Tap. Tap. Tap.

 

The screen static fizzes in, as we see Leila Blake walk into screen.

 

 

Leila: Good. The signal is on. 

 

Leila clears her throat.

 

Leila: You're probably wondering where we've been for the past... 6 months. 

 

The short answer is that our broadcasting rights were in effect gambled away in DA Jones's hubris, with XHW swiftly attempting to take over rights, and past rights, and lawyers had to be called and we had to fight to get our rights to air back. 

 

Yes. That is the short version. 

 

Some of our wrestlers were able to keep themselves going through 404 and PUC and APW and all manner of things. And because of the nature of how we run things, they are more than welcome to be residents of multiple places.

 

But now, we are making a glorious return, and what better place to do it than in the hometown of probably one of our biggest stars, WildFire. You'll be hearing from him at the beginning of the main show, we did not want to relegate his speech to the kickoff. 

 

 

Orchid: MEOW!

 

Leila: Yes, of course I didn't forget that tickets were 10 percent off if you brought a can of tuna. 

 

Orchid: MEOW!!

 

Leila: OR that our kickoff show is going to be the first round of the Wild Card Tournament. 

 

Orchid: Prrrrrrr

 

Leila: And it's fitting isn't it, Orchid, that the WILD Card Tournament is starting in the home of WILD Fire-

 

Orchid gives a side eye and jumps off the desk.

 

Leila: Yes, well. On with the show!

 

AUGUST 24, 2026
EDMONTON, ALBERTA, CANADA

ROGERS PLACE

 

 

The fireworks go off in the Rogers Place Arena as Moist "Tarantino" blasts through the speakers. 

 

 

Ash: WE! ARE! BACK!! And what better way to do the comeback story than in the home stadium of the first team to have 5-5! 5! 5! 5! Come-from-Behind Playoff Victories in a single season, the EDMOOOOONTON-

 

Crowd: OILERS!

 

Ash: Exactly!! And this is my first show in Seat 1, making me possibly the first non-binary lead commentator ever, and I am BEYOND thrilled to have in the other chairs Valerie Thomas and Marcus Donovan!

 

 

Marcus: Oh MAN is it great to be back on the mainland!!! No shade to GHW International, may it rest in peace, but this is where it's AT!

 

 

Valerie: Yo!

 

Ash: Okay, so we gotta talk briefly about what we didn't know at the time would be our season finale, Heart Condition.

 

Valerie: And what a way to go. Betrayals. Cash-ins. Champions reclaiming their seat at the table. A bomb that has completely obliterated one of our old titles. And a kidnapping.

 

Marcus: Even watching from the audience, my mouth was just agape the whole time. And, we ever find Jen? Like, do we know what happened to her?

 

Ash: I would hope she escaped the bomb but we can never be sure.

 

Valerie: ANYWAY! We are here for the pre-show action. Let's do this Edmonton. So if you are aware, we're about to jump headfirst into the Wild Card Tournament! The matches were all spun into play, with varying ranges of number of fighter and intensity of match. And even the order of the first two rounds of bracket are gonna be completely randomized.

 

Marcus: That's right! Bring out... the Big Ass Wheel!

 

 

Sheri brings out a young girl from the audience as the song plays, the two do a breakdance battle, and at "SPIN THAT WHEEL" she spins the wheel to cheers. 

 

The wheel lands on...

 

 

Sheri: The following contest is an Iron Survivor Match! Two fighters will start, and every 5 minutes a new competitor will enter! When the final competitor enters the match will remain for a final 5 minutes and the winner with the most pins will move on! If you are pinned, you must be in the penalty box for 2 minutes before returning!

 

Ash: We're wasting no time getting into the weeds, this tournament is insane in that some matches will have you with 5 opponents and others will have you with 1, but part Iron Man, part Gauntlet, this match is all brutality.

 

Valerie: Unlike most matches with multiple people, it actually benefits you to be early. It's a numbers game first and foremost, and if you can rack a fall or two in the first few minutes before the crowd comes in, you're in a good space. 

 

Sheri: Here are your first 2 competitors!

 

 

A white searchlight sweeps across the crowd. The Tribal Chief steps out slowly, scanning the arena like he’s mapping threats.

 

 

Sheri: First! From Houston, Texas, weighing at 260 pounds, the leader of Riot Block, THE TRIBAL CHIEF!

 

Marcus: Tribal Chief is lucky his match is early, cause he got an early start on the main card too with that Trios Match.

 

Valerie: It'll give him time to relish his victory here before leading his team to victory against the bunch of no names who thought they could step to the Block.

 

Halfway down the ramp he pauses, exhales sharply, then charges the ring with sudden explosive force. Inside, he circles every corner like he’s securing hostile territory.

 

The arena falls completely dark.

 

A low chant begins to echo through the building as the entrance screen displays shifting hieroglyphics. Golden light slowly rises across the stage, resembling sunlight breaking through the entrance of an ancient temple.

 

Two jackal statues appear on the screen as smoke covers the stage.

 

A deep voice declares:

“The scales have been prepared.”

 

The music erupts.

 

 

Khairos appears in full ceremonial attire, standing completely still with his head lowered. Behind him, a glowing golden ankh forms across the screen.

 

 

Sheri: AND the individual who drew Number 2! From the Sands of Judgment, weighing in at 245 pounds, KHAIIIIIROS! 

 

He slowly raises his head and begins walking toward the ring.

 

Khairos never rushes. Every step is controlled and deliberate. He ignores the crowd and keeps his attention fixed on the ring, carrying himself like a ruler approaching his throne.

 

Marcus: Of course, power when confronted by the Sands of Destiny themselves will often find themselves wanting.

 

Valerie: Careful, Socrates, you don't want to step into Aztec territory too early. Khairos will also be staring the Ancient One down later.

 

At ringside, Khairos stops and looks around the arena before stepping onto the apron. He enters the ring, moves to the centre and removes his mask.

 

Ash: The last thing we saw is that Khairos enthralled Farrah Lance and would have gotten Steve Thunder too, were it not for Aztec. But he is not looking for a follower today. He's looking to collect.

 

Khairos raises the mask above his head as golden light floods the arena and flames erupt along the entrance stage.

 

The screen displays his message:

BALANCE IS POWER. POWER IS DESTINY.

 

The two stare each other down for a long minute. The crackles of tension can be heard throughout the arena. 

 

The bell rings!

 

Ash: The lock up, Khairos blasts Chief with a short-arm clothesline. Chief snaps to his feet, arm drag takes Khairos down, Chief immediately pops with a low dropkick, Khairos with a chop in response, pulls Chief in with a snap powerslam, and kicks Chief in the ribs. 

 

Marcus: Khairos scoops up Chief and the Pop-Up Sitout Powerbomb! Tribal Chief deals with the Sands of Time!!

 

 

Lindy: ONE!

 

Marcus: Tribal reverses!

 

Lindy: ONE!

 

Valerie: Khairos kicks! Tribal precludes him getting up though and blasts him with a backbreaker. This is what you need to do, keep Khairos down and a stomp out keeps that going.

 

Ash: Khairos cuts that off, Dragon Leg Screw, gets Tribal Chief on his shoulders...DESTINY DRIVER!!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Khairos pins Tribal Chief! Khairos 1 Tribal Chief 0

 

Marcus: Tribal Chief goes into the box, 2 minute penalty.

 

Valerie: And that's what I'm talking about, get that early fall in.

 

Ash: While we await Tribal Chief's return, let's talk about what else is coming tonight. Aztec and Steve Thunder will be dealing with Khairos and his new lackey later, but that's not even the eighth of it. The XHW partnership has yielded some - shall we say, frustrating - shifts to the card.

 

Marcus: That's putting it nicely. Diego did NOT earn the third spot in the Legacy Title Match. And the Slip N Slides didn't earn a title shot against X-Treme Society. But Ed Savage Sr. wanted to get back at Dante and Victoria for refusing to "fall in line", so he pulled rank.

 

Valerie: And I mean, isn't that what this card is really all about? Revenge? Elijah's getting back at Balor. WildFire and the Blondes are getting back at the rest of Radio Silence. Dorian is looking to get back at Adara for the crowbar's use in his shot against Wild. Diana and Rox are looking to settle their differences. Nero and Psycho Extreme are finally going to get to go at it. ZLI's imploding in on itself. We already mentioned Steve and Aztec. I'm surprised SM and CON aren't in a boxing match.

 

Ash: And of course we're also getting back at XHW for blowing up half a year's worth of PPV by moving the Spring Fling to today and tying it to the Sink or Swim Rumble we would have had in previous years before International Incident took its place. And if you go back to Holiday Hellscape, the 1, 2, and final spots that were won in the White Elephant are still in play, so we know that we'll be it'll be Ishani and Wolfgunblud starting us off and Wonderwolf in the coveted final spot. 

 

Marcus: And it looks like time is about to end on the box.

 

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

 

Valerie: We've got a minute 39 left until our next entrant, and Tribal Chief is back in this. 

 

Ash: Khairos doesn't even let him fully back in the ring! Up he goes for that High Angle Uranage!! Judgment Fall and he's looking to send him right back in! But Tribal rolls back to his feet before Khairos can get the cover and pops up with a DDT. Trying to keep Khairos down with a series of stomps, moves out of the way of Khairos grabbing the leg this time!

 

Valerie: He learned from his mistake, gets him up, going for the Spin and F5!!!! RIP AND TEAR!!!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Tribal Chief pins Khairos! Tribal Chief 1 Khairos 1

 

Ash: Tribal Chief is gonna get a little over a minute alone to catch his breath and then a little under a minute alone with the next competitor before Khairos can return to combat.

 

Marcus: What happens if after the full time is over there's a tie?

 

Valerie: We would get a sudden death tiebreaker.

 

Marcus: Yeah, I guess it was a stupid question.

 

Valerie: Little bit, yeah. 

 

Ash: I would have expected Riot Block to be out here, but I'm glad that they aren't, this would have gone so much worse. 

 

Valerie: And we're about to get our next entrant!

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Valerie: How embarrassing must it be if you're Erica Lance, and you've just committed to a whole new thing only for your group to blow up on itself? Like MAMA is no more.

 

Ash: She calls herself the Great Manipulator now, and I'm not looking forward to what that entails. 

 

Marcus: Tribal with a quick roll-up-goes nowhere, Lance with a kip-up Poison Rana! Poison the Well!! I hate that name but the move is effective.

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Erica Lance pins Tribal Chief! Erica Lance 1 Tribal Chief 1 Khairos 1

 

Valerie: Erica wasted no time tying it up, and this means that we're going to have about half this leg with at most 2 people, which is advantageous to Khairos and Erica. 

 

Ash: You can see that Khairos is itching to get out of the box, and Erica taking the time to stretch and shrug off the boos coming from the crowd.

 

Marcus: Oh she's going full Hogan with the hand motions now. Why do I feel like she's got some unfortunate words lined up. 

 

Ash: I sure hope we can get the clock counting down before she gets to a mic. And here we go. 

 

5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

Marcus: Khairos back out of the box, in with an Irish Whip and ERICA WITH THE POISON THE WELL AGAIN! COME ON NOW!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Erica pins Khairos! Erica Lance 2 Tribal Chief 1 Khairos 1

 

Ash: I think Lindy might be counting a little fast.

 

Valerie: No, it's lined up well with the clock. 

 

Marcus: How do we know that Great Manipulator isn't just manipulating you?

 

Valerie: I don't get manipulated.

 

Ash: Well this means MORE than half of this leg now is going to be at most 2 people, Tribal Chief and Khairos are finding themselves in and out of the box with a quickness. It's for a little bit more time now just Erica and the crowd. Hopefully Tribal Chief can hold her off enough for us to get some multi-person action.

 

The crowd chants "You Suck!" Angle-style. 

 

Marcus: Well, this match has been more box than bout, but that's how the competitors want to keep it.

 

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

 

Valerie: Tribal Chief back, Khairos still has a minute to go, Chief yanks Erica up and a Rip and Tear!! BUT SHE REVERSES THE PIN! 

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO!

 

Marcus: Tribal Chief remembering that kicking up is an option! To his feet, Erica with a standing dropkick, Chief staggers back, Erica goes for a second but Tribal Chief grabs her by the legs and whips her into the buckles! Oh yeah!

 

Valerie: Gets into the corner, here we go and another Rip and Tear!! Let's see her reverse this AGAIN.

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Tribal Chief pins Erica Lance! Tribal Chief 2 Erica Lance 2 Khairos 1

 

Ash: Erica Lance gets her first visit to the box, a little under 20 seconds until Khairos comes out. Tribal Chief a little sore he had to do that to her twice for her to stay down, but he made it work. 

 

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

 

Valerie: Khairos back in action, and gets Tribal on the way in with a discus forearm and into the sitout Spinebuster! Tribal Chief rolls out of the way but Khairos gets him with the pendulum backbreaker! The cover!

 

Lindy: ONE!

 

Marcus: REVERSAL! And Khairos kicks out, punch to the face of Chief on his way up, Chief returns in kind, Khairos blasts him with a short arm clothesline, Chief responds with a drop toe hold. Khairos tries to kick him away, Chief kicks the leg, pulls him up, rip and tear again! He's loving this move!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

 

Tribal Chief pins Khairos! Tribal Chief 3 Erica Lance 2 Khairos 1

 

Ash: Khairos back to the box AGAIN! 

Valerie: You have to give it to the competitors. They're coming in fast and hard with the big moves. Barely any wasted space. Keeping the ring as clean as possible. 

 

Ash: It's going to get harder as the next two enter, but you're not wrong that they've been pretty adept at it thus far. 

 

Marcus: And with everyone having falls notched, it's gonna be some catch up for the next two. 

 

Valerie: By the time Erica gets out of the box, there will only be 5 seconds left, so it's not gonna be enough time to re-shelf her before entrant 4, so it's going to start to get a little crazier in here.

 

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

 

Marcus: Erica's out, and the countdown clock is already going!

 

5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Ash: Krey Kruel joins the fray.

 

Marcus: -Fruel.

 

Valerie: Thanks I hate it. Tribal Chief going for the short-arm, Krey ducks and spinning kick to the back of his head. Back to his feet and any guess what his next move is? Rip and Tear? You got it, and Erica eats it. 

 

Lindy: ONE!

 

Ash: Erica reverses again!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Erica Lance pins Tribal Chief! Erica Lance 3 Tribal Chief 3 Khairos 1 Krey Kruel 0

 

Ash: Erica up KREY WITH A GERMAN! ROLLING INTO A SECOND AND A PIN!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO!

 

Marcus: Erica reverses again!! She can't be stopped!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Erica Lance pins Krey Kruel! Erica Lance 4 Tribal Chief 3 Khairos 1 Krey Kruel 0

 

Valerie: She must have done some real training over our time off!

 

Ash: Or some manipulation.

 

Valerie: Really?

 

Marcus: It's right in her name. 

 

Ash: Well Khairos is about to return, hopefully will set this right.

 

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

 

Valerie: He's back in and she gets him with a Crucifix Driver! BUT HE REVERSES!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Khairos pins Krey Kruel! Erica Lance 4 Tribal Chief 3 Khairos 2 Krey Kruel 0

 

Ash: Well... he's gotten himself a minute's respite. 

 

Marcus: And then it's gonna be 3 people entering in the span of a minute, so we're lookin' at a "That Escalated Quickly" situation. 

 

Valerie: Not to mention that once Erica is out it'll be under a minute until Cellula enters to complete the set. And if you look at the scores here, as it stands now Cellula would need to average a fall a minute to have a chance of winning this, because Erica Lance has just been on one. 

 

Ash: I bet Khairos wishes he'd brought his staff to the ring. 

 

Valerie: I bet he wishes he didn't have to face Farrah's sister in there, because he's got her all riled up. 

 

Marcus: You can see he's calculating something. I think it might be the timing and location of the relative penalty boxes. Ope, here we go. 

 

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

 

Marcus: OGs of this match in, Tribal Chief reverses the clothesline and back to Ol' Faithful, Rip and Tear. 

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! 

 

Ash: KREY INTERRUPTS THE PIN! She needs their numbers to stay down if she has any hope of getting somewhere in this match! Tribal Chief picks Khairos up and huge backbreaker! Tribal Chief and Krey Kruel looking at each other, DOUBLE BRAINBUSTER TO KHAIROS!! Erica enters just in time to see the chaos!!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO!

 

Valerie: ERICA FROM UP TOP BREAKS THE DOUBLE PIN WITH A SPLASH!! WE HAVE 4 FIGHTERS NOW!!

 

Ash: Khairos pops Tribal up with the Sands of Time as Krey hits a snap suplex on Erica! Lindy saw Khairos first!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Khairos pins Tribal Chief! Erica Lance 4 Khairos 3 Tribal Chief 3 Krey Kruel 0

 

Ash: Lindy switches focus.

 

Lindy: ONE!

 

Valerie: Erica able to reverse! Krey would have had it, but she kicks out now. 

 

Ash: Khairos snap powerslam to Krey Kruel-kicks out before the 1. Khairos undeterred, pops her up and the Sands of Time! 

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO!

 

Marcus: Erica breaks up the pin! She doesn't want Khairos catching up to her. Krey slaps Khairos as she gets to her feet, and Erica hits a Tornado Spike DDT on him!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE! 

 

Erica Lance pins Khairos! Erica Lance 5 Tribal Chief 3 Khairos 3 Krey Kruel 0

 

Ash: Khairos goes in the box, and only 9 seconds until our final arrival.

 

9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

 

Ash: A wild Cellula appears! And immediately eats a Jumping Reverse STO! That's half the Shades of Krey but she chooses to go roll-up pin instead of submission! But he kicks before 1 ERICA POPS UP AND POISON THE WELL!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Erica Lance pins Krey Kruel! Erica Lance 6 Tribal Chief 3 Khairos 3 Krey Kruel 0 Cellula 0

 

Valerie: Poison the Well to Cellula!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO!

 

Marcus: Cellula fights out!! But Erica right on top with the snapmare takeover. Cellula quick to his feet and belly to belly. He keeps it going and leg drop, oh but she rolls the leg as Tribal comes back,

 

Lindy: ONE!

 

Ash: Kick up, Tribal in and Cellula blasts him with a Ghost Step!!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Cellula pins Tribal Chief! Erica Lance 6 Tribal Chief 3 Khairos 3 Cellula 1 Krey Kruel 0

 

Marcus: Cellula spinning Erica around and Ghost Step Spinebuster to her too! BUT SHE REVERSES!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO!

 

Valerie: Cellula kicks, but right into Poison the Well! OH SHE GETS REVERSED!

 

Marcus: Taste of her own medicine! But she kicks.

 

Ash: And into a spinning suplex! Khairos released as Erica goes for the pin-

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO!

 

Marcus: He's out again! And Khairos with a huge boot pushing Erica back! Cellula charging Khairos, Khairos ducks behind him and goes for the pin-

 

Lindy: ONE!

 

Valerie: Cellula won't stay down, ducks Erica, Solo Fantasmi e Ombre!! 

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Cellula pins Erica Lance! Erica Lance 6 Tribal Chief 3 Khairos 3 Cellula 2 Krey Kruel 0

 

Ash: Krey comes in as Erica goes out, and when Erica returns she'll have 25 seconds to pad her lead. Or possibly regain it. Khairos looks to put Krey out with the Pharaoh's Wrath back elbow!!

 

Lindy: ONE! 

 

Valerie: Krey kicks out, but Khairos puts her right back down with a snap powerslam! OH NO SHE REVERSES! But he kicks before the one.

 

Marcus: Cellula rolls Khairos up!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Cellula pins Khairos! Erica Lance 6 Tribal Chief 3 Khairos 3 Cellula 3 Krey Kruel 0

 

Ash: With that, Khairos is effectively out, as there is 1 second less in the match as there is in the Penalty Box, and he ends with 3 falls. 

 

Valerie: Krey is effectively unable to win but she can be a spoiler, spinning neckbreaker to Cellula. Cellula responds with an elbow strike, Krey with a cross chop! Cellula blasts her with Ghost Step! Cover-

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Cellula pins Krey Kruel! Erica Lance 6 Cellula 4 Tribal Chief 3 Cellula 3 Krey Kruel 0

 

Ash: At this point, Cellula needs to pin both individuals to force a tie, otherwise Erica's taken it.

 

 

7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

 

Valerie: Tribal Chief is out, Cellula mows him down with a clothesline! Grabbing by the legs, Alabama Slam! SOLO FANTASMI E OMBRE!!! 

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Cellula pins Tribal Chief! Erica Lance 6 Cellula 5 Tribal Chief 3 Cellula 3 Krey Kruel 0

 

Ash: Erica Lance comes out in under 35 seconds, and then we'll see if either Cellula pushes the sudden death or Erica ekes the win!

 

Marcus: He'll have only 21 seconds to put her down. But it can be done. 

 

Valerie: The penalty boxes are done for the match. We're either gonna get our winner right here and now, or we're going into sudden death. Here she comes...

 

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

 

Ash: In she comes, he pulls her up for the Ghost Step NO SHE REVERSES FOR THE POISON RANA!!! SHE GOES FOR THE PIN!!!

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO!

 

Marcus: REVERSE!!!

 

Lindy: ONE!

 

Valerie: And she reverses back.

 

Lindy: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Erica Lance pins Cellula! Erica Lance 7 Cellula 5 Tribal Chief 3 Cellula 3 Krey Kruel 0

 

 

Sheri: Here is your winner, with 7 Falls, and advancing to the next round, the Great Manipulator, ERICA! LANCE!

 

Ash: And Erica Lance is the first to advance. Cellula came very close to pushing the limit at the end, but just couldn't get it done. 

 

Marcus: This crowd is NOT happy with this outcome, especially with Erica Lance pushing for Canadian statehood on social media. And I cannot blame them.

 

The crowd boos Erica Lance mercilessly. 

 

Ash: Before we have a riot, let's move onto our next match.

 

The wheel is brought back out. The crowd sings "SPIN THAT WHEEL" with the song. 

 

Sheri: Our next match will be...

 

 

Sheri: The following contest is the House of X-Treme Match! The first individual to notch 3 falls will be the winner!

 

The red carpet rolls out and spotlights flash around. Mark Anderson stands in the middle spotlight and takes his sunglasses off.

 

 

Sheri: First! From Hollywood, California, and we have been legally barred by his representatives from revealing his weight, one half of the MAWLIWOOD Blondes, RED CAPET MARK ANDERSON!

 

Scattered boos come through the arena. He takes in the boos as if they were cameras.

 

Valerie: This man is an icon, and he does not deserve this treatment.

 

Marcus: He doesn't deserve this match.

 

Anderson takes his robe off and has a PA take it off, whispering dry cleaning instructions to him. 

 

Ash: Anderson will expect to have his robe taken care of by the time the show is over. 

 

 

White "snow" comes down to represent sugar as the lights hit a blue and pink swirl effect. TJ Laurel slides out on her heel, straightening out her suit jacket at the edge of the stage. 

 

 

Sheri: From Tsawwassen, British Columbia, representing E.M. Powered, Too Smooth TJ Laurel!!

 

Ash: We were wondering back at Heart Condition who this was when the name came up, we didn't have much to go on, apparently EM He still has some pull and was able to get a new recruit or two into the wheel's purview. And, she's apparently a famous Canadian baker, so we'll see how this goes.

 

TJ keeps her eyes straight ahead as she keeps her hands on her suit. 

 

Valerie: Well, we don't even know if this is a real wrestler or a stunt casting, but EM's gambit seemed to work in that she was pulled. 

 

Marcus: It only works if she's effective.

 

The light setup changes to a more tropical set-up with green, red, blue, and yellow lights. 

 

 

Petey Peacock extends his arms and mimics flying around the stage. 

 

 

Sheri: From Fortaleza, Brazil, weighing in at 261 pounds, one half of Birds of Play, PETEY PEACOCK!! 

 

He runs down the ramp high-fiving people as he comes down, then trampolines into a corkscrew flip clean over the rope.

 

Valerie: He's out of his element. He's in the cold, he's fighting by himself, we'll see how he does. 

 

He flexes his feathers. 

 

Ash: Only one person left to come in, and that person has more of a personal connection to this match type!

 

 

A burning X fills the Titan tron as Start The Shooting by A Day To Remember starts blasting. Victoria  struts out confidently, moving with the flow of the music as the crowd explodes.

 

 

Sheri: AND FINALLY! From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, part of the X-Treme Society and one half of the MAWL Tag Team Champions, VICTORRRRRRIA SCYTHE!

 

She stops at the top of the ramp as the Titan tron starts displaying ‘Watch your step’ in burning letters as the chorus plays. As Victoria walks down the ramp, pyro goes off on either side of the ramp with each step. After a few she stomps triggering the stage to fill with red and silver sparks.

 

Valerie: This is an unfair advantage.

 

Ash: This was the nature of the wheel, sucks for the others but you can't control fate.

 

She walks down the ramp and to the ring, strutting up the stairs and climbs up onto the turnbuckle and poses for the crowd. She hops into the ring and  stands in the center, posing with her hands on her hips. Her eyes moving between her three opponents. She raises her foot up high and stomps, setting off red and silver sparks above the ring.

 

Marcus: The match of course most associated with Victoria's brother Justin, better known to wrestling fans everywhere as Def Jam, but Victoria and her tag partner Dante did also walk out of one of these with a title. 

 

Ash: There is talk that we'll get a new design for this event, but for now we're going standard cell. Everyone staring each other down, no one too keen to make the first strike. Wait... what is coming.... down?

 

The new ring arrives. Everyone is made to leave the original ring, as a new ropeless ring that is... a... dodecahedron? ... lowers.

 

 

Marcus: We're... only in our second match... and already we've got this coming out?

 

Valerie: Our second KICKOFF SHOW Match.

 

Ash: Welcome to MAWL, folks. 

