall, oh still having some trouble with that leg, going instead for the door... Lemuria is here to get her revenge...

 

 

Sheri: Here is your winner...and advancing to the next round...Leon Israel LeSin.

 

Ash: Holy Internalized Misogyny, Batman! Lemuria throws herself in with the Manosphere!

 

Lemuria looks into the camera.

 

Lemuria: Attention, women here, women watching at home, Leon here has wisely reminded me that a woman's place is supporting her man. And with that, I am now Demuria, and my purpose here - as all of your purpose should be - is supporting my hungry boys. With food, and with love, and with being there to help them be their best. 

 

She tosses her hair back and the two of them walk back to the backstage to sustained boos.

 

Marcus: I think what she considers "their best" and the rest of us considers "their best" is vastly, VASTLY different. 

 

Ash: Well, this is gonna be a major issue later, particularly as this Manosphere is scheduled to be in the Next Level Match. But let's now see what the Wheel holds for us.

 

Spin That Wheel plays as a new fan spins...that wheel... 

 

 

Sheri: The following is an Undisputed Match! In order to win, you must obtain three of the following conditions - pin, submit, KO, bleed.

 

https://audio.com/ryan-crowley-hughes/audio/anti-system-theme-song

 

Alessia Romano storms forward, completely unreceptive to the crowd that is providing a mixed reaction.

 

 

Sheri: FIRST! Representing Anti-System, from Roma, Italy, ALESSIA ROMANO!!!

 

Alessia slams her hands on the apron then rolls into the ring.

 

Valerie: Anti-System were full of championships for a hot minute, but now they are back to square 1 and a win here would certainly help Alessia and through this Anti-System writ large.

 

 

The music crescendos, and when the distortion kicks in, Hyrax pops up like a gopher shot out from a spring.

 

 

Sheri: From the Bale Mountains in Ethiopia, weighing in at 281 pounds, HYRAX!!

 

Hyrax headbangs as he walks down the ramp, occasionally high-fiving fans. 

 

Ash: You're NOT seeing Capybara, this is a different little rodent themed wrestler that we've now hired.

 

Marcus: Maybe they'll work together.

 

Valerie: Sure, centralize them. It'll make it easier to punt them.

 

Hyrax jumps up buckle to buckle from the apron outside the ring, like he's climbing a tree, then rolls in to cheers.

 

 

The lights flash in and out of being dark to bright, Pariah comes out with a red solo cup.

 

 

Sheri: From Ames, Iowa, representing Chi Eta Sorority, one half of Amerika's Most Wanted, PARIAH!!

 

Pariah toasts the Solo Cup and chugs it, then spits it in the direction of the audience and throws the cup into the crowd.

 

Ash: She was apparently already a mess before XHW decided to show their faces here, and now it's gone from sloppy to obnoxious.

 

She walks down mouthing off to the crowd, threatening to start fights.

 

Valerie: That means we've only got one person left to come in. And ugh. It's this one.

 

The lights go pitch black for a second. All is quiet.

 

 

Suddenly a familiar guitar riff echoes through the arena and and blue lights flicker in time to the opening licks of AC/DC “Thunderstruck.” Even if you don’t know the man, you can’t deny the song, and the crowd goes NUTS. They chant “THUNDER” in time to the bass drums during which the lights in time briefly flash white to mimic the energy of a thunderstorm.

 

The main riff comes in lightning bolts erupt around the arena.

 

 

A blonde man comes running out, and throws the horns to the left of the crowd, igniting a brief pillar of flame. He runs to the right of the stage and gives the horns to that side of the crowd, igniting a brief pillar of flame.

 

Sheri: AND! From Slaughter Beach, weighing in at 203 pounds, one half of The Ocean, STING RAY STEVE THUNDER!!!

 

He comes charging down the ramp, high fiving anyone he can. He runs around the ring and all the way back to the other side of the ramp continuing this high five.

 

Ash: The crowd has nothing but love for this man.

 

Valerie: Yes, because they're stupid.

 

Back in the center of the ramp he lets out a hell yeah scream and sprints full force to the ring, springboarding himself and flipping over the apron, throwing a final set of horns and then whipping off the trenchcoat dramatically in preparation for the fight.

 

The bell rings!

 

Marcus: Once again, four people need to get three falls, but this is in a regular ring and you can only get a win condition once.

 

Valerie: Which is good because Steve can't just get that lock on everyone, which I am told is being called the Davy Jones Lock and  that Steve spent the time away working on getting it down.

 

Ash: Pariah out to the ringside, heading under the apron, Steve gonna charge towards the rope, Alessia stopping him in his tracks with a boot, scoops him up and tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Hyrax with a basement dropkick deals with Pariah, gets her up and runs her back-first into the barricade, throwing alternating back elbows.

 

Marcus: It's a tale of two fights, and it already looks like they're gonna hurt like the Dickens. 

 

Valerie: Pariah to the eyes of Hyrax, getting in the mask there, Alessia with a Samoan Drop to Steve and going for a quick pin-