 

The bell rings!

 

Valerie: Nobody to keen the make the first strike, no ropes to run off of, the temptation to grab a weapon balancing against the risk of turning your back to 3 equally hungry competitors. 

 

Marcus: Pour one out for Kenny Prince, who's gonna have his hands full.

 

Ash: You got that right OH first swing by TJ Laurel and that was a rookie mistake, she telegraphed it and Mark Anderson deftly dodges and pops her up, Victoria Scythe catches her and Powerbomb! Petey springboarding off the side of the cage for an Asai Moonsault and Anderson catches him, Spinning Powerslam! Victoria spins Anderson around and going for a Cutter quickly, Anderson pushes her off and going for the back suplex and Victoria kicks off the side of the steel and gets some Stratusfaction with that bulldog! 

 

Marcus: All it took was one match to light this place up!!

 

Valerie: If she messed up Mark's face there's gonna be a lot of angry fangirls. 

 

Marcus: Oh I'm sure he had it insured Spinning Wheel Kick by Petey to Victoria you can't stand still for even a millisecond in this environment. 

 

Ash: Petey using his speed to climb up to the platform quickly, before anyone in the ring can clock it.

 

Valerie: I wish he'd be going for a weapon but knowing Petey he's probably gonna try some flyboy nonsense. 

 

Marcus: You'd gotta admit, that would be sick.

 

Valerie: In the very rare chance he makes it sure but if not, that will be an ex-parrot. 

 

Ash: Anderson runs Victoria into the side of the wall and Petey shaken a bit and trying to hold on, Anderson throwing blows to the midsection, Victoria trying to brace herself goes low and gets hold of his legs and running spinebuster gets her out of that scrape OH but Laurel catches her out as she tries to get to her feet with a shotgun dropkick! And an early cover-

 

Kenny: ONE!

 

Marcus: Victoria kicks, did Laurel really think she was gonna get her first fall that quickly OH DAMN DOUBLE ROTATION MOONSAULT BY PETEY PEACOCK STOPS LAUREL FROM GETTING UP!

 

Valerie: Okay, I'll give him that. Oh but Anderson pulls him out of the potential pin.... High Angle German Suplex! Marquee Suplex!

 

Kenny: ONE!

 

Ash: VICTORIA SCYTHE GRABS ANDERSON'S LEGS AND ROLLS OVER TO TRY TO GET A DOUBLE PIN!

 

Kenny: ONE! T-

 

Valerie: TJ LAUREL COFFIN DROPS INTO THE WHOLE PREDICAMENT! Smart move, even with a three fall win condition you don't want to give up any falls.

 

Marcus: And I'll give her that. Pushing off the cell wall like that for a Coffin is not something you see every day. They seem to be functioning without the ropes just fine.

 

Ash: And TJ Laurel and Victoria Scythe the first to their feet, but they're both deciding they want to see what weapons are available, make use of the hardcore elements of this match. 

 

Marcus: But they're leaving Anderson alone with Petey Peacock, and Anderson's mounting him with fists, Petey getting his legs up around Anderson's head and going for a headscissors lock, trying to get Anderson's arm into an armbar as well, ANDERSON UP AND HE'S GOT HIM INTO SPINEBUSTER POSITION! 

 

Valerie: TJ Laurel sees it going down and turns her attention, but Victoria can't be bothered, I thought this was supposed to be her match type but she's more interested in a chair. Not gonna win that way.

 

Ash: Anderson with the Sitout Spinebuster TJ LAUREL FROM THE SKY WITH A LEG DROP! TJ LAUREL COMPLETES THE FINAL TAKE AND SHE HOOKS BOTH OF PETEY'S LEGS INTO A CRADLE! 

 

Marcus: She just stole the MAWLIWOOD Tag Finisher AND Anderson's pin! Anderson shoves her off like a little bOH SHIT VICTORIA CRAIL GRABS THAT CHAIR INTO THE FACE OF ANDERSON!! SHE SPINS AROUND WITH LIKE NOTHING QUEEN CUTTER TO TJ!!

 

Crowd: Holy shit! Holy shit!

 

Kenny: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Victoria Scythe pins TJ Laurel for her first fall!

 

Ash: Victoria not wasting time celebrating her first fall, she knows she has more work to do, pulls TJ up before TJ can get moving on her own and drops her right back down with a Gutwrench Suplex, Anderson gets her with a Spinning Sidebuster but immediately Petey drops a knee on the back of his head! Petey grabs Anderson in a headlock and going for a Reverse Suplex, Victoria catches the legs in air, MAGIC KILLER! THE TWO WITH AN IMPROMPTU ODE TO THE GOOD BROTHERS! They take a moment to do the Too Sweet but here comes Too Smooth TJ Laurel and double clothesline blasts them both! 

 

Valerie: You DON'T TAKE YOUR EYE OFF THE BALL FOR EVEN A SECOND!

 

Marcus: TJ Laurel back to the cell wall, oh, this is interesting, she's climbing up it backwards. 

 

Valerie: Doesn't want to take her eyes off her opponents, but this is still a dangerous thing and you aren't able to rely on your toes for the extra grip, Victoria going for the boot to smash her against the side OH TJ ABLE TO PULL HERSELF UP AND AWAY! USING HER FREE LEGS, DROPPING HER HANDS A LITTLE BUT FRANKENSTEINER SMASHES VICTORIA'S FACE INTO THE CELL WALL! 

 

Marcus: Cool move but now she's upside down and she's trying to proceed up the cell wall upside down, at this point just jump down and start over. 

 

Ash: Anderson giving Petey a ramp, jumping off his back and cannonball senton takes TJ off the wall!

 

Marcus: Told you!

 

Valerie: Anderson making the climb now, and he was smart enough to go to a different wall than where all the bodies are splayed. There's not gonna be too much of a chance to catch up to him. 

 

Ash: Petey sees what's happening, but choosing to leave Mark alone and La Magistral roll-up to TJ!

 

Kenny: ONE! TWO!

 

Marcus: Victoria interrupts with a cross-body, and her momentum keeps her rolling OH NO it only rotated the pin!

 

Kenny: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

TJ Laurel pins Petey Peacock for her first fall!

 

Valerie: You can tell Victoria is pissed about this, but she kinda screwed herself.

 

Marcus: Victoria's frustration gets the better of her, she comes full speed at TJ Laurel and jumps up, Flying Gallows Choke TJ RUNS HER FACE FIRST INTO THE CELL!

 

Ash: Laurel eats a Rocket Kick by Petey pushing her into Victoria, blasts Laurel with that European Uppercut he calls Ride the Crest, up over his head into the Military Press.... DOWN INTO A FRONT SLAM! And Victoria thanks him with a DDT! 

 

Valerie: So ungrateful. 

 

Marcus: Anderson taking his time picking out a weapon, you'd think he was looking for a Met Gala outfit. 

 

Valerie: You're just jealous he'd actually be invited. 

 

Ash: He unlatches a table and sends it down to the ground floor, he's lucky it didn't shatter on impact, he takes the chain of it too, wraps it around his hand and down he dives for a Superman Punch and Petey is the unfortunate recipient of it! Going for the cover-

 

Kenny: ONE! TWO! 

 

Valerie: TJ pulls Anderson back into a La Magistral!!

 

Kenny: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

TJ Laurel pins Red Carpet Mark Anderson for her second fall!

 

Marcus: TJ is in a really strong position SHE TAKES A GERMAN SUPLEX FROM VICTORIA!

 

Kenny: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Victoria Scythe pins TJ Laurel for her second fall!

 

Valerie: The women are getting the job done!

 

Marcus: You're not wrong. Both Anderson and Peacock are goose egging it right now ANDERSON ROLLS UP SCYTHE!!

 

Kenny: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Red Carpet Mark Anderson pins Victoria Scythe for his first fall!

 

Marcus: That's what we call a real Rock Paper Scissors situation. 

 

Ash: And Petey was saved from it by Laurel stealing the pin, but Laurel is no friend of the bird, in fact she just flipped the bird! Back body drop and Petey lands roughly on his neck, Laurel grabbing the chain from Anderson and just going to town on Petey Peacock! Anderson to his feet, trying to stalk the chain back but Victoria up with the tilt-a-whirl headscissors NO! SHE PARLAYS IT INTO THE FLYING GALLOWS ANDERSON WITH THE NORTHERN LIGHTS!

 

Kenny: ONE! TWO!

 

Marcus: Victoria with the shoulder up! Yes Queen!

 

Valerie: That Flying Gallows isn't working for her. She gets Anderson with the judo arm flip, he lands and gives it back in kind, SCOOP SLAM TO VICTORIA INTO THE CELL WALL! oh looks like Petey's got a hold of the chain and pulls Laurel in for a ripcord snap DDT! Some actual fight from the bird!

 

Ash: He's got the table and setting it up, here we go, he picks Laurel up and into the Military, we may be getting a Plumage Press Right now MARK ANDERSON GETS UNDER PETEY! WE GOT A TOWER OF DOOM AND ANDERSON ELECTRIC CHAIRS THEM THROUGH THE TABLE!! HE'S GONNA TRY TO PIN THEM BOTH AT ONCE!!!

 

Kenny: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Red Carpet Mark Anderson pins TJ Laurel for his second fall!

 

Valerie: He's...furious! Kenny Prince is only calling the one fall! What a robbery!

 

Ash: Not so fast, not so fast.

 

Anderson continues to argue with Prince, Prince reviews the footage on the tron and calls Sheri over after a second of deliberation.

 

The crowd goes silent as they watch along with the footage.

 

Sheri: The official call is that Petey Peacock got his shoulder up at the 2 count! Mark Anderson only completed the pin on TJ Laurel and stands at two falls! 

 

The crowd goes wild, Anderson kicks the broken table piece VICTORIA LOCKS IN THE FLYING GALLOWS ON PETEY!

 

Marcus: Victoria took the moment! Soon as she saw Anderson wasn't given the win she pounced, and the hold finally takes shape.

 

Valerie: She couldn't get it on TJ, couldn't get it on Mark, but third time's a charm and Petey taps. 

 

Marcus: And with that Victoria Scythe is our second winner of the night!! HELL YEAH!!

 

Victoria Scythe makes Petey Peacock submit for her third and final fall! Victoria Scythe wins!

 

 

Sheri: Here is your winner, and advancing to the next round.... VICTOOOOOOORIA SCYTHE!!

 

Valerie: I may have been pulling for TJ Laurel-

 

Marcus: You absolutely were.

 

Valerie: But I'm happy to see two women advance in a row. In fact, I wonder if this next round could be mostly women. That would be pretty amazing. 

 

Ash: Well, let's see what the wheel holds now.

 

Spin That Wheel plays again as the next fan comes out to give it a good pull. It lands on...

 

 

Sheri: The following contest is a STEEL CAGE Match! The only way to win is to go over the cage wall or through the door!

 

The lights go deep, deep purple.

 

 

Jaguar King bounces from foot to foot in time with the bass drum, then stomps with a shout at the hi-hat, causing a crown shaped pyro display to shoot off behind him. 

 

 

Sheri: FIRST! From New York, New York, one part of the Animalities, weighing in at 248 pounds, JAAAAAGUAR KIIIING!

 

The crowd pops off as Jaguar King walks with conviction down the ramp, occasionally giving high fives as he goes.

 

Marcus: This really would be an international incident! Jaguars and lemurs are from completely different sides of the world, but one would have to think that had they met, lemurs would be easy prey for jaguars. 

 

Ash: And the wheel knew what it was doing, this is going to have a very escape the zoo energy as we will literally have two caged animals. 

 

Jaguar King hops up onto the apron and enters through the top turnbuckle, where he gets the crowd pumped once more before jumping with a spin into the ring. Another crown pyro goes off using the four corners to create a 3D effect. 

 

Valerie: And I'm personally excited that this could continue the trajectory of women-

 

 

Ash: What the crap is this.

 

 

Nick: There's gonna be a change in plans, we decided.

 

Marcus: Who's "we"?

 

Nick: Can I get a whoop from the real men in this audience?

 

Some of the crowd whoops. Not a large portion.

 

Nick: That wasn't loud enough, and that's exactly why I'm here. That's exactly why the Manosphere is here, and we've been watching backstage, and you all just proved the problem. This is why the women have been winning these matches, because you're afraid to rise up. Well, no fear, we're here to make the true path clear. 

 

Boos. This guy sucks.

 

Nick: And as to why I'm interrupting this match in particular... well, one of our new brothers has... taken care of... your competition, and will be taking her place. 

 

The music starts back up, and out comes...

 

 

The crowd boos immensely. Leon has the slightest smirk on his face.

 

Ash: Oh no, is that... Lionheart? 

 

Valerie: Not anymore. 

 

Nick: That's right, [censored]uar, your running buddy was tired of playing animal dress-up with you. He knows where the REAL men are, and the Manosphere has welcomed Leon Ismael LeSin with open arms. 

 

Marcus: I hate this. I hate this so much.

 

Valerie: I hate what this group stands for, but you gotta admit, this fits the trouble at home theme. 

 

Leon steps into the ring, and starts hard-fist wailing on Jaguar before the cage can even lower. 

 

Ash: There's a lot of pent-up rage in this man, and these incel warriors have glommed onto and exploited it to make this man a true brutalizer. 

 

Marcus: What do you think he meant by "take care of"? 

 

Ash: Knowing the energy here, he probably beat a woman. 

 

The cage finally lowers and the bell mercifully rings. 

 

Ash: Well... for better or worse, this match is officially underway. 

 

Valerie: Jaguar King is already in trouble, and this just started. Leon grabs him by his hair and flips him onto the side of the cage! And just pulverizing his face with that closed fist. 

 

Ash: MAWL's policy on closed fist was never quite consistent and usually pretty lax and this is making a good case as to why that should not be. Jaguar struggling to get his wits about him long enough to even think about fighting back, and Leon is just rabid in there.

 

Marcus: They took the heart out of the lion. He's got Jaguar in a headlock and just blasting him with knees to the midsection. Fight back, dude! I know you got it in you!

 

Ash: Jaguar finally getting ahold of the situation, grabs Leon's knee and Release Fisherman Suplex! Leon up, Jaguar gets him with an armdrag, Enzuigiri!

 

Valerie: Normally I find Jaguar kinda holier than thou but even I am pumped by this turn of events. Make him pay! 

 

Marcus: Wait, did we just become b-

 

Valerie: Don't push it.

 

Ash: Jaguar grabs Leon by the legs and wheelbarrow back suplex! Leon lands on his shoulderblades, rolling back to a 3-point stance, blasts Jaguar with a shoulder tackle, Jaguar pushed back to the ropes, Leon catches him with a Pele Kick, lands on his feet and Fastball punch! 

 

Marcus: "Real men do sports, grrr." 

 

Valerie: Jaguar gets the arm and judo flip to Leon! Following it up with a knee to the face and a Snap DDT! Hooks Leon up and he's got him in that Vertical Suplex, can he get him across the knees for the Jaguar Love? NO Leon slides down and Scottish Sickle! 

 

Marcus: In his Lionheart days, that would have been prime Code Blue territory, but it seems that Leon doesn't do fancy slams. Leon does street brawling. 

 

Ash: Jaguar to his feet, blocks a second Fastball punch and spins Leon around... Inverted Suplex! If he's not gonna do it, he's gonna eat it instead! 

 

Valerie: Jaguar takes the moment to head towards a cell wall, smart to do it opposite side from where Leon is downed, and he's gonna begin the climb OH NO LEON TO HIS FEET TOO QUICKLY AND A RUNNING POLISH HAMMER TO THE BACK OF JAGUAR! 

 

Marcus: He's got his claws in though, Jaguar not letting go of the cage wall, but this is just giving Leon a chance to do more damage unless he starts moving and Leon slams the knee into the cell wall! And again! And a third time, and that's gonna take Jaguar down. 

 

Valerie: I hate to say it but it's real smart to focus on the limbs in this match, that was good work by Leon. And Leon just hammering down on that knee with leg breakers, Jaguar trying to kick him away, trying not to scream, Leon lifting the knee higher and higher with each drop, really trying to damage Jaguar's knee for the long term oh and he lifts too high! Jaguar able to flip back to his feet, RANHEI!! 

 

Ash: He's operating almost on instinct with these moves, and you can see him hobbling a bit, Leon licking his lips, goes for the chop block JAGUAR EVADES IT WITH A BACK FLIP! That's the thing about being a veteran, you have a sense of what people will try to do to capitalize on an injury. Jaguar still favoring that foot, but enough wherewithal to grab Leon's trunks and left arm.... bouncer toss! Headfirst Leon goes into the cage wall! Jaguar lining up.... going for the Coronation Kick, calibrating his attack, up he goes LEON WITH AN STO! 

 

Valerie: Leon read the tea leaves, this is what happens when your old friend doesn't change their ways. You knew how to work with it, and now you know how to dismantle it. 

 

Marcus: It's the first sign of actual wrestling we've seen from Leon, and now he's looking to switch gears, looking for a potential ankle lock, back-leg enzuigiri by Jaguar! They are both down! 

 

Ash: Jaguar's instinct is to make sure his enemy is down down, he fights to his feet, picking up Leon.... Claw to the face and slams him down! ROYAL CLAW!

 

Valerie: He's trying to get to the wall, oh still having some trouble with that leg, going instead for the door... Lemuria is here to get her revenge...

 

 

Sheri: Here is your winner...and advancing to the next round...Leon Israel LeSin.

 

Ash: Holy Internalized Misogyny, Batman! Lemuria throws herself in with the Manosphere!

 

Lemuria looks into the camera.

 

Lemuria: Attention, women here, women watching at home, Leon here has wisely reminded me that a woman's place is supporting her man. And with that, I am now Demuria, and my purpose here - as all of your purpose should be - is supporting my hungry boys. With food, and with love, and with being there to help them be their best. 

 

She tosses her hair back and the two of them walk back to the backstage to sustained boos.

 

Marcus: I think what she considers "their best" and the rest of us considers "their best" is vastly, VASTLY different. 

 

Ash: Well, this is gonna be a major issue later, particularly as this Manosphere is scheduled to be in the Next Level Match. But let's now see what the Wheel holds for us.

 

Spin That Wheel plays as a new fan spins...that wheel... 

 

 

Sheri: The following is an Undisputed Match! In order to win, you must obtain three of the following conditions - pin, submit, KO, bleed.

 

https://audio.com/ryan-crowley-hughes/audio/anti-system-theme-song

 

Alessia Romano storms forward, completely unreceptive to the crowd that is providing a mixed reaction.

 

 

Sheri: FIRST! Representing Anti-System, from Roma, Italy, ALESSIA ROMANO!!!

 

Alessia slams her hands on the apron then rolls into the ring.

 

Valerie: Anti-System were full of championships for a hot minute, but now they are back to square 1 and a win here would certainly help Alessia and through this Anti-System writ large.

 

 

The music crescendos, and when the distortion kicks in, Hyrax pops up like a gopher shot out from a spring.

 

 

Sheri: From the Bale Mountains in Ethiopia, weighing in at 281 pounds, HYRAX!!

 

Hyrax headbangs as he walks down the ramp, occasionally high-fiving fans. 

 

Ash: You're NOT seeing Capybara, this is a different little rodent themed wrestler that we've now hired.

 

Marcus: Maybe they'll work together.

 

Valerie: Sure, centralize them. It'll make it easier to punt them.

 

Hyrax jumps up buckle to buckle from the apron outside the ring, like he's climbing a tree, then rolls in to cheers.

 

 

The lights flash in and out of being dark to bright, Pariah comes out with a red solo cup.

 

 

Sheri: From Ames, Iowa, representing Chi Eta Sorority, one half of Amerika's Most Wanted, PARIAH!!

 

Pariah toasts the Solo Cup and chugs it, then spits it in the direction of the audience and throws the cup into the crowd.

 

Ash: She was apparently already a mess before XHW decided to show their faces here, and now it's gone from sloppy to obnoxious.

 

She walks down mouthing off to the crowd, threatening to start fights.

 

Valerie: That means we've only got one person left to come in. And ugh. It's this one.

 

The lights go pitch black for a second. All is quiet.

 

 

Suddenly a familiar guitar riff echoes through the arena and and blue lights flicker in time to the opening licks of AC/DC “Thunderstruck.” Even if you don’t know the man, you can’t deny the song, and the crowd goes NUTS. They chant “THUNDER” in time to the bass drums during which the lights in time briefly flash white to mimic the energy of a thunderstorm.

 

The main riff comes in lightning bolts erupt around the arena.

 

 

A blonde man comes running out, and throws the horns to the left of the crowd, igniting a brief pillar of flame. He runs to the right of the stage and gives the horns to that side of the crowd, igniting a brief pillar of flame.

 

Sheri: AND! From Slaughter Beach, weighing in at 203 pounds, one half of The Ocean, STING RAY STEVE THUNDER!!!

 

He comes charging down the ramp, high fiving anyone he can. He runs around the ring and all the way back to the other side of the ramp continuing this high five.

 

Ash: The crowd has nothing but love for this man.

 

Valerie: Yes, because they're stupid.

 

Back in the center of the ramp he lets out a hell yeah scream and sprints full force to the ring, springboarding himself and flipping over the apron, throwing a final set of horns and then whipping off the trenchcoat dramatically in preparation for the fight.

 

The bell rings!

 

Marcus: Once again, four people need to get three falls, but this is in a regular ring and you can only get a win condition once.

 

Valerie: Which is good because Steve can't just get that lock on everyone, which I am told is being called the Davy Jones Lock and  that Steve spent the time away working on getting it down.

 

Ash: Pariah out to the ringside, heading under the apron, Steve gonna charge towards the rope, Alessia stopping him in his tracks with a boot, scoops him up and tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Hyrax with a basement dropkick deals with Pariah, gets her up and runs her back-first into the barricade, throwing alternating back elbows.

 

Marcus: It's a tale of two fights, and it already looks like they're gonna hurt like the Dickens. 

 

Valerie: Pariah to the eyes of Hyrax, getting in the mask there, Alessia with a Samoan Drop to Steve and going for a quick pin-

 

 

Jenny: ONE!

 

Marcus: Thunder reversing into a side cradle-

 

Jenny: ONE!

 

Ash: Kick up. Alessia rolling back, grabs at Steve's leg and Olympic Hammer Throws him into the corner. Outside, Pariah with a low kick to Hyrax, Snake Eyes him on the barricade.

 

Valerie: This is the kind of aggression that wins you matches. 

 

Marcus: You also have to do things like pin. Also I wouldn't have tossed Steve into a corner, the man's got reach like a Hall of Fame Quarterback.

 

Ash: Pariah holding Hyrax's head over the barricade and kicks to the ribs, oh Steve Springboards himself across the way, Coast to Coast Dropkick blasts Alessia into the turnbuckle and catches her off the rebound, Spanish Fly! 

 

Jenny: ONE! T-

 

Valerie: Alessia shoulders up. Hyrax getting quick elbows into the sternum of Pariah and single-arm backbreaker. 

 

Marcus: Thunder hitting the ropes, springboard to Asai Moonsault, Alessia gets the knees up. Oof my dude.

 

Ash: Wasting no time, Alessia hooks his waist and Gutwrench Powerbomb, going for a sitout pin-

 

Jenny: ONE!

 

Valerie: Thunder rolls her back-

 

Jenny: ONE!

 

Ash: And the kickout, but Thunder ready for her and huracanrana! She bounces up quickly and German Suplex, Thunder dropped on his neck but able to backflip away OH but Alessia immediately wrecks him with a clothesline sending him out to the apron but he pops back up and Somersault Senton takes her right back down, she pushes Thunder off before he can pin her OH SNAP HYRAX FROM SEEMINGLY OUT OF NOWHERE GETS THEM BOTH WITH A SPLASH!!

 

Jenny: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Hyrax pins Steve Thunder and Alessia Romano and has fulfilled his first condition!

 

Marcus: What a way to make an introduction! 

 

Valerie: Only gonna get him one condition though, and he now has pinning off the board. 

 

Marcus: Early lead is an early lead. 

 

Ash: Pariah launches herself in the ring now! Going for the Blockbuster on Steve NO! STEVE WRAPS HIS ARMS BACK AND PARIAH GOES DOWN!! SETTING UP FOR THE DAVY JONES, AND PARIAH TAPS BEFORE HE CAN GET TO PART 2!

 

Steve Thunder makes Pariah submit and has fulfilled his first condition!

 

Valerie: He burned that early, he's going to have to rely on whatever other skills he has to get through this match. Doesn't look good for him. 

 

Ash: Don't be so sure. He won a Last Man Standing against Gozu using it, it could get him the KO win as well. 

 

Marcus: I believe!

 

Valerie: Chill out Ted Lasso.

 

Ash: Pariah to her feet, Hyrax has a Rocket Kick ready for her. Alessia back at it with Thunder and deadlift into a back bear hug! She could be looking to get a submission fall on him here and now oh but Hyrax hasn't stopped moving and turns it into a double team with a boot! Alessia none too happy with the critter, one arm backbreaker! Thunder to his feet, Pariah already looking for the charge, instinctive drop toe hold by Thunder puts her over the middle rope, Thunder might be trying to channel his inner Mysterio now, off the ropes ALESSIA CATCHES HIM OUT WITH A BACK BODY DROP! 

 

Marcus: Ah but see, here is where Thunder's body intelligence comes into play, he's able to extend his distance mid flight pushing his body forward and turns it into a somersault leg drop! He hits his intended target anyway, just not how he originally planned!

 

Valerie: Alright, fine, I have to give him that. He didn't think much about the landing though, and out he spills to the floor. These fighters who are locked into multiple fights in a night sure don't seem to remember that from fight to fight, they throw their all into everything. 

 

Marcus: But that's what they're meant to do.

 

Valerie: Yes, but Steve has that trios match later, and unless he wants to put much of the onus on Daniel and Aztec, he's not gonna be a ton of help if he comes out of this wrecked. 

 

Ash: Your point is well taken Valerie. Inside the ring, Hyrax is trying for an elevated triangle hold but Alessia turns it into a Black Hole Slam! Going for the cover-

 

Jenny: ONE! TWO!

 

Valerie: The kickout by Hyrax and he tries for a headlock, he's looking to take her down with a Rear Naked. 

 

Marcus: Smart. He knows he already has the pin locked, he's switching it up for the Submission now. 

 

Valerie: But he'd be smarter to do it on someone a little less strong, Alessia backpack stunner and a backlean lateral, hooks the leg-

 

Jenny: ONE! T-

 

Ash: Hyrax shoulders up, gets the Dragon Sleeper headlock on Alessia and an Orton Backbreaker! Looking to get in a Crossface, starts it up OH Hidden Blade by Pariah ends that with a quickness! Thunder up to the top going for the Corkscrew OH SNAP BOTH HYRAX AND ALESSIA GET THEIR KNEES UP! 

 

Marcus: Least comfortable landing pad ever! Thunder is sprawled and Jenny begins the KO count!!

 

Jenny: ONE! TWO!

 

Valerie: Alessia picks Steve up!!

 

Marcus: She realized she'd have to share the fall with Hyrax if he went down, and he's already 1 up on her! Spinebuster!! Wait, Pariah has something between her fists, oh she's Wolverine clawing bobby pins, SUPERGIRL PUNCH TO ALESSIA!! SHE'S DRAWN BLOOD!

 

Pariah makes Alessia Romano bleed and has fulfilled her first condition!

 

Ash: Three people now with a win condition, and they're each completely different. Thunder has a submission, Hyrax has a pin, and Pariah now has drawn blood. Oh Alessia sees red, literally and figuratively, and she is just WAILING on Pariah. 

 

Marcus: The Beast is Unleashed!

 

Valerie: Lifts Pariah up by the neck and Choke Bomb, Hyrax trying for a Sleeperhold, she's trying to swing him off CATCHES THUNDER WITH A FIST IN THE NOSE! Thunder's nose is bleeding!

 

Alessia Romano makes Steve Thunder bleed and has fulfilled her first condition!

 

Ash: And just like that, everyone is on the board. Alessia still trying to break the submission that Hyrax still has, she gets her arm back and a Backpack Stunner! Going for the cover-

 

Jenny: ONE! TWO! T-

 

Marcus: Thunder breaks up the pin with the standing Shooting Star! Pariah with a running dropkick blasts Thunder outta the ring. Pariah with a Tope Con Hilo OH but Thunder catches her out with a Powerbomb! Booyakasha! 

 

Valerie: Hyrax and Alessia throwing fists at each other, Hyrax with a lariat NO Alessia ducks it, Fireman's Carry dumps Hyrax back down, gets him back up and going up into the Military Press, this could only mean one THUNDER SPRINGBOARD SHOTGUN DROPKICK BLASTS ALESSIA BACK!! WHAT THE HELL!

 

Marcus: No one wants anyone to get that second condition, Pariah to the apron, HYRAX SMASHES HER FACE ON THE POLE!

 

Hyrax makes Pariah bleed and fulfills his second condition!

 

Ash: Thunder from behind Hyrax, O'CONNOR ROLL! 

 

Jenny: ONE! TWO! T-

 

Valerie: His sneakiness doesn't pay off, Hyrax kicks up! Hyrax picking Steve up in the Electric Chair OH Steve swings down into a DDT! Pariah up on the turnbuckle and Leg Lariat wipes out Steve! Get it girl!

 

Ash: Pariah momentum continuing, rolling and up to her feet just in time for Alessia to boot her right back, she rolls the other way, Thunder with Chaos Theory, going for the pin-

 

Jenny: ONE! TWO! T-

 

Marcus: Pariah kicks up, and grabs Thunder by the hair, throws him out of the ring, blasts him back with a Suicide Dive!! Thunder rolled back, Pariah with a running back elbow pushing Thunder back into the barricade. 

 

Ash: Pariah puts his arms back over the barricade, knee shots to the ribs, she goes up to the apron, springs off the ropes and hip drop puts him over the barricade! Alessia scoops up Hyrax and Military Press.... F-5!! 

 

Jenny: ONE! TWO!

 

Valerie: Hyrax looking like roadkill in the ring! 

 

Jenny: THREE! FOUR!

 

Marcus: Pariah under the ring, she... oh, she's pulling out a glass pane and she's here making a bridge!

 

Jenny: FIVE! SIX! 

 

Ash: Pariah going back into the ring.

 

Jenny: SEVEN! EIGHT!

 

Marcus: Trying to get to Hyrax-

 

Jenny: NINE!

 

Valerie: Alessia successfully blocking her from undoing her work!

 

Jenny: TEN!

 

Alessia Romano KOs Hyrax to fulfill her second condition!

 

Ash: Pariah can't get there in time, switches gears and Hockey shirts Alessia! She's just punching her on the back, lifting her up into a suplex and going up, Superplex into the pane of glass! Hyrax struggling to his feet, Thunder up and going full Colt Cabana!! Chicago Skyline and Superman pin!!

 

Jenny: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Steve Thunder pins Hyrax to fulfill his second condition!

 

Marcus: We just blew past that glass shattering moment, but both Pariah and Alessia are laid out! Pariah now the only one not to have a second condition notched, but she's hoping that this move OH THUNDER CORKSCREW MOONSAULTS OUT OF THE RING!! HE EFFECTIVELY RESETS WHAT COUNT THERE WOULD HAVE BIN HERE COMES HYRAX WITH A SUICIDE DIVE TAKING THUNDER BACK OUT! Madness! It's all Madness!

 

Ash: Three of these fighters now just one condition away. Thunder needs to make Hyrax bleed or KO someone, Hyrax needs to KO or submit someone, Alessia needs to submit or pin someone. Pariah has only completed the Bleed condition. Hyrax has been trying to get a submission on Alessia for a while now, he might have a better chance of trying to finagle a KO. 

 

Valerie: He could also try to submit Pariah or Thunder. Doesn't have to be Alessia. 

 

Marcus: Sense I get from Hyrax is he sets his mind to a goal, he's going for it. And he's got a full nelson on Alessia again trying to get her subdued, Pariah grabs some of the broken glass and wraps it in cloth and she swings it across the face of Thunder! This man is in real trouble! She does it again in the opposite direction! This is pointless, you already got the bleed!

 

Valerie: She seems to be going for a KO. Trying to get him too far beaten to be able to continue. Thunder is eating it like the dog he is, and it's so damn enjoyable to see.

 

Ash: Thunder trying to duck, grab, anything he can think of, and it's somewhat working but he's still getting grazed, he grabs a chair and that'll help him shield himself, he pushes the chair back with force and she just barely dodges her own cloth.

 

Marcus: Alessia trying to run Hyrax into the barricade, into the apron, he's not letting go but she's not going down.

 

Valerie: Thunder swings the chair and Pariah hi-tails it into the ring! Steve rolling in after her, lifts the chair to strike and...wait-

 

 

SM grabs the chair!

 

Marcus: OH COME ON.

 

Steve puts his hands on his hips and turns around. SM and Steve stare daggers at each other for a hot minute as the crowd pops off. 

 

Ash: Oh. This. This is bad.

 

SM mouths "Move, idiot" to Steve and motions with his head to the side. Steve catches it and evades...

 

SM WHANGS PARIAH WITH THE CHAIR! PARIAH SPINS AROUND AND RIGHT INTO STEVE'S ARMS FOR THE DAVY JONES LOCK!!!

 

POPMANIA RUNS WILD!!!

 

Marcus: SM.... SM JUST HELPED STEVE!!!

 

Ash: The only thing SM hates more than everyone who's here is everyone who shouldn't be here. 

 

Jenny: ONE! TWO! 

 

Valerie: He still potentially gave Steve the victory.

 

Jenny: THREE! FOUR!

 

Marcus: Not if the others can get in the ring fir-is that a stampede?

 

XHW fighters come out of the woodwork!! Deck of Hearts come out of the woodwork!! Anti-System is right behind!!!

 

 

Crowd: THIS IS AWESOME! THIS IS AWESOME!

 

Jenny: FIVE! SIX!

 

Marcus: MAWL IS RISING UP AND IT'S GLORIOUS!

 

Valerie: Jenny still counting Pariah, who far as I can tell is still somewhere under this rumble!

 

Ash: At this point, Steve, Hyrax, and Alessia aren't even registering the match! It's fists and feet everywhere!

 

Jenny: SEVEN! EIGHT!

 

Marcus: Steve, Alessia, and Hyrax might have been fighting Pariah this whole match-

 

Jenny: NINE!

 

Marcus: But SM drew first blood and ignited a true firestorm here. 

 

Jenny: TEN!

 

Steve Thunder KOs Pariah, with SM's assistance to obtain the final fall in this match!

 

Ash: We're gonna see two of those Point Break looking idiots from XHW that Abyss Breaker just tossed with no regard out of the ring later as apparently Ed Savage Sr has dictated that they are the first defense for the re-gained champs for X-Treme Society later on.

 

Valerie: Wait... where ARE the Society? Where are the Scythes? We saw Victoria in action earlier, we know Jared is fighting at some point during all this, why aren't they out here helping?

 

Marcus: Your guess is as good as mine.

 

Ash: Blackthorne using that chain to take Velvet Voltage out of the ring, and it looks like at least for now, the combined efforts of MAWL were enough to drive XHW back. And now that the chaos has cleared, Sheri can be safe to do her job.

 

Sheri: And your winner and advancing, Sting Ray Steve Thunder!

 

Marcus: For as intense and brutal a match as it was, the victory was almost an afterthought. I'll be curious to see if these groups can coexist in their war on XHW.

 

Ash: We know that in the Alphabet Cup beginning at Madness, that SM and Steve are set to be on a team together. But my darling wife is back with the crowd, so I think we're going to get a spin.

 

"Spin That Wheel" picks back up as a young man gives the wheel a good spin. And it lands on...

 

 

Sheri: The following contest is a Ladder Match!

 

 

A video of a helicopter, red carpet rolls out and a video of an explosion. High Risk Winston Lewis steps out to mixed reaction.

 

 

Sheri: First! From Hollywood, California, one half of the Signal Tag Team Champions the MAWLIWOOD BLONDES-

 

 

The EdgeRunners run him down with a ladder! They drag him by his hair into the ring, set up the ladders, Johnny takes him up the ladder, V from the other end....

 

DOUBLE SUPERPLEX!

 

They leave High Risk laid out at the foot of the ladder and disappear back into the crowd. 

 

Ash: Message sent by the Edge Runners in advance of their match tonight... they didn't even bother with the briefcase.

 

Valerie: They have their sights set on those Signal Championships. No distractions unless directed. 

 

Marcus: Well, this is a rare opportunity for-yep, the other two are forsaking their entrance and going right for the ladder!

 

Kyu and Lenore pop in from opposite ends of the crowd and dart right toward the ladder.

 

 

Valerie: They're not even registering each other! That's a top of the ladder problem!!

 

Ash: Beginning the climb, they're matching each other step for step-

 

Suddenly the lights go out, and the tron crackles.... it's the glowing Red Smiley Face!

 

Marcus: Oh. I always hate this. I hate this so, so much. I'd forgotten about this while I was at GHW.

 

The lights come on, and the screen remains with the image. Kyu continues climbing, but Lenore is transfixed. 

 

 

Ash: Rade never found a vessel during our time away. If you remember, Rena Terror betrayed him during the Mount Olympus Match and thought she could take the title for herself. But I guess the hunt is back on.

 

Valerie: The question is whether Lenore WILL be the Vessel or if Inge is Vessel-shopping.

 

Marcus: Well, one thing we know for sure, Kyu Ketsu got a real easy path to the next round. 

 

Kyu Ketsu unlatches the case to win!

 

 

Sheri: Here is your winner... and advancing to the next round... KYU KETSU!

 

Valerie: It will add an element of chaos, that's for sure. And I'm afraid... titillated... to see who is stuck facing him and in what way next round. 

 

Marcus: But for now let's keep this round going.

 

"Spin that Wheel" plays as a fan takes a spin at the wheel. Next match is...

 

 

Sheri: The following contest is a Last Woman Standing.

 

 

There's a slow decrease in lighting, and arena lights all but dim down to a hazing darkness. A cackling laugh bellows from the speaker before "Do It So Good” by Wargasm begins to play. The lights continue to flicker ominously. Then a mixture of a colorful light show, and small pyro works lights up.

 

The lights continue to flicker ominously. Then a mixture of a colorful light show, and small pyro works lights up. We see Jassy the ever jovial crazy girl slink out through the entrance way. Wearing a black leather attire with signature pink zebra print design. She struts over to one side of the top stage area.

 

 

Sheri: FIRST! From London, England, the leader of Sex Appeal, MIIIIIIND BLOWING JASSSSSY!

 

She moves and sways in rhythm to the music, then poses like a glam rocker mixed with a model. Her 'Sex Appeal' team mates accompany her to the ring.

 

Valerie: She's apparently got some special gear for International Incident proper, and I'm excited to see it, but I can understand not wanting to waste it on the pre-show.

 

A pyro, and a glitter bomb cannon explodes and colored glitter balls fly over and across the crowd, then they explode with sparkling glitter flying everywhere and all over the crowd. Jassy walks with swagger, occasionally pointing with disdain at the crowd, mouthing off at them, and calling them rats. When she reaches the outside ring area, she poses once more before climbing onto the apron. She grabs the rope and leans forward, and swings from side to side, before pulling herself back, and entering the ring.

 

 

A very obviously corporate peace sign shows in the Titantron as globe lights of flowers show around the arena. Azaleah gives a peace sign that she takes a selfie of.

 

 

Sheri: And her opponent! From Chicago, Illinois, representing Estraga Corporation, the Bourgerois Bohemian, AZALEAH!!

 

She gives the most disingenuous smile and wave to the crowd as she walks down, her phone rings and you can tell she's making business deals. 

 

Marcus: You can just tell that she's low key making oil companies very happy while she's saying to save the whales or whatever. 

 

She puts one finger up to the referee as she remains on the phone call, getting increasingly aggressive. When she hangs up she gives peace and love hand signals and a bright smile, which the crowd does not believe. 

 

The bell rings!

 

Ash: Jassy about to strike, oh did Azaleah's phone just ring? She put her finger up again! She's telling Jassy to wait a minute, the sheer audacity of this.

 

Marcus: Jassy looking to strike again, Azaleah jumping the rope and answering the call and did she just threaten to shove someone's sack out their nose through their ass? 

 

The call ends. Azaleah enters the ring, Jassy goes for a lock-up, Azaleah puts her hand in prayer pose and bows, then breathes as she lowers herself. 

 

Valerie: She should have centered herself before the match and you can see that Jassy is getting real impatient, she boots her right in the head! 

 

Marcus: Right on the crown chakra! 

 

Ash: Wasting no time here, Inverted One Arm Shoulder Throw, Azaleah up, Jassy Superkick to the waist!

 

Marcus: That's the Sacral Chakra!

 

Ash: Second a little higher!

 

Marcus: The Solar Plexus Chakra!

 

Ash: And the third one right between the eyes!

 

Marcus: And the Third Eye! She just completely misaligned her with the S3xycution!

 

Valerie: I think Azaleah is...trying to roll out and bail! Oh but Jassy has her phone. And she smashes it underfoot, Azaleah... Azaleah is actually getting a little heated now. 

 

Marcus: She can get heated, you heard her on the phone, but she's trying to center herself and she rolls under the ring.

 

Ash: What does she... is that a Live Laugh Love Sign? 

 

Valerie: She's offering it to Jassy. I guess all is for-JASSY SUPERKICKS THE SIGN INTO HER FACE!! PICKS HER UP.... FIREMAN'S CARRY.... OFF WITH HER HEAD!!

 

 

Carter: ONE! TWO!

 

Marcus: Jassy just completely owned this.

 

Carter: THREE! FOUR!

 

Ash: Azaleah simply didn't have her mind on the right things.

 

Carter: FIVE! SIX!

 

Valerie: I actually have to agree. Don't try to be liked like that.

 

Carter: SEVEN! EIGHT!

 

Marcus: When it shows more that your bite is worse than your bite.

 

Carter: NINE!

 

Ash: Well, it was faster than expected but this is not a surprise win.

 

Carter: TEN.

 

Jassy wins by KO.

 

 

Sheri: Here is your winner, Jassy.

 

Valerie: Yep. Jassy can brush this one off and get ready for her main show, and we can go back to the wheel.

 

"Spin that Wheel" plays as a fan spins the wheel.

 

 

Sheri: The following contest is a Bloodstar Match! The way to win is to eliminate your opponents through first blood means!

 

 

Lights out. The opening guitar of 'Rockstar' by Nickelback hits. A giant cracked heart slams onto the screen, and splinters. Cracks slowly grow bigger and spread further across the display until the entire heart explodes into shattered glass.

 

 

Sheri: FIRST! From Muskegon, Michigan, representing Deck of Hearts, the Headliner.... the Mad Maiden... ROX! STARR!

 

Rox bursts out, and pink pyro erupts spraying and shooting out in time with the music. She walks with rock girl energy to the ring.

 

Marcus: If she didn't align herself with Deck of Hearts, she'd be a lot of fun to watch.

 

Valerie: It's possible Deck of Hearts might be more endeared to the fans now that they've stepped in against XHW.

 

The fans boo to show without fail that no, they are not.

 

Ash: Well that theory's out the window. She's already been out here twice today, this is her first official match. And I believe both matches include her stable-mate.

 

Rox climbs the turnbuckle, points at herself, and lets out a scream. Then she jumps from the turnbuckle into the ring with a double stomp, before rising up and throwing her hands up with devil horns. Then as the crowd yells, Rox points at the top of the stage.

 

The lights go black with neon green tinges flashing on and off. Rox rolls her eyes.

 

 

As the opening of the guitar mimics a rocket, the titantron shows a meteor hurtling to Earth. As Sunflower sings “I don’t even know your name” the meteor crashes through the planet...then the video fizzles and stops suddenly. Briefly the screen shoots out two lines of text in turn, transitioned by static.

 

LESSON PLAN COMPLETE.

 

EVOLUTION ACHIEVED. 

 

 

Over the drum fill and child laughter, an image of Diana Dresden staring forward fizzes in and out through her various iterations, from Dinah Soar to Venom Cartel to the ponytailed start at Deck of Hearts. 

 

As the drum fades off briefly, the swirling noise shows a rotating monogrammed "DD" which will match her earrings.

 

The music kicks in and a shimmering spotlight with a red and pink laser show around her frames Diana Dresden, sporting an upgraded, more adult look complete with sparkling trench coat, a look of cold disdain on her face.

 

 

Sheri: Next! Also representing Deck of Hearts... from Helena, Montana, the Next Evolution of Heartbreak....DIANA DRESDEN!

 

The spotlight follows her down as she walks, nose up, hands extended outward a the fans. Rox stares her down.

 

Ash: Diana Dresden with the glow up, a new air to her that says that she demands to be taken seriously.

 

Valerie: She had been treated like a child by everyone, including her own teammates, and she's delivering the message here and now, you don't need to teach me to be bad, I AM a baddie, and I deserve to be respected and feared.

 

Marcus: She's gonna have to back that up not once but twice tonight against her teammate, with whom she has been having significant issues and jockeying for a position of power under SM's rule. But to your point, this is the most assured that Diana has ever looked, this is a whole vibe that says without saying, "It's Ms. Dresden now and I am a power player." 

 

Diana uses her robe almost as a red carpet or rug and lays it under the bottom rope before sliding headfirst on her side in a model pose. She brushes the coat off an a hologram matching the heartbreak on her new top rotates overhead as she poses, taking in her own greatness. She snaps brusquely and the spotlight disappears, lights turn back on as she examines her nails.

 

She and Rox stare each other down. It's clear they're both chomping at the bit now, but know that they'll have 3 other competitors to worry about.

 

 

Fire plumes shoot upward as videos of fire overtake the runners, the ramp, and the titantron.

 

Guards line each side of the ramp.

 

Zanza Ztark's cape blows upward as she stands, a figure demanding reverence.

 

 

Sheri: From Easter Island, representing Estraga Corporation, ZANZA ZTARK!!

 

Her cape flows behind her as she royally processes down the ramp, the guards marching in time behind her.

 

Marcus: What the hell is Lexxus O.C. playing out with this obvious and outdated ripoff?

 

Valerie: It in of itself is a power play. She is wealthy enough to withstand potential copyright infringement, while using the Mario theme of reverse an S to a Z and make it bad. 

 

The guards remove the cape and hold open the rope as Zanza steps inside the ring. The plumes of fire continue to go off as she slowly raises the "Big Z" hand signal overhead, causing the guards to kneel, before slowly lowering her arms in a sweep. 

 

The arena dims, and a hushed reverence fills the air as the haunting notes of "Ave Maria" begin to play, slow and measured, enveloping the crowd in an aura of grace and power. The opening chords echo throughout the arena, and the anticipation builds to a fever pitch.

 

 

Marion Bartoli makes his entrance. Clad in a blue and gold singlet, his athletic frame exudes power and determination. His movements are composed and deliberate, like a chess player positioning their pieces for the final checkmate.

 

 

Sheri: Next! From Paris, France, weighing in at 230 pounds...one half of Le Lutteur, the Art of Submission, MARION BARTOLI!

 

Ash: The crowd has not forgiven nor forgotten Le Lutteur's vicious attack on Press Start at Heart Condition. 

 

Valerie: Well, Le Lutteur have not forgiven nor forgotten not being part of that Tag Gauntlet.

 

Marcus: They weren't entitled to it.

 

 The crowd watches in anger, showering Marion with boos, as Marion’s gaze never wavers from the ring, his mind always in control, calculating each move before it even happens. As he approaches the ring, his pace quickens ever so slightly, his confidence growing as he steps forward before ultimately rolling in the ring.

 

 

Isabella walks out the cockiest she has ever walked, Eurasian Title being held triumphantly overhead as the crowd boos.

 

 

Sheri: AND FINALLY! From Den Helder, Netherlands... representing Zora Luthor International and Asesinato S.A., she is the EURASIAN CHAMPION....ISABELLA VAN DER GARDE!!!

 

She struts to the ring, smiling viciously as the crowd showers her with boos.

 

Valerie: They should not be treating their champion this way. Even Stunted Ray acknowledged her as champ and declined a rematch, stating, "I know the dangers of a cash-in, and if someone has it and uses it, I can't complain." 

 

Marcus: Well her belt is not up for grabs today, and I don't even know if it's on the card with her in that Unstable Title Match later.

 

Ash: I have a feeling Zora Luthor is up to something there. She's already declared herself the Special Referee of the match from what I've been told. I've also been informed by a source but I didn't have time to confirm this that Diana and Rox have been specifically instructed to leave each other for the end. 

 

Isabella twerks at the apron, then gives a Betty Boop face to the boos before chuckling scornfully and stepping into the ring.

 

The bell rings!

 

Valerie: Well you can see they're plotting a little, Marion with a kick to the ribs of Isabella, Isabella with a quick drop toe hold, and a quick kick to the head. Zanza with a crucifix driver to Isabella, double DDT by the ladies of Deck takes Zanza down! Whatever was said or not said, they're certainly at least starting this match in tandem. Rox whips Zanza across the way, Diana catches her on the way back, flapjack and Rox with the cutter! They just nailed a 1D!

 

Marcus: I gotta give em that. They're basically gender-swapped Oasis. When they're on link and in sync they're unstoppable, but they fight against more than with each other. And I think SM liked and had been fostering both sides of that dynamic while it suited him and brought drive into the two, but you have to wonder at what point it becomes a liability.

 

Ash: Now is certainly not that time. Perfect double dropkick keeps Zanza from remaining on her feet or even in the ring, Diana giving Rox a boost off her back and Rox clears the rope to catch Zanza with a Whisper in the Wind! She catches Zanza from falling completely and whips her into Diana's baseball slide! 

 

Valerie: Marion and Isabella on the other side of the ring and Marion is being buried deep in Isabella's backside! She's straight up airbagging him!! Grabbing hold of the ropes, she gets herself up into a handstand.... and barreling down into a hip smasher! 

 

Marcus: Honestly? What a way to go. But Marion can take comfort in knowing the blood needs to be visible to count as a loss, making the blood rush and center is not sufficient. 

 

Ash: Marion used to be loved by these people, but now they want these four women to absolutely devastate him. 

 

Marcus: Jean Tucker must, how you say, die. 

 

Valerie: Isabella loading herself back, taking the run at Marion, going for the Rump Shaker NO HE GERMAN SUPLEXES HER INTO THE BUCKLES! HER HEAD JUST BOBBLED ON IMPACT!

 

Ash: Two quick knees to the chest, he's running back himself, sir sheath your sword, taking a run ISABELLA MOVES AND MARION WISHBONES ON THE POLE!

 

Marcus: SACRE BLEU! 

 

Ash: Isabella to the apron, she pulls the wishbone into the pole even further and with conviction!! Oh wait, she's pulling them together SHE'S SITTING ON HIS LEGS! SHE'S PUTTING HER FULL FORCE INTO HER BODY AND JUST CRUSHING HIS LEGS!

 

Valerie: This was how she first turned on her partner and joined ZLI! Her partner had to be wheeled out of here and now Marion may suffer the same fate! 

 

Ash: Well they don't call him the Art of Submission for nothing, he's getting a sit-up in and sleeperhold to Isabella over the ropes!! One or both of them are liable to break here! 

 

Marcus: Also is he gonna buy that bottom buckle dinner? 

 

Ash: I never thought we'd need sensitivity training to protect the buckles but here we are, Isabella flailing to get her arms around Marion's neck, jumps up and Guillotine Stunner! She lands on his legs once more for good measure and they both roll to the outside! 

 

Valerie: Marion's legs are giving him a lot of issue, he gives up for the moment on standing up and goes under the apron instead. Isabella gasping for air, trying to catch her breath on the barricade and oh come on is this the time to boo her?

 

Marcus: Rox and Diana absolutely working in perfect harmony in the systematic dismantling of Zanza Ztark, double back suplex wrecks her against the barricade, they load back as Zanza sprawls over the barricade, double punt kick! The combined force rockets Zanza forward and almost entirely over the barricade! They both whip her backwards, upside and head first against the wall! Double Inverted Suplex! 

 

Ash: Marion out from under the apron, and he unsheathes his sword. 

 

Marcus: Sir, this is a family sh-oh damn, that's an actual sword. That's, an actual, sword. This, this is, yeah this is bad.

 

Ash: We've yet to see any bloodshed, but as Marion takes the ball off the foil I have a feeling that's about to change. 

 

Valerie: It's legal. Unless it punctures a vital organ, it's all legal. 

 

Marcus: We're all going weapons happy now, Rox and Diana pull out golf clubs. Oh, they look at each other, do a cross-pass of the clubs... and EIGHT!!! 

 

Ash: EIGHT?

 

Marcus: FORE times 2! They sandwich her with two Irons! 

 

Diana Dresden makes Zanza Ztark bleed!

 

Valerie: Wait, they're only calling this for Diana?

 

Ash: Apparently the blood was on the side of the face where Diana hit, so they're giving her the call.

 

Marcus: And this is where it's gonna fall apart. Yep, Rox's face drops, Diana with a smug smile as she puts a single finger up and OH her expression changed REAL quick to shock.

 

Diana: weakly Mon dieu. 

 

Valerie: Marion pokes her in the back with the sword! Just enough to draw a little blood, but that's gonna do it. And Rox looks down with a shrug and wave as Diana goes down.

 

Marion Bartoli makes Diana Dresden bleed!

 

Ash: Isabella gets Marion from behind with the chair, his eyes go wide but no blood shed. 

 

Marcus: More importantly the sword back under the apron, Isabella trying to dart under to get it, Rox grabs her legs and pulls her out and up, STARR SLAM! She gets her up into the Torture Rack, oh I think I know where this is going... walk to the steps... ROX SHOCKS DDT ONTO THE STEPS!!

 

Rox Starr makes Isabella van der Garde bleed!

 

Valerie: And then there were two. Marion trying to go grab his sword, Rox pulling him out by the waist, arm into a Hammerlock and German Suplex! Marion goes tumbling back, Rox now looking under the apron, Marion with a chop block! Rox bent back, Marion kicking at her face, trying to knock her nose out of whack or chip a tooth or something to draw some blood OH but she swings around and low blow! 

 

Ash: Marion truly struggling, Rox reaching under the apron for anything, she's realizing she's not gonna have the time to find the sword but anything will...oh, she's found a burlap pouch with a drawstring, she shakes it and oh I think this match is gonna get tacky. Like legitimately tacky.

 

Valerie: If she spills it out it's just as much her potentially in danger.

 

Marcus: What's she... oh this, I don't think I've ever seen anyone do this but I get the sense she agrees with you, she's loosened the drawstring and is putting it around her toes open side out....she's.... she's lining up for the punt! Marion's about to get some localized acupuncture... to his feet... PUNT KICK WITH ENOUGH FORCE TO DISLODGE SOME TACKS! That one is right under Marion's chin! And that's gonna do it, that's gonna draw some blood, Rox Starr just took it!

 

Rox Starr makes Marion Bartoli bleed and wins the match!

 

 

Sheri: Here is your winner.... ROX! STARRRR!

 

Rox Starr leans down in Diana's face and shrugs, showing her "2" with her fingers and gently patting her cheek, then getting her hand raised.

 

Marcus: Making sure to rub it in just that little bit. 

 

Ash: Well, before this goes to an all out brawl again between these too, let's go over to my amazing wife Sheri, what's the next match?

 

"Spin That Wheel" kicks back in, and a geriatric fan - MAWL's "Super Gramma" Ettie Breanbright - comes out to cheers.

 

 

Sheri: For our half-way mark we wanted to bring out a special fan, Ms. Ettie Breanbright!

 

The crowd gives her a standing ovation. 

 

Sheri: Ettie, today marks 10 years to the day that you started coming to our shows! And you haven't missed a Pay Per View since. 

 

Ettie: Thank you also for the tickets for the missing shows being honored at 404, APW, and PUC. 

 

Sheri: Absolutely. We ALSO have patched you in, with a theme based on your time as a county fair and chili cookoff winner, to MAWL 4.

 

 

Ettie weeps a little softly and hugs with a "thank you, this is amazing." She gets another Standing O. 

 

Ettie: This is so amazing. Thank you. I'd... I'd wanted to step in the ring since I was in a child, and this is truly a life dream fulfilled. And now, I am excited to SPIN THIS WHEEL! 

 

She claps and jumps as the wheel spins. It lands on...

 

 

Ettie: OH! I love an Elimination Chamber!

 

Ettie walks away happily and goes back to her seat. 

 

Sheri: The following is an Elimination Chamber Match! The match will start with two individuals and every 2 minutes a cell will open. The match will end when only one competitor remains! 

 

The four cells lower, blacked out so we have no idea who is in there. 

 

Sheri: And now... the first 2!

 

 

Bricks show in the video screens as T. Krip comes out throwing a boxing combo. At "What's UP" he raises the roof and fire comes from the top and bottom of the stage.

 

 

Sheri: First! From Compton, California, weighing in at 266 pounds, representing P. Crue... T. KRIP!

 

T. Krip cracks his hands and necks and struts down Steve Austin-style. 

 

Ash: It's been a while since he's held a belt, in fact I don't know if he's had one since LAST year's W2, so you have to think that he's chomping at the bit to get in there and do this. 

 

He bangs on the structure wall and enters the ring, then goes buckle to buckle as flames shoot up. 

 

Marcus: Of course, being the first one in is very rarely a recipe for success and being a tag team fighter in a singles match, that's two strikes. 

 

Valerie: Yes, but if there's anything Krip likes it's being the one to prove you wrong, especially when he gets to do unfathomable violence.

 

 

The lights go dark and the ramp shows neon "zoom" arrows. Kevin Dagger gets himself pumped and runs down the ramp.

 

 

Sheri: AND NUMBER 2! From Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina, weighing in at 198 pounds, OVERDRIVE KEVIN DAGGER!! 

 

He gives high fives as he runs down. 

 

Valerie: The lesser brother, he's been given the opportunity ostensibly in part on the family name, now he just has to prove himself.

 

Ash: Oh is that all.

 

He jumps on the cell door and swings into the structure. 

 

Valerie: This is not a great sign of being ready for prime time, but I wouldn't mind being wrong. 

 

The bell rings!

 

Marcus: T. Krip powerbombs Kevin right out of the ring! But he's quick to his feet and throwing punches over the ropes, Springboard in and Tornado DDT! Bouncing to the bottom, to the middle, to the top, 450 Backflip Coffin Drop!! GEAR SHIFT!!!

 

 

Lisa: ONE!

 

Valerie: T. Krip kicks out! Perhaps the leg should have been hooked better.

 

Marcus: Dagger undeterred, running headscissors takedown. Standing shooting star, going for the cover-

 

Lisa: ONE! TWO!

 

Ash: Krip shoulders up again, able to keep himself alive, but Dagger is definitely keeping the pressure on. Quick knee drop as one minute passes.

 

Valerie: Krip cannot get it together, Dagger going for a second round of that insane Gear Shift and he NAILS it!! Going for the pin-

 

Lisa: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

T. Krip is eliminated by Overdrive Kevin Dagger!

 

Marcus: He prides himself on being a speed demon, and he certainly showed that here in this first leg. 

 

Valerie: We knew him as the Carolina Kid, a much more deliberate fighter, but someone's putting cold brew in his cornflakes now, that's for damn sure. 

 

Ash: Half minute to go, we know who's in this match, we just don't know in what order. The nature of the Elimination Chamber is that the random selection of the next competitor means you're only viable strategy is survive. No forward planning can be done because you don't know who will be in when. 

 

Marcus: We know one of these pods contains XHW wrestler Hemmy Roid and I'm personally not looking forward to her. 

 

Valerie: Honestly, my fear is Sombras. The man is shadow incarnate and keeping tabs on him in this dangerous structure is going to be so important and so difficult. 

 

Ash: I have to give it to Tino Sabatelli as the favorite for me. With T. Krip gone, he's got my Yearbook superlative of most likely to run someone through a glass structure. And we're about to find out. 

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

The lights swirl to open the door for...

 

 

Valerie: OH NO. The difficulty level for Dagger just went up considerably.

 

Ash: Man wasted no time, springboards in with the Phantom's Embrace Cutter!

 

Lisa: ONE! TWO! T-

 

Marcus: HOW DID DAGGER KICK OUT OF THAT! 

 

Ash: Dagger to his feet SHADOW STRIKE KNEE OUT OF NOWHERE!! 

 

Lisa: ONE!

 

Marcus: The sheer force of will, Kevin will not stay down! Kevin to his feet, going swinging, OH Sombras isn't there where did he FROM BEHIND SPINNING WHEEL KICK BLASTS KEVIN ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD! Kevin quick to his feet, Back Wheel Trip into a pin! Sombras up before we even get a one though.

 

Ash: Kevin with a drop toe hold, that's a good plan to keep Sombras grounded if you can. 

 

Valerie: If you can doing a lot of work as a phrase there, Sombras huge boot to his midsection with the other foot! Sombras with the fist drop OH HE'S NOT THERE, GOING FOR THE OPERATION DRAGON AND A LITTLE TOUCH OF A CROSS RHODES BEFORE HE LANDS!

 

Marcus: He calls that the Ignition, and he's gonna go for the cover now-

 

Lisa: ONE!

 

Ash: Sombras shoulders up, a pattern starting to develop here though where Kevin takes the beating then finds his groove.

 

Valerie: That's not viable when you have to fight 5 other people. Sombras off the ropes, Sombras gives the Ignition right back to him! Oh but he rolls out of the way before a cover can manifest.

 

Marcus: Sombras may be finding someone here who... not exactly on his level but can keep up with him more than others have in the past. 

 

Valerie: You can tell he's pissed when he gets the mist! Dagger just got painted red and BOOM Blood Mist Sweep combo! Going for the roll-up,

 

Lisa: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Overdrive Kevin Dagger is eliminated by Sombras!

 

Ash: Sombras has 38 seconds and counting until that door opens. Around the same time that Dagger had to wait on his own.

 

Valerie: Do we know if Mal Sangre is in the building tonight? I know Tragedeigh is going to be in the Ultimate X later.

 

Marcus: He's not strictly scheduled for a match I don't think but I'd highly doubt that he isn't around. 

 

Valerie: And while we have time let's briefly talk about his former tag team partner Rade. His search for a vessel has clearly picked up, and you have to wonder if Lenore Usher will be taken in. It could really help him.

 

Ash: It could also really hurt her... she and Rave N are part of that starting group in the Buzzer Tag Gauntlet, and they're another team that could use a win, but if Lenore is distracted, or worse if Lenore's heart belongs to another, this will be a long shower tonight after the match. Here comes the countdown clock, let's see who's next.

 

10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

 

The lights flicker between the remaining cells until a door opens...

 

 

Marcus: And here comes The Papa. Immediate right hook to Sombras. Sombras attempts to respond in kind, Papa blocks it and backfist. Sombras gets it in that time.

 

Ash: Sombras looking to take a quick advantage before Papa can get back in sync and a snap suplex! Run and an elbow drop, and a snap fisherman and tries for the bridge but Tino rolls out and spins him around for the Deep Six and going for the cover SOMBRAS QUICK REVERSE INTO THE SMALL PACKAGE PIN!

 

Lisa: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Tino Sabatelli is eliminated by Sombras!

 

Marcus: Oh Tino is NOT taking this loss well... HE'S GOT BRASS KNUCKLES OUT! HE'S... HE'S PUNCHING AT THE LOCKS OF THE OTHER CELLS! I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS TECHNIQUE USED BEFORE BUT IN TRUE MOB BOSS FASHION, HE'S LETTING THE ANIMALS OUT OF THE CAGE!! ONE LOCK BUSTED!! 

 

Ash: This is madness! We don't know if this is actionable, but Hemmy Roid is out! He busts the other! James Holzhauer is out!! He hit the damn fast forward button on this!!

 

 

Valerie: He's trying to get back in the ring to get his hands on Sombras, the officials are leading him out! This isn't over between them!

 

Marcus: Sombras can't worry about that now, he's gotta deal with Hemmy and James first. Oh, but Tino's got some visitors of his own!

 

 

Valerie: THE SEA RAIDERS! XHW ARE LETTING TINO KNOW THEY DIDN'T APPRECIATE THE INVOLVEMENT OF ANTI-SYSTEM EARLIER!

 

 

Ash: Well they got em again! That was not smart to jump one of their guys, Anti-System are always just around the corner. 

 

Marcus: Why do I feel like this is gonna-

 

 

Marcus: -escalate. Oh good, they've got their own Radio Silence.

 

Valerie: Balor will eat you alive for the comparison I'm sure. But this is now 7 on 8 out there, and Abyss Breaker and Acolyte Lucien are sure keeping each other occupied. 

 

Ash: And with all this distraction, we didn't pay attention to the magic in the ring, where- well- 

 

 

Marcus: Ask and you shall receive, I guess.

 

Valerie: Mal with the Red Mist to Hemmy! With the Red Mist to Holzhauer! Hemmy eats the Bloodline's Wrath!! Holz eats the cutter!! Sombras with the double cover!!

 

Lisa: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Hemmy Roid and James Holzhauer are eliminated by Sombras! Sombras wins!

 

 

Sheri: Here is your winner, and Advancing to the next round, SOMBRAS!!!

 

Marcus: My main regret is that we didn't see anyone go through a chamber.

 

Valerie: Sombras and Mal Sangre pick Hemmy up and I think they might be right there with you.... LAUNCH POWERBOMB THROUGH THE CHAMBER! MAL SCOOPS HER UP AND ROLLS HER BACK INTO THE RING...HE...HE'S TAKING HER UP TO THE TOP ROPE... ARE WE... SHE GOES FLYING.... AVALANCHE BLOODLINE'S WRATH!!! AND HE JUST PUT HER THROUGH THE DAMN RING!!!

 

Crowd: This is awesome!!! This is awesome!!!

 

Ash: MAWL is standing united, they are putting their petty squabbles aside for the moment.

 

Marcus: Maybe not entirely, La Sangre are walking right past Anti-System and not involving themselves. That's cold. 

 

Valerie: Well, we have an update on Lenore Usher, she's apparently being checked on by Dr. El Médico. 

 

 

The good Doctor checks in on Lenore, with Rave N watching nervously.

 

Dr: It's just that we've seen this before - numerous times - people tell about a glowing mask outside of the presence of Rade, and suddenly they're out giving creepy orations and bathing in blood.

 

Lenore: You don't need to worry about me. I've seen and taken worse things and come out just peachy.

 

Rave: If you're sure, Len, we just have our tag gauntlet match later and even just as my friend-

 

Lenore: Guys. I'm FINE. I promise. Just, need a moment to breathe.

 

Rave: Sure, sure.

 

Dr. and Rave N leave.

 

 

Inge (VO, sing-song): Lenore, Lenore, can be so much more.

 

Lenore freezes in fear as we go down the path backstage to Angelica getting ready.

 

Inge (VO): Angelica. The Angel has no more use for her wings.

 

Angelica: That's not true! Just because Zephyr has lost the faith it doesn't mean I have to.

 

Inge (VO): Look in the mirror, Angelica. Look at what you are depriving yourself. 

 

Angelica: NO.

 

Inge (VO): Look how happy she looks. 

 

Angelica: NO! I am an Angel!

 

Inge (VO): MAWL has a new Angel now. They no longer have use for you.

 

Angelica: Stop.

 

Inge (VO): Querubina is younger, fresher, not damaged. They will replace you and you will need a new home.

 

Angelica screams and punches the mirror then runs.

 

 

Deusa Fletcha gets ready in her locker room. Suddenly the red face shows. 

 

Inge (VO): Deusa. 

 

Deusa: Who are you? 

 

Inge (VO): It is not who I am. It is who I want to be and who you deserve to be. Neither of us are who we are meant to be. 

 

Deusa: You don't know me like that.

 

Inge (VO): You call yourself the Arrow Goddess but your chevrons are more in line with road arrows and you are more Vegas show than Goddess. I can show you how you would look as a proper Goddess.

 

Deusa: I look just fine.

 

Inge (VO): On this we agree. Just fine. When I can make you glorious. 

 

Deusa: At what cost?

 

Inge (VO): No worse cost than playing second fiddle to a woman whose biggest delineations are a spear she does not use and a flag that does not inform her. 

 

Deusa: Get out of my head. 

 

Inge (VO): Are you the Goddess, or are you the tool? 

 

Deusa: GET OUT OF MY HEAD! 

 

 

Deusa runs out towards the med tent.

 

 

Ash: As we go into the second half, who do you think those already in are hoping don't make the second round?

 

 

Valerie: I would imagine that Thunder would not be too thrilled to see Gozu again. I'm sure he's learned how to withstand the hold more effectively.

 

 

Marcus: I would imagine that Victoria would be torn about Jared Scythe making it... on one hand they're beefing and I'm sure she doesn't want him to succeed, on the other they could fight it out. I think Steve probably feels the same about Daria. Whereas Jassy I think would not want to fight Daria but would want her to succeed. 

 

Valerie: That's just scratching the surface, but with 8 matches left we've got a lot of people to get into. We should potentially also talk about Rade's Mamma Mia - 

 

Ash: More like Mal-a Mia, Inge's searching for a soul to steal and break bad. 

 

Valerie: But those 8 matches aren't gonna fight themselves, so let's send it on down to Sheri!

 

 

"Spin That Wheel" plays as Sheri brings down a new fan.

 

 

Sheri: Here we go! The next match is...

 

 

Sheri: The following is a TLC Match!

 

 

The lights go completely red as plumes of smoke arise around the doorway. The video shows the Sex Appeal apple steaming and neon horns around it, with Daria Donner's names appearing in a neon sign that flickers. Daria enters, breathing in the smoke.

 

 

Sheri: First! Representing Sex Appeal, from Rehoboth, Delaware, The Devil's Darling, DARIA DONNER! 

 

Daria blows the smoke back into the camera and spins it around with a push, before walking down the ramp full of swagger. 

 

Valerie: She's got every reason to carry herself like the cock of the walk. 

 

Marcus: Why? She's never won a singles belt to my knowledge, she was rejected as second banana by her cousin just to be second, possibly even third banana, in ZLI. What has Daria Donner actually achieved here?

 

Valerie: With what you just listed the two of you are more alike than you care to admit. You should have more empathy for her.

 

Daria straddles the rope for a minute then enters the ring, yelling at the fans as the red plumes of smoke come from the turnbuckle corners.

 

The lights go sepia, giving an old-timey feel.

 

 

The Dramatic swell of the music shows a grayscale Thunderstorm on the Titantron, upon which MAWLTESE Falcon stands in a spotlight, his giant shadow behind him. 

 

 

Sheri: Next! From hot on the trail, weighing 209 pounds.... the MAWLTESE FALCON!

 

He walks with his hands in his trenchcoat down the ramp, the atmosphere and globe light effect of rain happening. 

 

Ash: What trail specifically, we don't know, but the Falcon sure is on it.

 

Marcus: There's always a trail. Always a lead. 

 

He shuffles up the stairs, and mimics opening a door before stepping in the ring. He dramatically tosses his trench aside and points accusingly at Daria. 

 

The arena darkens as storm sounds echo — thunder cracks, lightning visuals flash across screens.

 

 

She emerges in a flowing sky-patterned robe, arms outstretched like she’s summoning the weather.

 

 

Sheri: NEXT! From Santa Fe, New Mexico... One half of Artistic Storm... VI! MONTOOOOOYA! CLOUD!

 

The crowd cheers as she rolls into the ring. 

 

Marcus: This is a transplant from 404, and she's got an energy to her that I'm already excited about. 

 

Valerie: Is this going to be the next invasion?

 

Ash: Stranger things have happened.

 

 

“Guitar vs Violin” By Charlie Parra del Riego plays through the PA.

 

Marcus: We're still dealing with this first invasion.

 

As the Violin starts playing Jared emerges from the back, jogging out to the stage, stretching his right arm.

 

 

Sheri: From San Diego, California, weighing in at 190 pounds.... head of the Scythe Society.... JARED SCYTHE!!

 

He squats down staring at the ring like a scout, stalking his target. He stands up and walks down the ramp, focused and calm. The crowd boos him.

 

Valerie: He's the brother in the family that his siblings conveniently forget when planning a reunion.

 

The crowd chants "LITTLE BITCH! LITTLE BITCH!"

 

Marcus: Steve really started something there. If Jared makes it through, he might make him pay for that.

 

Ash: And it will remain to be seen how much Daria and Jared get in each others' way here, there's also remnants of animosity there.

 

As he reaches the ring, he slides right in, pacing around the ring like a snake circling its prey. He then leans into a turnbuckle, arms crossed.

 

 

As the thundering riffs of "Painkiller" by Judas Priest erupt through the speakers, the arena’s lights flicker rapidly between harsh whites and fiery reds, casting shadows that twist and distort like a storm approaching. A sense of impending doom fills the air as the crowd starts to murmur in anticipation.

 

Doomsayer Pistol bursts from the shadows, sprinting to the ring with manic energy, his arms pumping and his eyes wide with excitement.

 

 

Sheri: AND FINALLY! From Parts Unknown, one half of the Doomsayers tag team, weighing in at 210 pounds... the High Flyer of Fate... DOOOOOMSAYER PIIIIISTOL!

 

Marcus: The Leroy Jenkins of the group, Pistol is barreling headfirst into a ring with 4 other hungry wolves. Not the smartest play, but he seems unfazed by the potential for danger.

 

As he jumps over the top rope in a fluid, high-flying maneuver, his adrenaline-fueled aggression is apparent. The lights flash rapidly as he takes his position, ready for action.

 

The bell rings!

 

Valerie: Pistol laying in with a quickfire round of chops to Jared, Jared grabbing hold of the arm, machine guns hooks into the ribs, spin around into barrels him down with a lariat like a boss.

 

Ash: Vi and Daria exchanging knife-edge chops on the other side of the ring, and this leaves Falcon as the odd one out. He uses that lack of awareness to sneak out of the ring and start his shopping trip. 

 

Marcus: Sneaks gonna sneak. And Detectives gonna Detect. In comes a ladder. 

 

Ash: Pistol coming off the ropes, ducks the clothesline from Jared, back around and Choking Hazard Neckbreaker! Arm lands hard on Jared's throat. Turns around into an Inverted Atomic Drop by Falcon and STO! Vi blasting Diana with the Rainfall palm flurry, pushing her back, blasts her with that Thunderclap and flips her over!

 

Marcus: Must really suck for her to eat it on a move that is Thunder-named. Vi showing a lot of promise here early in this match, Jared stops her run with a Judo Toss, oh it only pauses it, she pops back up and goes for a kip-up enzuigiri, Jared ducks and traps her leg, blasts her backwards with a German Suplex! Turn around and Skybreaker Huracanrana by Pistol absolutely mollywhops him. 

 

Valerie: Mollywhop? Are you 78 years old?

 

Ash: Pistol springboards to the top turnbuckle, the Pistol's Precision Elbow to Jared! Jared trying to get to his feet, Daria and Vi blast him with a running dropkick in stereo! Falcon with the Falcon Arrow to join in on the fun! 

 

Marcus: You gotta love the little bits of unity that MAWL is showing against XHW, even if they're not long lived. Unless you're Jared Scythe.

 

Crowd: LITTLE BITCH! LITTLE BITCH!

 

Valerie: Thunder really did a number on him with that name. But I think he's starting to drown it out. 

 

Marcus: Drowning it out isn't helping him right now, as the rest of the group's got his number, and now they each got a limb and giving him a toddler swing... OH! Out of the ring he goes! NOW they turn their attentions back to each other. Vi and Daria right back to throwing hands at each other, Falcon and Pistol giving each other some hard rights, Falcon whips Pistol, Vi whips Daria, and Falcon and Vi catch each other's quarry with stereo flapjacks! Booyakasha! 

 

Ash: Vi and Falcon turning their attentions to each other... Vi charging with a cartwheel, going for a Pele Kick, Falcon catches her out into a powerslam NO it's a Tornado Inverted DDT! Vi wins out in that exchange and quickly surveying the scene, the three in the ring struggling to their feet, Vi sets up the ladder! She starts to make her way up JARED BACK IN WITH A CHAIR AND SMASHES VI IN THE BACK WITH IT! DOWN SHE COMES! 

 

Valerie: We've got the L and the C, all we need to see now is the T. But Jared back to the outside and he may be looking to remedy that right now. He made the smart move not to climb, Daria and Pistol are back up and both have their eyes on the ladder. They look at each other, Pistol makes the move to it, Daria decides against it. She going to defer to Pistol here as he starts the climb?

 

Marcus: Somehow I don't think that's her ultimate goal, she runs back, shotgun dropkick through the rungs! She takes out Pistol's legs and his head smacks on the ladder as he goes down! You have to wonder if the gas mask is a help or an extra pain in situations like this. 

 

Ash: Daria stuck in the ladder, I don't think she thought this through, Falcon gets her with a Running Leg Drop! Vi back to her feet, stomps Daria's legs! And yep, here's Jared with the table! He sets it up right under Daria....oh he's only gonna drag her half through! 

 

Valerie: That's some real hardcore thinking... not just "okay you're on the table now" but "how can I break you in the most ways at once", oh Pistol on the turnbuckle OH he uses the turnbuckle to get a headstart on the ladder, Pistol up top and nobody stopping him because they sense his intentions....ACE OF SPADES SPLASH! DARIA'S TOP HALF THROUGH THE TABLE AND HER BOTTOM HALF PUSHING DOWN INTO THE LATCH OF THE LADDER! THE LADDER CLOSES ON HER LEGS!

 

Marcus: That's CRAZY.

 

Ash: The whole edifice comes down, and Daria's legs are trapped within that steel, Falcon around back in the ring, I didn't see him leave but he has another table, he opens it up and puts two of the table legs in the rungs of the ladder! He's effectively pinning Daria down, Jared chair shot to Vi and rattles her, Jared puts her on the table OH Pistol looking to steal this one too, up to the top and some good air JARED CATCHES PISTOL WITH THE MASTER CUTTER! PISTOL THROUGH VI THROUGH THE TABLE ONTO THE LADDER ONTO DARIA! 

 

Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! 

 

Valerie: Daria still has to deal with Blazen later! But she might not even be able to walk!

 

Marcus: Jared trying to clear all the bodies out to get to the ladder, Falcon with a running boot to the side of his temple. And if we're being honest, the shape everyone is right now, these two are the only competition to each other. 

 

Valerie: Even that'll only last so long, MASTER CUTTER to Falcon and rolling him out of the ring! Jared has a clear path now and-

 

 

Connie Colt: Now, you see, this is EXACTLY why you need XHW to hold the reins, this is hardly a 3 star Tables Ladders or Chairs match. Luckily for you the Champion of Luxury Travel, yours truly, is here to upgrade this softcore match into a true Hardcore Experience. If my lovely associates will please bring out the Extra Tables.

 

 

Marcus: Those aren't tables, those are gurneys! And who the hell is on them?? 

 

Valerie: The snuggie wraps are good at hiding any defining features. 

 

Ash: Jared remains the only one standing in the ring, and he didn't need this help. 

 

Valerie: They're not here to help the match, they're here to make it more interesting. 

 

Connie: Diego, Reese, Captain, if you would be so kind as to obtain the other ladders. 

 

The gurneys are wheeled around the ring as they do so. Reese, Diego, and Captain of Industry each set up a ladder, and push the fourth one to make a perfect square in the center of the ring. They each grab one of the fallen competitors - Reese grabs Vi, Diego grabs Falcon, Captain grabs Vi and Jared grabs Daria, and up the ladder they climb. As they do so, Connie continues her speech.

 

Connie: This is where it gets even more fun. There are so many conversations about the Pillars this and Mount Rushmore that, but you... you actually made that choice for the MAWL Universe, didn't you, Leila? But these people, these poor people, have have not gotten to see all those landmarks at once for almost a year now, and the new fans have no idea that so many landmarks exist. So, as part of the XHW Package, you will get a Tour of the Landmarks, in our Four Pillars Experience! 

 

Unklean, reveal your landmark! 

 

Unklean pulls off the mask to reveal...

 

 

The people climbing continue their ascent, not paying full attention to the goings-on.

 

Connie: SM Heartbreaker. A man who is so filthy, so disgusting, his apprentice even calls himself Utterly Vile. The man who is utterly vile seeks to meet the depths of his mentor. A man whose aversion to playing clean is so intense they are re-writing the DSM-VI in his honor. 

 

She walks around the corner as the climbs continue. 

 

Connie: Pariah. Please reveal your landmark. 

 

Pariah pulls the mask off of...

 

 

Connie: NERO. The man cast away more times than Tom Hanks in a TBS Marathon. Cast away by federations. Cast away by Jassy, then by the rest of Psycho Supremacy. Tonight he fights his former friend, a man who hides himself in any even bigger shell and has still cast Nero away. Nero is now with CN Starz...until she, too, casts him away.

 

Connie walks around to Percy Cute. 

 

Connie: Percy Cute, if you please. 

 

Percy Cute pulls the mask off to reveal...

 

 

Connie: GOZU. Claims himself the Patron Saint of Pain. Claims himself the arbiter of judgment, the axe by which fates are determined. A false prophet, and one now to be sacrificed on the most embarrassing altar. 

 

Marcus: Did he ever c-I don't remember him calling himself-

 

Connie: And now... the final one.

 

She walks over to Pam Nicole with the final mask. 

 

She pulls the mask and arches her eyebrow as she sees...

 

 

She shoots a look at Pam Nicole, who starts to...predictably...panic.

 

Pam: I... I-I saw the head... I thought-

 

Familiar Announcer Voice: The role of Scott Razor will be played this evening by Stonefist. 

 

 

Steve walks down through the crowd with a microphone.

 

Steve: You see, Scott Razor... he...well, left. He's off in his own federation being awesome. But we've had an opening for a Fourth Pillar as a result. And I think we have some pretty good candidates personally...some who might not make my shortlist, but... you know what, I'll let you decide.

 

 

The crowd goes crazy! The four Pillars (3.5 Pillars?) roll off the gurneys just in time, as the four on the ladders synchronize Avalanche Spanish Flys to the other original opponents and they all SMASH into the gurneys!! 

 

Thunder and the group charge down at the ring!

 

Valerie: This is the SHORT list?

 

Marcus: Admittedly could use some editing, also not sure why Manta is also in Wildfire's pants? Anyway...Thunder and Manta double dropkick to Amerika's Least Wanted! Unklean and Pariah to their feet, Thunder and Manta doubling up for the spin around and Davy Jones Locks! Dante and Diego going at it, Dante huge piledriver through the Italian Announcers' Table! SM Instrument of Destruction to Percy Cute! 

 

Ash: Nero Nerolyzes the hat right off Captain of Industry's head! She staggers forward, he pulls her back into a Backbreaker GOZU COMES DOWN WITH THE DOUBLE STOMP!!! 

 

Crowd: WHOOP WHOOP!!

 

Marcus: Gozu hooks her right up and Devil's Descents her into the steel ramp! 

 

Ash: WILDFIRE WITH THE BOOM2 TO CONNIE COLT! MOON FOLLOWS IT UP WITH A MOONSAULT! 

 

Valerie: MAWL has this match well in-

 

 

Valerie: Spoke too soon! Blue Check Mafia! Unholy Union! Velvet Voltage! K Rush! Golly Gong! 

 

Marcus: JCM just runs through em! 3rd Ave to Vita! 3rd Ave to Marley! Double Clothesline flips Blue Check Mafia! Acolyte Lucien gets him by the neck, JACEN TAROT SMASHES HIM IN THE HEAD WITH A LOADED BIBLE! The Acolyte and The Heretic absolutely blasting each other with fists! AIKO MOONBLADE KICK TO ROUGE....ROUGE SLIDES UNDER IT AND RIGHT INTO JASSY'S SUPERKICK! SPINS AROUND AND AIKO GETS A SUPERKICK! AIKO AND JASSY WITH A SUPERKICK PARTY, BIANCA WRAPS IT WITH A BDE! 

 

Ash: Double Back Body Drop by Velvet Voltage to Moon, Gozu double flatlines them! Stacking Velvet Voltage NERO FROM THE TOP ROPE TO THE OUTSIDE!!

 

Crowd: WHOOP WHOOP!!!

 

Valerie: Khairos fully uppercuts Preacher with his staff, and JUDGMENT SLAM! 

 

Marcus: Superstar Davy Boy with a West Coast Stunner to Vex! Stonefist spins Lucien around and the Olympus Fist! Lucien stumbles, Gozu whips Vic Jagger at Lucien! Diego gets the upper hand on Dante... Robertos locks the sleeper on Diego! But he's staring right into the eyes of Dante!

 

Ash: "You're Next." 

 

Valerie: Jared in the midst of all this still has his eyes on the win, to the top and trying to work, GOZU GRABS THE FOOT OF THE LADDER, JARED TUMBLES STRAIGHT INTO ROBERTOS AND DIEGO! Tries to get up, ZOMBIE RAISING BOOT BY AJA!!!

 

Ash: Cinnaman with a double snap DDT to K Rush, and it's just arms, legs, and feet, hard to make out exactly what's happening here, but one thing is very clear, MAWL is setting this place on fire! 

 

Marcus: Ed Savage seeing his attack is going up in flames, tries to run, SM SPINS HIM AROUND, KICK TO THE DICK! GOZU HOOKS HIM IN THE WHEELBARROW FACEBUSTER! PENANCE BUSTER! NERO AT THE TOP OF THE LADDER... SM AND GOZU HOLD ED SAVAGE SR.....

WHOOP

MEOWING

WHOOP

DRIVER!!!

 

Valerie: This old man's gonna have a heart attack! And they throw Ed into Steve's arms and Steve puts Ed into the Davy Jones!

 

Marcus: Did you ever think. Did you ever think in the history of this federation. Think. You would see these just working together like this? 

 

Ash: Honestly? No. Steve nods to SM, releases the hold a bit for Ed to be aware what's happening but keeps him down for SM, SM goes to the legs, Heartshooter! They're just putting the hurt all the way on!

 

 

DA: THIS STOPS NOW. You all may not like him, but he is still a co-General Manager, so you're in effect assaulting a senior official. So we are ending this for now and picking this back up with our first Madness after International Incident. This spot, that would have been resolved in this match, will instead be resolved in a Battle Royal as the opening match on Madness with anyone who does NOT already have a tournament slot from both MAWL Original and your XHW cohorts who are here now. I'm not going to further punish you this time. But you've been warned. 

 

Ed Savage is wheeled out on a new gurney.

 

DA: And with this, we're going straight to our main show. After these ads. 

 

The MAWL OGs stand, triumphant but honestly a little irritated about this new turn of events.

 

-HEY BIG SPENDER! YOU SPRUNG FOR WREK+ AND YOU GET TO SKIP THE ADS! THIS ALSO MEANS YOU WILL RECEIVE FIRST NOTIFICATION ABOUT THE CLOWNMYDIA VACCINE AND THE WRAITHS WILL PASS OVER YOUR HOUSE DURING THE CULLING-

 

 

We open first on an open bench, almost like a confessional in a reality show. Supercut of various people from the waist down as they begin to sit in the chair. We cut away to the locker room door of EM Powered, going inside and seeing AM Brooks and Celeste not having it.

 

 

Celeste (VO): We were growing tired of the over-corporate country club rich bitchy vibe that EM He was trying to implement on the group.

 

AM (VO): I felt that I was stymying my wilder impulses to be classy. I don't even really like clutch purses like that. And I also didn't care about her little feud with Leila, not really.

 

Celeste (VO): So, we left.

 

Quick cut of them slamming the EM door on their way out, then B roll of traveling to Long Island

 

AM (VO): We realized that in that group, ultimately we only liked each other. Celeste (VO): So we thought, why not embrace our urban, street smart style and do something a little more inclusionary.

 

They give each other Long Island-ized makeovers, and then pose outside their new hair salon, Blown Away.

 

 

We now cut to them in the chairs in their new get-up.

 

 

AM: We're still better than everyone.

 

Celeste: But now we wanna make youse better than everyone too.

 

AM/AJ: So let's reintro. I'm AJ.

 

Celeste/Kay Kay: And I'm Kay Kay.

 

Both: And we're Blown Away.

 

Steve Thunder sits in the chair, then a quick cut to Steve walking in the mountains.

 

 

Steve Thunder sits in the chair, then a quick cut to Steve walking in the mountains.

 

Steve (VO): I was quite grateful for the time away. There was a lot that I needed to learn about this new power that was gifted me.

 

 

Very quickly, Steve realizes the answers aren't in the mountains, and shakes his head.

 

Steve (VO): Obviously, I didn't actually expect any answers on this in the mountains. Really not sure why I went there. I think it's what everyone's supposed to do in these scenarios?

 

Quick cut to Steve eating snacks at an aquarium.

 

Steve (VO): So I went to somewhere I knew would be more my speed.

 

 

Obviously, a Ferris Bueller art zoom-in back and forth between Steve and a dolphin ensues.

 

Guard: HEY!

 

 

Steve (VO): I wasn't getting any closer. Also the snacks in the aquarium had gone down in quality and up in price.

 

Steve watches old tape with honestly lateral move snacks - first of what he did then of Stu Hart, of Don Muraco, then after doing some calculations at a blackboard, throwing papers, pegs on boards, watches the tape again and realizes it was the Sugar Lock and the Asiatic Pinch.

 

Steve (VO): That was easier than expected. I could have saved a lot of money. Oh well.

 

Training montage where Steve both perfects the hold and getting into it in various situations to Mountain Goats "Training Montage" first of him training himself then of Manta Ray. We then cut back to the seat.

 

 

Steve: So The Ocean now holds the key to the Davy Jones Lock. Time well used. Thanks for getting into it with Savage.

 

Skye Blue walks up to the chair, sporting her dark blue Sex Appeal gear and trademark smudged blue makeup, but there’s a flicker of that old, high-energy Chicago grit as she slumps back and crosses her legs.

 

 

Skye: What did I do with my time off? Well, I wasn't waiting around for calls from Tony or Paul that's for sure. Those two can kiss my sweet ass.

 

In fact, other than my girls in Sex Appeal, everyone else can kick rocks, and get lost. I had to get away from everyone, so I went looking for wildlife to film, and take pictures. No refs, no annoying fans, no annoying staff, and no annoying amateur wrestlers all crammed ass-to-elbows in backstage and catering area all trying to get my attention. What? They're all flukey and on my bumper just to get my attention.

 

Not even my bedazzling skills could make any of those totally huff guys look good. By the way, I did some of the work for my girls.

 

Skye Blue shows off her bedazzled jacket.

 

 

Skye: If you think hitting a Code Blue with precision is hard, then try placing thousands of razor cut rhinestones on 10 other women's gear without losing your mind. But all you losers out there can only dream to be in my shoes anyways. But I guess that concludes this segment, so...

 

Skye gets told that she's not the only person who got the opportunity to sit down and talk about their off time.

 

Skye: Huh. I'm not the only one doing this? What the heck... What? I'm not even the last person? Whatever. Shut your stupid lame camera off... No ew, you can't use this footage of me now. Give me the camera...

 

 

Skye Blue storms off. 

 

 

Brinadette White shows up, and picks up the camera. She fixes it back onto the tripod, and then looks at the Sex Appeal women with distaste, and then pokes her tongue out at them. She then sits down on the chair, and looks around.

 

 

...

...

...

...

 

 

One of the production managers comes up and tells Brinadette that the chair is reserved only for those who are going to talk about their time off.

 

He points his finger at Brinadette...

 

WARNING SHOT! PEW!

 

 

oUCHIES! Oh noes. Brinadette's been shot.

 

 

nope. she opens one eye, and then checks herself, and has a look of relief.

 

False alarm. Phew!

 

She then pulls out a footlong sub, invisible of course. Extra meatballs, and points at the sub, and then at her top. I think she is trying to say that the invisible blood on her top is just tomato sauce. Nice save meatball sub.

 

Brin then spends a few seconds taking a few bites of her meatball sub, before pulling out an invisible napkin, and wiping any food or sauce from her face

 

But then the lights suddenly go out.

 

The backstage area is pitch black, except for lit up glowing clues.

 

Brin pulls out her detective's clue finding magnifying glass. She' spots a set of multicolored foot prints on the ground, she smiles at the clue, and sets off to follow the tracks.

 

 

Once she is out of frame, the lights return to normal.

 

Kruel sits in - but a much trimmed down version of Kruel.

 

 

All that remains? 6 members - Krissy, Kiyah, Kendry, Kitti, Krey, Kallix - as if they are sitting for press tour on the next Pitch Perfect. During this call and response, the women all shake their head and snap in unison when responding.

 

Krissy: What did we do? We did the kruelest thing we could. We booted some bitches. We learned that we were more bloated than Kelly after celebration cake.

 

Team: Boom.

 

Krissy: We needed to get leaner, meaner, and so the list needed to get cleaner. So it was very simple. You wanted to spend the time with your little ninja buddies instead of us?

 

Team: Gone.

 

Krissy: You wanted to spend your time at New Japan and you didn't think to bring any of the non-Asians?

 

Team: Gone.

 

Krissy: The TV actresses who treated us like their own personal Dancing with the Stars, desperate to cling on to relevance when their best shows are behind them?

 

Team: Gone.

 

Krissy: Using us as your one last show before retirement?

 

Team: Gone.

 

Krissy: And so this is who's left. This is the new, improved, young and hungry Kruel. This is the future. Oh, and we kicked that old ass no-bop Tori Amos song to the curb too. Stay fresh. Stay relevant. Or stay at home.

 

They all snap in unison one last time, Kendry low key worrying that she is just under the radar and not secure in the group but refusing to show that to the girls. 

 

As they walk away...

 

We have a flashback to an arena, where Miss Carol is trying to team with Holly Jolly, and though Holly Jolly agrees, she becomes frustrated with Miss Carol using some underhanded techniques to get them the win, which Carol agrees to do better

 

 

Carol (VO):

Was some months before Christmas, and inside the ring
I tried to join Holly and we were winning
But she was unhappy with moves that I made
And made me promise to more legally play

 

Though I thought it better that we get our wins fast
I wanted to be better than my ignoble past
I wanted to be with Christmas All Year
So I agreed to switch up my gear

 

Holly and Carol team more, and Carol does not stay with her promise.

 

 

Carol (VO):

But the impulses O I struggled to control

And we were still winning, but it took its toll

Holly reprimanded, 'It isn't okay'

And I felt my chance at teaming up slipping away

 

Holly and Carol are increasingly frustrated. Eventually...

 

 

Carol (VO):

These impulses I kept struggling to contain

But it wasn't something I could really sustain

My desire for teaming then turned to disdain

She ran mouth again...

 

A smile forms

 

 

Carol (VO): Smashed that bitch with a cane

 

We return to the chair, as Carol... now Caroline... has a wicked smile in her business suit, as many of her previous enemies stand behind her --

 

 

Int. GHW Arena

 

Kenneth Tuckey IX stands in the arena doorway with a manila envelope, watching a fight between Kira F. Knoe and Barclay Stockett.

 

 

Kenneth (VO): Now ah must say I'm happiah than a horse that found himself the first juicy apple o' Spring, the pride in mah heart jus' springin' to life. Because out there, right in that there ring...

 

 

Kenneth (VO): Well that there's mah daughter.

Back to Kenneth, standing at the entrance, clapping as Kira is winning the fight.

 

Kenneth (VO): Ah learned that while's we were away. And so in mah hand, ah got two things here. One, the paternity results-

 

 

Kenneth (VO): ...an' two, an ownah's stake in the Chicken Chateau.

 

After the match... Kira didn't win, but Kenneth first shakes her hand then hands her the envelope. She looks at it and then gives him a big hug and nods her head excitedly.

 

 

We cut back to the chairs, where Kira is now sitting with Kenneth, but she is dressed in gold as K.F. Caesar.

 

 

KF Caesar: And together, we're gonna being chicken goodness and championship greatness to both MAWL AND GHW. Think of it as... an expansion. And for this hand on my lap... let's just say, someone tried to get to close to my money. 

 

The camera operator can be heard retching a little and a PA is motioning to go to the main show. But before that can happen...

 

The camera cuts to a very close up shot of Rufus; the Psycho Extreme. His voice behind the mask sounds hollow and eerie as his eyes search the lens like he is trying to look deep into the viewers very soul.

 

 

Psycho Extreme: You think you know me, don't you? You think you can see into the supreme mind of one of wrestling's greatest talent, and figure out what he's been doing for the last three months. Well I'll tell you piss ants exactly what I have been doing. But first I'll tell you what I haven't been doing, and that's sitting at home with a thumb up my ass. Ja.

 

The Psycho Supreme gives himself a small snicker, then straightens up to continue.

 

Psycho Extreme: You peasants like that one, don't you's. A small joke for my old friend Nero. And yes what better thing was there to do, than dedicate my entire time off to finding ways I'm going to inflict pain to the man who moved on, and left me for dead in the annuals of a MAWL yearbook of forgotten wrestlers who were mere fodder for others careers.

 

WELL YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT TO ME!!

 

 

The Psycho Extreme jumps to his feet, and spins and half kicks the chair he was sitting on. Unsatisfied by his attempt to smash the chair with a kick, he then picks up the chair, and smashes it several times on the ground, until one chair leg breaks. He then directs his attention back at the camera. His breathing is heavy, and his echoed deep voice has a wheeze at the end of his exhaling. His voice also starts to sound exaggerated and high pitched on the last few syllables of his sentences.

 

Psycho Extreme: You think this is funny don't you!

 

He tries taking a swing at the camera, but the camera man, and production team are weary from his last on camera appearance where he smashed mic and camera under his boot.

 

Psycho Extreme: While I stayed Psycho, you turned sycophant you fucking boot licking ass kisser!

 

He tries to grab the camera.

 

Psycho: Tonight, Nero. You wait until I get my hands on you! I'm going to crush you into the ground, and make you remember who I am, and show everyone who the real Psycho Supreme always was, is, and forever will be.

 

He finally gets a hold of the camera, and throws it to the ground, and stomps on it. You can only see one leg, and the boot of the other leg is raining down on the camera. You hear audio sounds of staff, and security arriving trying to pry the Psycho Extreme away from the camera. Jassy's dog is even there yapping at him, and almost gets a kick for his troubles.

 

 

***static***

 

 

The whooshing noise with the line "Black Sheep Come On" plays as the MAWL graphic starts to fizzle into place like the MARVEL logo with various wrestlers hitting finishers, staring into the camera, et al in the letters.

 

[OH YEAH]

 

Supercut at increasing velocity of WildFire, Adara Rose, Dorian Karras, Radio Silence, Nero, Deck of Hearts, Robertos Michael, Sex Appeal, X-Treme Society, Isabella Van der Garde, all colliding into the title graphic-

 

Announcer: WELCOME TO OUR SEASON PREMIERE PAY PER VIEW, MAWL INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT: TROUBLE AT HOME! BROUGHT TO YOU BY MAWL 4 AND WESTJET! 

 

 

Announcer: LIVE FROM EDMONTON, ALBERTA ,CANADA

Coming to you from ROGERS PLACE, Home of Your EDMONTON OILERS !!!

INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT 2026 !!!

 

Fireworks go off in Rogers Place as "Black Sheep" by Metric continues to play through the speakers to a huge pop. 

 

 

Ash: WELCOME! WELCOME! WELCOME BACK MAWL-STARS! We are so thrilled to have you here in historic Rogers Place, no better place to re-open the doors than in the fabled home of one of our absolute icons-

 

 

Suddenly : “I Wanna Rock” By Twisted Sister plays on the ‘tron  as WildFire and Adara Rose walk down to the ring hand in hand wearing orange and blue Edmonton Oiler jerseys. 

 

 

WildFire’s jersey has the #29 emblazoned on it while Adara’s has #97, WildFire has the ETHER title around his waist and Adara has the CRIMSON RITES title around hers.

 

They walk past the front where several members of the Edmonton Oilers team are seated and cheering as everyone is standing and cheering their hometown heroes.

 

When they get to the ring WildFire holds open the ring ropes for Adara and she quickly enters. WildFire enters the ring after his mic in hand.

 

WildFire smiles. 

 

“Oh Canada ..” he sings holding his mic towards the crowd.

The Crowd sings : 

 

O Canada!

Our home and native land!

True patriot love in all of us command.

With glowing hearts we see thee rise,

The True North strong and free!

From far and wide,

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

God keep our land glorious and free!

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. 

 

WildFire smiles when they are done and laughs as he states with pure joy “That never gets old !!

 

The crowd cheers loudly and even now none of them have sat down.

 

WildFire pauses as a picture is shown on the ‘tron.

 

 

WildFire and Adara sharing the mic : “We are Proud to Announce that Tonight . MAWL, The Edmonton Oilers and the Marcurius family have partnered together for a very special charity auction online right now. ALL PROCEEDS which will go to the BEN STELTER FOUNDATION !”

 

WildFire hands the mic to  Adara : “We Love you Ben !!!”

 

Crowd : BEN !! BEN !! BEN !!!

WildFire and Adara sharing the mic : “ And we are Proud to be back here in our Hometown of Edmonton Alberta , Home of our 5 time Stanley Cup Champions ….

 

Crowd : “OILERS !!! OILERS !!! OILERS !!!!”

 

Crowd “OILERS !!! OILERS !!! OILERS !!!

 

Crowd : “OILERS!!! OILERS !!! OILERS !!!”

Adara smiles as she taps the CRIMSON RITES Title.around her waist “Don’t forget this !!!”  

 

The Crowd cheers 

Adara :” Dorrian Karras isn’t gonna know what hit him!  After I hit him with the LAST WORD he’s going to wake up in the next century! He’s going to need more than a Crowbar to help him outta that jam !” 

 

The crowd laughs at her joke.

 

WildFire unclasps the Ether title from his waist and holds it up high above his head. 

 

Adara holds the mic towards WildFire : “And as for ZAGREUS and RADIO SILENCE …, who’s name sounds like an over the counter weight loss supplement by the way.. Zagreus not Radio Silence …”

 

WildFire points at the crowd while holding up the title .

 

Crowd : “WHO”D AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD WOLF !! THE BIG BAD WOLF !!! THE BIG BAD WOLF !!! WHO”S AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD WOLF !!! LA LA LA LA :LA LA !!!” The crowd mocks RADIO SILENCE and Zagreus.

 

WildFIre : “ RADIO SILENCE you were gone for over half a year, and now you come back hot and heavy looking to make your bones once again, do yourself a favour, get a clue and crawl back into whatever hole your dragged your mangy carcasses out of  because ….”

 

Crowd “ WHO”S AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD WOLF !! THE BIG BAD WOLF !!! THE BIG BAD WOLF !!! WHO”S AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD WOLF !!! LA LA LA LA :LA LA !!!”

 

WildFire : “And if you think you can pull any of your @##@$ games here in my home town… remember this … anything you do can be done to you in return… in spades !!!”

 

WildFire and Adara walk out of the ring as the Crowd cheers and sings .

 

Crowd :  WHO”S AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD WOLF !! THE BIG BAD WOLF !!! THE BIG BAD WOLF ! WHO”S AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD WOLF !!! LA LA LA LA :LA LA !!!”

 

 

Valerie: And in what would usually be an unexpected twist, WildFire has riled this crowd to a fever pitch.

 

 

Marcus: Anyone can be a hero in their own hometown.

 

Ash: I mean, I've definitely seen people get booed in their own hometowns. It does happen. Being home doesn't mean you're welcome.

 

Valerie: And that's kinda the theme of today, right? The implosion of the structure. Like, I will be so surprised if Zora Luthor International survives today. 

 

 

 

Sheri: The following is a Buzzer Battle Royal! Ten teams will start in the ring, and must eliminate each other by throwing their opponents over the top rope with both feet touching the ground! This is a six-sided ring, however, and the middle two turnbuckles have a buzzer which if hit will add another team to the match! The winning team will be the only one to have one or both members in the ring when all other teams have been eliminated. 

 

 

El Gallito Loco and Tortuga de Acero make their way to the platform, which moves to the ring.

 

 

Sheri: First! From Mexico, the team of Tortuga de Acero and El Gallito Loco, Heroes de la Calle!!

 

Marcus: I have to admit, I'd thought they broke up.

 

Ash: I think they did, but decided that singles competition wasn't for them.

 

Marcus: Well, I hope they can have each others' backs. 

 

Valerie: Smart of DA to get these moving platforms, otherwise Tortuga might not make it to the ring before it was cleared.

 

 

Yarp and Yerb step onto the platform now.

 

 

Sheri: From the Himalayas, Yarp and Yerb, The Yetis!

 

Valerie: These two have a win percentage lower than where they were from. 

 

Marcus: This could be the day that changes for them.

 

Valerie: You're an optimistic one. It's annoying.

 

Ash: Anyway, who's next?

 

 

Gilbert Glass and Perry Payne hit the double pound on each other and step on the platform.

 

 

Sheri: NEXT! Unbreakable Gilbert Glass, Unrelenting Perry Payne, the former Path Tag champs, MANIFESTATION OF DEFENESTRATION! 

 

Marcus: Can they make the magic work here in MAWL too?

 

Valerie: And if they do, will they actually show up to their next defense and not fall asleep on a party boat?

 

Ash: Oh that boat trip is gonna haunt them for all their days, isn't it.

 

 

Rave N and Lenore Usher board the moving platform, though it's clear Lenore is a little distracted.

 

 

Sheri: From Baltimore, Maryland, the team of Rave N and Lenore Usher, V.I.POE!

 

Marcus: Lenore's mind is clearly elsewhere. Rade's vessel is starting to haunt her and she's got that look in her eyes.

 

Valerie: She shouldn't feel too special... she was only one of at least 3. 

 

Ash: You mad you weren't chosen?

 

Valerie: Red isn't my color. 

 

 

Sheri: Next, from Psycho Supremacy, RED GHOST AND LUSTRESS JAMIE HARRISON!

 

Ash: I think they might be all that's left of Psycho Supremacy. Eradicus if I'm not wrong was fired and who knows what happened with Mr. Time. 

 

Valerie: I swear to God if either of you makes a "Mr. Oregano and Mr. Sage" pun I'm knocking someone out.

 

 

Paloma and Paz Pryde give a kiss to each other as they board the platform.

 

 

Sheri: In next, from Asheville, North Carolina, Paz and Paloma... the Prydes! 

 

Ash: A brand new tag team joining our ranks and finding themselves already in this situation.

 

Marcus: Wait, I think we've seen these two before... weren't they the couple that inspired Sherwood?

 

 

Valerie: Oh wow, you're right! And she might have talked them up for this opportunity as a thank you. Some of that kickback senator still lives within her. 

 

 

Damian Blackheart and Shadow Kawashima step onto the platform. 

 

 

Sheri: Next up! The team of Damian Blackheart and Shadow Kawashima.... SPIRIT CRUSHER!

 

Ash: Much like Gallito and Tortuga, we've seen these two travel as soloists, and it looks like they're reunited. 

 

Marcus: You have to imagine that Los Heroes are none too happy to be staring these two down again. It took forever for Gallito to kick that Hope Elixir addiction.

 

Valerie: There's sure to be a reckoning and some old feelings that need working out in that ring. 

 

 

Jack and Venus Dismal step onto the platform to cheers.

 

 

Sheri: Next! From the Great Dismal Swamp in Suffolk, Virginia, the team of Jack and Venus Dismal, the Dismal Duo!

 

Marcus: They are out here doing it for the culture, and I got nothing but respect for these two. 

 

Valerie: That's great. Let's see if they can translate that rage into a win. I have my doubts.

 

 

Match Point step onto the platform and stretch out as it takes them to the ring.

 

 

Sheri: NEXT! Miles Max and Todd Zena, MATCH POINT!

 

Ash: Miles Max traded in his Sentinel Southern vibe for tennis shorts. Not sure it was a glow up for him.

 

Valerie: Zena is a better partner for him than Charmin Cam.

 

Marcus: You mean "Charming."

 

Valerie: I said what I said.

 

 

Damien and Damon Knight step onto the platform to boos.

 

 

Sheri: And finally! From Dallas Texas, representing XHW - 

 

The crowd boos this.

 

Sheri: Damien and Damon Knight.... the Dallas Knights!

 

Ash: That is the right reaction.

 

Marcus: You gotta imagine that they are going to be one of the early targets for elimination. Bad enough that Diego held a belt for a bit, but these XHW fools are everywhere. 

 

Valerie: You gotta imagine that it's wholly possible the buzzer could bring in more of them too. We don't know what teams are lined up behind this thing, but Blue Check Mafia, Black Castle, Unholy Union, the other half of the Hollywood House Party... we truly have no idea what's behind the curtain if those buzzers are activated. 

 

The bell rings!

 

Ash: Lenore clearly distracted, Paloma Pryde capitalizes with a kangaroo kick pushing her forward. Perry Payne swings, Red Ghost blocks and punches back. Shadow Kawashima with a huge boot and Jack going over the edge!

 

Marcus: Man, why's it always--oh he saves himself, cool, cool, oh but Damien Knight now trying with a knee and Jack spinning but again, holds tight. That's my guy right there.

 

Valerie: Lenore cannot keep her mind in this match, still gazing outward, Yerb with a Scottish Sickle rings her! Rave trying to pep talk her, make sure she's okay, don't be stupid. Don't do that during a match.

 

Ash: This kind of spaciness I remember seeing from Ann Lee before she became his vessel. He may already be in her head. Damien Knight with a big Oklahoma Slam to Paz Pryde. Paz pulling herself to her feet with the ropes OH and the OTHER Damian boots her right out! 

 

Valerie: Rookie mistake using the ropes to get up during an over-the-top elimination match!

 

Paz Pryde is eliminated by Damian Blackheart! (1)

 

Marcus: Miles takes the opportunity to try to wipe out Blackheart's partner with a racket shot, he just pissed Shadow off. Put that in the pantheon of bad ideas.

 

Ash: Rave N trying to protect Lenore, who's clearly dazed, Gilbert Glass charging them with the Glass Cannon punch but Rave reverses into a judo arm flip and Glass to the other side of the ropes, but he went through the middle and is still in this, she trying to push Gilbert, oh but this leaves Lenore open, Shadow Kawashima with a German Suplex to her and Miles shooting an elbow to Damian Knight's back. Lustress Jamie with a slap to Glass.

 

Valerie: Lenore finally waking up and chop to Yarp, Jack also waking up and release suplex sends Damien Knight to the outside!

 

Damien Knight is eliminated by Jack Dismal! (1)

 

Ash: Jack spinning back around in time to catch Todd Zena out with a spinebuster. Shadow Kawashima trying to get more shots in on Lenore-

 

 

Marcus: RADE SPRAYS SHADOW WITH BLOOD MIST! HE TURNS AROUND AND LENORE USHER BOOTS SHADOW KAWASHIMA OUT!

 

Shadow Kawashima is eliminated by Lenore Usher! (1)

 

Ash: Oh no, Lenore is transfixed. Yerb with a bionic elbow to Gallito, Venus Dismal dropkicks Yerb right over the ropes oh but he holds on. 

 

Marcus: RADE GRABS BOTH MEMBERS OF LOS HEROES BY THEIR THROATS! AND LENORE LIFTS THEM OUT BY THE LEGS!

 

El Gallito Loco and Tortuga de Acero are eliminated by Lenore Usher! (2/3)

 

Valerie: Perry with a backfist of Paloma, Todd Zena follows up with a forearm shot rollicking her. Miles gives him a thumbs up and powerslams Blackheart! Jamie jumps in with a fist drop on Blackheart. 

 

Marcus: Yerb trying to jump in on Paloma's being beaten down. running at her oh and she back body drops him!!

 

Yerb Yeti is eliminated by Paloma Pryde! (1)

 

Ash: Yarp trying to avenge, Paloma jumps to evade and Yarp hits a buzzer!

 

LOUD + FIERCE

 

Valerie: Oh, Loud Len not involved but Ono Fender and Gretchen Grind are here on the main roster and shooting their shot. 

 

Marcus: Venus Dismal with a neckbreaker to Damon Knight. Blackheart with a big chop to Red Ghost. Damon trying to get to his feet but Paloma tilt-a-whirl headscissors and takes Damon out of here!! YEAH! SCREW YOU GHW!

 

Damon Knight is eliminated by Paloma Pryde! (2)

 

Ash: Gretchen Grind in with a chop to Paloma. Perry going to Shoot the Duck on Miles, Miles catches him out with a Powerbomb. 

 

Simon: Red Ghost decides to be a troll and just hits the buzzer!

 

 

Marcus: Wait aren't they enemies? Why are they coming in together?

 

Valerie: I don't know but they're up on the apron and they're pulling Zena and Max out of the ring! Suplex to the outside!!

 

Miles Max is eliminated by Matt Martigon! (1) Todd Zena is eliminated by Will Corrigan! (1)

 

Ash: That felt like a targeted attack - wait, what the-

 

 

Ash: MAGNUS AND NERO ARE HERE AND THEY'RE BEATING THE HELL OUT OF MATCH POINT!! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS??

 

Valerie: I don't know, but I'm loving these four as a unit and I'm curious to see where this goes.

 

Marcus: They continue the beatdown as Martigon and Corrigan enter the match, maybe they just hate tennis? Jamie and Ghost seem a little thrown by this too.

 

Ash: Venus with a backhand to Blackheart, Ono Fender takes advantage of the distraction with a double punch to the kidney of Lustress Jamie. Venus sees Lenore is still drawn to Rade, Polish Hammer to her back pushing her forward. Snap suplex by Glass to Paloma. Yarp taking a lariat to Blackheart, Blackheart evades and snap neckbreaker!

 

Marcus: Rave N with the claw to Paloma! She's got the Masque of the Red Death on her! She's going to lift Paloma over LENORE SENDS RAVE OVER! WHAT!! RADE IS ENTERING THE MATCH!!! 

 

Rave N is eliminated by Lenore Usher! (4)

 

Valerie: Rade sprays up the Blood Mist, and Lenore is taking it in! She's in the mist, and guess is, fully aligned with Rade now!

 

Ash: Damian's had some issues with Rade historically, despite himself charging at Rade and Rade sidesteps, Damian crashes into the buzzer! 

 

 

Ash: Paloma attempts to capitalize on Blackheart's miss, Blackheart spins around in time and snap suplex! Paloma just missed the buzzer, OH but she drop toes Gilbert into it. Here we go.

 

 

Marcus: We now have MORE teams represented than when we started! WILL CORRIGAN SUPERKICKS LENORE USHER OUT OF THE RING!!

 

Lenore Usher is eliminated by Will Corrigan! (2)

 

Ash: Lenore reaches back up and hits a buzzer. That's just rude. 

 

 

Ash: Kenneth just learned over the time away that Kira F. Knoe is his daughter, and now she is co-owner of their company.

 

Marcus: They missed Gallito. 

 

Ash: That they did, but they'll get a chance for gold here and then they can fight all the chickens they want. 

 

Valerie: Martigon with the Spinning Impaler to Jack Dismal! Chaotic Neutral! Dismal to his feet and goddammit.

 

Marcus: He leaned on the buzzer.

 

Valerie: He leaned on the buzzer. Well, Martigon boots him out. 

 

Jack Dismal is eliminated by Matt Martigon! (2)

 

Ash: One step forward, two steps back.

 

 

Marcus: CON is coming out here with... his dad?

 

Ash: I know that Deck of Hearts is set to have a pow wow later, but I guess he couldn't wait and didn't want one of them in this match. They're also all in matches later on.

 

Valerie: CON Sr. was signing with GHW just as I was getting this transfer, but I got a little bit of intel on him. Apparently he's also gone by "Consignor" as one of his early scams was posing the head of a parish, and CON when he was Confetti swore he wouldn't be like him. Welp, there goes that. 

 

Marcus: This also means two sets of parents and kids.

 

Ash: Cinna with a tilt-a-whirl headscissors trying to put Pep Reilly over the ropes but she holds her ground, Martigon smashes Blackheart's head...into the buzzer. Are they not paying attention. 

 

 

Valerie: Rade just tosses Paloma by the arms to the other side of the ring! Turns around and boots Yara Yamada to the ground. 

 

Marcus: What a welcome. KF Caesar, the former Kira F Knoe, with an unemotional clawed slap to Randi Rah Rah. She tries it with CON but he blocks and slaps her back. Rade tries to boot Paloma out but she holds herself firm in the ropes, Blackheart takes the time to get her with a chop. 

 

Ash: Yarp charges Yara Yumi, tries to knock her over, she holds firm and tries to drag him over, both able to keep their feet. Yumi springboards back into the ring and high dropkick to Paloma. Paloma to her feet, grabs Kenneth Tuckey up in a Military Press... Pizza Spin Back Toss over the ropes! He just took the Pryde Fall out of this match!

 

Kenneth Tuckey IX is eliminated by Paloma Pryde! (3)

 

Valerie: Perry with a high knee to CON Sr., Sr. turns around and scoop slam trying to take Jack out, oh but Jack lands on the apron, Jack trying to pull him over. Randi taking the run to Will Corrigan, going for a tornado DDT but he back body drops her out! 

 

Randi Rah Rah is eliminated by Will Corrigan! (3)

 

Marcus: Red Ghost with the headbutt to Yarp, and a Red Hurricane Huracanrana to Will Corrigan looking to take him out of the equation, and out he goes! Oh this causes Nero to stare down his former protege. It may well be on now.

 

Will Corrigan is eliminated by Red Ghost! (1)

 

Ash: Ghost was where Corrigan may well be, under the Learning Tree of Woe, and you can see the little bit of pain in his eyes. 

 

Valerie: KF Caesar low blow to Yarp! She abominabled his snowmen! 

 

Marcus: Yara Yamada with an Olympic Slam to Pep Reilly. Martigon tries to avenge his partner, Ghost spins around and blasts Martigon with an Enzuigiri!

 

Ash: KF with a backhand chop with CON Sr. 

 

Valerie: She doesn't even need to be "My dad can beat up your dad", she can do it just fine on her own. Gilbert Glass loading up, GLASS CANNON TO GRETCHEN GRIND AND GRIND IS OUTTA HERE!

 

Gretchen Grind is eliminated by Gilbert Glass! (1)

 

Marcus: That exchange is brought to you by the letter G. 

 

Ash: Martigon with the headbutt to Paloma. Jack Snake Eyes to Ghost, and yep, another dang buzzer.

 

Valerie: Wild how we had none for so long and now it seems nonstop. 

 

 

Marcus: Rade blasting Gilbert with a headbutt of his own. Paloma with a knife edge to Ono, Cinna hits at Sr. Gilbert trying to shake off the headbutt and Fender rings his bell with a high kick. Rade and Yarp double boot sends Yamada to the outside... Yamada keeps one foot up!

 

Ash: Pep with Payne in the corner and a Bronco Buster. Bauro Irish Whipping Martigon into... the Buzzer Buckle. Great. And Clothesline in the corner. 

 

 

Valerie: GHW's Deadliest Dames are on the case. Bauro back elbow to Yarp, Red Ghost with a right hook to Yara Yumi. Ono Fender with a snap DDT to Cinnaman. So hard to keep up with all the craziness here, but crazy is what we aim for.

 

Ash: Gilbert with a snap spinebuster takes Martigon to the mat. KF Caesar spinning neckbreaker to Blackheart. Beautiful backbreaker from Betero to Betsy Bones. Some teamwork from Jack and Venus Dismal with Irish whip to Perry, oh he ducks the double clothesline and back around with a double float-over neckbreaker! 

 

Marcus: Cinna with a shotgun dropkick to Yarp and... oh come on!

 

Ash: Oh it looks like we might be getting some representatives from Hot Mess Express-

 

 

Marcus: WHAT?? YUCA LAYLI WHY??

 

 

Valerie: It didn't take Kelly long to find a new partner after being dismissed from Kruel. I wasn't expecting Yuca to be her partner, then I wasn't expecting ANY of this.

 

Ash: Well here they come into the fray, the action hasn't stopped for the chaos though and Reilly with a brutal spin kick to Yara Yamada. Rade huge backbreaker to Lustress Jamie, and it bears noting that 7 of our original 10 teams are still represented in this match. Yuca bashes Reilly's face into the buzzer.

 

 

Valerie: We are now at 18 teams.

 

Ash: I'm being told that at 20 teams, the buzzers get shut off and won't be reactivated until there are 10 teams left. 

 

Marcus: That's relieving.

 

Ash: Martigon with a spinning suplex to Yara Yamada. Paloma trying to put Sugar over the edge-effort won't come to be and it becomes a guillotine instead. And I'm being told that's Stalagmight, one of the Icicle Twins we saw sitting with the former Miss Carol, who just drove her knee into CON's face. 

 

Valerie: There's a world where CON and CON Sr. end up fighting SM and Violent. Could you imagine?

 

Ash: That's a good point, SM is up for the tag belt later. Reilly chops Rade, that was not a smart idea. Belly to Belly by Yarp to Red Ghost and it's kinda wild that Yarp is still in this. 

 

Marcus: Someone underestimated the Yetis.

 

Valerie: I'll admit that if he wins. 

 

Ash: Rade boots him right into the buzzer, so that'll be 19. 

 

Marcus: WILD.

 

 

Ash: Unholy Union out, and that'll be Preacher and Vex stepping into this.

 

Valerie: KF Caesar has Jack Dismal up on the top, she steps to the middle and Avalanche BFT! She calls that the KFT! ONO FENDER HURACANRANAS RED GHOST TO THE OUTSIDE!!! 

 

Red Ghost is eliminated by Ono Fender! (1)

 

Marcus: That's the correct direction!

 

Ash: Kelly - I'm being told now she's going by Barbi Wyre, okay then - with a mid kick to Bauro. Betsy with a swing at Rade OH but he grabs the fist and powers her down to her knees before pushing her away. CON tries to avenge her, oh Rade choke tossed him straight across the ring. Jamie trying to get Bessie Bones over the rope, all she achieves is a little rope burn.

 

Valerie: Exploder suplex by Blackheart to Jamie and she hits the buzzer. Great.

 

Marcus: But that's 20. So now they have to clear the field once this team comes in back down to 10 teams before anyone new can be allowed admittance.

 

 

 

Valerie: On the nose, but okay.

 

Robotic Voice: BUZZER DEACTIVATED.

 

Ash: Paloma shotgun dropkick to Vex. Martigon powerbomb to Bessie Bones. BLACKHEART ENDS REILLY'S NIGHT WITH A SCALPEL KICK!!

 

Pep Reilly is eliminated by Damian Blackheart! (2)

 

Marcus: Back down to 19. Okay. Maybe we'll see some clearance here. Rade lifts Barbi up, and here come those headbutts at lightning speed!!! Gesichtsmörder!!! 

 

Valerie: CON Sr. riling up Bessie Bones, she charges and he launches with a back body drop!! See ya!!

 

Bessie Bones is eliminated by CON Sr.! (1)

 

Ash: And the CONs notch their first elimination this match.

 

Valerie: You gotta feel for CON. Teaming with your dad is a little like taking mom to prom.

 

Marcus: Well, I wouldn't blame the guy. You were promised after you beat your entire team that the team would help you find your OTP, and Jen Teal as far as we can tell is still out there somewhere. It's fair to question how much Deck even looked. 

 

Valerie: I actually have to agree with you, and if I were SM, I'd be buying all sorts of apology bouquets after watching this performance. The CONs still have their full team in with 7 teams having come in after them. It's a hell of a performance no matter the outcome.

 

Ash: Of course that would rely on SM having more insight than a family of lanternflies. Unholy and Sugar N Spice staring each other down...Sugar Cooki with an atomic drop on Preacher, Vex with a snap DDT on Cinna. GENESIS WITH THE BOOT OF JUSTICE CLEARS BETSY! THAT'S IT FOR THE BONEYARD!

 

Betsy Bones is eliminated by Genesis! (1)

 

Marcus: Genesis spins around without blinking, back elbow to Paloma. Sugar with a spinning neckbreaker to Barbi. Damian Blackheart with a Scalpel Kick, knocks Genesis back but he barely holds in. It's just his... beginning.

 

Ash: Rade pops Lustress Jamie up.... 7 Feet Under and possibly more, Jamie is out of here!

 

Lustress Jamie is eliminated by Rade! (1)

 

Valerie: All those times helping Lenore, but this is his first elimination this match on his own merits.

 

Ash: Genesis with a Saito Suplex to Yuca, her partner Barbi with a jumping DDT to Paloma. Rade with a Uranage to CON Sr. Perry Payne running powerslam launches Stalagmight right out of the ring!

 

Stalagmight is eliminated by Perry Payne! (1)

 

Marcus: Oooh KF with another low blow kick, this time to Cinna. Rade going for another double chokeslam to Perry and Barbi, but both manage to hang tough and back fully on the apron, Barbi into the ring on her own, Omega helps Perry by flipping him over the ropes. How nice of him.

 

Valerie: Yarp with a clubbing blow to the back of KF and I'm honestly surprised he's still here. Payne follows that up with an elbow drop on her. She spins back to her feet, taking down Yumi with a Capoeira kick, you can't keep her down. 

 

Ash: Betero with a Samoan Drop to Martigon. KF with a spinning back wheel kick to knock Martigon over the rope, his feet lift off the ground but he's able to get himself back down. Yumi with an exploder suplex to Betero, amazing strength on display and just misses the ropes. Yarp tries to charge Venus Dismal out, but she holds her ground. 

 

Marcus: CON Sr holding Ono in a stalling suplex and taking her to the edge... over the ropes SHE BRINGS HIM WITH HER!! 

 

Ono Fender (2) and CON Sr. (2) eliminate each other!

 

Ash: CON is pissed and he's taking it out on Stalactight with a flurry of headlock punches! OH but Rade and Damian Blackheart sandwich him with boots to the side of CON's head! Going to lift him out, NO Damian pushes Rade aside and goes for the elimination on his on! CON going out!

 

CON is eliminated by Damian Blackheart! (3)

 

Marcus: Rade trying to dump Blackheart out of revenge, but Blackheart holds firm. Stalactight gets Venus over her head in an Upside Down Gorilla Press, driving down to an Inverted Front Slam out of the ring and Venus grabs her arm oh bringing her out with her!! 

 

Venus Dismal (1) and Stalactight (1) eliminate each other!

 

Valerie: Spinning Neckbreaker by Cinna to Martigon! Sugar Cooki with a back suplex to Jack Dismal trying to take him out of the ring, Dismal keeps his feet up and back in. Come on guys, let's clean this ring out.

 

Ash: Martigon with a spinning backfist to the gut of Rade. Cooki with a high knee to Blackheart. Wait, AWKWARD NORA FEENEY IS BACK AND SHE PULLS BARBI WYRE OUT OF THE RING OVER THE ROPE! 

 

Barbi Wyre is eliminated by... Awkward Nora Feeney! (1)

 

Marcus: Get your revenge, girl! Nora absolutely unloading on Barbi! YARA YAMADA BICYCLE KICKS MATT MARTIGON OUT OF THE MATCH!!

 

Matt Martigon is eliminated by Yara Yamada! (1)

 

Valerie: How the hell do the Manifestation guys still have both their guys left? 

 

Marcus: They're just that good. Ah but Betero gets Perry with a spinning backfist. Vex with a snap suplex to Yumi, I guess he can fight.

 

Ash: Paloma with a running bulldog to Cinna. Sugar Cooki sends Damian Blackheart to the outside with a dropsault!! 

 

Damian Blackheart is eliminated by Sugar Cooki! (1)

 

Valerie: And very quickly we are down to 12 teams. Rade slams Yarp's head into his knee, HOW is he still here? Good lord!

 

Ash: Paloma with a running DDT to Betero. Preacher with a double axe handle to Jack Dismal. Dismal with a huge Uranage to Paloma sending her outside like she's crashing to Earth. 

 

Paloma Pryde is eliminated by Jack Dismal! (2)

 

Marcus: YARP SPEARS YUCA AND KNOCKS HER OVER THE ROPE!!

 

Yuca Laymi is eliminated by Yarp Yeti! (1)

 

Ash: What, is she changing her name? Ugh. I hate it. 

 

Robotic Voice: Buzzers Re-Engaged.

 

Valerie: We are now at 10 teams, and sure enough, the buzzers are turned back on. 

 

Marcus: Good rollin' out of the way Jack, and Vex gets Preacher with the clothesline instead! YARP DROPKICKED OUT BY SUGAR COOKI!

 

Valerie: FINALLY!!

 

Yarp Yeti is eliminated by Sugar Cooki! (2)

 

Ash: Cinna with a series of forearm shots to Yamada. Betero with a quick jab to Rade. Bauro lifting Yamada up in the high cross... BAUN-T TO THE OUTSIDE!! 

 

Yara Yamada is eliminated by Bauro Ieremia! (1)

 

Marcus: YARA YUMI TAKES HER FRUSTRATIONS OUT WITH A CORKSCREW DROPKICK TO KF AND SHE SENDS HER RIGHT ON OUT!

 

KF Caesar is eliminated by Yara Yumi! (1)

 

Valerie: Yumi spins around RIGHT INTO THE CHOKEHOLD BY RADE! PERRY PAYNE TRYING TO PUNCH HIM OFF, RADE GRABS HIM WITH THE OTHER HAND! CHOKESLAMS THEM BOTH OUT AND THIS TIME, NO ONE SURVIVES!

 

Perry Payne and Yara Yumi are eliminated by Rade! (2/3)

 

Ash: Omega with a huge forearm shot to Vex. But his partner a bit more effective, double clothesline to Jack Dismal and Betero Ieremia, and out Jack goes, but Betero hits the buckle and thus the buzzer.

 

 

Valerie: Married lifestyle influencers and motivational speakers from Tucson, Arizona, and I know I feel motivated to live that Harlow Lifestyle. 

 

Ash: High knee by Sugar Cooki rocks Preacher, but he keeps himself standing. Hayden doesn't wanna waste time, throwing a series of gut punches to Genesis. Rade takes the other half of the team with a big scoop slam to Omega X, and Bauro follows up with a running headbutt to the gut, Vex with a running neckbreaker to Omega.

 

Marcus: He's getting it from all ends. Cinna taking a different approach, handstand dropkick pushing back at Rade, Rade staggers back. Oh, and right into the button.

 

Marcus: They truly think they're better than everyone.

 

Valerie: I mean, in relation to the people in the ring that's mostly true.

 

Ash: Gilbert forearm shot to Preacher, Preacher staggering back a little, oh but he clearly hit the button on his own. 

 

Marcus: Probably hoping for more XHW backup.

 

 

Ash: They, a while back, were a team... Andromeda lost her way for a bit and joined The Bored, Andromeda thought she'd be going to Aztec Pro, but now they're back from outerspace.

 

Valerie: Andromeda launches into the ring and double knee shot, pushing Hayden back and right...into a buzzer. Here we go again.

 

 

Marcus: Hayden running at Rade and he just trips him. Rude. Harley charging full speed at Jaielin Junko, and oh dang they both go over, taking each other out.

 

Jaielin Junko (1) and Harley Harlow (1) eliminate each other!

 

Valerie: Hayden in shock and I can't blame him, oh and look at Glass taking advantage like a little sneak freak with that discus lariat. Andromeda gives him a taste of his own with that floatover snapmare. Jin pulls Andromeda up into a suplex, OH and Rade gets them both on his shoulders, this just became a tower of doom! Superplex!! ANDROMEDA BOUNCES UP AND DROPKICKS RADE OUT!!! WHAT!!!

 

Rade is eliminated by Andromeda! (1)

 

Ash: The monster has been pulled to the ground!!! Andromeda without even blinking or thinking spin kick to Sugar Cooki and she barrels into a buck... oh man. 

 

 

Marcus: KARU AND KEIKO ARE BACK AND THEY'RE READY TO BE THE PROTECTORS WE NEED!

 

Ash: Jin rushing Gilbert, he ducks and jab, jab, hook. Preacher scoops Cinna up, powerslam oh and he went right for the buzzer before landing it! He must really be looking for more XHW backup.

 

 

Valerie: Well, this time he got his wish. A little extra XHW. Preacher and Genesis working together, double chokeslam plants Andromeda in the mat. Hey, maybe End Begins are XHW supporters too. 

 

Ash: Preacher with a Spike Piledriver to Alie Ward! Scooping her up, going for the dump out OH DAMN SHE HEADSCISSORS HIM OVER THE ROPES! But both are safe.

 

Marcus: I would have loved Preacher to get his help just to immediately be eliminated. Andromeda back to her feet, charging the first person in her way Sugar into the corner and yep it's that corner. She's rebounding into a back body drop and here comes the next team. We were doing so well.

 

 

Ash: Bauro with the BAUN-T sends Jin Junko out!

 

Jin Junko is eliminated by Bauro Ieremia! (2)

 

Marcus: Ah, Cinna gives Astra the attention she was lacking with a corkscrew splash. Astra with a huge tornado DDT to Alie Ward! Genesis huge forearm shot to Heng Viseth and doesn't knock him out but pisses him off a little. OH BUT ALIE WARD BOOTS GENESIS RIGHT OVER!

 

Genesis is eliminated by Alie Ward! (1)

 

Valerie: Pariah going for a spin kick to Omega, he dodges and she gets Unklean! Oh, not a great go for them. Alie instinctively ducks Karu's high roundhouse, oh but Karu follows with a sweep. Cinnaman with a single leg dropkick pushes Preacher over the edge! OHHH but he keeps his feet on the apron. PREACHER GRABS ALIE WARD AND RELEASE SUPLEX SENDS HER OUTTA HERE!

 

Alie Ward is eliminated by Preacher! (1)

 

Ash: Viseth succeeds in dropkicking Preacher off the apron! He's out!

 

Preacher is eliminated by Heng Viseth! (1)

 

Marcus: Viseth and Piseth are Cambodian twins who fashion themselves the height of fashion and fighting. Hayden with a snap DDT to Karu, nothing too uplifting about that. 

 

Ash: Emily looking to huracanrana Gilbert Glass out, and down he goes! 

 

Gilbert Glass is eliminated by Emily Axford! (1)

 

Valerie: She springboards herself back in with a Moonsault perfectly executed like everything she does, landing square on Viseth. Viseth to his feet and leans right on the damn buzzer. 

 

 

Ash: The lovers from Hyde Park, New York are here to share their storybook romance OH but Vex in straightaway to play the villain in the story, snap DDT to Quintessa. 

 

Valerie: Omega with a powerbomb to Unklean! Unklean kips up quickly and superkick to Astra, pushing her over the ropes but she's able to stay on the apron. Unklean with a twisting neckbreaker right off to Omega. She's a star in the making, however you feel about her choices. 

 

Marcus: Cinna with a spinning back suplex to Hayden Harlow. Heng Viseth gets Betero up on his shoulders... reverse-spin F10... the Heng-10! Puts him out over, NO BETERO LANDS ON THE APRON AND SUPLEXES HENG VISETH OVER!!

 

Heng Viseth is eliminated by Betero Ieremia! (1)

 

Ash: Both Ieremias getting grounded, Bauro takes a bulldog from Andromeda. Axford throat punch to Omega then takes a run and European Uppercut to Bauro, Karu follows that up with a Kinshasa and blasts Bauro right out of the ring!!

 

Bauro Ieremia is eliminated by Karu! (1)

 

Valerie: Pariah's got those quick hands with that snap punch to Cinnaman, Quentin with a spinning knee shot to Omega. 

 

Marcus: Betero Polish Hammer to Hayden Harlow. Keiko with a half-nelson suplex to Axford. Her partner doesn't fare so well, Betero gets Karu with a backbreaker. Keiko helps Karu up quickly, double superkick to Hayden Harlow, and over he goes!!

 

Hayden Harlow is eliminated by Karu (2) and Keiko (1)!

 

Ash: Brainbuster by Omega X to Unklean. Cinna attempts to clothesline Heng Piseth over the ropes, by Piseth stays firm. Karu with a flip leg drop keeping Unklean down. Quintessa attempts to bicycle kick Piseth out but again no go. Vex flips Piseth into a buckle and, of course. 

 

 

Marcus: Well, with Lenore having accepted the role of Vessel, I guess Deusa Fletcha can rest easier and focus on the match. Vex with a hammerlock DDT to Quintessa, and I notice her lover isn't stepping in to help.

 

Valerie: He trusts her, not infantilizes her. Oh see now he's coming to help and Vex rewards his chivalry with a gutwrench suplex over the ropes, ah he barely saves himself. Bauro gets Pariah up in the Baun-T, out she goes but she folds herself in and feet don't touch the ground!

 

Ash: Quentin Quill pulls Karu upside down, lifting her up and Spike Piledriver, he dipped her right into the Inkwell! Lifting her up and tossing her out!

 

Karu is eliminated by Quentin Quill! (1)

 

Marcus: Keiko blasting Betero with a corkscrew dropkick!! Out he goes!

 

Betero Ieremia is eliminated by Keiko! (2)

 

Ash: Emily Axford with a Scorpion Kick to Deusa Fletcha.

 

Valerie: You have to admire the flexibility there.

 

Marcus: I guess.

 

Ash: Omega blasts the other half of the new kids, push kick to Ubirajara. Vex kicks Ubirajara again and she hits... the buzzer.

 

 

Ash: Everly and Cassidy, the women from Santa Monica, bring that Cali flair, Quentin trying to run them down but they both duck and he collides with Quintessa. 

 

Valerie: Vex trying to send Keiko away with a bicycle kick but she holds out. Omega with a Black Hole Slam to Evelyn Everly. Keiko snapping back with a handstand into a knee strike on Sugar Cooki, Omega smashes her in the head with an elbow, you have to watch every angle always.

 

Marcus: Sugar Cooki launches Heng Piseth out of the ring with a leg-trapped belly to back!

 

Heng Piseth is eliminated by Sugar Cooki! (3)

 

Ash: Vex smashes the button. 

 

 

Ash: Welp, now we have these assholes. Clearwater Cassidy Carter locks Andromeda in a full nelson, dragging her back behind her...up we go.... elevated all the way into the Glam Slam position....flips her down into a Piledriver!!! HIGH TIDE!!! Grabs her and tosses Andromeda out!

 

Andromeda is eliminated by Clearwater Cassidy Carter! (1)

 

Marcus: First elimination in the big time and she pounds the buckle in celebration, oh no she hit the buzzer. I don't think she intended that. Here we go again.

 

 

Valerie: These two bonded over a shared love of old school, slam and hold wrestling. Let's see if their rising stature in GHW can translate here.

 

Ash: Vex with a chop to Unklean, he doesn't seem to be registering the GHW backup they are meant to be providing each other, and I'm fine with that. 

 

Marcus: Yeah, y'all can eat your own. Oh, Astra wants to dropsault Siobhan O'Donoghue out right off, but Siobhan holds firm.

 

Ash: Ubirajara with a tilt-a-whirl side slam to Unklean. Axford goes for a spin kick to Omega, he catches her leg and flips her backwards. Keiko trying it with Omega now, he tosses her into the buckle and-bro. No.

 

 

Marcus: Sacre BOOO. 

 

Ash: Omega continuing his rampage, high angle belly to belly takes down O'Donoghue. Cinna with a spinning wheel kick to Axford, Axford grabs his leg and snap German. Renaud charges Astra into the buckle and going on her ribs with a series of punches, oh I don't think he saw where he did that, here we go.

 

 

Valerie: This match just upped its style points big time! Here come AJ and Kay Kay! AJ runs at Cinna with a clothesline, he barely holds on, she comes around and dropkick to Vex, he barely holds on. UNKLEAN BOOTS QUINTESSA OVER! NO, SHE STAYS ON THE APRON AND GETS UNKLEAN'S HAIR, SMASHES HER INTO THE BUZZER BUCKLE! 

 

 

Marcus: AW YEAH! UZZIAH AND ULANI ARE HERE!

 

They take to the buckles and do an ASL U followed by a sky point, which leads the crowd to chant "U UP!" AJ and Kay Kay immediately push them off the buckles to toss them out.

 

Uzziah is eliminated by AJ! (1) Ulani is eliminated by Kay Kay! (1)

 

Valerie: And now they're gone. Clearly they weren't Up long. 

 

Ash: Jayna Reed scoop slams Unklean. Vex gets a jumping DDT on Ubi. Oh, beautiful spin kick by Keiko to O'Donoghue. Leon Ismael with the whip to Ubi, she snaps back and BEAUTIFUL SPEAR! Takes him right off his feet! Keiko with the spinning huracanrana takes Emily Axford to the outside OH BUT EMILY GRABS HER LEGS AND TAKES HER OUT TOO!

 

Emily Axford (2) and Keiko (3) eliminate each other!

 

Marcus: Two teams, one elimination. 

 

Ash: Big chop by Omega to Cinna's chest. Unklean inverted atomic drop to Leon. Vex smashes Astra's head into the buzzer, once again he's looking for backup.

 

Marcus: He should be making use of the backup he has.

 

 

Crowd: HELL YEAH!

 

Ash: You know what? I was getting frustrated but I'm into it again. Leon with a throat chop to Fletcha, that I don't like. Cinna with a back chop to Ubi, she staggers back and into a buzzer. Let's see who's next.

 

 

Marcus: ... there's the backup.

 

Valerie: Well not so fast. Voltage have a match later against Unholy Union, so I don't know that Vex is gonna be too thrilled about this and they just double dropkicked him out so yep. Not so much. 

 

Vex is eliminated by Parker Johnson (1) and Vic Jagger (1)!

 

Ash: Marion with a spinebuster to Sugar Cooki. She rolls right up and kangaroo kick to Vic Jagger. Leon tries to shove Ubi over the ropes, no go. Cinna gets Arias with a high knee. Unklean chop block to Quintessa Quill! 

 

Marcus: I'd honestly forgotten the Quills were even here.

 

Ash: Omega headbutt to Jayna Reed, Quentin Quill bonks the heads of Arias and Fletcha together and I guess they're not gonna be so easy to forget now. 

 

Valerie: They just want everyone to find the love like they have. Fletcha spinning a little dizzy and Pariah slaps her, maybe she thought Arias was her man, oh and she drives her knee into AJ's face too, turns around and slaps Reed. 

 

Marcus: She's just messy.

 

Ash: Astra with a butterfly lungblower to Devon Delight! And a second! She's taking him to the Butterfly Galaxies! His partner faring a little better, quick chop by Arias to Cinna and a Dudebuster to Unklean! HIGH TIDE BY CARTER TO FLETCHA AND SHE JUDO FLIPS HER OUT!!

 

Deusa Fletcha is eliminated by Clearwater Cassidy Carter! (2)

 

Valerie: Cinna blasts Leon with a cross body seemingly out of nowhere!! Parker Johnson with a punch to Omega and hits the buzzer, same play as Unholy seemed to have in hoping that backup will get them through this.

 

 

Marcus: Lookin' swanky, fellas. 

 

Ash: Jaunty John Ti, who'd lost Jen Teal before Deck of Hearts did, has a new protege in Dapper Donovan Metoyer. Not going for the same wordplay, just bringing the class. 

 

Marcus: And he's gonna show Dapper how it's done EARLY, lifting Astra up in the High Cross....holding, hoooolding, down into the spinebuster! Dry Clean Only! Scoops her up and easily dumps her out of this match.

 

Astra is eliminated by Jaunty John Ti! (1)

 

Valerie: Parker Johnson with a snap neckbreaker to Nick Tidy! O'Donoghue with a chop to Omega. Marion with a chop to Pariah. Omega drives Marion and Renaud with a double Spinebuster!! Omega continues with a double axe handle to Jagger, and full rampage as he big swings Marion.

 

Ash: Tidy with a neckbreaker to AJ.

 

Marcus: Kay Kay with a fisherman to Ubi.

 

Ash: AJ Black Widow to Arias.

 

Valerie: Johnson with a running knee oh Omega rolls away in time and he gets Parker instead! And Omega to his feet, lifting up Leon.... High Angle Powerbomb sends him outta here!!

 

Leon Ismael LeSin is eliminated by Omega X! (1)

 

Marcus: John Ti with the forearm shot to Parker Johnson, and that cufflink gives a little extra juice to it! Ah but his partner learning the dangers of wearing a tie in the ring, Quintessa uses it to ripcord him into a knee shot to the gut! Quintessa spins around, punch to Nick Tidy, goes for a second but he evades and she hits the buzzer.

 

 

Ash: Here come Sass and Spite, the Mighty Mean under the Estraga umbrella. And I'm actually learning that in order for this match to be moved along a bit, the top allowed will go down each time, so now the buzzers will be deactivated at 19 and reactivated at 9. 

 

Marcus: Oh man, we may be able to get this done.

 

Valerie: Nick Tidy looking to clothesline Quentin Quill outta here... Quill eats the clothesline but judo flips Nick out!!

 

Nick Tidy is eliminated by Quentin Quill! (2)

 

Ash: Good to see them get lifted from this. O'Donoghue with the snap suplex to Parker Johnson, he rolls quickly back to his feet and presses what he's convinced is the backup button.

 

Marcus: Hasn't worked for them so far but go off I guess. 

 

 

Valerie: So THIS is what Kruel meant by hanging out with the Ninjas... three fellow American Ninja Warrior alumnae. Kacy apparently going by Kacy Katz now, and the two blondes, Mady the Baddy and Rave Durant, will be representing this team.

 

Ash: Sass of the Mighty Mean with a sling blade to Parker Johnson. Omega X pump kicks Donovan Metoyer over the rope, Donovan stays on the apron!! OH HE GRABS THE LEGS FROM BENEATH THE ROPES AND FLIPS OMEGA OVER HIS HEAD AND OUT THE MATCH!

 

Omega X is eliminated by Dapper Donovan Metoyer! (1)

 

Marcus: Hell of a first elimination to get my guy! OH BUT JAYNA REED KNOCKS HIM OFF THE APRON! HE'S DONE!

 

Dapper Donovan Metoyer is eliminated by Jayna Reed! (1)

 

Valerie: AJ tries to keep the elimination train going, running single leg dropkick to Ubirajara but she stays in the ring. AJ keeps it going off the ropes and a Single Leg Dropkick to Greg Arias. Arias up, AJ goes for the open hand slap but Arias ducks and AJ hits Kay Kay! 

 

Marcus: Oopsy-doodle.

 

Ash: Jayna Reed with an arm drag to Ubi. Spite with a high kick to try to knock Quentin over the ropes, Quentin staggers but plants himself. Cinna with a quick backhand chop to Renaud Lavillenie, who responds with one to Sugar.

 

Marcus: Must make him feel like a big man, taking it on on the woman.

 

Ash: O'Donoghue with a gutwrench suplex to Mady the Baddy, turns around, DDT to John Ti. Marion with the King's Throw to Parker Johnson, and Johnson hits the buzzer. 

 

 

Marcus: Well, guess that's the new song they were talking about. And you can see them staring daggers at Kacy, she's clearly anathema nOH DAMN AJ SHINING WIZARD TAKES UBIRAJARA OUT!

 

Ubirajara is eliminated by AJ! (2)

 

Ash: And Spite tries to replicate that with Greg Arias, but the Good Dude holds onto the ropes and won't take the fall at least. Cassidy with the push-up dropkick pushes Kiyah into the buzzer.

 

 

Valerie: I have to admit, I've been a fan of these two and I hope that they can make this work on the big stage.

 

Marcus: Well Yasmina joins Marion for a double suplex on Sass. Cinna Pele Kicks Arias over the rope and out of the ring!! Damn!! 

 

Good Dude Greg Arias is eliminated by Cinnaman! (1)

 

Ash: Delight with a quick jab to Unklean. Renaud with an arm drag takes Kitti Kruel over the rope, Kitti holds on and tries to pull Renaud over too, but no go. Renaud back elbows Mady, Mady gets pissed and presses the buzzer. 

 

 

Marcus: Rave Durant talking with Kacy, Kacy hands her knucks!

 

Valerie: That's a boss who helps her employees, and Rave knuckle punches Unklean with such force that she staggers back, to the ropes and she can't get her own footing, out she goes!

 

Unklean is eliminated by Rave Durant! (1)

 

Ash: Pariah feeling outnumbered, hits the buzzer and hopes for the best.

 

 

Valerie: Oh look, it's the sad sacks.

 

Ash: Marion with a knee shot to AJ. AJ stumbling back, and leans on the buzzer.

 

 

Marcus: With Lionheart off the team, Victor Kingston takes a center role and they've rebranded themselves the Animal Kingdom. They missed the traitor and will have to get revenge later. Hopefully they can settle for a tag shot.

 

Ash: Kay Kay with a slap to Marion. Durant with a high spin kick to Kiyah, Kiyah catches the leg and swings it back at Mady. Jagger with a float over neckbreaker to Pariah, Pariah realizing that Velvet Voltage may not be on level with them, hits the buzzer and prays.

 

 

Valerie: Who the hell are these two?

 

Marcus: I don't know but I dig the vibe already. Only one more before the buzzers get shut off again. 

 

Ash: Pariah not thrilled to say the least, and she slaps her frustration into the cheek of Clearwater. Tristeza with an elbow shot to the rib of Mady. Jaguar King unloading headlock punches to Quentin, and Pariah knows she has one more chance, hits the buzzer...

 

 

Robotic Voice: BUZZERS DEACTIVATED.

 

Ash: This time we have to get down to 9 teams represented before they get reactivated. Devon has been hanging in the corner, waiting for his time, runs across town and BLASTS Clearwater with the Kinshasa! Oregon Trail! And out she goes!!

 

Clearwater Cassidy Carter is eliminated by Devon Delight! (1)

 

Valerie: Yasmina Qora with a corkscrew crossbody to Marion pushes him back and takes him out of the equation!

 

Marion Bartoli is eliminated by Yasmina Qora! (1)

 

Marcus: Kay Kay eye poke to Delight and then to Durant, Pariah does the same to Jaguar King, oh! Cinna shotgun dropkicks Jaguar King into Siobhan O'Donohue, high spin kick to both of them at once! That's efficient action! 

 

Ash: Renaud catches O'Donohue on her way down and into an Orton Backbreaker! John Ti with a dropkick to Yasmina Qora, she leans over the ropes but doesn't quite go over. Mady with a headlock backbreaker to Lagrima.

 

Valerie: That'll give him something to cry about. And his partner eats a stiff punch to the skull mask courtesy of Dex Tex. And HIS partner Handsome Hank with a chop to Cinna's chest. 

 

Ash: O'Donoghue blocks a shot from Pariah and chops back at her. Zuhra Qizil leaping at John Ti, Ti catches her out and spinebuster! Her partner takes a bump too as Gabby Devine of Blue Check hits her with a snap DDT. Sugar with a reverse DDT to Goldmane. Mady blasts Handsome Hank with an arm-trapped bulldog. Ti feeling himself, a little strut, and a jawbreaker to AJ. Pariah takes a big swing at Sass, Sass catches the hand and knee to Pariah's head. Goldmane smashes a forearm into Renaud's face. 

 

Marcus: It's crazy trying to follow all this, 33 people currently in the ring, it's almost like we can't miss too much of the action. Oh about to go down to 32, John Ti back suplexes Pariah all the way out!

 

Pariah is eliminated by Jaunty John Ti! (2)

 

Ash: Mady with a double throat chop to Evelyn Everly. Kiyah with a face rake to O'Donoghue. Lagrima with a belly to belly to Yasmina Qora. Lastarza with a backflip and back elbow to John Ti. Evelyn takes a quick run at Sugar Cooki and big forearm blast knocks Cooki backwards but she stays in. Renaud big chop to Kay Kay.

 

Marcus: You see a real pattern, real waves in the way the fight goes. Lots of quick shots and then a bevy of big moves, eliminations and then a whole new wave of fighters. 

 

Valerie: Victor Kingston with a Spinning Wheelbarrow Facebuster to Sugar Cooki!! She just got donked with the Crown Breaker! 

 

Ash: Ti with a knee smash to Renaud. Yasmina kicks Delight's leg out, a quick run and back around, jump up and bell claps Delight's head with her knees! Qor Memory! Kitti with a step-up enzuigiri to Durant, NO Durant catches her out with a double knee backbreaker! Mady the Baddy having a different situation, Cinna with the Trouble in Paradise sending her right over the edge and she can't save herself! 

 

Mady the Baddy is eliminated by Cinnaman! (2)

 

Marcus: Siobhan O'Donoghue rushing Sugar Cooki, Sugar tosses her over the edge oh but she has the wherewithal to ball up before she lands on the ground! Feet stay up, she gets one down and pushes up and into the match. 

 

Valerie: AJ with an STO to Lastarza. Victor Kingston with a Full Nelson Suplex with Quintessa. Ryan Hellcat with the double jumping knee pushing O'Donoghue over the edge again, but again she saves herself. Lagrima headbutt to Sugar Cooki. Durant jumps up with a high kick to Everly, Everly goes over the ropes but rolls back in. 

 

Ash: Reed with a big suplex to Renaud outside the ring, but Renaud gets his feet up in time for the landing, pulling his legs back up to the apron and pulls Jayna Reed out!

 

Jayna Reed is eliminated by Renaud Lavillenie! (1)

 

Marcus: Cinna and Everly lifting up Jagger to double suplex him out, going over the ropes, Jagger keeps hold of them and everyone goes over!! 

 

Cinnaman (3) and Evelyn Everly (1) eliminate Vic Jagger; Vic Jagger (2/3) eliminates Cinnaman and Evelyn Everly!

 

Valerie: THAT WAS WILD. Props to Vic for taking two down with him though.

 

Ash: Tristeza hits an End of the Trail on John Ti! Fitting move referring of course to the Trail of Tears and Tatanka. And Jaguar King lines up a Coronation Kick to blast Quintessa Quill! John Ti lifts up Yasmina Qora.... DRY CLEAN ONLY OUT OF THE RING!

 

Yasmina Qora is eliminated by Jaunty John Ti! (3)

 

Valerie: Honestly, I think it's a smart strategy halving as many teams as possible so that by the time you hit that 9 left, we're not basically starting from scratch with the buzzer. Kitti Kruel arm whips Lavillenie out!!

 

Renaud Lavillenie is eliminated by Kitti Kruel! (1)

 

Ash: Of course it's good to see the numbers go down too. Devon Delight with a quick jab to Zuhra Qizil. Sugar with a snap neckbreaker to Parker Johnson, and Kitti follows that with a jumping elbow drop. Lashonza coming for a running splash oh but Johnson with the monkey flip catches her out and sends her away! 

 

Marcus: He can only take so much, and Lashonza woke daddy. 

 

Valerie: AJ nails Jaguar King with a spinkick to the back of the head. Get it girl!

 

Ash: Parker kips up and clothesline to Handsome Hank! Devon Delight charging AJ... she judo flips him out of the ring OH he lands hard on the apron but able to hold the rope and not hit the ground, Devon attempts to get her from the legs to flip her over but she kicks him in the rib. 

 

Marcus: Handsome Hank gets Rave Durant with a fisherman suplex, which I'm sure was the height of new wrestling when he started. Spite dropkicks Lastarza but my girl able to keep hold of the ropes and stay in. 

 

Valerie: Lagrima with a chop to Durant. O'Donoghue suplexes Sugar Cooki out!!

 

Sugar Cooki is eliminated by Siobhan O'Donoghue! (1)

 

Ash: Lagrima clotheslines Rave Durant out!!

 

Rave Durant is eliminated by Lagrima! (1)

 

Marcus: Kay Kay goes to Powerbomb Hank out! OH but his manager Rex Gable cushions his fall and pushes him back in. Victor Kingston with the Exploder Suplex to send Gabby Devine out, she lands feet up and back in but Dex Tex seemingly out of nowhere tries to bar-throw Tristeza out, but he rolls and is able to keep his feet off and he slides his way back to the ring. 

 

Ash: A lot of people trying to get this done, not everyone is making it happen. AJ smashes her blow dryer in the face of Kiyah Kruel as Kitti is distracted arguing with Kingston, Kitti ends that convo with a slap! 

 

Valerie: I'm sure he deserved it. 

 

Ash: John Ti with a HUGE Death Valley Driver to O'Donoghue. Dex tries to push Zuhra out of the ring-goes nowhere. Quentin with a huge powerslam to Zuhra. Dex trying a harder approach with a lariat to Sass, Sass flips over the ropes but able to roll back in. O'Donoghue with a big DDT to Jaguar King. 

 

Marcus: Lagrima shotgun dropkick to Kiyah, Kiyah barely holding firm on the ropes, trying to pull Lagrima over but no go. AJ and Ti with the whip to Lashonza, Lashonza comes back and double clothesline to push them over, Ti able to hold on but AJ is outta here!!

 

AJ is eliminated by Lashonza! (1)

 

Marcus: Ryan Hellcat trying to lift John Ti over the edge, John gets his legs around Hellcat's neck! Huracanrana! Blue Checking Out!

 

Ryan Hellcat is eliminated by Jaunty John Ti! (4)

 

Ash: With that, John has tied Lenore for most eliminations with 4 so far. And Hellcat's partner Gabby Devine is pissed, and she's gonna take it out on the first person she sees, Thesz Press to Quentin Quill! Quintessa tries to pull her off GABBY WHIPS HER WITH ENOUGH FORCE TO TOSS HER OUT OF THIS! 

 

Quintessa Quill is eliminated by Gabby Devine! (1)

 

Valerie: Quin was like "That's my man" and Gabby said "then suffer for him."

 

Ash: Up til that elimination, exactly half the teams had both members left LAGRIMA SENDS O'DONOGHUE PACKING!

 

Siobhan O'Donoghue is eliminated by Lagrima! (2)

 

Marcus: And now he's sending Jaguar King out, just a bouncer toss over! Lagrima is turning his sadness to rage in real time! 

 

Jaguar King is eliminated by Lagrima! (3)

 

Valerie: How quickly this turned!

 

Marcus: Lashonza ducks a swing punch by Celeste, oh we're gettin that Dusty Special! Elbow! ELBOW! ELBOW!!! WHOOOOOOA ELBOW!!! And these fighters are rejuvenated!!! 

 

Ash: Having more room to breathe really does wonders, Ti with a high knee to Kitti Kruel, Devon spins him around and Exploder Suplex! Lashonza with a cartwheel... backflip... FRANKENSTEINER TO KAY KAY AND SHE'S GOIN' AWAY-WAY!

 

Kay Kay is eliminated by Lashonza! (2)

 

Marcus: Lashonza dismantled Blown Away on her own yes she did and she's giving Hank a spinning knee to the head. 

 

Ash: Spite with a huge scissor kick to Victor Kingston DELIGHT AND LASTARZA DOUBLE DROPKICK HER THE HELL OUTTA HERE!

 

Spite is eliminated by Devon Delight (2) and Lastarza (1)!

 

Valerie: Sass is PISSED, she grabs the hair of Zuhra and hair whips her out of the match! 

 

Zuhra Qizil is eliminated by Sass! (1)

 

Ash: Down to 11 teams represented, Victor Kingston rolling German Suplex to Delight and the Facebuster! ROYAL DECREE! Delight kipping up right into Sass dropping him a spinning DDT. Kiyah chop to Johnson. Sass with a swinging punch to John, he catches and the kick under the arm. 

 

Marcus: Johnson trying it now with Kingston, Kingston block and elbow shot to Johnson. John Ti looking to break that tie and exploder suplex sending Gabby Devine but AGAIN she saves herself and kips to the apron. Devon Delight blasting from the corner, Oregon Trail sends Lagrima over the ropes!! Lagrima's rage is over! 

 

Lagrima is eliminated by Devon Delight! (3)

 

Devon: Dex grabs the legs of Quentin and Alabama Slam. 

 

Ash: Sass coming for the crossbody block to Quentin and Johnson, they catch her and toss her out!!!

 

Sass is eliminated by Quentin Quill (3) and Parker Johnson! (2)

 

Marcus: WHAT-SASS JUMPS BACK UP AND GRABS THEM BY THE HAIR! SHE FALLS HERSELF BACK AND PULLS THEM OUT TOO!

 

Quentin Quill and Parker Johnson are eliminated by Sass! (2/3)

 

Valerie: DAMN, that's three teams off the board in a shot!

 

Robotic Voice: Buzzers have been re-engaged!

 

Marcus: Aw here we go. Delight hits that Oregon Trail on Victor Kingston. Lastarza with a dropkick pushing Gabby back. Delight following it up with the Oregon Trail and out Gabby Delight goes!!

 

Gabby Delight is eliminated by Devon Delight! (4)

 

Ash: Delight drop toe hold to Lashanza, oh no she hit the buzzer.

 

 

Ash: Now they can only go up to 18, hopefully we don't get there, but Azama and Sakai. KITTI KRUEL DROPKICKS DEVON OUT!

 

Devon Delight is eliminated by Kitti Kruel! (2)

 

Valerie: And the Sails aren't messing around, Sakai tosses Lastarza right out!

 

Lastarza is eliminated by Dark Sailor Sakai! (1)

 

Marcus: Tristeza is about to learn what it means to be Dry Clean Only!!

 

Tristeza is eliminated by Jaunty John Ti! (5)

 

Ash: Ti now has the highest elimination count! Oh but the Sails have their attention on him... Irish Whip, they launch him out WITH A Back Body, oh he lands on the apron!

 

The crowd cheers very briefly until-

 

Valerie: Sakai punches him out!

 

Jaunty John Ti is eliminated by Dark Sailor Sakai! (2)

 

Marcus: Kiyah going for a jumping clothesline at Hank Horton, he catches her and bear hug slam! Lashonza goes to dropkick him out, he staggers but stays firm! And Kiyah back up and slaps him. Hank hits the button, here we go.

 

 

Valerie: Nova just straight up pulls Azama right over the ropes and out! Gangster!

 

Dark Sailor Azama is eliminated by Nova Blake! (1)

 

Ash: Kiyah tries to boot Sakai out but she barely holds on. Hank with punches to the face of Kingston. Sakai decides to take the frustration to Kiyah's partner and pump kick pushing Kitti, Kitti staggers back and almost out, trying to pull Sakai out, no go. Kingston bionic elbow to Lashonza, Hank with a scoop slam to Kiyah. 

 

Marcus: Nova going for a spin kick, not looking where she's going oh and I think she caught BJ! Hank with another scooper to Kiyah, BJ punches the buckle from annoyance and yep. That just happened.

 

 

Ash: BJ spins around and slapped by Sakai! Hank tries to boot Remy right out, but he holds tight. Sakai with a leg lariat to Kitti, Kingston right behind Sakai and double axe handle! Nova tries to take advantage and axe handle but Sakai fireman carries her off. 

 

Marcus: Hank elbow shot to the back of BJ, BJ gets pissed and presses the button.

 

 

Ash: Here they are in the bag, starting to come out, BJ He picks the bag up and just tosses them BOTH out!

 

Mad Sack Jack and Sad Sack Mack are eliminated by BJ He! (1/2)

 

Marcus: Kitti grabs Dex by his bolo and absolutely tosses him out!

 

Dashing Desperado Dex Tex is eliminated by Kitti Kruel! (3)

 

Ash: Goldmane tries to get Handsome Hank after his partner with an exploder suplex but Hank stays in with some help from Rex. Kiyah frankesnteiner and there goes Sakai! 

 

Dark Sailor Sakai is eliminated by Kiyah Kruel! (1)

 

Marcus: Remy tries to powerbomb Nova out but she stays put. Remy with the high knee to BJ. Goldmane swings at Lashonza, Matrix bend to evade it, pops up to DDT. Kiyah finds the brass knuckles, trying to get Remy with em but Remy swings Kitti in the way!! Kiyah shocked and Kingston takes the advantage to headbutt. Nova with the headscissors to Lashonza, Lashonza reverses, BJ is pissed and hits the buzzer again. 

 

Instead of someone coming in, the lights go out.

 

Valerie: Huh. That is strange.

 

The titantron shows an empty ring... somewhere.

 

 

The lights come back on, and in the ring...

 

 

Ash: Lashonza dumps Hank real quick during the chaos.

 

Handsome Hank Horton is eliminated by Lashonza! (3)

 

Marcus: Terminus tosses The Runts out!!

 

Remy and Rudy Runt are eliminated by Terminus! (1/2)

 

Valerie: BJ and Nova launched out by La Sangrienta!! 

 

BJ He and Nova Blake are eliminated by La Sangrienta (1/2)

 

Ash: Terminus takes the Kruel women and out they go!

 

Kitti and Kiyah Kruel are eliminated by Terminus! (3/4)

 

Marcus: And La Sangrienta finishes it out by eliminating Goldmane and Lashonza.

 

Lashonza and Victor Kingston are eliminated by La Sangrienta! (3/4) La Sangrienta and Terminus win!

 

Sheri: Here are your winners... 

 

Lenore takes the microphone.

 

 

Lenore: Greetings, mortals. I have accepted my path, and been reborn. And, unlike previous iterations of the Vessel of Inge, I have the foresight to know that we are in an era of strength in numbers. Unlike previous iterations, I refused to attempt to cobble together a team last minute.

 

Meet your new destiny.

 

Meet your future and your fate.

 

For we, are the Never Mortuary.

 

Connor Varney, reborn as Terminus. La Criatura, reborn as La Sangrienta. Rade. And myself, the hostess to your demise, Lady Lenore.

 

We shall be watching the contest for the Tag Team Championships closely. Whoever emerges for the victor, just know that we are waiting in the shadows. 

 

The lights go out, showing only the glows of the red smiley faces.

 

The faces go out, and the arena plunges into complete darkness.

For several seconds, there is nothing.

Then—

A single piercing GOLD spotlight cuts through the darkness, illuminating the entrance stage.

Across the screen, minimalist gold lettering slowly appears against a pitch-black background:

GABRIEL KING

A crown of thorns forms around the name.

Gabriel King's entrance music begins.

 

 

Gabriel King steps into the spotlight.

 

 

He doesn't rush.

He doesn't acknowledge the crowd.

Draped over his shoulders is a heavy velvet robe of midnight black and royal gold, KING stitched across the back in raised metallic lettering.

Gabriel stops at the top of the ramp.

He closes his eyes.

Raises his chin.

And listens.

The arena erupts in thunderous boos.

A slow smirk creeps across his face.

Gabriel raises his right hand and slowly closes it into a fist.

BOOM!

Golden pyrotechnics erupt from the stage floor on the beat drop.

Gabriel throws back his hood.

No smile now.

Just absolute confidence.

He begins the walk toward the ring with a slow, deliberate stride, paying no attention to the screaming fans reaching over the barricades.

To Gabriel, they aren't worth acknowledging.

This isn't their arena.

It's his kingdom.

Gabriel ascends the steel steps, enters through the ropes and immediately climbs the nearest turnbuckle.

He slowly spreads his arms wide.

The boos rain down.

Gabriel looks across the arena and gives the crowd a slow, sarcastic wave.

Then another smirk.

He jumps down from the turnbuckle and removes his robe, handing it carefully to the referee before immediately demanding a microphone from the ring announcer.

Gabriel walks to the centre of the ring.

GABRIEL KING:
"Cut the music."

The music continues for another second.

Gabriel's expression hardens.

GABRIEL KING:
"I said—cut it."

The music stops.

The boos immediately fill the silence.

Gabriel slowly looks around the arena.

GABRIEL KING:
"Look at you."

The boos grow louder.

Gabriel laughs quietly to himself.

GABRIEL KING:
"Cheap clothes. Cheap seats. Screaming yourselves hoarse because somewhere deep inside those miserable little lives of yours… you're still waiting for someone to save you."

The crowd erupts.

Gabriel begins slowly pacing around the ring.

GABRIEL KING:
"You keep staring at that entrance hoping somebody back there is going to walk through that curtain, stand across from me and become your hero."

Gabriel stops.

He looks directly toward the entrance stage.

Then back toward the crowd.

GABRIEL KING:
"But here's the part none of you seem to understand."

He raises the microphone closer.

GABRIEL KING:
"I am not your hero."

A pause.

GABRIEL KING:
"I'm the reason you'll need one."

BOOOOOOO!

Gabriel smiles.

GABRIEL KING:
"You didn't buy a ticket tonight to watch Gabriel King wrestle."

He gestures around the arena.

GABRIEL KING:
"You paid your taxes."

Another explosion of boos.

GABRIEL KING:
"And now you get the privilege of watching your King conduct business."

Gabriel turns toward the entrance stage.

GABRIEL KING:
"So let's conduct some."

He removes the gold cuff from his wrist and tosses it beside his robe.

GABRIEL KING:
"I don't want the fastest man back there."

He shakes his head.

GABRIEL KING:
"I don't want some technician looking to impress people with wristlocks."

Another shake of the head.

GABRIEL KING:
"And I damn sure don't want some little acrobat bouncing off these ropes trying to make all of you chant his name."

Gabriel steps toward the ropes, staring directly up the ramp.

GABRIEL KING:
"I want the monster."

The crowd begins to react.

GABRIEL KING:
"I want the biggest."

Gabriel takes another step forward.

GABRIEL KING:
"The strongest."

Another.

GABRIEL KING:
"The meanest son of a bitch standing behind that curtain."

The crowd erupts.

Gabriel stretches his arms out.

GABRIEL KING:
"Because if there's a man back there who thinks he's big enough… bad enough… or stupid enough to take this crown from me—"

Gabriel points toward the entrance.

GABRIEL KING:
"Come and collect it."

He drops the microphone.

THUD.

Gabriel doesn't move.

He doesn't pace.

He simply stands in the centre of the ring, staring toward the entrance stage.

Waiting.

The crowd begins buzzing with anticipation.

The referee looks toward the curtain.

 

Gabriel rolls his shoulders and cracks his neck.

Then, without taking his eyes off the stage, he mouths:
"Send me your biggest."

The arena waits.

Whoever answers is walking into the King's court.

 

Valerie: So we're jumping right from a huge epic match into a call for a brawl. But who will answer the call?

 

Ash: Very poetic.

 

Valerie: I hate myself so much for-

 

 

Lesnar stomps out.

 

 

The fireworks go off and Lesnar blows right past them. 

 

Marcus: We're about to come to blows here as Lesnar storms towards the ring.

 

 

Sheri: The following match is scheduled for one fall!

 

Crowd: ONE FALL!

 

Sheri: In the ring, from Minneapolis, Minnesota, LESNAR! And his opponent, from Parts Unknown, GABRIEL KING!

 

The bell rings!

 

Marcus: Lesnar with a huge punch to the gut, King staggers back but he seems to be...laughing...Lesnar throws the other hand into his ribs and staggers him back a little bit more, but King is unbothered! King grabs the arms, pump kick to the knees, pulling him forward and belly to belly! This dude is gonna be a PROBLEM. 

 

Ash: Lesnar pushes him back with a shoulder tackle, catches him back, and a spinebuster. Pulls him up by the legs, Alabama Slam! Going for the quick cover, but not even a one. King hooks him by the head and inverted suplex! 

 

Valerie: Lesnar is not used to being handled like this, to his feet and not gonna waste his time now wrapping his arms around the waist of King and German Suplex one! German Suplex two! We may be going for the full Suplex City-no,bulldog by King!

 

Marcus: He's gonna have to settle for Unincorporated Suplex Village I think.

 

Ash: Lesnar hooks the legs for a cradle pin-

 

 

Jenny: ONE!

 

Ash: King kicks again, I don't know if I've seen Lesnar this ready to just end a match, but he grabs the head of King and machine gun punching King in the ribs, lifting King up and back body toss, King back to his feet and Uranage just absolutely flattens Lesnar. He doesn't stay down long, uppercut as he rises and snap suplex to King, these two are just trading drops. 

 

Marcus: King with a Blue Thunder Bomb!!

 

Jenny: ONE! T-

 

Valerie: Lesnar up, ripcord clothesline just rocking King. Quick to get him up with a gutwrench powerbomb, King just won't stay down! These two men are made of steel and rubber! Take every bump and bounce right up.

 

Marcus: So like a tire and hubcap?

 

Valerie: Shut up.

 

Ash: We have entered the punch trading portion and these two unloading on each other, brutal fists to each others' faces, do they even bleed? Good lord OH KING WITH A DISCUS LARIAT SPINS AROUND AND-

 

 

Marcus: RENA SMASHES A PACKAGE ON KING'S HEAD! KING DAZED AND BACK INTO THE ARMS OF LESNAR, LESNAR WITH A SAITO SUPLEX!! 

 

Ash: How was that not a disqualification! 

 

Valerie: Well, Lesnar still in it and he's going for the F-5! OH SNAP, HE NAILS IT!

 

Jenny: ONE! TWO! T- 

 

Ash: Jenny calls it off, Lesnar is pissed.... OH KING'S FOOT IS ON THE ROPES, RENA SLAMS A BOX ON JENNY'S HEAD!!! JENNY IS DOWN!! Chair shot to King!! 

 

Marcus: Okay this all HAS to be a DQ, right? Rena with a gutbuster to King, OH SLAPS HIS ASS AND....THERE'S A STAMP THERE! RIGHT WHERE IT BELONGS! PUSH UP INTO A GERMAN SUPLEX... THAT'S THE PACKAGE DEAL! BUT THE REF IS DOWN! Rena trying to get her up, Rena going out of the ring, looking for water oh Jenny is up KING ABLE TO GET HOLD OF LESNAR'S LEGS AND THE COVER!

 

Jenny: ONE! TWO! THREE!

 

Gabriel King wins by Pinfall!

 

 

Sheri: Here is your winner! GABRIEL KING!

 

Ash: It was an impressive debut to say the least. 

 

Valerie: Man called his shot, withstood brutality and humiliation, and came out on top. It's good to be the King.

 

Marcus: Lesnar's going to not let this slide I'm sure. He doesn't like to lose. 

 

Ash: Well, we're about to go from power to Power. We got a tag match on the way!

 

 

Sheri: The following contest is a tag team match and it is scheduled for One Fall!

 

Crowd: ONE FALL!

 

 

The arena darkens, followed by light blue colored lights shining throught the ring, wrestler makes entrance while a spotlight shines upon him until he makes his entrance.

 

 

Sheri: FIRST! From Washington, DC, weighing 115 kilograms, MAX POWER MAX MATTHEWS!!

 

He stops 5 meters in front the ring to squat and shout "Waaaaaa!!!" before entering the ring.

 

 

Pitta Power storms to the ring.

 

 

Sheri: And his partner! From Turin, Italy, weighing 200 pounds, PITTA POWER!

 

Pitta slams on the apron then rolls in.

 

Ash: They could just call themselves "Max Power" but that is also Matthews' nickname. 

 

Marcus: It is what is says on the poster though, Max/Power.

 

 

Dion and Derek pose on the apron.

 

 

Sheri: And their opponents!! From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania... the brothers Dodgeball Derek and Hardball Dion Lane... they are... POWER PLAY!!

 

They run out to cheers.

 

The bell rings, and all four men immediately spread out across the ring. Max Power and Pitta Power stand on one side, while Dion and Derek keep their eyes locked on their opponents.

 

Ash: And here we go! Four men, two completely different teams, and this one could turn into an absolute war! Max Power and Pitta Power have the size and strength advantage, but Power Play have the speed, the timing, and that dangerous tag-team chemistry!

 

Valerie: Or, to put it more simply, two big men against two men who are about to discover what happens when you run directly into a wall.

 

Marcus: That wall can still be knocked down, Valerie. Dion and Derek know how to isolate one opponent, and if they keep Max or Pitta away from their partner, they can absolutely win this.

 

Dion steps forward, choosing to start the match.

 

Max looks toward Pitta, then steps through the ropes and meets Dion in the center of the ring.

 

Ash: Dion and Max Power starting things off! Dion is circling, looking for an opening, while Max is barely moving! He’s standing there like he’s waiting for a bus!

 

Dion suddenly shoots forward and grabs Max around the waist.

He tries to drive Max backward.

 

Max plants his feet.

Dion pushes harder.

Max stops him completely.

 

Marcus: Dion tried to use leverage, but Max Power is simply too strong!

 

Dion changes direction and fires three quick forearms into Max’s jaw.

Max’s head turns slightly.

Dion throws another.

Max absorbs the shot and answers with a vicious European uppercut.

 

Ash: OH! THAT ONE ROCKED DION! MAX POWER JUST HIT HIM WITH A FOREARM-SHATTERING UPPERCUT!

 

Dion staggers backward but refuses to retreat.

 

He charges again.

 

Max catches him with a short-arm clothesline.

Dion ducks underneath.

Max turns.

Dion drives his shoulder into Max’s stomach and pushes him toward the ropes.

 

Max hits the ropes.

Dion follows him, looking for another collision.

Max suddenly lowers his center of gravity and catches Dion in mid-stride.

Max launches him across the ring with a powerful hip toss.

Dion lands hard on his back and rolls toward his corner.

 

Ash: DION JUST GOT THROWN ACROSS THE RING! MAX POWER DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO LIFT HIM HIGH—HE JUST USED THAT MOMENTUM AGAINST HIM!

 

Valerie: That was less a hip toss and more a reminder that gravity is optional when you’re Max Power.

 

Dion reaches out and tags Derek.

 

Derek enters the ring quickly, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

 

Max turns toward him.

Derek immediately runs to the ropes.

 

Ash: Derek is in, and look at the change in pace! Dion was trying to fight Max head-on, but Derek is already looking to turn this into a track meet!

 

Derek rebounds with a running crossbody.

Max catches him cleanly.

 

Ash: DEREK WITH THE CROSSBODY—BUT MAX CAUGHT HIM!

 

Derek throws short punches into Max’s head.

Max holds him against his chest.

Derek tries to slip free.

Max changes his grip and drives Derek down with a powerful fallaway slam.

 

Derek crashes onto the canvas and rolls away, clutching his back.

 

Marcus: Max made Derek pay for committing to that crossbody. That’s the danger of using speed against a man who can catch you out of the air.

 

Derek scrambles toward the ropes.

 

Max grabs him by the ankle.

Derek twists onto his stomach and kicks backward, catching Max in the knee.

Max releases him.

 

Derek springs to his feet and runs toward the ropes again.

Max braces himself.

 

Derek leaps onto the middle rope and flips backward with a moonsault.

Max catches him again.

 

Valerie: Oh, come on! How many times is Derek going to try that before he realizes Max Power has arms?

 

Max lifts Derek and drops him with a brutal body slam.

Derek rolls away.

 

Max follows with a heavy knee strike to the ribs.

Derek gasps and falls onto his side.

 

Max drags him toward his corner.

 

Pitta tags himself in.

 

Ash: PITTA POWER IS IN! AND THIS IS WHERE THINGS COULD GET VERY UNCOMFORTABLE FOR DEREK!

 

Pitta steps through the ropes and grabs Derek by the head.

 

Derek throws a desperate punch.

Pitta barely reacts.

Pitta answers with a massive forearm that sends Derek stumbling backward.

 

Derek hits the ropes.

Pitta charges.

Derek drops low.

Pitta crashes shoulder-first into the turnbuckle.

 

Derek immediately climbs onto the second rope and dives forward with a tornado DDT.

Pitta catches him around the waist.

 

Ash: TORNADO DDT—NO! PITTA HAS HIM! DEREK TRIED TO TAKE THE BIG MAN DOWN, BUT PITTA POWER IS STILL STANDING!

 

Derek struggles.

Pitta lifts him and drives him face-first across the top turnbuckle.

 

Marcus: Snake Eyes! Derek’s face just bounced off that turnbuckle!

 

Derek falls backward, stunned.

 

Pitta grabs him by the wrist and pulls him toward the center of the ring.

He raises his leg and delivers a huge big boot.

 

Ash: WHAT A BIG BOOT! DEREK JUST GOT DECIMATED!

 

Derek drops instantly.

Pitta covers him.